A Rocky Path (16 page)

“Sweet Emily. You have no idea how much I
desire you.”

“Yes I do have an idea. I want you as much as
you want me. I just don’t understand!”

Patrick let out a shaky breath and smiled
ruefully. “I guess you deserve an explanation. I promised you some
answers. I know this is a new experience for you. And a rare one
for anyone. Very few people meet ghosts. Who knows what draws a
ghost to a particular human or vice versa? Maybe it’s as simple as
two people meeting and falling in love, but there’s more to it than
that when there’s a ghost involved.”

“What do you mean?”

“A ghost has powerful energy inside him. The
longer a ghost has lived on the earth, the more powerful that
energy becomes. In fact, that’s kind of what a ghost is made
of…energy. It’s like there’s not really a human body there, but the
energy that makes up a ghost is so powerful that it takes the
thoughts and memories from the person that used to be, and creates
a body that can be touched. That body is there when the ghost wants
it there, but he can vanish any time he wants to. Emily, a ghost is
a very powerful being, don’t ever doubt that.”

“Patrick, this body that the energy has
created for you…is it identical to the body you had when you were
living? I assume it is because you look the same as the
portrait.”

“Yes, it’s identical in every way. But much
more powerful. You saw what I did to Jamie. He’s a big man, but I
could pick him up like a rag doll and throw him quite a distance. I
could have killed him.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I wanted to, trust me. When I saw what he
was doing to you, the rage inside me was like a living thing. It
was all I could do to hold myself back.”

“But you did. I thought I had stopped you
from hurting him anymore, but you stopped yourself, didn’t
you?”

“I’m no killer, Emily. I wouldn’t want that
on my conscience.”

“You’re a good man, Patrick.”

“But that’s just it, Emily. I’m not a man.
I’m a ghost. And that makes things a lot more difficult.”

“How? Tell me what is difficult about our
relationship.”

He looked at her with regret. “You know I
can’t make love to you. I need to tell you why. The energy that I
have been telling you about is so powerful that if I made love to
you, it would kill you.”

“Are you serious? It would kill me?” she
exclaimed.

“I’m afraid so. I love you so much and I
would never do anything to harm you. I wouldn’t hurt a hair on your
beautiful head.”

“Patrick, maybe that’s what it would take to
send you home. If it is, we could make love and I would die and you
would go on to the next world. Then we could be together.”

He suddenly grasped her tightly by the
shoulder. “Don’t ever say that again! Do you hear me? Never!”

Emily gasped at the tightness of his grip.
“Patrick, please! You said you wouldn’t hurt me!”

He let go of her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean
to hurt you. Are you ok?”

“Of course I am. It didn’t really hurt that
much. It just scared me, that’s all.”

“Emily, please don’t ever think about that
again. I would never make love to you and let you die for me. You
have your whole life ahead of you. You should live that life to the
fullest and have fun. I shouldn’t have even come back to you. You
shouldn’t have come down to the rocks in that storm and put your
life in danger to find me.”

“But you did and I did. We both wanted to be
with each other. Now that I’ve found you, no man will ever measure
up to you. I can’t love anyone ever again, even if we find some way
of sending you home.”

Emily thought of what she had discussed with
Sarah. She started to mention to Patrick the possibility of letting
her see the past, but for some reason, she couldn’t tell him.

“Emily, I don’t want you pining over me for
the rest of your life. You have no future with me. I can’t leave
this place unless I leave the earth for good. You can’t continue to
see a man who can’t take you places or even live in a house with
you. Do you want to come live in this cave with me?”

“Yes, of course I want to.”

“Emily, I didn’t really mean that. I was just
making a point.”

“I would live anywhere with you.”

“I know you would, sweetheart, but I can’t
let you waste your life. You need a husband and children.”

“I need
you
,” she protested.

“Look let’s just enjoy the present and not
talk about the future just now. I just want to enjoy your company
and be with you as long as I can.”

She reached out and touched his face. Then
she kissed him long and hard, her tongue exploring every inch of
his mouth. His arms went around her and held her tightly. Their
kisses became harder and deeper and his hands started exploring her
body. She shuddered with pleasure, then suddenly a strange feeling
came over her. She felt as if her insides were going to burst.
Frightened, she pushed him away. As soon as their embrace was
broken, the feeling went away.

“What happened?” she asked shakily.

His eyes were fierce as he stood up quickly
and turned his back on her. She got up and went to him. She put her
arms around him from behind and he covered her hands with his. His
voice was shaky as he said, “I almost hurt you.”

“What do you mean? We didn’t do
anything.”

“When I was touching you, the energy from my
body started flowing through you. That’s why we can’t make love. If
we did, I couldn’t control myself. When I was touching you, I
started losing control. When I lose control, my energy starts to
flow through you. I never meant to be out of control. You just
drive me crazy, and I can’t help myself. We need to be more careful
from now on.”

“I had no idea that just doing what we were
doing would cause that. You just said we couldn’t make love.”

“I thought I could stay in control of myself.
But I see that I can’t. So, we have to be careful what we do. I
need you to help me. I can’t do it alone.”

“I’ll be careful, too. I promise.”

She thought again about asking him to show
her the past. But something still held her back. She just wasn’t
ready to lose him right now. She was being selfish, but she needed
a little more time with him.

They lay down on the blanket next to the fire
and talked and held each other for hours. Finally, Patrick
disentangled himself from her and stood up. He reached down and
offered his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her up from the
blanket.

“It’s time for you to go home, Emily. You
don’t want people to worry about you again.”

“I don’t want to leave,” she said,
pouting.

“Come on, Emily. You need to go. I need for
you to go.”

“Why do you need for me to go?”

“Look at me. I’m a wreck. You are making me
crazy with desire just lying there holding you. I tried to keep my
mind on our conversation, but with your body next to mine like
that, it was all I could do to hold myself back. I would never
forgive myself if I hurt you.”

She smiled at him. “I guess I can accept that
reason for me to go. At least you don’t want me to go because
you’re tired of me.”

He reached for her and pulled her close to
him. Then he kissed her hard, but quickly. Then he helped her on
with her coat and buttoned it up for her. She put on her hat and
was ready to face the cold air outside.

Patrick walked her to the garden and kissed
her goodnight.

“Tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yes, tomorrow. I have some more questions
for you.”

“Your little head is full of questions,” he
said as he kissed her on top of it.

“I’m just a curious girl. Goodnight
Patrick.”

“Goodnight, Love.”

She watched him as he walked away, fading out
of sight as he had before. What a night she had spent with her
lover! And he really was her lover in every way but one. Did that
really matter? When two people were in love as much as they were,
couldn’t they just be content in each other’s company. She sighed.
She would have to be content, because that’s the way it would have
to be.

Chapter Twenty Four

The next day, on her lunch hour, she visited
Sarah. She didn’t have much time, but she wanted to tell her what
had happened.

“So now you know why a physical relationship
is impossible,” said Sarah. “I never knew about the energy. But it
makes perfect sense when you think about it. I thought I knew a lot
about ghosts, but apparently I still have a lot more to learn.”

“Sarah, I tried to ask him about letting me
see the past through him like we talked about. I just couldn’t. I
don’t know why, the words just wouldn’t come out.”

“Maybe you just aren’t ready to let him go
yet,” suggested Sarah.

“I know that’s it. Every time I opened my
mouth to mention it, my stomach clinched up and I felt sick.”

“You’ll know when the time is right. Because
if this is really going to be the way to find out what’s holding
him here, then you will have to send him home.”

“I know. I didn’t even try to get him to talk
about what happened 150 years ago. I want him to tell me about it
first. Then I’ll suggest the other part of it.”

“Do you think he will talk about it?”

“I hope so. I really think he will. He and I
have a real connection. We love each other so much, and I think
that now there is finally trust, too. I don’t think he would ever
lie to me again, and I wouldn’t want to deceive him either. That’s
why I feel a little guilty about holding back on information that
might send him home.”

“You are just waiting for the right time,
dear. This will be a big step for you. You have to prepare yourself
to lose him.”

“I know. How will I be able to stand it when
he’s gone?”

“You
will
get through it. I’ll be
right here for you any time you need me. And I feel like he will
always be watching after you, wanting you to be happy.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Yes, dear, I do.”

Emily grabbed a quick bite to eat at Sarah’s
and got back to work on time. She had a busy day and finished up
exhausted. But she was also exhilarated, knowing she would see
Patrick tonight.

At dinner, Rebecca asked her, “So, where did
you go last night?”

Emily glanced quickly at Jamie, but he
shrugged, so she figured he hadn’t said anything.

“I was out with a friend.”

“Anyone we know?” Rebecca asked.

“No, he just moved into town. Uh, Sarah
introduced us.”

She was going to have to stop this lying. She
knew it was wrong and she felt really guilty about it. But she
didn’t know what else to do. Why couldn’t these people just leave
her alone about it?

“What is your friend’s name?”

“Patrick.” At least that was the truth.

“Does he have a last name?”

“Yes.”

Rebecca waited a moment, then she sighed.
“I’m sorry for the interrogation. You are an adult and this family
doesn’t need to be telling you what to do. Although, we are all so
good at it.”

Emily smiled. “It’s nice to know you
care.”

The rest of dinner passed pleasantly, but not
quickly enough for Emily. When she finally got down to the rocks,
she was relieved to find Patrick there waiting for her. He kissed
her and led her to the cave as he had the night before.

“It’s so good to see you again, Emily,” said
Patrick. “I felt like I waited a lifetime for tonight to
arrive.”

“I’m glad to be with you again, too. I miss
you so much when we’re not together. Are you sure you don’t want me
to move into the cave with you?” she teased.

“I couldn’t stand it. I wouldn’t be able to
keep my hands off of you. I don’t really live in the cave. You know
that, don’t you? I don’t really
live
anywhere. I just exist
here in these immediate surroundings.”

“But I could live here.”

“Be serious, Emily. You know you can’t. Come
here.”

He sat down and pulled her down with him and
put his arms around her. He bent his head to kiss her, and she
hesitated just for a second. But he caught the hesitation and
looked at her curiously.

“What’s wrong? Have you already stopped
enjoying my kisses?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. I was
just a little scared, I guess.”

“Scared? I’m sorry. I know the things I told
you about my energy are a little scary. But I won’t hurt you. I’m
going to stay in control. I couldn’t bear it if you were afraid of
me.”

She pulled his head down to hers and kissed
him softly. Her tongue brushed his lips and he thrust his tongue in
her mouth tasting the inside of her cheeks and the roof of her
mouth. Their tongues danced together in a ritual as old as time.
His arms were tight around her, but he was careful how he touched
her. She was aching with desire, longing for his hands and his
mouth on her body. But she had enough fear not to try to entice him
into doing anything that would be dangerous to her life.

He lay down on the blanket and she lay down
beside him. He was on his back and she snuggled up against him and
stroked his chest. Then she moved her hand down and started rubbing
his flat, hard stomach. She felt the muscles tighten as his breath
seemed to catch in his throat.

“Be careful,” he warned, his voice husky with
desire.

She moved her hand back up to his chest and
he laid his hand on top of hers.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you, too,” said Patrick. “More than
you can ever imagine.”

“I think it would be worth dying for just to
make love to you one time,” said Emily with a sigh.

“I asked you not to say things like that,
Emily. Please don’t.”

“I’m sorry. You just don’t know…”

He sat up. “I don’t know? You think I don’t
know? Do you not know how tempted I am just to throw caution to the
wind and just let go? Just to make love to you and let what happen
just happen. To lose myself in your arms and forget about the
consequences! Do you have any idea how hard it is to hold myself
back from loving you the way I want to? So how can you say I don’t
know?”