accidental 11 - accidentally ever after (16 page)

Dannan made a face at him, nudging his shoulder. “Why would I know about shoes, lad? What ye think of me? I do not wear fancy garments with ribbons and bows.”

Jon shook his head. Those shoes meant something, and he wanted to know what. If not already, it wouldn’t be long before Angria knew she had them, and their worth.

“I meant were there any rumors floating about. Something you might have heard in your travels through the kingdom.”

Dannan scoffed. “Nay. I have never heard rumors about shoes. The king keeps his secrets well, aye?”

Aye. “Ellesandra knows nothing of them either. ’Tis a quandary, but we must be more alert than ever. The queen would surely like to get her greedy hands on them.”

“Again, I wonder, could this be the reason the queen’s sent her henchmen for our Toni? I shall go back to the ways of old and pick their bones clean should they try to harm the lass again!”

Jon hopped upon the bottom rung of the fence and reached up to slap his friend’s back. “Ease off. There will be no delicate fingers in your soup tonight. You made me a promise long ago. You must not break it.”

“Yes, yes,” the ogre groused his displeasure. “I was a fool to agree to such nonsense. But it was under duress. Alas, ye had that pointy sword nestled at my nether regions. I regret the day I ran into ye in the forest, Jon Doe. For my stomach yearns all these years for a tasty human thigh.”

They’d met when Jon was just thirteen, and he and his friend Theo were out in the forest practicing their swordplay. Theo had tripped over Dannan, who was hidden beneath an enormous pile of brush, napping.

Upon waking, the sleepy ogre had plucked Theo from the ground and threatened to eat him in one bite.

But luckily, Jon had his wits about him that day, and he’d ducked under the ogre’s wide stance and offered to take his manhood if he chose not to let Theo go.

And they’d been friends ever since. Now, in his thirty-fifth year, he was grateful. Dannan had taught him everything he knew about the woods and life on his own. He’d been especially invaluable this past year.

Jon barked a laugh. “You would no more have eaten my friend Theo than I would have sliced your man parts to ribbons.”

“Now ye tell me this? He was a mighty meaty lad,” Dannan joked, his eyes squinting with laughter. Then he sobered. “And what about Toni? How will ye fare once we get to the castle?”

Jon looked away from his friend and off into the distance, where the castle sat high atop a mountain, beautiful and ominous. “I will do as planned. Bring her to the gates and leave her to find her happiness as Brenda requested. I cannot break the rules of the realm. The realm says deliver her to the castle.”

“No more than ye already have, lad?” Dannan taunted, his eyes inquisitive.

But Jon ignored him. “Then we shall continue our adventure back at home where we belong.”

“Ah, but what if her happiness is with ye here in Shamalot? Will ye still be able to let her go? Will ye risk losing her forever if she goes back to this land called Jersey?”

“Who said her happiness had anything to do with me?”

He’d asked her to consider staying without even thinking about what the castle had in store for her. What if her happiness had absolutely nothing to do with staying here in Shamalot? What if it had to do with going back to Jersey and finding her brother? He couldn’t ask her to give up the chance.

So he’d stay away this next leg of their journey, unwilling to become more captivated with her than he already was.

“Just an ogre’s hunch. Have ye sent word to the castle we’ll be arrivin’?”

Jon shook his head. “Why would I do that? I told you the plan—”

“Bah! Aye, ye told me the plan, but I’m callin’ yer bluff. Ye no more wish to drop the lass and run when we get to the castle than ye wish to have yer man parts sliced off. I suggest this—let the important parties at the castle know we’re to arrive. No more. No less. Agreed?”

He hated admitting it, but he
had
tried to get word to the castle. But as wretched as the weather had been, no one was willing to take the risk to deliver a message for free. “I have already attempted such, friend. No one wishes to make the journey for little to no pay.”

Dannan grinned, his fluted ears wagging. “I knew I could count on ye to at least try. Now answer the question. What will ye do if she chooses to return to her land?”

Jon clenched his jaw, along with his resolve. “I will do as I promised and not look back.”

Now Dannan slapped him on the back, almost knocking him over the fence. “Take care, lad, or our fair maiden will have yer nose growing,” he teased, his laughter ringing through the crisp morning air.

Indeed. Care he would take. He’d take care not to fall further prey to true love’s kiss.

Whether the furious beat of his heart in his chest wanted it that way or not.

Chapter 9

T
oni groaned as she hunted for berries. Her ankles ached and her dress was beginning to feel like a pair of psychotic Spanx, squeezing her, pinching her, and generally getting in her way. Wandering along the path as she searched for berries, she eyed their surroundings as night began to fall, the forest still as beautiful as it had been when she’d first opened her eyes almost a week ago.

She could swear she’d heard the ocean as they’d chosen a spot to settle in, the surf lapping at the land, the scent of salt in the cold air.

Shamalot had everything, without the stress of Stas. If this crazy queen didn’t have it out for her, it would be the perfect place to reconfigure her life—a new beginning.

She’d decided she really loved it here. Despite the danger they’d encountered, despite the lack of coffee and creature comforts. The woods brought her peace. She could roam them for days, exploring if not for the price on her head—which was why she was teamed up tonight with Marty as her babysitter.

They’d continued their trek onward after leaving Ellesandra’s with plenty of supplies and the wish that they return someday under happier circumstances.

Day after day, night after night, they walked. Nina was much stronger after Ellesandra’s magic elixir, but she only had enough to last for another few days. Thus, the push to make it to the castle was ramped up. They slept little, walked for what felt like miles, all in an effort to keep Nina alive and return these stupid shoes.

And she’d do it all again—whatever it took, as long as Nina would remain on this side of the grave.

Sometimes as they walked, she relived the most magical kiss she’d ever shared with a man. Remembered his warm embrace, the ease with which she’d opened up to him. Wondered if Jon felt what she felt—
hoped
he’d felt what she felt.

Maybe what she’d told him about how she’d run away from Stas had left her a lot less warrior-ish and much weaker in his eyes. He’d kept to himself since they’d left Ellesandra’s, leading the herd of them like the expert he was, avoiding all contact and conversation, with
her
specifically.

Which made no sense, and she planned to call him on his behavior. Because enough was enough. In her land, she’d always been straightforward about her feelings.

Tonight, Jon was about to get a load of her feelings dumped right over his head after dinner. All that talk of staying in Shamalot then giving her the cold shoulder since the night they’d kissed was crap.

Carl trotted toward her, his lopsided muzzle tinted with green. She held out her hand and he came to her, nuzzling her palm. “How about another story tonight, Carl? After we finish up dinner? I say we do
Little Red Riding Hood
? Or
The Three Little Pigs
? I think both have wolves in ’em.”

Each night, she sat with Carl by the fire and told him one of her favorite fairytales from her childhood. Nina had said he loved to read, and in her efforts to make up for what she’d put him through, she made sure they never missed what she’d come to consider their special time together.

She sucked at remembering the stories, according to Nina. Apparently,
The Three Little Pigs
didn’t have an evil queen or a talking mirror anywhere in their story.

But whatever. She’d fallen in love with Carl, and when the time came to say goodbye, Toni knew he would be one of the hardest to part with.

Carl stomped a hoof on the ground, which she took as a sign he approved. She planted a kiss on his head and chuckled fondly, continuing her search. “You got it, buddy.” She moved deeper into the woods to gather more berries for their meal, Marty not far behind her, humming to herself.

But Carl stomped his hoof again, swishing his hindquarter against her thighs and shoving her back.

“We have chores to do first, Carl. You know that. I said I’d tell you another story, and I will. Now go help so we can get you fed, buddy.”

But Carl stomped his hoof harder, his soft eyes wide and fraught with something Toni didn’t understand. A sliver of fear spiked the back of her neck. “What’s wrong, little buddy?” she asked—just as she spied what looked like piles of berries.

Kneeling down, she took a closer look. “Score!” she muttered to herself, scooping up as many as she could hold in the pocket of the warm pelt Ellesandra had gifted each of them with. The pelts she’d placed a spell on that kept them warm no matter how cold the bitter winds blew.

When she lifted her head, she spotted a clearing where an adorable cottage sat smack in the middle of the frosty trees. Lanterns gave a cheerful glow from the inside, the eaves dripping with blue-tinted icicles. A hearth burned bright just beyond the big window in the front, warm and inviting.

Hiding behind a tree, Toni peered closer as Carl began to whinny his discontent. She scratched his ears distractedly, still trying to see if anyone occupied the cottage.

“Marty!” she whisper-yelled in her excitement. “Look!”

Carl whimpered once more and there was a hint of panic in it, one she instantly needed to quell so they didn’t get caught, just in case whoever was in the cottage wasn’t on the up and up.

“Shhhh, Carl! We don’t know who lives here. The way my luck’s gone, it’ll be some half-whacked Rapunzel who’ll try to strangle me with her luscious hair.”

Carl whinnied one more, bumping into her to try to turn her back in the other direction—and that was when she felt the sharp edge of a knife at her ribs.

“Looking for something, milady?”

Her eyes flew open as they adjusted and she saw the outline of cloaked, huddled figures. As they came into focus, she caught sight of Marty, her big blonde hair mashed up against another man’s chest, his gleaming knife at her throat. She was struggling from behind the hand he had clamped over her mouth.

He began to drag Marty backward, the hood on his coat hiding his face, but his eyes—she caught a glimpse of his eyes, and they glowed an ominous red.

What the hell? Were they wolves?

The Three Little Pigs
wolf? No. Maybe the Big Bad Wolf wolf? Or more of the queen’s henchmen? Fear struck with a sharp ping in her gut.

The man at her side gripped her arm, pressing the tip of the knife to her waist. “I’ll gut ye like a pig if ye don’t move yer pretty arse.
Now
!” he roared gruffly in her ear, making her jump.

Carl stood caught between the foursome, his sweet eyes helpless. He’d been trying to warn her. Damn. When would she learn to pay better attention?

“Look at what we have here, Bromley,” the man cackled, rounding on Carl and dragging her along with him. “Supper, eh, mate?” He looked to his partner in crime, who nodded back.

“Aye! We’ll feast for a week!”

The hell. Toni sprang into action without thinking. With her free hand, she waved Carl away. “Shoo-shoo, small creature of the forest. Go find your
mother
now,” she said woodenly, staring hard into his eyes, hoping against hope he’d get the message she was trying to convey.
Get help
.

As the henchman began to drag her away, she dug in her heels. “Wait, wait, waaaait!” Toni yelped, yanking at her imprisoned arm. “Before ye gut me pretty arse like a pig, quick question?”

The man whirled her around, his face confused, but his eyes were the same red as his friend. “Speak!” he demanded, giving her a bone-rattling shake.

“If you huff and puff, can you blow that house down?”

As he pondered her question, she shot Carl another urgent signal with her eyes. Carl obviously wasn’t getting the message because he refused to budge.

The henchman gripped her arm harder, digging his grimy nails into her flesh. “What is this nonsense ye speak, lass?”

“What about that nonsense don’t you understand?” she asked, as her teeth chattered but her chin lifted in defiance. “Hang on, I’ll go slow. If. You. Huff. And. Puff. Can. You. Blow. That. House. Down? Has working for the evil queen stolen your hearing?”

The henchman growled at her, jamming his face into hers and flashing his sharp teeth, dripping with saliva. But she refused to back down as she tried once more to shoo Carl with her hand. “Wow, what dirty teeth you have. You should see a toothbrush about that.”

The henchman snarled again, pressing the knife tighter to her waist. He gave her a hard shove—and that was when Carl gave her opportunity to strike.

He reared upward on his hind legs and whinnied long and loud, startling the men and giving Toni the chance she needed to break free.

With a howl, she yanked her arm from the man and barreled toward Marty’s captor, her head down, her feet moving like they were on fire. She ran straight for the man with the hood, only to hear Marty scream, “Run, Toni! Get to the cottage!”

Toni lifted her head at the odd demand, slowing her roll to stop just twenty feet from where the hooded man stood with her friend.

Why would she advise her to run to the cottage and not help her escape the clutches of a guy with glowing eyes?

Oh, wait. I know, I know!
that little voice inside her screamed.
You, Toni Vitali, have been fucked again! That’s not really Marty, Super Genius, and you shouldn’t go to the cottage.