A Second Chance at Crimson Ranch (16 page)

“I care because I...” Logan's voice trailed off as one side of Noah's mouth quirked into a knowing smile. He turned, took several angry steps down the driveway.

“You're leaving,” Noah said behind him. “You have no claim on her that I can see. If another guy wanted to—”

“Noah, stop.” Josh's voice was firm. “You're poking the bear too hard, my friend.”

Logan drew in a breath, forced his fists to unclench. He turned, watching Noah smooth out the front of his jacket. “I don't want her to get hurt.”

“As far as I can tell, you're the one who's going to hurt her.”

“You're right.” Logan ran his hands through his hair. “I have no claim on her. She needs someone who can give her the life she deserves. Despite the fact that you're annoying as hell, you're a stand-up guy, Noah. If you want to date Olivia after I'm gone, that's—”

“Shut up.” Noah threw his hands in the air. “You two might be the biggest idiots on the planet. Did Jake get all the brains in the family?”

“I'm not an idiot,” Josh protested.

“You were before Sara got a hold of you.” Noah pointed a finger at Logan. “I don't want to date Olivia, you schmuck.”

“Then what was that show tonight about?”

Noah shook his head. “It was about demonstrating that if you don't step up to the plate, someone
is
going to swoop in and take your girl.”

“She's not my—”

Noah held up a hand. “Don't say it. It's obvious how you feel about her and she's clearly crazy about you.”

“Or just plain crazy,” Josh offered with a smile.

“Are you seriously going to tell me it wouldn't kill you to see her with another man?” Noah took a step closer. “Because I was pretty sure you wanted to beat me to a pulp most of this evening.”

“I'm leaving after the community center opens.”

“You don't have to go.”

“I can't stay in Crimson. You know why I can't be here for the long term.”

“Logan, the accident was more than ten years ago. You can't let Beth's death define your life.”

“She wouldn't want that,” Josh agreed.

Logan closed his eyes for a moment to clear the red that was clouding his vision. “Don't talk about her like you know what she'd want. She'd want to be alive right now, not buried in the ground because I let her go that night.”

Josh's mouth thinned. “The accident wasn't your fault.”

“How do you know, Josh?” Logan pointed a finger at his older brother. “You and Jake got the hell out of that house and never looked back. Beth and I were stuck with dad. There was no one to run interference anymore when he got a bad drunk on.”

“I'm sorry.”

Logan shook his head. “I would have done the same thing. All any of us ever wanted was to get away. That's why I started making trouble, and Beth was drinking and partying with a wild crowd. It's why I lost my connection with her.” He swallowed around the ball of guilt in his throat. “She was my twin sister. She was part of me. We were both too hell-bent on our own destruction to help each other.”

“I
do
know how you feel. I spent years blaming myself for leaving the two of you. I'm sure it's what keeps Jake running to the ends of the earth. Hell, he looked panic stricken the whole weekend he was here for the wedding. We all made mistakes, Logan. But none of us is to blame.”

“You don't know anything, Josh. She was my twin. I felt it when she died. The pain felt like it was coming from me, like I was the one thrown from that car wreck. It ripped me in two. A part of me was gone.” He bent forward, doubled over with emotion all over again. After a few minutes, he looked up at his brother's concerned face. “Everywhere I go in this town, something reminds me of her. A smell, a sound. I can't keep the memories at bay. I see her when she was a kid, all the times we hid out in town or bummed a ride on the highway. Every single thing is her memory. Everything but...”

“Olivia,” Josh supplied after a moment.

Logan nodded. “She's new and fresh. She helps me forget how much it hurts. She helps me remember what it's like to live without guilt and pain and regret commanding my entire life. But I can't stay here. I can't overcome it.”

Noah took a step forward. “She could—”

“No.” Logan held up a hand. “I won't ask her to leave.”

He watched as Noah gave Josh a pointed look. “He's scared.”

“I'm not—”

“Can you blame him?” Josh answered

“She loves Crimson.”

“I'm pretty sure she loves you more,” Noah said quietly.

“It doesn't matter. I don't trust myself. I don't trust that the darkness I felt after Beth died won't come back to consume me again. It's always there in the periphery, waiting for me to let down my guard. I did more than my share of stupid, reckless things back then. Who knows why I'm even still here? When Beth was killed from one awful mistake and I have years' worth of them piled up around me. It could happen again. I could lose control.” He met Josh's gaze. “Like Dad always did. I won't have Olivia around me when that happens.”

“You're a different person now. You were a boy, Logan. A terrified, hurt, immature boy. It's not the same.”

“I won't take that chance,” he repeated. “She's too important.” He turned to Noah. “Keep an eye on her when I'm gone. Make sure she finds someone worthy of her.”

Noah stepped forward. “I'm sorry about tonight, man. I wanted to irritate you. I had no idea—”

“It's okay. You understand now.”

Noah and Josh both nodded. Logan watched Noah climb into his truck and drive off, his taillights glowing through the darkness.

Josh glanced at him. “Let's go back in.”

Logan turned but Josh reached out and wrapped him in a quick brotherly hug. “It wasn't your fault, Logan. You do what you need to, but I'm going to keep saying that until you believe it.”

“You could be talking for a long time.” Logan felt pain wash over him but hugged Josh back. They both pulled away at the same time.

“Enough family bonding?” Josh asked, his smile gentle.

“I need cheesecake and a beer.”

Josh laughed. “I like that combination.”

A dog came barreling out of the darkness behind them. Two large paws hit Logan square in the chest, knocking him back a few steps.

“Buster, down.” Josh's voice was a firm command. The dog dropped to all fours and ambled over to nuzzle against Josh's leg. “What are you doing out here, boy?”

Logan looked around but saw nothing outside the circle of light from the front porch. “He must have snuck out the kitchen door.”

“All the food's in the house, big guy.” Josh rubbed the dog's ears. “Let's see if I can pass you a bite without April and Sara noticing.”

Logan laughed. “Good luck with that.”

* * *

Olivia watched the two men and Buster walk back in the front door from where she stood in the shadows next to the house.

“We shouldn't have heard that,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the shivers that didn't come from the cold night air.

Natalie nodded but said, “It was hard to stop listening.”

They'd taken Buster out back to do his business but the dog had taken off after a sound at the front of the house. She and Natalie had followed the gravel path around the side of the house until they'd heard voices.

“He's punishing himself for something he didn't do, an accident that wasn't his fault.” Olivia took Natalie's arm. “I have to make him see that he can move past his sister's death. It was a terrible tragedy, but he's not the one who died.”

Natalie's eyes were sad. “Sweetie, there are some things—some people—who are too broken to fix.”

“You say that like you have personal experience.”

Natalie shrugged. “I'm only saying that you can't help Logan if he doesn't want it. And you're going to break your own heart trying.”

“I have to try to help him realize how much better of a life he deserves. He did that for me. I wasn't even sure I had any heart left until he came along.”

“What are you talking about? You've got one of the biggest hearts I know. Even when dirtbag Craig was still in the picture, you were kind and caring.”

“I don't mean that.” Olivia shook her head as if doing so might sift her jumbled thoughts into order. “I'm not sure how to explain it. After Craig left, I expected to be devastated and I wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I was humiliated and scared, but that's not the same. My heart didn't feel broken. It was empty. I really thought I wasn't capable of anything more. That all the times I'd seen my mom tamp down her feelings for the sake of her image had actually become part of the fabric of me.”

“You aren't your mother,” Natalie said softly.

Olivia took a shuddering breath. “I know, but I wondered if I was as emotionally frigid as her. I think that's part of why I took on the community-center project in the first place. I believed in it. I wanted to do something for the town, but I also needed to stay busy. That way I could ignore how much I couldn't feel anything. I could live vicariously through the happiness I brought to other people.”

Natalie squeezed her arm. “But you couldn't feel that happiness yourself?”

“Not until Logan. He opened something up in me. He made me believe in myself and taught me it was okay to be who I am inside. He helped me discover my heart again.”

“And you gave it to him?”

Olivia nodded. “I know it's stupid. But even though I knew I should be protecting my heart with him, I didn't want to. For the first time in my life, I wanted to feel everything. I still do. So even if it hurts me in the long run, I've got to try. I've got to give him the gift that he gave me.”

“I don't know a lot of people who'd welcome heartbreak into their lives.”

Olivia let out a small laugh. “I'm not sure there's any other way to truly experience love.”

She clenched her fists, realizing she could barely feel her finger tips. Spring might have been coming to Crimson, but the nights were still frigid.

“We should go in. I want to—”

“Take your man home to warm up in bed?” Natalie suggested with a smile.

“Exactly.”

They walked toward the back of the house. “Just know we'll be here for you no matter how things turn out.”

Olivia gave her friend a hug as they entered the house. “That means the world to me.”

Logan stood in the kitchen next to Josh and Sara. He smiled when he saw her, although it didn't quite make it to his eyes.

She approached him slowly, linking his fingers in hers, then lifting his hand to her mouth and kissing his knuckles. He darted a glance at the others in the kitchen.

“Josh, will you drive Jordan home for us?” She didn't take her eyes off Logan.

“Sure,” Josh answered.

“What's going on?” Logan asked.

Olivia looked over her shoulder at Sara. “Thanks for dinner. I'll call you in the morning.”

Sara nodded and Olivia tugged at Logan's arm.

He followed her through the house then spun her to face him as the front door closed behind them. “Is everything okay?”

As he dipped his head to look into her eyes, his tender expression made her heart sing. For the first time in as long as she could remember, Olivia thought that things might just turn out the way she wanted them to.

“It's perfect.” She brought her lips to his, kissing him with all the love she felt.

She pulled back after a few seconds. “I want you to take me home.” She put a hand on her chest, hoping she could control her rapid breathing. “I want...I need you tonight.”

Logan looked dazed but nodded. He fumbled for the keys in his pocket, dropping them twice before opening the passenger-side door for her. Olivia hid a smile as she slipped into the truck. Maybe she had as much effect on him as he did on her.

He felt as much urgency as she did if the drive back to town was any indication. They didn't speak but before she'd even shrugged out of her coat, he took her in his arms, peeling the clothes off her body and stripping down himself. His touch was urgent and primal. There was no finesse when he claimed her body as his own. Olivia reveled in every moment of it, in the feel of his skin against hers and the weight of his body as he pressed her down onto the sheets.

Still she didn't say a word until much later, when he was curled behind her and her breathing settled to a normal pace. She snuggled against him and whispered, “I love you, Logan. You don't have to respond, but I want you to know it.”

He turned her, searched her eyes. His were unreadable in the darkness. “I don't deserve you.”

“I love you,” she repeated. “Sometimes that makes everything else fall away.”

He opened his mouth and she knew he was going to argue. She didn't want anything to change this moment so she placed a finger against his lips. “Nothing more tonight,” she told him, then added, “Please.”

He gave a small nod and she rested her head on his chest, drifting to sleep to the rhythm of his steady heartbeat, hoping her love was enough to save them both.

Chapter Fourteen

O
livia looked up from her laptop as Jordan came barreling into the community center's reception area a few days later.

“Where's Logan?” he asked, his eyes darting around the room.

“He went to get a few last-minute supplies. What's going on?”

Jordan's foot tapped with nervous energy. “Nothing. I just need to talk to Logan.”

“Is it about the open house? I hope you're planning on coming. Your dad is welcome, too. He should see all the work you've done. He'd be proud of you, Jordan. We all are.”

Something flashed in the boy's eyes as he took a step closer to her. “My mom came back last night.”

It was a good thing Olivia was sitting behind the desk because her legs suddenly felt like rubber. Her mind whirred with the implications of what Jordan had just told her. She felt shocked but, to her surprise, not angry knowing that her husband's mistress had returned to town. She tried to keep her focus on Jordan and what this meant to him. “Is she...did she say...I'm sure you were happy to see her.”

He nodded. “She cried a bunch. My dad yelled at her. I'm not a baby. I get what it means that she was gone, but I know he wanted her to come home. We both did.”

“Of course,” Olivia answered numbly. “Your parents will have a lot to manage through, but I hope they can make it work. I understand how much you've wanted to have your family back together.”

“Dad hugged her at the end of the night.” Jordan flashed a hopeful smile. “They thought I'd gone to bed, but I was watching from the stairs. She hugged him back like she meant it. Something's changed in her. I can tell.”

“I hope so.”

After an awkward moment, Jordan added, “She didn't say much about your husband. Only that she realized what was important to her and how sorry she was to have hurt Dad and me. I don't know if Mr. Wilder is returning to Crimson. I kind of hope not. I think my dad wants to beat him up pretty bad.”

“That's understandable.” Olivia was amazed that her mouth kept forming words as her mind raced. “I haven't heard from Craig, but if he does contact me I'll do my best to keep him away from your father.”

“I know you were married to him, but he deserves to get his butt whooped.” Jordan's fists clenched. “I bet Logan would be happy to back up my dad in a fight.”

“No one is going to be fighting, Jordan.”

Olivia's gaze darted to where Logan stood in the doorway. The understanding in his eyes almost undid her.

“Why not?” Jordan's face flushed a deep red. “If it wasn't for Mr. Wilder, none of this would have happened.” The boy's chin jutted forward. “I wanted to blame you,” he told Olivia. “But you're a nice person. Even my dad thinks so. My mom feels real bad about what she did to you—to all of us. Why shouldn't someone put him in place?”

“Fighting is never an answer,” Logan answered calmly.

“Easy for you to say now,” Jordan countered. “You're big and tough. No one will mess with you. But you got into lots of fights when you were younger. I've heard stories.”

Logan took a deep breath. “That's true. I learned my lesson the hard way. You're a lot smarter than I was, Jordan. Remember that.”

Jordan blinked several times, his chin trembling. “I just want things to be normal again. If Mr. Wilder's afraid to come back to Crimson, maybe my dad can forget anything ever happened.”

Olivia's heart broke for this boy. She hated her ex-husband for the pain he'd caused and believed Jordan's mother needed to make up for the pain she'd caused her husband and son. But if she was willing to try, it was up to Jeremy and Jordan to forgive her. “Your parents won't forget. But sometimes you can learn from the bad times and then work to make your life even better. That's my wish for your mom and dad.”

That's my hope and prayer for all of us
, she added silently.

The boy turned to Logan. “You can't leave Crimson now.”

“You're going to be all right, Jordan. Your mom and dad love you. If you need anything, I'm only a phone call away.”

“You don't have to go.” Jordan shook his head, then turned to Olivia. “Tell him.”

She bit down on her lip, using the pain to block her unruly emotions from rising to the surface. As a child, she would have given anything for her father to come home to their family, no matter how much she'd been hurt by him. Olivia felt nothing for Melissa Dempsey, but she'd come to care for Jordan and desperately wanted his story to turn out differently from hers. “Come to the community-center party, Jordan. Bring your mom with you if she wants. If I can help ease her return to town, I'll do that for you.”

Jordan gave a jerky nod. “Thank you.” Without looking at Logan, he turned and ran out of the building. The front door slammed behind him, then a deafening silence filled the room. Logan stood as still as granite. Olivia rose, took a step away from the desk and then stopped, unsure if she could bear to touch him right now. No matter how much she longed to.

“You think I'm wrong to offer to help my ex-husband's mistress,” she said softly. “But I made the offer for Jordan, not his mother.”

A muscle clenched in Logan's jaw. “Does that mean you forgive her?”

“I don't know. Does it matter? I was hurt by what happened between her and Craig, but in a way she helped free me. We'll never be friends, but it's not my place to punish her. She can take care of that all on her own.”

His gaze snapped to hers, his eyes stark. “How can you always be such a good person? I don't...”

His voice trailed off and he looked so alone standing before her, as alone as she'd felt just weeks before.

“You were the one who made things okay for Jordan in the first place.” She tried to smile but her lips wouldn't curve. “Maybe I'm only following your lead.”

“I told you not to make me into a hero, Olivia. I don't fit the part.”

“You're human, Logan. We all are. It's you who expects more of yourself. You shouldn't—”

“What if Craig comes back?”

“I'll deal with that when and if it happens,” she said on a shaky breath.

“And if he wants you back?”

“He won't.”

“He'd be an idiot not to.”

“It wouldn't matter, Logan. Craig is my past. I'm moving on with my life. Building a future in Crimson is my priority now. This town is home for me. It could be yours to if you'd let it.”

He shook his head. “If I could stay here, I would. I need you to know that. If I was strong enough to make it work...”

“You don't give yourself enough credit.”

“I have to leave, Olivia. I'm going to take off after the party.”

“So soon? You could try for a little longer.” She hated that she was begging ,but the words just poured out. “If we take it slow maybe—”

He cut her off with a sharp glance. “We're way past slow. I'll pack my stuff tomorrow. I'm sorry.”

She dug her fingernails into the center of her palms to keep from crying. “You should talk to Jordan before you go. The next couple of weeks are going to be a big adjustment for his family. He needs you.”

I need you
, she wanted to scream. But she'd never been able to use her voice to make her own needs known.

His head jerked in a nod. “I will.”

He lifted his hand as if to pull her to him but ran it across his face instead. “I'm sorr—”

“No!” She practically leaped forward, then covered her mouth with her hand. “No apologies between us,” she said when she had her voice under control.

He flashed a sad smile as he turned. Before he made it two steps, he whirled back around and reached for her. His kiss was hard, searing into her senses. He devoured her mouth as if branding her with his touch. She arched into him just as he pulled back. Without another word, he walked away.

Olivia sagged against the reception counter, wondering if that was the kiss she'd hold on to in her memories for years to come.

Instead he came to her later that night. She'd eaten dinner by herself, trying not to notice that the lights in the garage apartment had been dark. Of course she wondered what he was doing on his last evening in town, but told herself it was no longer any of her business. Still, she'd locked and then unlocked her back door at least a half dozen times before she went to bed.

In the end she'd left it open and, just as she'd been drifting off to sleep, she'd heard Logan's footsteps outside her bedroom. He'd slipped under the covers and pulled her to him, but neither of them had spoken. For her part, Olivia wasn't sure if she could say a word without bursting into tears. Their intimacy had been slow, sweet and almost wistful. He'd kissed her body, running his hands across her skin as if he wanted to memorize every inch. The tenderness had almost undone her, but she'd forced herself not to cry. She'd told him she would take what he was able to give and wouldn't ask for anything more, and she was determined to be true to her word.

Much later in the night, she'd fallen asleep in his arms but woke alone in a cold bed. That was the end, she knew. All she'd wanted was to curl up in a ball and wallow in her sadness. She'd worried about her lack of feeling after Craig left but now realized what a blessing that had been. Living with a truly broken heart was going to be more difficult than she could have ever imagined.

* * *

Someone was in the kitchen. Olivia heard the refrigerator door shut as she put on the last dab of mascara.
Logan
, she thought as her pulse raced. Hours earlier, he'd told her he'd see her at the open house, but evidently he'd changed his mind.

Could he have changed his mind about leaving, too?

The thought had her hurrying down the stairs.

But it wasn't Logan who sat at her kitchen table, sipping a glass of lemonade and polishing off the last of her brownies. The ones Logan had made.

“Craig, what the hell are you doing here?”

Her ex-husband tsked softly. “Cursing, Liv?” He shook his head. “That's not like you. It must be what happens when you take up with a guy like Logan Travers. He's pulling you down to his level.”

She stalked forward, grabbed the glass out of his fingers. “You're the one who brought me to my lowest point, Craig. I think you'd have realized that by now.” Part of her was tempted to throw it into his face, but she dumped the lemonade into the sink. Turning to face him, she pointed to the back door. “Get out.”

“This is my house, too.”

“Not anymore. We're divorced. Finished. Done. You wiped out our bank accounts. I got the mortgage.” She took a step closer. “Not quite a fair deal, but I've made it work.”

“You're different,” he answered, a hint of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Feisty. I like it.”

She grabbed her cell phone from the counter and began dialing. “I'm calling the cops, Craig. This is my home now. Not yours. I want you to leave, and if I can't make you, they can.”

“Wait.”

She jerked her arm away when he touched her wrist.

“Please, Olivia.”

Something in his voice made her fingers pause. She looked up and met his gaze. All traces of a smile were gone from his face.

“I'm sorry,” he said softly. “I messed up. I hurt you and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to be treated that way.”

Olivia's fingers clenched around the phone, but she didn't move. “You don't belong here, Craig. I know Melissa's gone back to her family. I assume that's why you're in town. Whatever you feel about her, you need to let it go. She has a son who needs her.”

“It was a fling.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “A stupid, life-wrecking fling. I just felt so stifled in Crimson, in my position as mayor and...”

“In our marriage?” Olivia asked the question without emotion, surprised that she felt so little for a man she'd once thought she loved. Now that she understood what real heartbreak felt like, she knew that Craig had never truly had any hold on her heart.

“Being a politician didn't fit me. It was my father's dream. I should have been strong enough to stand up to him from the start, but I wasn't.”

Olivia backed up to the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. She did not want to have anything in common with her ex-husband, especially something that involved mistakes made trying to live up to their parents' expectations. “Is this where the violins start playing?”

“Sarcasm, too? You
have
changed.”

Her eyes squeezed shut for a moment. “Why are you here, Craig?” she asked when she opened them again. “It isn't for Melissa and I know it's not because of me.”

“Are you really involved with Travers?”

“My life isn't any of your business any longer.”

“Logan is bad news. Always was. Stay away from him, Liv. You could do a lot better.”

“You don't know what you're talking about. People change. They grow up. Logan is a good person. He's been a huge help getting the community center renovations done. I'd be lucky to have him in my life.” She drew in a breath. “But he's leaving for Telluride after the open house tonight. So your concern is neither appreciated nor necessary.”

“Doesn't surprise me. He's not the type to stick around for the long haul.”

“Spoken like one who has experience in that area.”

“I don't want to fight with you, Liv. I'm here because of the community center.”

She felt her shoulders stiffen. “You have nothing to do with the community center.”

He shrugged. “I need to get on with my life. It's not going to be with Melissa—”

“And it's not going to be in Crimson,” Olivia finished for him.

His eyes narrowed. “It is
my
hometown. But I don't want to come back. I have a line on a few job opportunities down in Albuquerque, but my contacts are up here. I need references, people who will vouch for me. My dad made some calls, but it doesn't seem to be enough.”