A Touch Mortal (14 page)

H
ours passed before anyone dared knock, but finally a soft rap sounded against the wood.

“Eden?” Libby said through the door. “James bet me a twenty you wouldn’t open the door and I only have Adam’s change left which isn’t even technically mine so I was hoping…”

Eden half smiled, wiping her hand across the mascara and eyeliner smearing down her cheeks. Unburying herself from the pile of blankets, she went to the door. Her hand was already twisting the knob when she heard a quiet, “I’ll split it with you.”

Libby’s mouth dropped open as she caught sight of Eden’s tear-swollen eyes, the black streaks. “Oh my God! What the hell did they say to you?” she asked, turning toward the living room. Eden grabbed her arm and pulled her inside, slamming the door before anyone else had a chance to invade her sanctuary.

“Wow.” Libby stared around the room, taking it in, and Eden felt a trickle of pride. Draped from the ceiling around the bed and down the wall behind it a layer of rippled white lace hung in a makeshift canopy. The walls themselves were a dark maroon, decorated with a dozen crosses. Some black and sparkling with jewels, others a tarnished silver marking them almost archaic. While Libby was distracted, Eden crawled back underneath the covers.

Libby plopped down on the puffy white comforter.

“Your room is…it’s like heaven.”

Eden cringed at the word. “Trust me, it’s not. It’s just somewhere to get away.”

“What happened?”

Eden yanked at a stray thread on the bedspread. The fabric bunched. “Same argument, different set of extenuating circumstances.”

“I told Jarrod you said I could stay. He seemed okay with it.” She looked confused for a moment. “Actually, he seemed kinda relieved or something.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Eden answered, though she didn’t elaborate.

“So James said Jarrod was mad about the ones on the stairs?”

Eden nodded.

“Why can’t they just let you do your own thing? I mean, it’s not a big deal, is it?”

Eden lifted her head. “You do know I’m the only one, right?”

“I’m sure you’re not. There have to be others who can…”

“Trust me, there’s not. It’s why everyone stays away unless they want death. Not everyone’s happy I changed that. They’re afraid of me. We’re supposed to be immortal.”

“What’s different about you?” Libby asked gently. When Eden didn’t answer, she went on. “Instead of making you crazy, holding in all that Touch just makes you more lethal, right? You could use that, Eden. Take over everything.”

“I wouldn’t want to,” Eden said, unconsciously bringing a hand to her neck. Her fingers laced around the delicate loops of silver that made up the necklace she wore. Her dozen bracelets slid down the cuff of her thermal top, clacking together at her elbow. Libby’s eyes flicked up at the noise. “Even I have my limits. We learned that last night.”

“That’s really beautiful,” Libby said, scooting closer. Eden flattened her hand over the necklace, the links pressing into her skin through the fabric. “Where’d you get it?” Libby asked.

Eden hesitated. “It was a gift.”

“From who?” Libby asked. Then she managed to
catch Eden’s eyes. “It was from him, wasn’t it? The one you were going to tell me about before Adam and Jarrod came in.”

“I wasn’t going to tell you about him,” Eden snapped.

“Can I see it?” She reached, her pinky tangling in the delicate chain as Eden leaned from her grasp. The links dug into the back of Eden’s neck, straining until the necklace broke with a pop.

Eden watched in horror as the dozens of tiny ovals slid from the strand of silver weaving them together and scattered across the bed. A few tumbled off, twinkling as they bounced across the wood.

Eden’s hands flew to catch them, scrambling for the few pieces she could feel against the softness of the blanket. She jumped from the bed, in front of Libby before she had a chance to move.

“I told you before not to touch me! You broke it!” She threw the handful of links into her face.

“I’m sorry,” Libby cried, making a mad dash for the door. Her hair streamed behind her, almost catching in the jamb as she slammed the door shut.

“What did you do?” Eden heard Adam yell, the pounding of his feet as he rounded the corner, the bang of Libby’s back hitting the wall as she moved out of his way.

Eden’s shoulders heaved as she scraped up the chain and a few links from the floor. Her nails bit into her palm
as she tightened her shaking hand, the knuckles going white.

The door flung open and Adam bounded in. Eden saw relief cross his face when he spotted her, vanishing at the rage in her eyes.

“You okay? What’d she do?”

“She…she.” Her words wouldn’t come together, her fingers burning. She held her fist out, the chain dangling from one side.

“What, did she break your necklace?” he asked. “That’s why you’re so mad?” He glanced up, unsure before his eyes fell again. “Jesus Christ, are you bleeding?” He grabbed her hand, pried open her fingers. “Eden, look at me. Breathe.”

“Everything is so fucked!” she cried, the sudden tears catching her off guard. She leaned into Adam’s arms, wondering if he would move, send her cascading to the floor to break apart with the pieces scattered there. But Adam caught her, held her.

“You and Jarrod hate me. If I stop taking the Siders, we’re not going to have any money, Adam!” she said, her voice cracking.

“We’ll figure it out.” He tightened his grip around her, rubbing her back. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

“No, it’s not! Everything’s falling apart! Even Az gave up on me.” The words escaped in hyperventilated gasps.

Adam pulled back. “Who’s Az?”

Eden rubbed her hand on her pants, wincing as she opened the nightstand. She pulled the picture from the drawer, wrapping her arms around the frame and holding it close. Finally, she turned it to face Adam.

“Is this him?” he said, gently taking the frame from her hands to get a closer look.

She’d stared at the image so often it didn’t register anymore, only the smell of the ocean, a lingering taste of happiness that was easier to push away than recall.

She could never quite get over the look on her face. The pure bliss in her stupid, trusting smile. The girl caught there was too much of a contrast to what she saw in the mirror to be real.

“Old boyfriend?” She couldn’t answer, dropping her head in a half nod.

Her hair was longer in the picture. A flash of Az, her long strands dancing across his chest as she leaned down.
I love your hair.
She’d cut it the first night in the apartment. Anything to shed the last of her old life. A pink fingerprint still stained the porcelain from the dye. After, she’d held the picture over the toilet, a lighter hovering near the corner. She hadn’t been able to burn it.

“You were serious about him?” Adam asked. She heard the longing in his voice for the answer, needing her to let him in, give him a glimpse inside. “What happened?”

She let out a bitter laugh. “He hit me up with some terrible pick-up line and I told him to fuck off.” The words came easier than she’d thought they would, each one a little weight falling away. “And then I fell in love with him.” Her smile faltered. “And then he lied to me. Made me believe horrible things. He’s why I killed myself. And everything since has been shit.”

“Hey, now.” Adam tucked a short lock of her hair behind her ear, and put two fingers under her chin, lifting her head. “It hasn’t all been bad. Has it?”

Eden’s vision tunneled, focused on the nervous flick of his tongue. The air in the room thickened, every second drawn out into a thousand parts.
You’ve known this was coming,
her mind whispered.
Az stopped calling
.

For a moment, she leaned forward, the urge to feel wanted again overwhelming. She could close her eyes, pretend it was…Eden broke his gaze, turning from him.

Adam pulled away, his hand lingering on her cheek.

“I can’t do this….” she whispered.

“I’m not asking you to. I just wanted you to know,” he said, taking a step back, giving her space. He dropped the picture onto the mattress. “That you have someone,” he finished, his eyes downcast.

“Did you have anyone? Before?” she asked, following his lead into the subject change, not quite ready for him to leave.

“No. Nothing, you know, important. I was never really big on friends, girl or otherwise.” He shrugged.

“Is that why you did it?” she asked, not bothering to clarify the “it” to which she referred.

“Honestly, I don’t really remember why. I was in the woods. I had the rope there, I remember…wanting to stop, but…after there was nothing. I ever tell you that?”

“No,” Eden admitted.

For a long moment neither of them spoke. “What about you?” he asked.

Eden paused. “I don’t remember.”

“If you don’t want to tell me…” He stood there awkwardly, waiting.

She shrugged. “I was at the beach. Drowned, probably. Same result.”

His fingers hovered near the knob, hesitating. “So, about the rave…”

She sighed hard. “Adam, please. Not today.”

“Eden. We’re worried about you. Something’s gotta give. You can’t keep this up forever.”

“Then I’ll keep it up as long as I can. Without me they’re just stuck. It’s not fair.”

He was silent for a long moment. “What Jarrod said, about you being addicted,” he started carefully.

She looked up. “Adam, come on. You know it’s not like that. I’m the only one that can help them.” She sat down
on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest. “I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll come up with something, okay?” he said, reaching for the doorknob. “Well, I’m gonna…” His fingers drummed a nervous rhythm against the trim. “Eden, about us.”

Her stomach twisted as the ball of stress in her gut coiled tighter. She ran a hand through her hair, unsure what to say. Adam was the only person she could really talk to, who seemed to get things, get
her
. But she owed him the truth. “I don’t know if I can handle an ‘us’ right now,” she said quietly.

Turning the knob, Adam was halfway out before he spoke. “Just…think about it, okay?”

She nodded, though he was already closing the door. She stared at the picture, hating how much she still missed Az. Missed his touch.

“I hate you,” she whispered.

Maybe I should try to call Gabe
, she thought.
Ask for help.
She could call Kristen, get his number. But talking to Az or Gabe would mean forgiving them, letting it all go.
What would I even say to them?
She picked up the phone, running her thumb down the screen.
I miss you. I’m scared.
The display lit up as she scrolled slowly through the few numbers in her contacts list.
How could you let me become this?
She
stopped on Kristen’s name, but didn’t hit the Send button.

No.
She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the tremor in her fingers.
I don’t need them
, she thought.
What would he be able to do to help anyway?

She set the phone back down on the nightstand.

E
den pressed her ear against her bedroom door, listening. She heard the shake of cereal, a spoon hitting the side of a bowl, which meant Adam was in the kitchen. She heard footsteps as he moved to the living room. The springs on the couch. James was probably in his room, wouldn’t stop her anyway. But where was Jarrod?

Just go
, she thought.
Maybe he’s still asleep.
She cringed as her door creaked open, her coat tucked under her arm, tiptoeing behind the couch. Adam didn’t notice her.

She almost made it to the door.

“Where are you going?” Jarrod asked, keeping his tone genial as he rounded the corner from the kitchen. He slid between her and the exit to the apartment and tossed a casual hand against the wood, ready to hold the door shut if Eden tried to open it.

“It’s eleven o’clock. You know where I’m going,” Eden said, slipping into her coat. “Move.” She stared him
down. He wavered, but only for a moment.

“No,” Jarrod said. Adam looked up from the couch, the page of his magazine mid-turn.

“Move your hand, Jarrod.” She stepped closer, jaw set. James opened the door to the boys’ room, drawn out by the tone of their voices.

“No,” Jarrod said again.

“Get the
fuck
out of my way!” Eden yelled.

Adam slid between them, taking Eden’s hand as he turned to face Jarrod.

“I’m going with her,” he said quickly, cutting Eden off before she had a chance to defend herself. “No more than two. She promised me we’ll try to come up with something different. We’ll all sit down and talk about it when we get back, okay? James, come on,” he added. He shot a glare toward Jarrod. “I think Jarrod needs some time by himself to calm down.”

Eden slammed out the door. Stomping down the stairs, she covered two flights before Adam and James caught up.

“You’re welcome,” Adam said.

Eden whirled to face him. “And what exactly should I be thanking you for again?”

James edged around them. “I’m gonna wait outside.”

“I got you out of the apartment, didn’t I?” Adam yelled as the door closed behind James. His voice bounced through the stairwell.

“I don’t need your help, and I really don’t need you putting words in my mouth. Jarrod doesn’t get to tell me what to do.”

His face fell. “Eden, come on. What’s the big deal? Take a couple days off.” He reached for her hand.

“I said I’d
think
about cutting down. I never agreed to anything else.”

“Just one day off, then. What can it hurt?”

“It hurts them,” she spat, yanking her hand back to point to the door. “It hurts me because every day they’re alive, they’re spreading the word about me. More will show up the next day.”

“I think it’s safe to say the rumor’s out.” He frowned. “Jarrod was right, wasn’t he? You can’t stop.”

She closed her eyes, forcing herself to take a breath. “I don’t want to,” she said a minute later. “You think I’m happy about this? Freeing the Siders sucks. I hurt, all the time. But it’s important to me, Adam. It’s important that they have a choice.”

Eden threw the door open, half of her wanting to see a small army amassed out there. She would take every last one, Adam be damned.

Instead, she froze, Adam bumping into her from behind.

Libby sat alone on the stairs.

“Hey,” she mumbled, wiping a tear from a blotchy
cheek. Strands of her hair had come loose from her ponytail in the breeze. The dark circles under her eyes set off the fierce blue.

“Hey,” Adam said when Eden stayed silent. “Where’s James?”

“He said you guys were yelling. He headed for the alley, I think.” She turned back to Eden. “I’m really sorry about your necklace. It was an accident.”

“Have you been out here all night?” Adam asked.

“I never said it wasn’t,” Eden said, not giving her a chance to answer Adam’s question. “Listen.” She hesitated, unprepared for the huge apology she knew Libby deserved. “I’m under a lot of stress right now. I overreacted.”

“You told me not to touch you,” Libby said, standing. “So it’s my fault.”

“Still…” Eden’s gaze swept the stairs. “Where are they?” she asked, distracted. “The Siders. Did you send them away or something?”

“There weren’t any,” Libby answered. “I was hoping there’d be someone here to talk to, but no one came.”

“No.” Eden took the stairs slowly, anxiety filling her when it should have been Touch. “They’re always here.” Libby and Adam were at her heels as she headed for the alley.

She peeked behind the Dumpster, sure she would find
them huddled up and bitter over the wait. “I don’t understand it. There’s always been at least one, and that was in the beginning.”

She turned to Adam, perplexed. He shrugged, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans. “Nothing better than an unexpected vacation,” he offered.

“That’s not what she wants, though.” Eden and Adam both turned, surprised when Libby spoke. “She just wants to do her job. She likes it when things stay simple. It’s kind of her thing in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Adam stared at her for a long second.

“Of course I noticed,” he said.

“I mean, we’re talking about a girl who won’t even add sugar or creamer to her coffee. She likes things uncomplicated.”

Eden’s mouth dropped open.

Libby blushed. “Sorry. I’m observant like that, I guess.”

“Okay,” Eden said slowly.

“Speaking of coffee…Are you guys going to Milton’s?” Libby asked.

An awkward moment passed before Adam nodded.

“James!” Eden yelled, spinning to the entrance of the alley. She gave him a second. He wouldn’t wander. Hell, he barely left visual contact in public, let alone went far enough that he wouldn’t hear her call. She raised her voice, calling his name again.

Adam took a tentative step forward, and glanced at Libby. “You said he came this way, right?”

“I wasn’t really watching,” she said.

Eden made her way back to the street. A few pedestrians straggled down the sidewalk, nonplussed. “Think he went back upstairs?”

“James.” She turned at Adam’s voice, following his line of vision to a storefront. Eden sighed.

“Are you coming with us?” She stepped toward the legs, crossed and splayed out from the doorway where James sat, the bandaged wrist resting cocked on the stoop. “What are you—” Her breath caught.

She didn’t dare to touch him. Instead, she dropped, her knees screaming as they cracked against the ground. Light shone through him, like tiny bricks suddenly missing the mortar. She saw it every morning in the alley.

“James?” she whispered, and looked up at Adam. His eyes squinted as if he could focus the picture until it made sense. Eden’s hair stirred, strands sliding against her cheek. The body burst into grains of ash; stinging eyes she slammed tight a second too late.

When she opened them, James was gone.