Act Like You Know (16 page)
Authors: Stephanie Perry Moore
17
GRADUATE
A
fter the opening night of the play was successfully over, I stood there onstage completely humbled and in awe of the standing ovation I was receiving. I had studied the lines so much, I practically knew them out of order. I knew everybody's part. I felt like a real thespian, but nothing had prepared me for actually being onstage in front of a real audience. They had devoured the performance I was giving them as if they were hungry and I was the only supplier of food. They had wanted to get something good from the play, and we had delivered in a big way. Cody's play had everyone in the house on their feet.
fter the opening night of the play was successfully over, I stood there onstage completely humbled and in awe of the standing ovation I was receiving. I had studied the lines so much, I practically knew them out of order. I knew everybody's part. I felt like a real thespian, but nothing had prepared me for actually being onstage in front of a real audience. They had devoured the performance I was giving them as if they were hungry and I was the only supplier of food. They had wanted to get something good from the play, and we had delivered in a big way. Cody's play had everyone in the house on their feet.
It was so fun. It was so good to be a performer I couldn't wait until the next night to do it all over again. Had I found my calling? Had I finally stumbled across the thing that made my heart race? Had I established what I wanted to do with my life? Had I discovered the way I wanted to contribute to society? I couldn't say my performances the next few days would be as dynamic, but I was certainly excited to try.
“You were so good,” Hayden said as several of my sorority sisters surrounded me with private applause backstage.
They had come to see Sharon and myself in the opening-night performance, and there were all kinds of beats bopping and Beta Gamma Pi chants going in the hall. They were so supportive. Obviously they were proud.
“That's my roommate, y'all. The star of the evening is my girl,” Malloy said as she hugged me tight.
Loni said, “This is for you.” She handed me a dozen roses.
“That is so sweet,” I said, smiling wider than a kid with their braces off on the first day.
“Well, we are just proud of you. All of us are really proud of you,” Loni said with a pitiful look on her face.
I could tell she wanted to move past the tension we'd had before. Though I had truly thought we were past it, she obviously still felt bad about believing her jerk boyfriend over me initially.
I took her to the side and said, “You got to let it go. We're moving on from that. That's done. We're straight.”
“But are you sure you can really forgive me? Here I was mad at you, telling stories, and passing on things that weren't true. I was really defaming your name, and that's not what sisters are supposed to do. Alyx, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry.”
“It's okay, girl. I'm not perfect either. I don't get it all right, but I want you to know you got it going on, and you don't have to settle for some guy who treats you less than what you are supposed to be.” I hoped she realized Ronnie didn't deserve to carry her purse, much less have her time.
“Yeah, I learned that. While our sorors have been taking your advice getting luckyâcatching a man here or thereâI let mine go. I'm excited to stand on my own, you know? I'm going to be a senior next year, and I really don't have time for drama.”
“I know that's right, girl.” I put my hand in the air to receive some dap, and Loni obliged me.
“Drama is supposed to be onstage. Yes, I remember you used to tell us you didn't know what you wanted to do, what you wanted to be, but, girl, you made me cry watching you,” Loni said with that proud look of accomplishment my mom had used to give me.
After all the difficulties she and I'd hadânot big stuff, but bumps along the wayâit meant so much to have her full support. Maybe that was confirmation that maybe I had found my calling. Was this an affirmation that, yes, the stage was it for me?
“So are we going out to celebrate, or what?” Torian said, coming between us. “Enough with the tough stuffâlet's have some fun.”
“Tough stuff? Girl, we straight,” Loni said, smiling in my direction.
Torian said, “Good. Well, are we going to party?”
Actually, I had my mind on other things, on other people. I looked around and tried to find Cody but wasn't able to locate him.
Torian noticed what I was doing and said, “Girl, he's probably interviewing with the press, or somewhere talking to a whole bunch of people. He'll hook up with you later. Hang out with your girls. You got through your first big performance with flying colors. Let's celebrate.”
She was rightâI had. But even though I appreciated that they wanted to be with me, I needed to be with him. This was his play. It was a success. He had been so worried. I needed to tell him it had been great, and a part of me longed to hear him say I had been great, too.
I thanked my girls for the offer and hugged each of them for their support. “I'll meet with you all later.”
Malloy winked at me. She gathered them toward the exit. The crew looked disappointed, but thankfully they understood.
I just couldn't stand there and wait until Cody found me. Though I had several people come up to me, stop me, and tell me how much they enjoyed the play and my performance, I couldn't let that detour me from finding my guy.
Sharon came over. “You looking for Cody, aren't you?”
“Yes. Where is he, girl?” I said, happy someone could help me find him.
She stood in my way. “First, let me say you should come out with usâhang with the girls this time.”
“I just told Malloy, Torian, Loni, and everyone that I am gonna hang with my man. I want to be with him tonight.”
“He might be busy,” she said in a weird voice like she knew something I didn't.
“Okay, you're being a little evasive, and you're freaking me out the way you're talking. What do you know, Sharon? Whatâwhat's going on?”
“I'm not saying anything. I'm not trying to start anything. I'm just saying come with us. Hang out. You did great. You were awesome.”
“I couldn't have done it without your help, but I want to be with my guy. What's the problem?”
She turned around and looked at a closed door backstage. Then she looked away and then back that doggone door. Something was up.
I probed, “What? He's back there? Who's he talking to? Some financiers, some school officials, some New York producers? Who? What? Tell me!”
“Just come on.” She tugged my hand. “Okay?”
I jerked it away. “Let me go.”
With her hand on her hip, she said, “You don't want to go in there.”
I went to the door and turned the knob. It opened. Before I opened it all the way, I could see Cody in Penelope's embrace. I took a deep breath. My heart started racing so much it felt like I had just run a marathon or something and needed an IV.
Certainly what I was seeing wasn't what was really going on. He was backing away as I saw her lips really close to his ear. She was doing more than congratulating him for an excellent job. When I was about to interrupt them and ask for an explanation, I froze in my tracks.
Penelope said, “You don't want to end up with that girl, the way you value education. She needed you to tutor her, for goodness' sake. You need a woman who's able to help expand your vision. Not someone who is needy. You got to pour so much energy in her you aren't even able to pay attention to your own dreams and goals. You don't need her to pull her down.”
“Naw, you don't need me to do that,” I said, wishing I could take back each word and just leave him alone for good.
“Shucks,” Penelope said loudly, knowing I had ruined her rap.
I walked out of the room and heard Cody say, “Penelope, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to give you the wrong impression, but she's my girl. Alyx, come here! Come here!”
“You did such a good job today,” Ben said to me as I tried to get away.
Penelope ran past me. Cody grabbed my hand, and I tried to pull away from him. He kept the grip and pulled me back into that room.
“Look, you don't have to explain. I saw what I saw. She made a great case. You were wrapped up in her embraceâgo after her. Leave me alone,” I said, sounding pitiful.
“No, we're not going down this road. You're not going to get this wrong. You're going to hear me out. Yes, I hugged her. She's doing an internship for the ABC Little Rock affiliate evening news, and she brought them here to review the play. They have been advertising it all weekâbecause of that exposure, it was sold out. I was thanking her, and she started making a case as to why she was better than you for me.”
Sighing with relief, I uttered, “I'm sorry I misjudged the moment. I just don't want to bring you down. Your woman should contribute to your dream. I can't offer you as much as Penelope can.”
“You offer me more. Having you in my life motivates me to succeed. My heart belongs to you, and, truth be told, I could write the best script or direct the best play, but if I didn't have an actress that got up there and did her thing, it wouldn't mean anything. So can we leave the âyou're not good enough for me' conversation for good? Can we move past that? Can we get over that? Can you come and give me some sugar? Dang!”
With a big, huge smile on my face, I went to his arms. I kissed his ear. “Thank you for helping me find my way. I love being an actress.”
“And I love you,” he said.
Had he said the big three words? Yep, he had and I was stunned. I took a deep breath, trying to process his response. I'd never heard those words from a man, and hearing them was not taken lightly.
Other cast members wanted to talk to him. I encouraged him to give them a second. This was his time. He needed to be off and take in all the glory and accolades there were to give.
The play
Know Love
was about two people who defied the odds and always gave more to each other than they wanted for themselves. Our relationship was a mirror of that experience. He'd wanted so much for me, and now, as bad as I wished we were alone, I wanted him to have his moment. Finally he agreed, and I was awfully proud to see a big investor smile and then whisk him away.
Know Love
was about two people who defied the odds and always gave more to each other than they wanted for themselves. Our relationship was a mirror of that experience. He'd wanted so much for me, and now, as bad as I wished we were alone, I wanted him to have his moment. Finally he agreed, and I was awfully proud to see a big investor smile and then whisk him away.
Â
It was graduation day. All the sorors were so emotional. Not only did we have a lot of girls graduatingâincluding our Chapter Presidentâbut the first African American governor for the state of Arkansas was speaking at the graduation. I hadn't known Hayden, Bea, Sharon, Dena, and Audria that long, but I knew them to be sorors who wanted to make a difference. They wanted to graduate and get out in the world and even get their master's or really get to work in their chosen careers and take to heart the real meaning of Beta Gamma Pi. They wanted to leave the world better than they found it. Even though my time to graduate wasn't until next year and I didn't at all know how I was going to stay in school to make that happen, today wasn't about me. It was about being there for my girls and listening to our governor give a speech I knew would really make a difference.
Governor Floyd came to the podium and said, “Graduate and excel. Yes, I know this is the high point of your life for many of you. Mothers and fathers out there in the audience, I know you're excited that your child has reached a milestone in his or her life, and although this is a very important day, I am talking to the graduates and those who are close behind them. Yes, graduating is something you strive for or reach hard for, but this is only the beginning. What is burning inside you, longing to come out? What do you want to give to the world? How can you take the education you learned here and educate even more with the knowledge that this institution has given to you? Have your college days helped shape and mold you? Have the mistakes you made here ensured that when you get in the real world, you are done with childish, foolish, crazy things? Yes, life isn't promised to you, but right now you are living, and you're breathing, so promise yourself you are going to make the most of itâbe positive every day. Know you can achieve and are equipped to do so. Whatever your major or study, once you get out there in the world, tap into that knowledge. Use it to propel you toward greatness. I see a lot of young peopleânot you guys here at Western Smith College, but a lot of young peopleâwho feel that college is just a place to party, to hang out at, to participate in a group or club at, to socialize at. But these people never really understand the value of an education. Once you know better, once you know in your heart what is right and wrong, once you're able to reason and think for yourself, you are armed with what it takes to break down the barriers people say you can't reach. How do you think I got to be the governor of this great state? Many said I couldn't, and many will say you can't, but we must turn off those voices that do us no good. We must turn on the ones that can cheer us on.”
He went on to talk a little longer, but I so wanted to stand up right then and say amenâand I wasn't even Baptistâbecause Governor Floyd seemed to be speaking directly to me. I had made a lot of mistakes. I hadn't taken my education seriously, and now I was in a position where I was paying for my past actionsâmy scholarship might be taken away. Yet, I still knew I could be something. I knew I could do something. I knew now that my education was important, and I still had a chance to get it right. A graduation ceremony was a symbol of acquiring information from a set course. It was a ceremony that signified that you had moved on from that education, and now that I understood what my life was about, I had a desire and dreams I wanted to obtain. The partying was okay, but it had its place, and I planned to seize all the opportunities set before me. In some way I was also a graduate.
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