A Second Chance at Crimson Ranch (14 page)

More important, there was no one like Olivia.

Logan could meet Damien's expectations, but wondered if the potential Olivia saw in him was more than he wanted to shoulder. He wasn't sure he could be the man she needed him to be, and it had nothing to do with his age.

He'd made peace with the past in his own way. He didn't do long-term relationships and he never let anyone all the way in. Olivia deserved more than he was used to giving.

“Do you want to see pictures of some of the projects Logan's supervised?” Damien pulled an iPad out of his briefcase, looking at Logan with the kind of pride he'd never seen in the eyes of his own father.

“We need to get going,” Logan answered at the same time Olivia said, “I'd love to.”

He groaned but another layer of emotion unfurled deep inside him as Olivia viewed the photos, lavishing subtle praise at the same time she asked perceptive questions about design and materials. He could tell Damien was charmed by her and didn't blame the older man. She was kind and true in a way that captivated his heart.

How was it possible that she could adapt to any situation so quickly? Whether in a bar with an ex-con or discussing principles of line and symmetry with a renowned architect, nothing seemed to faze her. Did the ability to put all types of people at ease come from being a politician's daughter? No. Logan knew it was more than that. It was her genuine interest in people and her ability to accept them as they were. In fact, the only person he'd ever seen Olivia judge harshly was herself.

That was something he wanted to change. If he left her with nothing else, he could make her see that she was perfect just the way she was. Looking back, he understood that was the type of acceptance his sister had craved. Logan and his brothers, too. All they'd wanted in life was the one thing neither of their parents was able to give: the belief that they were good enough.

As the waitress cleared their plates, Olivia excused herself to go to the bathroom. Logan busied himself with his cell phone, checking emails and texts, but he felt Damien's perceptive gaze on him.

“She's the one,” the older man said without preamble.

The cell phone flipped out of Logan's hands onto the floor. He bent to retrieve it, forcing himself to take a steadying breath.

“It's temporary,” he said as he straightened. “That's all.”

Damien just looked at him. “In the six years I've known you, there's never been a woman in your life.”

Logan forced a laugh. “I've had plenty of women. Maybe you haven't been paying attention.”

“
You
should pay attention,” Damien corrected, pointing a finger at Logan. “I know you've chased your share of tail around this town. Not one of them has mattered until her. Olivia's different and you know it. She wouldn't be here if she wasn't.”

“You don't know what you're talking about.” Logan felt his pulse racing. He blinked several times as tiny sunbursts danced in front of his eyes.

“You deserve this, Logan. You deserve to be loved.”

Logan's stomach rolled. A cold sweat broke out all over his body. “It isn't about love. She doesn't love me.”

Damien was quiet for several seconds. “She could love you. She could help you.”

He couldn't admit that she already had. “I'll be back in Telluride by the end of the month. Olivia will move on and so will I.” His voice sounded hoarse and his throat was starting to close.

He hadn't had a panic attack since he'd left Crimson all those years ago. He'd spent the first weeks after Beth's accident trying not to go out of his mind wondering how he could have changed things. As twins they'd been a team, and he'd loved his sister more than anything. But it hadn't been enough. He'd failed her and since then he'd held everyone else in life at a safe distance. Until Olivia.

She was like the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. But she wanted too much from him. He had no problem with working hard physically, paying his dues and building his reputation. The emotional stuff was a different story.

He lurched to his feet, braced his palms on the table. He had to get out of the restaurant before he imploded, needed to take a breath of cool mountain air and feel the calming heat of the sun on his face. “Tell her I'll be waiting outside.” He bent toward Damien, keeping his expression tightly shuttered. “This
doesn't
mean a thing.”

He turned then pulled in a harsh breath. Olivia stood directly behind him, a hand clutching her chest. All the color he loved so much had drained from her face.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then stalked past her, cursing himself with every terrible word he knew.

Chapter Twelve

O
livia stepped out of the small café, adjusted her sunglasses on the bridge of her nose. A few tourists milled about the sidewalk, but her eyes were drawn to Logan, who stood at the edge of the block.

She walked toward him slowly, her legs not quite working the way they were supposed to, her whole body heavy with sadness. She chided herself for that. He'd given her what she'd asked for, more than she'd expected. She'd had a night of passion to christen the start of her new life. She knew it shouldn't mean anything more than that. Yet...

It had.

She'd fallen for him. In love with him.

Her knees went weak and she pressed her palm to the restaurant's brick exterior to steady herself. The cold seeped into her hand. After a minute she smoothed her fingers over her cheeks, hoping to alleviate some of the heat she felt rising to her face.

She wasn't sure when it had happened, in the daily routine of working side by side with him at the community center or during the quiet nights of talking and laughing in her kitchen. She would have liked to convince herself it was only desire she felt, the afterglow of their intimacy.

Her heart wouldn't be deceived so easily. She loved Logan. It had happened in an instant and in a thousand little moments over the past weeks. He'd offered her friendship and a boost to the confidence and self-respect that almost had been wrung out of her.

She wanted so much more.

If Olivia was used to anything, it was yearning for things she couldn't have. Why should this be any different?

She took a deep breath and moved forward, coming to stand beside him. For the moment she pushed aside her own emotions so she could truly understand Logan's feelings.

“What a view,” she said, following his gaze to the mountainside rising up at the edge of town. A frozen waterfall was suspended amidst the snow, high above the valley floor where the town was nestled.

“All I wanted after I left Crimson was to have the chance to live in the mountains again. It may sound strange, but I felt like I had to earn my place near them.” His posture was rigid as he spoke but his voice was steady. “All that time growing up I took it for granted. I felt like I was trapped, but I had no idea how much I'd miss the solid presence of the Rockies at my back.”

She smiled even though he wasn't looking at her. “They certainly put things into perspective. There's no questioning how small your life really is when you're standing in their shadow.”

He shifted next to her. “I'm sorry you overheard my conversation with Damien.”

Her gaze remained fixed on the place where the top of the mountain met the blue sky. “But not that you said what you did?”

“He pushes me too hard,” Logan said, an emotion she didn't recognize making his words rough. “That's the way it's always been with him.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw his hand lift to her arm. “I'm sorry I hurt you.”

“You were lying.”

She felt him jerk away and angled her face to study him. She lifted her sunglasses to the top of her head, then reached out to pull off his as well. She wanted to look into his eyes. “I know what it feels like to mean nothing to someone, Logan.”

She folded the glasses and tucked them into the front pocket of his jacket. Her fingers traced a small pattern along the fabric. “It was the same with both my father and Craig. They lived their lives however they wanted no matter the cost to anyone else. I was just a game piece to be played when it suited them and pushed aside when it didn't. There was never a thought given to my needs or what might make me happy. I was always in the background.” She laughed a little. “Until I met you, I actually thought that was normal. Whether you'll admit it or not, you treat me like I matter. I'm learning that actions are more important than pretty words.”

She could feel his breathing go shallow and harsh as she spoke. Emotion welled in her and she lifted her hand but he placed his over it. He brought her fingers to his lips, kissing each one of her knuckles with so much care it gave her goose bumps.

“I'm sorry,” he said again. “You're right. I was lying. I was scared and stupid and should have never said what I did. I don't know—”

She uncurled one finger and pressed it to his mouth. “You don't have to say anything. I'm not stupid. I know this isn't forever. But I'm okay with whatever you can give me.”

The wind kicked up, blowing her hair into her face. With his free hand, he tucked a loose strand behind her ear, then cupped her neck and massaged the knotted muscles there. She wanted to melt against him. It was important that he knew exactly how she felt about him. “I want you to understand that it's enough. That you're enough.”

She would have continued, explaining that he didn't owe her anything. Knowing that as much as she might want more, she'd never ask him for it.

Instead he captured her mouth with his, his kiss telling her everything she needed to know about his feelings for her. She swayed against him when he pulled back, wondering that her legs could hold her at all.

“I want to show you something,” he said, bringing her to where his truck was parked up the street.

She'd meant what she said. She'd take him, as much of him as he'd let her have. She'd deal with the consequences later. Olivia had never given herself freely to a man, and she knew Logan needed someone to love him unconditionally more than anything. It might not be forever, but she'd do her best to give him what he needed now.

* * *

They drove in silence up the dirt road that wound through the hills outside of Telluride. Logan wanted to say something, really he did, but wasn't sure he trusted his voice at this moment.

Olivia wrecked him.

Of course he'd been lying when he spoke to Damien. He could hardly breathe for what she meant to him. But how could he admit that? He had nothing to offer her.

Except this moment.

He pulled to a stop in front of the small cabin.

She turned to him. “Is this yours?”

“I had a little insurance money from when my mom died. Damien owned the land and gave me a great deal on a couple acres. I'd spent hours imagining a house of my own when I started doing construction work. This is how it turned out.”

“It's gorgeous.” A small smile played at the corner of her mouth. She leaned forward to take in her surroundings. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Always so polite,” he murmured and leaned across the seat to nip at her earlobe.

She let out a tiny moan and brushed her lips across his. “Kiss me, damn you,” she said then giggled.

He laughed along with her.

“I'm not good at bossy,” she said. “But I would like you to kiss me.” She paused and added, “Please.”

He was happy to comply with her request. He loved the feel of her mouth, the taste of her and her sweet, intoxicating scent. After a few moments she lifted her head. “Do you still have a roommate living with you?” Her eyes darted to the cabin then back to him.

“It was a temporary arrangement. The house is empty.”

He forced himself to let her go, climbing out of the truck and around to her side. She'd opened the door but sat perched on the edge of the seat, her hands folded in her lap.

“Was it a woman?”

He raised his brows, not following her question.

“Your roommate,” she clarified. “Was it a woman? Not that I have any right to...I'm simply wondering if...”

He stepped between her legs, into her space. Fisting his hands in her hair, he kissed her again before resting his forehead against hers. “It was a guy I knew from Albuquerque who needed help getting back on his feet after he landed in some trouble.”

“Oh,” she breathed. “Do you do that often? Take in people who need a hand up?”

“Sometimes. When I can and if it's someone I think I can trust.” He drew his head back and ran his fingers across her face, easing the worry lines that creased her brow. “I've never brought a woman here, Olivia. I'm not a choir boy, but this place means something more. It's part of me and I haven't wanted to share it with anyone.” He broke off, knowing that he'd revealed more than he wanted with that sentence.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him close to whisper in his ear, “Until now?”

“Until now,” he agreed and pulled her into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he kicked shut the truck's door.

He fumbled with the lock, then crossed the threshold. Olivia closed the door and Logan let her feet slide to the floor. He didn't let her go, couldn't make himself release her even when she squirmed. She turned in his arms instead and he waited as her gaze took in his home. It wasn't big or fancy, but somehow he'd poured all of his secret dreams into this space.

He tried to see the cabin through her eyes: The rough-hewed logs ran the length of the family room and the large picture window on the far side of the main dining area. He'd chosen neutral paint colors and large leather furniture. He didn't have many decorations, but he'd done his best to make the home comfortable and cozy.

“It's wonderful,” she said on a sigh. “Every part of it is you, Logan.”

She couldn't know how right she was. He'd spent hours scrutinizing each detail, from the knobs on the cabinet doors to the layout of the wide-plank flooring.

“Most of the materials are reclaimed from old barns and home sites around here. Although it's new construction, I wanted to make it feel like...it belonged.”

Like I belonged, he'd almost said.

She wrapped her long fingers around his arms and stepped away from his hold, then laced her fingers through his as she walked toward the window at the far wall.

“You can see everything from here.” She glanced up at him, then back through the large picture window. From this vantage point, the entire valley stretched out below. He'd based the whole house around this view.

He loved to watch the sun set over the mountains to the west of town, see the lights from the highway and the ski resort during the winter. But at this moment, he couldn't take his eyes off Olivia. Her perceptive gaze took in everything, even the things he thought he'd buried so deep no one could ever find them.

Gathering her close, he tipped her head back to kiss her mouth, then trailed his lips across her jaw and down her throat, humming against the pulse that beat against her skin. He unzipped her coat and she shrugged out of it, shivering slightly as he pulled her sweater over her head.

She turned in his arms and pushed his coat off his shoulders. Her hands reached under the hem of his flannel shirt to graze across his back.

“I want you here,” he whispered along her skin and she nodded in response.

A soft groan escaped his lips as her hips moved against him. “What the hell am I talking about?” he said on a laugh. “I want you everywhere.”

She flashed a small smile and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. “You don't have to say anything,” she reminded him. “This is enough.”

She was wrong. It would never be enough with Olivia and that was the thing that staggered. Part of the reason he couldn't stay in Crimson was the memories that the town held for him. Little things such as a sound or smell could transport him in an instant back to the pain of his youth. But now the image of Olivia standing before him in the house he'd built would always stay with him. Already he could feel her permeating every inch of the cabin, the same way she'd subtly burrowed her way into his heart.

He sank to his knees on the couch, pulled her down with him, stripping them both until she was pressed against him. Then he was inside her, whispering her name like a prayer. She moved with him as if she'd known him for centuries, her soft cries tearing at the last vestiges of the walls he'd built around his heart.

“I never knew it could be like this,” she whispered.

“Only between us,” he assured her and had no doubt it was true.

He knew he'd never take in the view he loved without missing the woman he wasn't brave enough to claim as his own.