Abuse, Trauma, and Torture - Their Consequences and Effects (4 page)

The
narcissist's control is based on ambiguity, unpredictability,
fuzziness, and
ambient
abuse
. His ever-shifting whims
exclusively define right versus wrong, desirable and unwanted, what
is to be pursued and what to be avoided. He alone determines the
rights and obligations of his disciples and alters them at
will.

The narcissist is a
micro-manager. He exerts control over the minutest details and
behaviours. He punishes severely and abuses withholders of
information and those who fail to conform to his wishes and
goals.

The narcissist does not
respect the boundaries and privacy of his reluctant adherents. He
ignores their wishes and treats them as objects or instruments of
gratification. He seeks to control both situations and people
compulsively.

He strongly disapproves
of others' personal autonomy and independence. Even innocuous
activities, such as meeting a friend or visiting one's family
require his permission. Gradually, he isolates his nearest and
dearest until they are fully dependent on him emotionally,
sexually, financially, and socially.

He acts in a patronising
and condescending manner and criticises often. He alternates
between emphasising the minutest faults (devalues) and exaggerating
the talents, traits, and skills (idealises) of the members of his
cult. He is wildly unrealistic in his expectations – which
legitimises his subsequent abusive conduct.

The narcissist claims to
be infallible, superior, talented, skilful, omnipotent, and
omniscient. He often lies and confabulates to support these
unfounded claims. Within his cult, he expects awe, admiration,
adulation, and constant attention commensurate with his outlandish
stories and assertions. He reinterprets reality to fit his
fantasies.

His thinking is dogmatic,
rigid, and doctrinaire. He does not countenance free thought,
pluralism, or free speech and doesn't brook criticism and
disagreement. He demands – and often gets – complete trust and the
relegation to his capable hands of all decision-making.

He forces the
participants in his cult to be hostile to critics, the authorities,
institutions, his personal enemies, or the media – if they try to
uncover his actions and reveal the truth. He closely monitors and
censors information from the outside, exposing his captive audience
only to selective data and analyses.

The narcissist's cult is
"missionary" and "imperialistic". He is always on the lookout for
new recruits – his spouse's friends, his daughter's girlfriends,
his neighbours, new colleagues at work. He immediately attempts to
"convert" them to his "creed" – to convince them how wonderful and
admirable he is. In other words, he tries to render them Sources of
Narcissistic Supply.

Often, his behaviour on
these "recruiting missions" is different to his conduct within the
"cult". In the first phases of wooing new admirers and
proselytising to potential "conscripts" – the narcissist is
attentive, compassionate, empathic, flexible, self-effacing, and
helpful. At home, among the "veterans" he is tyrannical, demanding,
wilful, opinionated, aggressive, and exploitative.

As the leader of his
congregation, the narcissist feels entitled to special amenities
and benefits not accorded the "rank and file". He expects to be
waited on hand and foot, to make free use of everyone's money and
dispose of their assets liberally, and to be cynically exempt from
the rules that he himself established (if such violation is
pleasurable or gainful).

In extreme cases, the
narcissist feels above the law – any kind of law. This grandiose
and haughty conviction leads to criminal acts, incestuous or
polygamous relationships, and recurrent friction with the
authorities.

Hence the narcissist's
panicky and sometimes violent reactions to "dropouts" from his
cult. There's a lot going on that the narcissist wants kept under
wraps. Moreover, the narcissist stabilises his fluctuating sense of
self-worth by deriving Narcissistic Supply from his victims.
Abandonment threatens the narcissist's precariously balanced
personality.

Add to that
the narcissist's
paranoid and schizoid
tendencies
, his lack of
introspective self-awareness
, and his
stunted
sense of humour
(lack of
self-deprecation) and the risks to the grudging members of his cult
are clear.

The narcissist sees
enemies and conspiracies everywhere. He often casts himself as the
heroic victim (martyr) of dark and stupendous forces. In every
deviation from his tenets he espies malevolent and ominous
subversion. He, therefore, is bent on disempowering his devotees.
By any and all means.

The narcissist is
dangerous.

Return

Bibliography

I.
Online

The
Narcissist and Psychopath in Society

The
Narcissist and Psychopath as Criminals

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5003

The
Narcissist is Above the Law

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4983

The
Narcissist as Liar and Con-man

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4951

Pathological
Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality disorder and
Psychopathy

Does the
Narcissist Have a Multiple Personality (Dissociative Identity
Disorder)?

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4950

Narcissists
as Drama Queens

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4948

The
Narcissist as Know-it-all

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4945

The
Narcissist as VAMPIRE or MACHINE

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4944

Narcissists
and Psychopaths Devalue Their Psychotherapists

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4939

Violent,
Vindictive, Sadistic, and Psychopathic Narcissists

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4938

Portrait of
the Narcissist as a Young Man

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5048

Grandiosity,
Fantasies, and Narcissism

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4923

Narcissists
and Emotions

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5248

Narcissists
and Mood Disorders

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5067

II.
Print

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1988

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1980

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1954

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International, 1995

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in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for
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Mitchell, Stephen A. Object Relations in Psychoanalytic Theory.
Cambridge, Mass., Harvard University Press, 1983

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Personality Structure and Human Interaction. New York,
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New York, NY University Press, 1998

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Self and the Object World. New York, International Universities
Press, 1964

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Princeton University Press, 1960-1983

15. Kernberg O.
Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism. New York, Jason
Aronson, 1975

16. Klein, Melanie. The
Writings of Melanie Klein. Roger Money-Kyrle (Ed.). 4 Vols. New
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17. Kohut H. The Chicago
Institute Lectures 1972-1976. Marian and Paul Tolpin (Eds.).
Analytic Press, 1998

18. Kohut M. The Analysis
of the Self. New York, International Universities Press,
1971

19. Lasch, Christopher.
The Culture of Narcissism. New York, Warner Books, 1979

20. Levine, J. D., and
Weiss, Rona H. The Dynamics and Treatment of Alcoholism. Jason
Aronson, 1994

21. Lowen, Alexander.
Narcissism: Denial of the True Self. Touchstone Books,
1997

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Theodore (and Roger D. Davis, contributor). Disorders of
Personality: DSM-IV and Beyond. 2
^nd
ed. New York, John Wiley
and Sons, 1995

23. Millon, Theodore.
Personality Disorders in Modern Life. New York, John Wiley and
Sons, 2000

24. Riso, Don Richard.
Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery. Boston:
Houghton Mifflin 1987

25. Roningstam, Elsa F.
(Ed.). Disorders of Narcissism: Diagnostic, Clinical, and Empirical
Implications. American Psychiatric Press, 1998

26.
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2
^nd
revised Ed. New York, International Universities Press,
1984

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of American Psychoanalytic Association – 22 [1974]:
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Salant-Schwartz, Nathan. Narcissism and Character
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– pp. 90-91

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Narcissists

And
Psychopaths

In the
Workplace

Question:

The narcissist turns the
workplace into a duplicitous hell. What to do?

Answer:

To a narcissistic employer,
the members of his "staff" are
Secondary Sources of Narcissistic
Supply
. Their role is to
accumulate the supply (remember events that support the grandiose
self-image of the narcissist) and to regulate the Narcissistic
Supply of the narcissist during dry spells - to adulate, adore,
admire, agree, provide attention and approval, and, generally,
serve as an audience to him.

The staff (or should we say
"stuff"?) is supposed to remain passive. The narcissist is not
interested in anything but the simplest function of mirroring. When
the mirror acquires a personality and a life of its own, the
narcissist is incensed. When independent minded, an employee might
be in danger of being sacked by his narcissistic employer (an act
which demonstrates the employer's omnipotence).

The employee's presumption to be
the employer's equal by trying to befriend him (friendship is
possible only among equals) injures the employer narcissistically.
He is willing to accept his employees as underlings, whose very
position serves to support his grandiose fantasies.

But his grandiosity is so tenuous
and rests on such fragile foundations, that any hint of equality,
disagreement or need (any intimation that the narcissist "needs"
friends, for instance) threatens the narcissist profoundly. The
narcissist is exceedingly insecure. It is easy to destabilise his
impromptu "personality". His reactions are merely in
self-defence.

Classic narcissistic
behaviour is when idealisation is followed by devaluation. The
devaluing attitude develops as a result of disagreements or simply
because time has eroded the employee's capacity to serve as
a
FRESH
Source of Supply.