A Rocky Path (22 page)

“Let me go, Emily. Go on with your life,
remember me fondly, but let me go.”

Tears were streaming down both their faces,
but they were resigned to their fate. They knew they would never be
able to be together no matter how much they wanted it.

Patrick kissed her long and deeply one last
time before he pulled away. He backed away from her slightly, his
face a mask of sadness. She started toward him, but he held his
hand out, stopping her.

“Emily, I have to go now. I can feel myself
starting to slip away. Everything seems to be a little hazier than
it was. And I know there’s no fog out this evening.”

The sun was starting to set and it reminded
Emily of the first sunset she and Patrick had watched together.
Despair started washing over her as she watched Patrick start to
fade slightly.

“Don’t go,” she whispered too low for him to
hear.

Patrick lifted his hand to his lips, then
blew her a kiss. A light started shining all around the area where
Patrick was standing. He seemed to shimmer a little bit in the
bright light. Radiant beams seemed to come from his body. Then he
slowly faded away, suddenly smiling as he went.

Emily felt ghostly lips brush hers for just a
moment, then they were gone, and she almost wondered if she had
imagined it. But she decided to believe it was real. She felt a
sense of despondency fall over her, and as she started back to the
house, she felt as if she were walking through molasses. She felt
heavy and lethargic as she went up to her room. She fell on the bed
in the clothes she had on, taking off only her coat. She fell
asleep on top of the covers and slept through the night and late
into the next day as if she was trying to escape from reality for
just a little while. Patrick may be in Heaven now, but she felt
like she was in hell.

Chapter Thirty Four

Emily slowly slipped from sleep into
wakefulness. At first, she wasn’t sure if she had been dreaming,
because she felt like she was waking from a dream state. Waking was
a slow process, her body feeling light and buoyant, as if she was
floating. Then reality started taking hold and she remembered
everything. Depression washed over her in a flood and she pulled
the covers over her head, willing sleep to overtake her again, to
pull her away from this world where nothing awaited her but
sadness.

There was a knock at the door, but Emily
didn’t answer, hoping whoever was there would believe she was
asleep. She looked at the clock beside the bed and saw that it was
almost noon. No wonder someone was coming up here worrying about
her.

“Emily? Are you in there? Are you still
asleep?”

It was Sam outside her door. She thought
about continuing her silence, but she knew eventually she would
have to face someone. She would rather it be Sam than anyone
else.

“Come in,” she called.

Sam opened the door and walked over to the
bed, sitting down on the edge. He looked at her lying there in the
middle of the day and frowned.

“Emily, what’s wrong? Rebecca said she didn’t
see you this morning and thought maybe you had just overslept. But
when you didn’t show up later in the morning for church, she
started to worry about you. She sent me up here to check on you.
She was in the middle of writing and didn’t want to break her
momentum or she would have come herself “I’m glad it was you who
came,” said Emily. “You’re the only person I feel like I can face
right now.”

“What’s wrong? Is it your lover?”

“He’s not really my lover in that sense of
the word. But, yes, that’s what’s wrong. Sam, he’s gone. I’ll never
see him again.”

“Gone? Why did he leave?”

“It’s such a long story. I told you before
that it’s complicated. He had to go. I understood why he had to go.
But it still doesn’t make it easy. Sam, how can I go on? I loved
him so much and now everything is ruined for me. I don’t see how
life can ever be the same.”

“It won’t be the same. But it will still go
on. There will be other things in your life to make you happy.
Maybe even another guy.”

“I don’t see how I can possibly ever love
someone else.”

“But you will. You’re young and you can spend
your whole life pining over things you have no control over. Life
has to go on.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to face Rebecca
now. She’s going to want to know what’s going on, and I don’t want
to talk about it.”

“Then tell her that. You have a right to your
own life, and everyone in this household doesn’t have to know
everything that’s going on with you.”

“You’re right. I can’t hide my head in the
sand and let life pass me by. I’ll get ready and be sociable the
rest of the day.”

Emily took her shower and went upstairs to
talk to Rebecca. To her surprise, Rebecca didn’t ask her anything
about why she wasn’t there earlier. Emily had a feeling that Sam
had prepared the way for her. He must have asked Rebecca not to
question her about anything.

The day wore slowly on, and it was all Emily
could do to keep from jumping up and screaming to everyone, “Hey,
can’t you see my world has been shattered? How can you just act
like nothing has happened?” She knew it wasn’t a rational thought,
she just felt like she would go crazy if she had to sit at this
desk and work like everything was fine.

When work was over and dinnertime rolled
around, she complained of a headache and went upstairs to her room.
She needed to talk to someone, but if she told Sam the whole story,
he would think she was crazy. Suddenly she thought of Sarah. Who
better to talk to about this? Sarah had gone through the same
thing. Why hadn’t she thought of her before? She had to chalk that
up to being half crazy with grief.

She picked up the phone, praying that Sarah
was at home. She dialed the number and heard the ringing on the
other end go on and on. She was about to hang up when Sarah finally
answered.

“Hello?”

“Sarah, it’s Emily. I really need to talk to
you. Would it be ok if I came over?’

“Of course, dear. But Jarrod is here. Is it
alright if we both listen to what you have to say?”

Emily hesitated. “I hate to ruin your
evening. I didn’t realize you had company. We can do this another
time.”

“Nonsense. Come on over. I can tell you need
to talk and I’m sure I know what it’s about.”

On the ride to Sarah’s house, Emily felt like
she was out of touch. It reminded her of how she had felt as a
teenager when she had been sick with a high fever. It was almost as
if she was halfway in the world and halfway out. She wondered if
this was what real depression felt like.

When she arrived, she turned off the engine
and sat in the car for a few minutes. Looking at Sarah’s house, she
saw how welcoming it looked. Happiness lived in that house. She
didn’t know if she could stand to be there. She suspected that
Sarah and Jarrod were in love. Could she bear to see the two of
them happy when she was so miserable?

Finally, she opened the car door and stepped
outside. She walked slowly up the path to the door. As usual, Sarah
anticipated her arrival and had the door opened before she had a
chance to knock.

“Come in, Emily. We were just having some
Earl Grey. I’ve set out a cup for you.”

Emily entered the house and felt the warmth
there immediately. It wasn’t a physical warmth, but a warmth that
permeated through one’s soul. Yes, happiness definitely lived here.
And if Sarah could be happy again after losing John so many years
ago, then there was hope for Emily as well.

“Hello, Emily,” said Jarrod. It’s good to see
you again. How have you been?”

“Not so good, Jarrod. I have a lot of things
to tell you.”

Over tea, Emily told Sarah and Jarrod
everything that had happened since she had last spoken to them. She
didn’t leave out anything, not even the way she and Patrick had
felt about each other. When she had finished, she felt drained, as
if it had taken every bit of energy she possessed to tell her
story.

Sarah said, “Emily, I know exactly how you’re
feeling. It took all the strength I had to go on after I lost John.
I thought it was the end of the world. At least my world. But I did
find happiness again. It took me awhile, but it happened, and it
will happen to you, too. You’ll find another man to be happy with.
That doesn’t mean you’ll forget about Patrick. You’ll never forget
what happened. But you’ll learn to put the love you had for him in
a compartment in your life and keep another compartment free for
someone else.”

Sarah chose that moment to take Jarrod’s hand
and Emily knew that theirs was a deep and abiding love. That love
made her realize that there may be hope for happiness in her life,
too.

“Sarah, I don’t know how to thank both of you
for listening to me. I really needed someone to talk to, and I knew
anyone else would think I had gone crazy.”

Jarrod smiled. “You might be surprised at how
many people might believe you. Things happen to people all the time
and they’re afraid to tell about it for the same reasons you don’t
tell people your story.”

“The problem is knowing which people might
believe you and which people would never believe something like
this. I’m so glad that I met both of you and that you can
understand what happened to me.”

They talked awhile longer, sipping tea and
eating cookies. Emily was reluctant to leave, but eventually she
had to go. They said warm goodbyes to each other and Sarah made
Emily promise to come back any time she needed to talk. On the
drive home, Emily realized that she really did believe that there
was hope for happiness someday.

Chapter Thirty Five

The next few days went by slowly for Emily,
and she was beginning to feel extremely restless. After a week,
Emily went to Rebecca to ask a big favor of her.

“Rebecca, I know this sounds strange,
considering I haven’t been here all that long. But I really need to
take some time off. I would really like to take at least a week.
Would that be too much to ask? Of course, I wouldn’t expect to be
paid.”

“Well, I really don’t have anything pressing
for you to take care of right now. I don’t see why you couldn’t
take some time off. But I’m starting to worry about you. Sam told
me that you were going through some tough times right now and not
to bug you about it. But I really am concerned. Is there anything I
can do to help?”

“Not really. Just giving me some time off
will be a big help. I don’t know how much Sam told you, but my
problems concern a man that I met. I’m just a little depressed and
I think I just need to get away. I want to just rent a car and go
to a few places.”

“Rent a car? That’s silly. I have enough cars
around here that you aren’t going to need to do that. And I’m
giving you a vacation with full pay. You have been a valuable asset
to me and I think you deserve a paid vacation.”

“That’s too kind of you, Rebecca,” protested
Emily.

“You’re taking my car and your vacation pay.
No arguments. Just do it!”

“Thank you. I won’t be gone more than a
week.”

“That’s good, because we’re going to have a
visitor in a little over a week.”

“We are? Who would that be?”

“Well, it’s the neatest thing. One of the
McCullochs is going to be in town and would like to see the house.
His name is Ian, and he’s a little older than you. I don’t know a
lot about him, but I think it will be neat to show him the house
his ancestors built. He’s planning on staying about a week or
so.”

“That’s cool. Anyway, thanks again. I’ll be
back in time to meet your visitor. I expect to be in a much better
mood when I return.”

* * *

Emily started driving the next day. She had
no destination in mind, but decided to just take it one day at a
time. She stopped in small towns and ate in local diners. She drove
through New England, taking in all the legends in all the
towns.

She didn’t know what she was searching for,
exactly, but she found herself looking for towns that had stories
of supernatural events. Maybe she felt closer to Patrick when she
heard stories about ghosts and lovers parted by death. There were
stories about ghostly lovers walking at night, looking for each
other. There were other stories about jealousy, rage and betrayal.
So much of it all sounded familiar.

One evening, as she was sitting in a little
bed and breakfast, she realized she had gathered enough material to
write a book. Her mood brightened, realizing that she had something
to look forward to now. She checked her notes and made a few more
notations in the margins. There was an air of excitement about her
now. She had a project to work on. She would work with Rebecca
during the day, and she would write her book at night. She would be
able to stay busy, doing something she would enjoy, and she
wouldn’t be sitting around pining over Patrick every single
evening.

That night, she slept better than she had in
a long time. She now felt a sense of purpose. Her sleep was
untroubled by dreams, and when she woke up the next morning, it was
time to start back to the place where her life was now. She didn’t
realize how much she had missed Rebecca, Jamie, and especially
Sam.

When she pulled into the driveway, Sam and
Jamie must have seen her from the house, because they rushed out to
greet her. She hugged them both, smiling at the thought that she
had friends here. When she entered the house, the dogs ran up to
her, their tails wagging in welcome. She petted them both, and then
hugged Rebecca as she came into the foyer.

“I’m so glad to be back!” exclaimed
Emily.

“We’re glad to have you back,” said Jamie,
and the others nodded their agreement. “We all missed you.”