Absolution (34 page)

Jack blinked, blood seeping down into his eye from the stinging cut to his head. Jimmy scrutinized him, pushing him away, sending Jack stumbling backwards.

“Ten grand, forty-eight hours,” Jimmy repeated. “I’ll let you know where.”

With one final soulless glance in Ally’s direction, both men walked away, leaving Jack teetering on his feet. Ally sniffed and he turned to look at her, his head throbbing. 

“Are you alright?” she whimpered.

“I’m fine.”

The dim lighting in the parking lot made her look pale and small.

“You don’t look fine,” she said, her chin trembling. She reached out a hand to him, grimacing.

“Never mind me – are you alright? Did he hurt you?” He stumbled the few steps to her side, falling to his knees awkwardly as he grabbed her chair to keep himself from falling forward.

Tears stained her cheeks but she shook her head. “I’m okay. Who were those guys?”

His heart sank and he silently begged her not to do this to him now, not while his head still spun and he could barely string two thoughts together.

“Come on,” she said, wiping tears from her cheeks. “Let’s get out of here.”

He tried to find the words to tell her how sorry he was but he came up grossly inadequate. She helped him stand slowly.

“I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I don’t need to see a doctor, I’ll be okay,” he insisted, even as his head felt like it was going to split in two.

“For once, please just do as you’re told?”

He stared down at his shirt, his body aching, his head throbbing. Blood was spattered down the front of it. Too tired and too sore to argue, he followed her slowly to her car.

“
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
”

- Margaret Thatcher

Ally drove slowly. The muscles in her shoulders burned and the thought of Jimmy’s huge hands on her made her skin crawl. She glanced briefly over at Jack, but his gaze was firmly fixed on the road ahead.

What the hell is going on here?

It felt like something out of a movie – heavies turn up, demanding cash or else. Ten thousand dollars was a lot of money – how had he racked up that much of a debt? What had he done?

She stole another glance at him, her gaze lingering briefly on the blood clotting on the side of his head. Where would he find that kind of money in forty-eight hours? She replayed what she had seen and heard, trying in vain to fit the puzzle pieces together as they approached her street.

They’re watching my house.

She peered at every parked car and up every side street, slowing down to a near-crawl. Nothing looked out of place. They could be anywhere. Goosebumps pricked her skin.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jack run a hand over his mouth, scrutinizing his hand briefly.

She pulled into her driveway slowly, turning off the ignition. Leaning back against the head rest, she closed her eyes. She felt branded – like Jimmy’s fingers had burned her skin, seeping into the muscles. Wincing, she tried to wipe the image from her mind.

“I still think you should see a doctor,” she said, turning to Jack.

He sighed, deep and long, as if the weight of the world were resting on his shoulders. “I’m fine.”

She heeded the silent caution and waited. He didn’t move for several moments and she shivered as the night air began to leach into the car.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally, turning to her. “I never wanted you to get involved in any of this.”

Angry red marks shone just above his collar and his eyes seemed hollow, somehow. He looked like a man with a death sentence hanging over his head and the analogy made her uncomfortable.

“I’ll figure out a way to fix this,” he promised huskily. “Please – just trust me.”

She desperately needed answers but she didn’t dare ask him anything because he literally looked like he was hanging onto sanity by his fingertips.

“Let’s go inside,” she said.

The air of fatality that surrounded them was palpable. Jack eased out of the car as she unpacked her wheelchair, reassembling it slowly, her shoulders aching.

Transferring into the chair, they made their way up to the house. Glancing behind her as she unlocked the door, she got her first decent look at his battered face in the porch light and froze, her hand on the key in the lock.

“That looks really nasty. I mean it, you have to let me clean that up,” she insisted. “No arguments.”

He didn’t seem to have any. She pushed the door open, pulling herself over the threshold. Jack made his way into the living room, a low moan escaping as he sat down on the couch.

“Don’t move,” she ordered, even though he didn’t look capable of it.

In the bathroom, she dug the first aid kit out of the cupboard along with a clean, damp washcloth, and a towel. Piling everything onto her lap, she made her way through to the bedroom and picked up a small bottle of water and the painkillers from her bedside table, adding them to the mounting pile as she headed for the living room. Having a purpose helped to keep the fear at bay, and she hung on to the mental list in her head, repeating it over and over.

First aid kit. Washcloth. Towel. Painkillers. Water.

Jack sat on the couch where she’d left him, staring at the floor. He looked so much the worse for wear, and it wasn’t just the blood. As much as she wanted to know what was going on, he looked too fragile to survive a proper conversation. She positioned herself in front of him and began to unload the contents of her lap onto the coffee table.

“Look at me,” she instructed gently, her attention consumed by the angry lump on his forehead.

Doing as he was told, his eyes finally met hers and it felt like entire conversations took place without either of them uttering a word aloud. The pain she saw went deeper than physical pain, cutting to the very core of him. It was raw, as if it had been dragged to the surface kicking and screaming, and it stared back at her, shocked to be so close to the light once more.

She tried to concentrate on his wounds and not the look of pure desolation before her, as she began dabbing gently at them.

His face contorted in pain as she wiped away the blood from his face, trying not to aggravate the rapidly rising bruises. She gently applied antiseptic cream, working slowly and methodically.

Finally, she dried off her hands on the towel. “Can you pass me that bottle of pills?”

Obediently, he did as he was told, unable to hide the grimace as he reached for it.

Satisfied, she sat back. “Take one of those,” she said, nodding at the bottle in his hand as she handed him the bottled water to wash it down with.

“I don’t need –“

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

She could see him arguing the point in his head, but he relented and tipped a pill out into his palm, swallowing it with a gulp of water. About to hand the bottle of pills back to her, he looked at it closely, frowning. “These are prescription.”

“Yes, they are. They’re pretty good, too. It’ll take the edge off.”

She busied herself putting everything back into the first aid kit, folding the towel on her lap and putting it onto the coffee table, bloodied washcloth on top. Her shoulders ached but she daren’t let it show.

“What are these for?” he asked, indicating the bottle of pills still in his hand.

“I told you, sometimes I have back pain.”

She reached for the bottle but he held it away from her.

“Did he hurt you?” he murmured. “Let me see.”

“No, I’m fine, really.”

But he had already put the bottle of pills back on the table and turned towards her. “Show me.”

“Jack, I’m fine. You’re the one who –“

Ignoring her, he leaned forward and reached up to gently pull her sweatshirt aside. She realised it was a waste of time trying to distract him now, so she let him, a shiver running through her as his hand brushed against her neck. As he pulled the neck of her sweatshirt wider, the look on his face said it all.

“Jesus,” he whispered.

She pushed his hands away. “It’s fine.”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered brokenly, reaching for her hands and enclosing them in his. “I don’t know what else to say. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“What did happen? I don’t understand. What’s going on? Who were those guys?”

He blew out a long breath through his teeth and shook his head slowly. She waited patiently, taking comfort from his hands on hers and willing him to do the same.

“I made a mistake,” he said finally. “I did something stupid and then I took off. Sound familiar?”

“I still don’t understand. How can you owe ten thousand dollars?”

He tried to pull away but she held fast to his hands, begging him silently for more. He sighed heavily, his body sagging.

“Boxing.”

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “Boxing? Like, fighting?”

“Yeah.” 

“But ten thousand dollars? I don’t get it.”

His eyes seemed flat suddenly, as if the light had gone out in them. “I was fighting for this guy Ben, for money. They were running a book on us, taking bets. I wasn’t supposed to win, but I did. I wasn’t thinking straight, it was the night that I found out about Dad, and Callum called… and I guess my mind wasn’t on the fight. I knew I was in trouble, but I figured I’d be safe if I left – no one knew how to find me.” He let go of her hand, grimacing. “Or so I thought, anyway.”

Her mind spun in circles, a million miles an hour. “Fighting? I don’t understand any of this. This is just… it’s not you.”

He shrugged miserably.

“But why? Why would you do that?”

“I don’t expect you to understand any of this because honestly, I don’t really understand it myself,” he admitted. “All I can say is that it happened and I’m sorry it did and I’m sorry you’re involved in this – I really am. I thought that staying at Callum’s would be safe. I thought they’d gone, but apparently I was wrong.”

“What do you mean? You thought who had gone? Those guys? I thought you were staying with him because of a gas leak?”

Jack took on the look of a deer caught in the headlights.

“What’s going on? How long have you known about this?”

“When Callum came over on Sunday, he said he’d been around to the house and found this guy snooping around over there. He said he was looking for me. Callum told him he didn’t know where I was. That’s why I went over to his place – it wasn’t a gas leak Ally, and I’m sorry we lied to you. I thought it’d be best, I didn’t want you to worry. I thought I was doing the right thing. I never meant for you to get involved in any of this.”

She stared at him, wide-eyed. Where did it end? The lying, the secrets, the deceit – not only Jack but Callum was in on this too? It was too much. She blinked, the switch in her head shutting off while she dealt with all of this information behind closed doors.

She gathered up the first aid kit, the washcloth and the towel in silence, piling them on her lap and turning away from him. Heading for the bathroom on auto-pilot, she returned the first aid kit to its place in the cabinet and deposited the towel and washcloth into the laundry hamper in the corner. Not sure what to do next, she sat there, her back to the door.

“Ally?”

She sighed, glancing over her shoulder at Jack. “Look at you, you look like you’ve gone ten rounds with Tyson.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that,” she snapped, whirling around to face him.

“I was trying to protect you.”

She felt the fight leave her, fear and pain replacing it, obliterating everything else. She stared up at him defiantly. “Why does everyone think I need protecting? Am I so pathetic that no one thinks I can take the truth?”

He looked horrified at the prospect. “That’s not it – at all!”

“Isn’t it?”

“I just didn’t want to get you involved in this – I didn’t want you to end up getting hurt again because of me!”

Again with the guilt over the accident.

She fought back tears, determined not to give him another reason not to confide in her.

“I didn’t want you to know how much I screwed up – how much of a mess I made of all this. Here I am, trying to convince you that you can trust me with anything, and all I’ve done is make everything worse!”

“So you just decided to keep it from me?”

“I’m not the only one keeping secrets though, am I?”

Her heart raced. “It’s not the same thing!”

“Sure it is! The thing with the yoga mat, the constantly changing the subject when things get a little close to the truth – you’re shutting me out, too!”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are, and I don’t blame you, to a degree. I know my track record sucks, but what do I have to do to prove to you that I want to be here, with you? That I’m not just gonna disappear again, no matter what happens?”

She couldn’t think of a single thing to say to that.

“I can take it, Ally, whatever it is you think I can’t handle, I can take it – and much more besides. I’m not going anywhere, I want to be with you! Don’t you get it? Even though I’m screwing up left and right here, I
want
to be here and I’m not gonna give up. I’m gonna fix this mess and then things are gonna have to change between us, because I don’t want you to keep me at arm’s length anymore, okay?”

Her stomach twisted into a tight knot as she blinked up at him. Did he have any idea what he was asking her to do?

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know, if you promise to do the same,” he said. “But you have to promise me. Agreed?”

Her head swam. As broken and tired as he looked, he practically glowed with desperation.