A Tiger in Eden (21 page)
I stood there on the balcony staring up at space thinking none of this meant nothing anyway worrying about our Mark and the past and whether I was a bad man or not sure I’d be gone soon too maybe next week or next year or in fifty years and a while after that this beach would be gone washed away probably no sign of the parties that went on the debauchery the madness. Everyone who ever came here would be gone too and nobody who was still living would ‘member none of it.
The jungle behind us was alive with sounds I could hear a hundred thousand insects rubbing their wings together all oblivious to my aul problems sure I was nothing just nothing I didn’t matter and sure that was all right so it was that’s the way it is, goodbye Mark, I says out loud, goodbye brother maybe one day I’ll see ye again maybe one day we’ll be together save a spot for me if you can see your way to forgiving me I’ve changed now I promise I promise you Mark I’ve changed. Believe me you have to believe me I’m sorry brother.
An aul itching sensation on my ankle woke me up and I reached down to scratch at it letting my eyes open dead slow like. For a couple of seconds sure I’d no idea where I was and raised my head from the pillow to get a better look at the woman I was lying next to. Then I ‘membered.
Lana had kicked off the sheet and was lying on her front with her head facing away from me, her long hair was splayed all wild across her back so’s I couldn’t even see her shoulders. I propped myself up on one elbow I was all groggy so I was blinking the sleep away my brain going mental in wonder at the woman I had before me. I ran my eyes down over her back to her arse, she had one leg pushed up at an angle like she was trying to climb a rock face or something amongst the sheets.
Even though I’d just woke up from a really deep sweaty
sleep after about four hours of bumping the night before I started to get hard again when I looked between her legs at the wee tangle of ginger hair just visible above her dead smooth fanny lips. Very distracting so it was, I looked away down her legs and examined the burn mark on her shin from where she pressed it against the exhaust of the aul moped we’d hired a couple of days ago. Bloody sore but sure everyone does it half the people we’d met on Ko Tao had them it’s like a mark of respect or something you’ve earned your stripes sort of thing.
I felt bad at the time ‘cos we’d only gone into town to buy some postcards Lana couldn’t be bothered but I wanted to send one to Tanya out in Australia just to thank her for opening my eyes to a different world, is she an old flame, Lana says eyebrows arching, aye something like that, I goes, you’re not jealous are ye, not one bit, she snorts, you’re all mine now.
There was no arguing with that, we had a wee drink and I persuaded her to send a card to her parents just to tell them she was all right and that, she gave in and fired one off I wrote a few words on it myself
BOUT YE’S
! in big letters. They’ll be delighted to see I’ve finally found a man, Lana goes dead sarcastic, sure leave them alone, I says, we’ll pop in and see them in a few months if you’re not sick of me by then, oh they’ll love you, she goes, aye who wouldn’t, I says, sure I’m gorgeous so I am.
There was loads of other couples busying themselves around the wee resort planning excursions and being shown how to use water-sports equipment by local lads
looking dead worried they were going to wind up with a disaster on their hands. Lana scribbled down the details of how to get to this isolated waterfall out in the forest from the barman, it made me laugh watching him stand close to her I could see him inhaling that little bit harder than normal to capture her scent and I couldn’t blame the young fella for sure you wouldn’t get many exotic birds like this landing on your island very often.
Lana went back to the hut to get a wee backpack ready making sure we’d have enough water for the trek, even though yer man assured us we could refill our bottles at the falls I didn’t want to take any chances the chalet we were staying in was nice and everything but it was still small enough to embarrass either of us if we wound up with an aul stomach bug sure it was a bit too early in the relationship to be confronted with the skitters and the mood was too good to be spoiled by having your arse hanging over the squat toilet all day.
The barman was hovering around giving me the eye and looking at me dead funny. I gave him the nod and says, what’s the craic pal, this aul waterfall worth the trip or what?
Ah I thought so, he says grinning, you are from the north of Ireland, no?
I didn’t see that one coming.
How’d you know that, I goes, feeling a wee twinge in my guts.
There was a guy here a few days ago who spoke like you. He had tattoos like yours.
I took an aul deep breath and lifted my T-shirt so he could get a good look. Like these, I says, are ye sure?
Yes, almost the same. He had this
NO SURRENDER
also, only it was around his arm.
The blood must of drained from my face because yer man looks all concerned and says, are you okay friend?
Aye, I’m all right, I goes, my mind racing to think who on Big Jim’s crew had a tatt like that. Sure it could of been any one of the younger lads. I tried to play it cool.
What was he doing out here, do you know? Just on the holidays, was he?
The barman shrugged, sorry I don’t know.
I thanked the lad and walked back to the hut to fetch Lana, my heart thumping. I knew it was probably nothing, just a weird coincidence, but all the same it made me think I’d have to seriously consider fucking off out of the Thailand for good. I didn’t want nobody coming after me or trying to drag me back home sure that was the last place I wanted to go.
Lana’s map said we had to hike along the beach and climb around the rocks until we found a track leading up into the hills. I made sure she was smothered in a thick layer of sunscreen before setting out even though she whinged about it sure I didn’t want her all burnt. It took us about an hour’s walking to round the point, a boring aul scramble over sharp rocks that was only livened up a bit by the sight of a sea snake lurking in the shadows. I wanted to get a close-up photo but Lana dragged me away in case I got bit, probably smart sure you wouldn’t
last ten minutes they’re dead venomous so they are.
The heat of the afternoon wasn’t too bad under the forest canopy but it was still dead humid, loads of people must of taken the trail before ‘cos the walking track through the undergrowth was dead clear sure we’d only been hiking for about another half hour when we came across another exotic creature. I couldn’t believe it I was dead excited even more than with the snake, it was a big black scorpion blocking our path. Lana was scared shitless but I poked it with the walking stick I’d made from an aul fallen tree branch. Lana near had a fit she shrieked and pulled me back as the scorpion raised its pincers in a display of aggression it was about the size of your fist so it was.
I just want to see him striking get off me will ye, I goes, it’s awesome isn’t it, don’t annoy it Will, she goes, I don’t want to have to carry you all the way back if it bites you.
They don’t bite, I says, and besides it’s probably dead venomous too so you wouldn’t have to carry me far. I edged my stick towards it and the wee fucker wheeled around to try and see what was going on.
Will don’t! Stop it, you’re scaring me, Lana says, what if it takes a run at you? I hesitated for a second then pulled my stick back, I never thought of that can they run fast, I goes, how many legs has it got, she says.
I tried counting them, eight by the looks of it, I goes, right, she says, well that’s four more than both of us put together come on let’s go back this is obviously his
forest, take it easy will you, I says, this is not Super Mario Brothers he’s not some guardian we have to defeat to get to the next level. I’ll just give him a wee incentive to move along out of our way with my trusty poking stick here. The scorpion scuttled away to the left to avoid the end of my stick then seemed to lose interest in us as it noticed something else in the jungle it turned sudden like and made its way quickly off into the brush.
The forest was quite dense sure you could hardly see very far into it all branches hanging down and moisture in the air very authentic so it was like in
Jurassic Park
or something. Straightaway I thought of yer man the great white hunter getting caught out by the raptors that was the best bit when he knows he’s gonna get ate but admires them enough to say clever girl.
The two of us was stood there taking in the sounds of the jungle like fucking Tarzan and Jane, the sweat dripping down my back and soaking my T-shirt. I felt Lana’s sweaty palm slip into mine and our fingers closed together dead tight. She was staring up at me with this weird expression, sort of studying me or something. I turned with my back to the forest so’s I could see her in the sun and just bask in her aul beauty. We stood like that for a while just looking at each other no talk or movement or nothing just holding hands the two of us.
Eventually she moved in close to give me a hug, she stood up on her tippy-toes and her head went over my shoulder I was ready to squeeze the life out of her only she stepped back again dead quick and I was a bit
disappointed until I saw the look on her face. She let go of me and put both hands up to her mouth. I could tell straightaway from her expression something was very wrong I’d seen it too many times back in Belfast that look of pure fear.
There was something behind me I could feel it there in the jungle I hadn’t heard it sneak up I suppose that’s its business not being heard, wouldn’t be much of a predator otherwise. Lana was frozen to the spot so I turned around dead slow and peered into the gloom, it took me a few seconds to see it I think it was disbelief more than anything else that made me not register it was there sure it was pretty obvious.
A fucking tiger. It was huge, bigger than me and loads heavier just standing there poised like a house cat stalking a mouse or a bit of string waiting for it to move so it could open its mouth and leap. It was stunning so it was the first thing that went through my mind was holy fuck would you just look at that, fucking magnificent it never even occurred to me that I was about to get ate like yer man in
Jurassic Park
funny I’d just been thinking about that fuck sake what a stupid thing to be thinking when you’re faced with two hundred kilos of killing machine, course I thought all this in about a millisecond or something ‘cos after that my first instinct was to get between the animal and Lana.
Something kicked in then some switch inside me I went into pure concentration mode not scared or nothing dead calm actually they say you shouldn’t look an animal
in the eye like a gorilla in case it charges ye but that all went out the window, maybe it’s not the same for big cats but I just took one small step to the side to block it from getting to Lana, flexed the muscles in my neck and stared it straight in the eyes.
Everything came into sharp focus then, it was just me and the tiger looking at each other studying each other sort of communicating and the only thing I could hear was the sound of my breathing and its breathing, its belly rising and falling its shoulder blades sticking up ready to pounce there’s no way I could of stopped it if it had decided to barrel through me but I was talking away to it through my eyes I don’t know how I done it but that’s what it felt like, I want her, it was saying to me, no I said back, go about your business elsewhere you can tell what I am, you know I am not afraid brother. Wild so it was, never felt nothing like it, the creature kept staring at me with its big golden eyes its whiskers twitching a wee drop of moisture hanging off the edge of one clear as day it obviously heard what I was saying, I seen its shoulders relaxing ever so slightly. It’s not that it couldn’t take me of course it could easy but there was something between us some sort of understanding or respect maybe one beast acknowledging another, anyway it opened its mouth and bared its teeth turning its head sideways and snarling I tell you what ninety-nine point nine nine per cent of cunts in this world would of shit their pants right then and it would of been all over but I just smiled, nothing could hurt me no more I was
gone beyond the limits somewhere more than human in that one perfect moment fucking transcendent so it was somehow everything was clear and in focus and still. I nodded and the tiger turned around and with a swish of his tail loped off into the jungle.
I waited for about ten seconds to make sure he was gone even though I knew he was. I turned round to Lana her eyes was wide her mouth hanging open arms limp by her sides. I put my hand on her hip to steady her, she was in shock obviously she looked up at me and swallowed her breath all shallow, she blinked once or twice trying to comprehend what she’d just seen. I couldn’t blame her like it hadn’t sunk in with me either. She lifted her clammy palm to my face and cupped my aul stubbly jaw with it.
I’ll never leave you, she goes.
I know, I says. I caught her as she went down scooped her up in my arms red hair cascading over my chest like fire. She might not know everything about me but she knew enough, more than anyone and I knew she’d stay with me no matter what we were together now come what may.