A Witch In Time: Magic and Mayhem Book Three (15 page)

Weird.

“Everyone take a break,” Fabio instructed the cast. “Get Mac, Fat Bastard, Jango and Boba. Let them know we have a meeting. Now.”

“They’re right outside,” Simon said as he cut the electric to the spotlight and climbed down the ladder. “I’ll let them know.”

All of a sudden stuff seemed real again and not in a good way. I was so wrapped up in all my own angst, I’d forgotten I had a job and possibly a new death threat against me. I was a witch who was supposed to maintain the magical balance of my town and heal my people. It was time to get over myself and protect the Shifters who needed me.

“You have info?” I asked Sassy tersely.

Mac and the cats came barreling in and the chipmunks backed away in fear.

“They won’t hurt you, little pookies,” Sassy promised the gum-smacking rodents sweetly. “I’ll protect you.”

Mac’s growl reverberated off the walls. Now everyone backed up in terror.

“You’re going to protect the animals that threatened the life of my mate?” he ground out as his fangs dropped menacingly.

He was hot and scary—but mostly hot.

“Oh. My. Hell,” Sassy griped and stomped her foot, blowing up the far left side of the stage. “Whoops. Sorry about that. Zelda is my best friend in the world. I’d kill the shit out of anything that would harm her. My pookies aren’t killers. They’re just stupid.”

“Yepstupidasaboxofhair,” Chunk chimed in a shaky voice.

“Stupid,” Chip backed him up as Chad nodded vigorously in time with his chewing.

“Out with it,” I demanded. “Who’s Ber? Why does he want me dead and what does he have against
Mommie Dearest
?”

“And is Ber a lesbian who’s been outed?” Fat Bastard asked as he sharpened his little kitty claws and gave the chipmunks the evil eye.

“Is this Ber douche-hole a man lesbian or a chick lesbian?” Jango asked very seriously as he wobbled over to the chipmunks and lifted his leg to relieve himself.

“No,” I shouted. “No peeing on people. That is disgusting and smells horrible. Your manners are despicable.”

“My bad,” Jango grumbled, lowering his leg. “Just wanted to show them who was boss here.”

“
I’m the boss here,
” Mac and I said at the same time.

I glanced over at him with wide eyes. Crap, I’d just tried to usurp the power of the King of the Shifters—very bad form. However, he just winked and gave me a wicked-sexy little grin.

“My mate and I are
co-bosses
here. Cats, zip it. Chipmunks swallow the gum or I’ll remove your teeth. Sassy start talking,” Mac instructed as he took his place next to me.

“Umm, Mac,” I said as my nose wrinkled in distaste. “If they don’t chomp the gum they’ll basically eat their own faces. I say let them chew gum.”

“Seriously?” he asked with a wince.

“Yup,” Chunk volunteered. “Seen it happen twice.”

“I really don’t want to heal that,” I whispered with a shudder.

That gave everyone pause. The visual was too much.

“Back to the matter at hand,” I quickly insisted before I could clearly picture the ramifications of taking the chipmunks’ gum. “Give me the skinny on Ber.”

“Who in the Goddess’s name is Ber?” Sassy asked bewildered. “No one named Ber came up in their tiny pea sized brains.”

She turned on the trio as her hands lit up with sparks. Sassy was not pleased with her pookies. The chipmunks began to cry.

“You said you could pick the info out of our brains,” Chad whimpered. “We didn’t have to actually implicate anyone. Our lives are at stake—and someone else’s life too.”

“Speaking of lives at stake… explain the plan to kill Zelda,” Mac ground out between clenched teeth, still not buying the innocence of the rodents.

“You little dudes are going to tell them,” Sassy said with an eye roll. “I’m not sure I can relay that nugget of misguided brilliance correctly.”

“YouseewelostallthemoneyweowedBertothemagicalkingofpokernandBerisgoingtokillusifwedontpayhimbackand… ” Chunk tried to explain.

“Stop,” Mac bellowed. “I didn’t follow a word of that gibberish. Someone else talks or chipmunks start dying.”

“I was able to make out
magical king of poker
,” Fabio announced proudly and then quickly backed off when Mac shot him a glare that would make most run for their lives.

“Well, you see… ” Chip stepped forward and heaved an enormous shaky sigh. “We lost all the money we had in a poker game with the magical king of poker.” He waved at my dad who waved back. “That’s not a big deal, but it wasn’t exactly our money to lose.”

“It was Ber’s money?” I asked.

“Um… yes, it was Ber’s money,” Chad whispered.

“Is Ber his real name?” I sat down on a chair, knowing I was in for a long one and immediately stood back up. My ass wasn’t ready for solid contact yet.

“Part of it,” Chip said, terrified. “If we could tell you his name, we would but he has our brother, Chutney.”

“He didn’t just say Chutney, did he?” Boba asked, with a snicker. “What kind of bullshit name is Chutney?”

As much as I concurred with my cat, it was rude. My father’s name was Fabio, for the Goddess’s sake, and the damn cat’s name was
Boba Fett
…

“Shut it,” I hissed at my fat, manner-less feline. “Go on,” I encouraged the frightened chipmunks.

“If we say his name, he’ll appear,” Chad explained with huge eyes.

His jaw was working so fast I found myself grinding my teeth.

“What in the hell can do that?” I asked my dad.

“A genie or a warlock,” Fabio guessed with a shrug. “Neither is good.”

“Still lost here as to why the play had to be stopped and Zelda had to die,” Mac cut in, getting to the point.

“Ifthemagicalkingofpokerquitsplayingpokerwerescrewed,” Chunk babbled.

Mac blew out a long slow breath and let his head fall back on his broad shoulders. “Tell speed talker if he says anything else it will be the last thing he ever says.”

“Chunk, he doesn’t… ” Chip started.

“Gotit,” Chunk choked out.

“We need to win back the money so Ber doesn’t kill us and our brother who he’s holding hostage. But since the magical king of poker has left the gambling life behind to become a world famous director, we’re sunk,” Chip told us.

“Big holes in that story,” I said as I grabbed one of Bob’s plungers and held it up in the air. “It would probably be really easy to suck your brain out of your ear.”

“They don’t have much up there,” Sassy reminded me.

“Easier to get it out then,” I replied.

“This is true, but I think it would be less messy to have them eat their own nuts,” she suggested.

“Don’t talk,” I warned her, wielding the plunger near her head. “I’m not going to suck out their brains or make them ingest each other’s balls. I just want to know what the hell is going on here and what we’re up against,” I yelled. “Talk, chipmunks.
Now
.”

“Sooooo we figured if we stopped the play, the holy poker player almighty king would give up directing and go back to gambling,” Chip quickly explained.

“We could win our money back, pay Ber, save ourselves and our brother Chutney, and move to Antarctica,” Chad added.

“So killing me was your idea, not Ber’s?” I asked trying to get the convoluted story straight.

“Not exactly,” Chip hedged as he now chewed on his lip as well as his gum. “Ber told us to destroy anything that was in the way of his money.”

“So we took that to mean he meant to kill stuff, but we’re vegetarians,” Chad said as if that made it all crystal clear.

“You guys really aren’t smart,” I muttered as I placed the plunger back on the prop table. “No offense.”

“None taken, oh holy Shifter Wanker,” Chip replied kindly.

“So Ber isn’t trying to kill Zelda or stop the play,” Mac said summing it up while squinting and trying not to grin at my new title. “You imbeciles came up with the half-witted plan all by yourselves.”

“That seems about right,” Chad agreed with a polite nod.

“So I say we find this Ber fucker and open up a can of whoop ass on him and his lesbian butt,” Fat Bastard said as he began to glow dangerously. “We get this Chumpy dude back and be done with the whole frackin’ mess.”

“It’s Chutney,” Jeeves chimed in, correcting him.

“That’s what I said,” Fat Bastard grunted as he heaved himself over to the prop table and grabbed two plungers.

“I’m in,” Boba and Jango shouted.

“Nope,” I said as I removed the plungers from the Bastard’s paws and tossed them back onto the table. “This one can be solved without magic or violence. How much do you owe Ber?”

“Two hundred grand,” Chad whispered in in distress smacking his gum so intensely I thought he might dislocate his jaw.

My dad was watching me closely, as was Mac.

“Is my money in the bank here?” I asked Fabio. “Wait. Do we even have a bank here?”

“It’s in the Cayman Islands,” my dad told me. “I can pop over and be back in a half hour… if that’s what you want to do.”

“It is,” I told him, feeling really good about myself. However, there was still a lesson to be taught to the chipmunks. “I will pay what you owe in exchange for your brother, but you will stay here in Assjacket and work off your debt. How does that sound?”

“That sounds great,” Sassy squealed. “I wanted to keep them anyway! Jeeves and I feel strongly about adopting since he was adopted and I will be a fantastic mother to rodents with limited brainpower. This is like a dream come true.”

Mac’s gasp of terror was only matched by my own.

“Jeeves,” Mac wheezed as diplomatically as he could muster. “My house isn’t big enough now that you’re going to have a family.”

“No worries, dad,” Jeeves replied as he bounced in excitement. “Sassy and I had plans drawn up for an addition.”

“While that’s an interestingly appalling idea,” Mac choked out. “I was thinking more along the lines of you getting your own place.”

“Brilliant!” Jeeves shouted as Sassy and the chipmunks danced around the room in joy.

“How exactly are we supposed to find this Ber?” Fabio asked the question that hadn’t occurred to any of us.

That stopped the reveling abruptly.

“Um, I guess when we’re ready we can say his full name three times and he’ll show up,” Chad mumbled as he turned as white as a ghost.

Damn, this Ber sounded like a really bad dude. But the plan was as solid as it was going to get.

I just hoped it went as smoothly as I imagined.

Who the hell was I kidding?

Nothing I was involved in went smoothly.

However, as Roger stated earlier… it wasn’t boring.

CHAPTER 15

As the cast reassembled for rehearsal and Fabio poofed off to the Cayman Islands to get the money, Mac took my arm and pulled me into a corner.

“If you run, I will come after you,” he warned, watching me carefully. “And for future reference,
Livin’ on a Prayer
is my favorite song.”

“You’re a glutton for punishment,” I hissed as I tried to pull away even though I was exactly where I wanted to be. “I’m broken. I’m not good enough for you.”

“I don’t believe that’s your decision to make,” he replied calmly as he backed me up to the wall.

His body was hard and it was plastered against all my soft. My knees felt like jelly and I grabbed his arms so I didn’t drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes. If I were him, I’d kick my ass to the curb. I was a ridiculous mass of contradictions who couldn’t make up her mind. I knew I wanted to stay with him, but was it fair if I couldn’t love him?

“I don’t know what love means,” I whispered brokenly. “I don’t know if I love you.”

He paused and I was sure I saw pain in his steady gaze. “Love isn’t necessarily a choice, pretty girl. Love happens. I can love you enough for both of us until you figure out that you’re worth it.”

I was speechless and humbled. The wolf was crazier than I was.

“Mac,” I began, but he silenced me with his lips.

It wasn’t a sexual kiss. It wasn’t demanding or hard. His full lips were gentle and sweet. He ran his tongue lightly over my bottom lip and it almost stopped my heart. All the things he had just said were in his kiss. He was giving me a gift that I so wanted, but still wasn’t sure I could accept. I closed my eyes ad kissed him back. His arms felt like home to me. Mac’s low chuckle against my mouth touched my soul and I wanted to crawl inside him and stay. He was more beautiful on the inside than he was on the outside.

“You do love me, Zelda and I’ll happily spend eternity making you believe it. You are good, kind, smart, compassionate, and you have an ass that makes me weep. I’m lucky to have you and you’re lucky to have me.”