Accidental Love (Accidental Crush #2) (14 page)

Crap. I was hoping I could avoid that topic. There
's a longer beat of silence than I intended.

"
Ash? Did I lose you?" Luckily, he thinks it's a connection thing.

"
No. I'm here. Can you hear me?"

"
Yup."

"
Okay, good." I figure I need to tell the truth. No secrets. Plus, it's no big deal.
Act like it's no big deal.
"Casey told me about it."

The silence is on his end this time
, and I know it's not a connection issue. "That's cool," he finally says, but I can tell it isn't. I wish he would just tell me why he thinks Casey is trouble. I wish I knew the whole story.

"
It's no big deal, really," I try to assure him.

"
Yeah, I know," he says, yet I hear the disappointment. "I think it's great for you, Ash." And he actually sounds genuine. Before I can respond, he follows it up with, "Look, I've gotta go."

"
Okay, love you." I try to hide my disappointment that our conversation is coming to an end so quickly.

"
Talk to you tomorrow." I hear Brian shouting something in the background, and I can tell Todd is distracted. I know since Ryan and Brian are there he's not going to get lovey on the phone, but I hate that he didn't say it back. While I keep making excuses for why, I can't help thinking it's because he's upset about Casey. I hate that this is how we've ended our conversation, especially since I know it will be twenty-four hours before we talk again, if we talk again.

I want to call him back and tell him he
's overreacting, that it's nothing. I love
him.
Yet, after a long internal battle, I decide not to. It would be even worse if I called and he didn't pick up or we got into a fight, knowing Ryan and Brian are right there. I hate that he's so far away.

***

As soon as I open my eyes, I hear my phone buzzing on my nightstand. When I finally reach over to make it stop, I see there is a text from Todd. He sent it at five a.m.

Knowing how tired he was yesterday makes me dread today for him. I know he had doubts about even wanting to play in college or going to camp. I wonder if this is co
nfirming his concerns.

Sorry Ash. I was just tired. Good luck at practice
today. Love you.

Well
, at least he said it over text.

***

After a few days of practice, I know firsthand what Todd meant when he said every part of him hurts. Casey is kicking my ass and isn't letting up. Every day, he pushes me harder. I. Want. To. Die.

Then he gets in the pool and glides across it like an Adonis. He
's barely breathing heavy when he gets out. I, on the other hand, feel like I need an oxygen tank standing by.

"
That was a good run, Ashley."

I can
't help smiling.

1.) Because I know he
's lying.

2.) Because he didn
't say my last name for once.

"
You forgot something."

"
Oh, yeah?" he asks as he dries off his ridiculously tone body.

"
My last name." I grin as I toss my towel at him playfully.

"
Oh, I didn't forget. I just thought maybe we were on a first name only basis now." As he steps closer to me, I quickly feel like my personal space is being invaded. I'm just not sure if I hate it or like it.

I feel my cheeks flush red
.
Why are they betraying me like this?
I'm so taken off guard I'm speechless.

He runs his finger over my cheek
. "Since you never answered my question about a boyfriend."

Did I really need to answer it? I mean
, he knows, doesn't he? He has to know. Why didn't I ever just tell him? Maybe because, deep down, I like his playful flirting.
No, I love Todd
, I keep repeating to myself.

Casey doesn
't take my silence as a yes or a no; instead, he turns and walks away. Of course, he turns back and gives me his sly smile. "See you tomorrow, Ashley Taylor."

I
'm standing here in shock. I don't think I responded, but I'm not sure. I watch him walk toward the house, feeling like my feet are cemented in place. I know he is aware I'm staring at him, yet I can't bring myself to look away. I don't know what to feel. I have no idea what just happened, but I need to tell him. I have to tell him. I do have a boyfriend, and I love him very much, and he just happens to be a boy who dated your sister. It's no big deal. Why am I making it a big deal?

"
Hi, Ashley," I hear from behind me, and it snaps me right out of my insane panic until I see who it is. Of all people, RTS is standing right behind me. Why is she here? God, I hope she didn't see what just happened with Casey.

Pull it together and act like everything is fine
. You cannot let her of all people think something might be up. "Hey, Rebecca. What are you doing here?"

"
It's nice to see you, too," she snaps back in her annoyingly snotty tone. "I'm here for the night swim." She glares at me with her usual you-must-be-a-moron-why-am-I-even-wasting-my-time-with-you look.

"
I forgot that was tonight. Well, have fun." I can't get out of here fast enough.

"
You work here?" she asks as she eyes me up and down with disgust.

"
Yup. I'm just leaving. Not working tonight."

"
Who was that you were talking to?"
Crap, she did see? Of course she saw. I knew it!

"
Oh, that's Casey," I say in my best it's-not-a-big-deal tone.

"
Oh, Casey," she says as if this is the answer she's been waiting for all of her life. She shifts her glare to the break house he just entered. Sadly, Casey gets dressed as quickly as he swims laps and is already coming back out, walking toward us. He's now fully dressed in his dry board shorts and grey lifeguard t-shirt.

As
RTS practically throws herself in his path, I try not to laugh at how ridiculous she looks.

"
Hi! I'm Rebecca. Ashley's friend." I almost choke on the word friend, and I know Casey caught my reaction by the smile he gives me.

"
Hi, Rebecca." Casey extends his hand; he's always quick to play the gentleman. "It's a pleasure to meet you." He gives her his wide, flawless, smile, and I can almost see her physically melt in front of me. I definitely just threw up a little.

"
Okay, I'm gonna go. See ya tomorrow, Casey. Bye, Rebecca."

Rebecca is so engrossed she has no idea I
'm even still on the face of the earth while Casey gives me a quick wave with a head nod to say I've got this one. Way to take one for the team. I'll have to thank him tomorrow.

***

Unfortunately, every day after the Casey encounter, RTS has been coming to the pool and strategically placing herself at the pool across from ours so she can see Casey at his post. This also puts her directly in my line of sight.

Part of me is glad Casey has a distraction
, and man, is she a distraction. She is just short of throwing herself at him every break we get. However, part of me can't stand that he's giving her any attention. My stomach turns every time I see her hanging all over him, and whenever Casey and I talk, I feel her daggers hitting me in the back of the head. If looks could kill, I would definitely no longer be living. I also know she hates that we're friends and spend time together after work to train. She makes that very clear every chance she gets. So much for Rebecca and I being
"
friends.
"

By
Thursday, I'm starting to get nervous. I said I would compete, and now it's only two, short days away. As much as I want to kill Casey for pushing me so hard in our afternoon training sessions, I actually feel like I've been able to hold my own at the team practices; therefore, secretly, I'm grateful. I would never admit that to him, though. I love being back in the pool again, too. I love the adrenaline rush I get from racing. Yet, every time I think about the actual race, I feel like I'm going to throw up.

On our first break, Casey and I start to walk back to the house together, just as we always do
, when sure enough, RTS is in front of us before we can say two words to one another. She is like a dating superhero. I have no idea how she moves that quickly or throws herself at boys that openly.

I give Casey a sideways glance
. I still can't tell if he likes her or if he's just being nice.

"
Hey, Rebecca," he says, brushing his hand over her arm.
Maybe he just likes to touch girls?

"
Hey, Casey." Her smile is vomit-inducing. Of course, I'm invisible, as usual. I start to walk away when Casey grabs my arm.

"
Wait up." He continues to hold my arm, and I hate that it causes butterflies to erupt in my stomach. Those are Todd's butterflies.
Why does my body keep reacting like this?
"Rebecca, Ashley and I need to talk about a few things. I'll catch you later." His smile is just enough to give her hope. Man, he plays girls like instruments.

I still haven
't brought up Todd or having a boyfriend, but there really hasn't been an opportunity that has seemed right. Besides, he hasn't made any other moves, thankfully.

As we walk toward the break house
, he finally lets go of my arm and I playfully bump him with my hip. "What was that about?"

"
Nothing." He shrugs.

"
Do you like her?" Something in me has to know. I feel close enough to Casey to be blunt about it.

He just shrugs his shoulders
. "She's cool, I guess."

"
Well, that's a rave review," I say, mocking his lack of enthusiasm.

"
I don't know. She's cute, but—" The look he gives me tells me he has more to say, and my heart starts pounding. I want to hear what I think he's going to say. I don't know why, but I do. I like him—
as a friend
, I keep telling myself. Part of me wants him to like me and not Rebecca. It's a game that has everything to do with her, and that's not fair to Casey.

"
But?" I ask, prodding this conversation along.

"
But I did have to talk to you."

Now my heart is slamming against my rib cage
. I shift my weight, trying to take my mind off my pounding heart. "About what?"

"
About the meet. I know you have off tomorrow, and I want to make sure you're still going to come to practice with the team in the afternoon."

Practice
?

I feel a wave of relief wash over me. How could I have been so stupid? Maybe I
've been reading into things way more than I should be.

"
Okay, cool. I’ll be there." I know my cheeks are flushed red from where I've allowed myself to think this conversation was going.

I start to walk toward my locker, needing to get out of here as quickly as possible. I check my phone and there
's a text from Blythe.

What are you doing tomorrow?

In my peripheral vision, I can sense Casey standing next to me, so I look up.

"
And I'd rather spend time with you than Rebecca any day." He grabs my hand and runs his thumb across my knuckles then he leans down to get close to my ear. "See you out there." He gives me a smile that is the period on the sentence. A smile that clarifies what he meant just in case he hasn't been exactly clear. A smile that confirms I need to tell him about Todd
today
.

Chapter 1
5: Revelations

Blythe and I are lying out at the pool. It's my day off, and you might think the last thing I'd want to do on my day off is go to a pool, but this isn't my work pool; this is Blythe's country club pool. A lounge on a giant, padded chaise as a waiter serves you smoothies poolside kind of pool. It's the same country club the boys worked at last year. Casey's parents' country club, although I'm trying hard not to think about Casey today.

Lying out at a pool as a guest is an entirely different experience than sitting up in a guard chair and making sure no one drowns all day
; however, I do miss the whistle. We are both soaking in the sun's glorious rays. It feels so good to just lie here. No stress, no pressure, no Casey.

"
Hey, thanks for inviting me to come today." I turn toward Blythe who looks amazing in everything she wears, even her bikini.

Of course
, it's something no one else on this planet could pull off. It's black and looks like someone cut it up with a knife, there are slices everywhere, revealing extra skin, but on her, it's incredible. She's decked out in accessories, including her studded leather cuff strategically placed over her tattoo.

"
I see you have the cuff on today."

She laughs and turns toward me
, lowering her pink-tinted aviator sunglasses. "Yeah, all of my parents' '
friends'
have big mouths." Her friends is in air quotes, and by her tone, it's clear she hates it here. "It sucks, though; it leaves a pretty ridiculous tan line."

"
I didn't think of that," I say through my laugh.

"
It's not funny, Ash."

"
Sorry. You're right." I smile. "Why don't you just take it off and leave your wrist facing down?"

"
I would, but I always forget and someone here will see. I've kept it a secret for over a year, and I'm not going to take any chances for a stupid tan line." She laughs as she braids her curly red hair into a side braid. "Man, it's hot."

"
It sure is. Thankfully, we have these amazing strawberry smoothies to keep us cool." I sip my drink. "I would spend every day here if I could."

"
It gets old, trust me. I'm so glad you could come today. It's been lonely this summer," she says with her southern drawl. "I miss my friends back home, and this is my first summer without them, and now, with Brian at camp…"

"
Do you miss him?" I know since prom they've been hanging out a lot, especially since they both don't have summer jobs. Brian was supposed to work at the pool with us, but since he got invited to a few more camps, his parents wanted him to spend as much time as he could at home before he left. I think, after the accident, they didn't like the idea of letting him out of their sight, ever.

She looks over at me with a deep smile
. "I do. Can you believe it after everything that's happened this year?" She nonchalantly lies back down on the soft-pillowed chair.

I immediately
dart up. This is the first time Blythe's actually admitted she likes Brian—well, sort of admitted. I'm not going to let this go.

"
Um, so does that mean you like him?" I ask playfully.

She keeps her head aimed toward the sun, avoiding eye contact,
but she smiles. "Yeah, I think I do."

"
That is amazing news." I think I'm more excited than she is. I toss an ice cube from our silver ice bowl keeping our smoothies cold, and she screams as it lands on her golden-bronze stomach. She quickly grabs it and tosses it back at me.

"
You suck, Ashley." She laughs as she repositions herself on the cloud-like chair.

"
You don't seem to realize how huge this is."

"
It's not like he still likes me."

"
Oh, please. That boy has liked you this entire year. So much so that he almost destroyed his best friendships. Oh, wait, and he almost
died
."

"
Um, I think that's a bit of stretch." Her tone turns more serious, but she's still avoiding eye contact.

"
Well, it all happened," I say with a smile. "And this would be a great ending. But only if you like him, really like him."

Her smile gives her away
, telling me it's for real. "Okay, enough about me. How are you? I figure, if I'm missing Brian, you must really be missing Todd."

There is silence, more than I think she expected.
"I miss him like crazy, but there's some weird stuff."

"
What does that mean?" She finally turns toward my direction and lowers her glasses in order to really study me without a rose-tinted barrier.

"
That's just it; I don't know." Now I'm the one avoiding eye contact. Worshiping the sun is a good excuse for not looking over.

"
What kind of weird stuff, Ashley?" she asks again, enunciating each word clearly.

"
There is this guy at work, and Todd really doesn't like him. He actually told me to watch out for him. But he's my pool partner—we guard the same pool—so we're together every day."

I feel her gaze
, but I continue to look up in the direction of the sun.

"
Do you like him?"

"
What? No. I mean, I like him as a friend," I say all in one breath.

"
Ashley?" She's not buying it.

I finally turn toward her.
"I like him as a friend." Now I'm the one enunciating each word, especially friend. However, as I say it, I wonder why I even feel like I need to prove it. "Blythe, I love Todd. I mean,
really
love him. But there is something about Casey. And I hate that Todd hates him and won't tell me why." It feels incredibly good to finally talk to someone about this.

"
Wait. Casey who?"

"
Osterfield or something. Some ridiculous last name that I can't say."

Blythe instantly shoots up and leans into my chair.
"Shhhh," she says, lowering her voice.

"
Why?"

"
Because that's his sister over there." She gestures toward the other side of the pool with her head.

There is the most incredibly beautiful
, blonde girl lying across the pool, surrounded by friends and laughing at whatever one of them has just said. She looks older; about twenty, at least. As soon as I see her, it clicks. This is who Todd should be with. Her beauty equals his.

A
ll the insecurities I've buried deep inside instantly come bubbling up. She looks exactly like Casey, of course they are related. This is
the
girl. Wow, I can't believe it. After all this time, here she is, right in front of me, sharing the same air I'm breathing. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I liked her better when she had no name or face. Now that I see her in the flesh and know she is real and gorgeous, I truly feel like I might regurgitate my smoothie.

"
Ashley!" Blythe shout whispers to me, and I finally make eye contact with her.
"Are you okay?"
she mouths.

"
Yeah. I'm good."

Pull it together
, Ashley. He loves you,
I keep repeating to myself. Although, I don't know why he does. I feel my heart pounding.

"
Ash, I think I know why Todd doesn't like Casey."

"
Really?" I feel my stomach churn with excitement or vomit or both as Blythe scoots her chair closer to mine.

She is in full whisper mode
. "Don't look over there. Do you understand? Just look at me. We don't want to draw attention. People here talk a lot, if you know what I mean."

"
Okay. Gotcha." I keep my eyes glued to hers. Well, her Ray-bans at least.

"
By your reaction, I'm sure you know Todd dated her last summer."

I can only
nod my head yes. I don't think I can form sentences yet.

"
Okay, so he broke up with her at the end of the summer before she went back to college."

"
Right," I say, but I dare not interrupt. I knew all of this already.

"
So, I guess she was devastated."

"
Right." I nod my head.
Who wouldn't be?

Blythe pulls her glasses down
, revealing her bright green eyes. I can tell she's contemplating saying whatever it is she's going to say.

"
Blythe, I knew all of this..." I encourage her to continue.

"
Well, here's what you didn't know; she tried to commit suicide when she went back to school."

"
What?" I respond louder than I've intended, and Blythe starts to laugh like I just said the funniest thing to try to cover. I know this by the look she gives me.

‘
Sorry.
’ I mouth to her when I know everyone has gone back to whatever they were doing before my above whisper tone interrupted the rich silence of this place. I'm starting to see why Blythe doesn't love it here.

"
And Casey blamed Todd. They got into a huge fight here at the club before school started last year. That's how I know, because it's right when we moved up here and joined. And like I said, people talk, and it was the talk of this place. But of course, anything on the outside is hush-hush," she says, mocking the tone of wealth that is resonating throughout the club.

"
Oh, my God," I whisper to myself. "So that's why he's been so secretive about it?"

"
Probably. But she says it had nothing to do with Todd. She said it was because of the pressure at school and being home sick. She stuck up for Todd and said the break-up was mutual."

"
So that's why Todd hates Casey and doesn't trust him," I say more as a realization than a question.

"
It was pretty bad. The fight with Casey outed their relationship and Todd got in big trouble for being with a member, and she really almost died."

"
I can't believe it," I whisper to myself. "Why didn't Todd want me to know, or why didn't Casey say anything to me?"

"
I really don't think many people knew outside of this club, and it's probably not something either one of them wants to talk about. How exactly does one bring that up? Does Casey know you're dating Todd?"

I look back out at the pool, avoiding the question
, desperately wanting to look back in Casey's sister's direction instead. I want to study her every detail. I want to go talk to her, really talk to her to get the whole story from her side. It's strange, but I feel connected to her. She's so close to two boys I'm close with in such different ways. I know Todd really cared about her—I can tell just by the way he talks about her—but why didn't he ever tell me about what happened? Why didn't anyone ever tell me about it? How could someone who is so perfect on the outside want to take her own life? How could she possibly be that miserable on the inside?

"
Ash, why aren't you answering my question? Does Casey know you're with Todd?"

"
Sort of," I finally say back.

"
What's with the cryptic answers today?" Blythe can read right through me.

"
I haven't actually said the words out loud, but he saw us together before Todd left. He has to know." I look down at my toes and start to nervously pick at my purple nail polish. I take a deep breath before I speak again. "I don't know why I haven't told him yet. Every day, I tell myself I need to tell him, but then, every day, I think he has to know already." I look back at Blythe, who is still sitting up, hanging on my every word. "He's asked me if I have a boyfriend, and I can't bring myself to answer the question." I look back out at the pool and close my eyes, saying it out loud makes me realize just how bad it is. "I have no idea why, so don't ask."

"
That's not true and you know it." Why can't Blythe be a pushover? Why can't she just take my word for it? Why is she pushing this?