A Regency Christmas Pact Collection (48 page)

Lillian’s breath caught. “I thought you didn’t want a wife. Ours will not be a real marriage. Remember?” The idea he’d changed his mind sent an icy tendril of fear sliding over her skin. As long as he kept
his
word and they stuck to the bargain they’d struck, she could continue in her safe, albeit lonely, existence. The thought depressed her more than usual.

He ran a finger down her cheek. “I’ve hardly forgotten how I feel about marriage. Still…that doesn’t mean I want to bed a woman who fears the act.”

Lillian tensed. “Quit speaking in riddles. Are you saying you don’t want to marry me because of my fear of intimacy?”

“
Au contraire
, Lillian, my dear. I’m saying I won’t bed you until you beg me to.”

The word “beg” made her skin crawl. It was something Lord Derwent would have said to her. “I’ll never be forced to beg another man for anything again, Lord Edgeworth.”

His gaze narrowed. “Call me Nick, please.”

She clenched her teeth, but after a moment forced herself to relax enough to speak. “
Nick
, I will never beg you to bed me.
Ever
.”

His face turned savage. “I should’ve killed Lord Derwent. What did that bastard do to you?”

She circled her arms around her waist, wishing she could hide. She hated feeling exposed. “I’ll never recount that time with you simply so you can examine what
I
already know. The particulars of what Lord Derwent did to me no longer matter. All I can tell you is he killed a part of me. You can marry me as I am or you are free to go. I’ll survive somehow. I always do.” She squelched the bitter laugh that wanted to escape. She was strong enough to carry on but not to forget and move on from the bad memories.

His gaze softened. “I’ll marry you as you are.
And
I’m going to teach you the difference in begging to be bedded because of fear and begging to be bedded out of longing.” The determination in his eyes frightened her. What if he succeeded? Letting down her defenses was something she’d vowed to never do. She notched up her chin. “You can try and teach me whatever you like as long as our bargain remains intact. We live separately and you give me the theatre and my money
before
we are married. Oh, and you promise to use preventive measures when we’re together.”

He smiled a slow smile that made her heart skip a beat. “I’ve already had the marriage contract drawn up. The special license from the Archbishop of Canterbury should be delivered to my house tomorrow. Rest assured I’ll take care of all your other requirements.”

Relief made her dizzy. Gripping the side of the desk, she spoke. “Wonderful. Then all you need to tell me is when and where to show up and I’ll see you there.”

A mischievous look glittered in his eyes. “There are a few more things I’d like discuss before I go.”

“Such as?”

“Tell me, what sort of wedding did you dream of as a child?”

His question stunned her. He really had been listening at the door earlier. His concern for her sensibilities touched her. “I really couldn’t say.” She looked down because that wasn’t entirely true.

“Come now.” He spoke softly. “I know you had some wishes for your wedding day. I’m begging you to share them with me, and I vow I’ve never pleaded with a woman for anything. You’re the first.”

She glanced up and blinked at his earnest gaze. Something inside of her softened, and she sighed. “When I was young, and still a silly girl, I fantasized I would one day have a wedding where I would actually have a new dress to wear, and a family member who loved me standing as my witness
and
I would dance.”

“Dance? At your wedding breakfast?” He quirked his eyebrows up.

Her face grew hot with embarrassment. “As I said, it was a silly girl’s ridiculous longings. I never owned anything new. I never had any family that loved me. And I’ve never been asked to dance.” She shrugged. “I’m older and much wiser now. Tell me where to go to marry you, and I will.”

He grinned and proffered his elbow to her.

“Are you leaving?” She gripped his arm and fell into step beside him.

“I’m taking you to get a new dress.”

“What?” Shock stilled her step. “No, no. You mustn’t do that. We have a bargain.”

His mouth twitched into a smile. “I’m not breaking our bargain. We will enter into a marriage of convenience in two days. Nothing more, rest assured.”

“Oh.” For some inane reason his words hurt her feelings. “Then why do you want to take me to buy a dress?”

He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Just because we aren’t in love doesn’t mean I don’t want my future wife to look nice. I have appearances to keep, you know.”

What he said made perfect sense, but he had a mischievous look in his eyes. Yet, if he was telling the truth, she certainly didn’t want to embarrass him by appearing in an old gown. “I suppose one dress won’t change our bargain.”

“Wonderful.” He released her hand and slipped his arm around her waist. With a squeeze he said, “You won’t regret this.”

She followed him down the hall silently. Already, she was lamenting her capitulation. His hand remained on her waist and the confusing thing was she rather liked it there.

Nick held the door of the theatre open for Lillian. Uncertainty bombarded him. What had possessed him to offer to take Lillian to purchase a new dress? He glanced at her. Her hips swayed suggestively as she walked ahead of him down the thirty odd steps and onto the sidewalk. His groin tightened watching her. It was rather ironic that he’d not desired a woman in ages, and when his lust did finally reawaken it was for a woman wary to be touched. That was problematic enough, but compounding his unease was the idea that he wanted his future wife so much he was willing to take her dress shopping.

He’d meant what he said about marriage. After what he’d done to Amelia, he didn’t deserve to fall in love. He jerked a hand through his hair. This was preposterous. He didn’t love Lillian. He didn’t know her. This was lust―pure and simple.

At the sight of a filthy beggar man and a child striding up to Lillian, Nick shoved the troubling thoughts aside and strode down the steps. By the time he reached the street, Lillian was kneeling down to pick up the dirty child. What the devil? No telling what sort of sickness those two vagabonds carried. “Lillian,” he called sharply as he rushed across the space to her side.

She swung around to face him, the dirt-smeared child resting on her hip. “Yes?”

“Set the child down.”

She frowned. “Don’t be silly. This little girl was just telling me about her papa and how he’s looking for work.”

Nick’s chest tightened at her utter lack of snobbery and the protective way she held the little girl. Lillian was a special woman. Damnation. He was a fool. He wasn’t taking Lillian dress shopping because he desired her. Well, he did want her, but that wasn’t what had provoked him to open his mouth and offer this little trip. He genuinely liked her. That was worse than wanting to bed her.

Earlier when he’d heard her admit the childhood dreams of the things she’d longed for on her wedding day he’d ached for her and the life she’d led. A yearning to make her dreams come true had taken hold of him. Lillian laughed at something the child said. The silver bell sound made Nick smile. How long had it been since he’d smiled and felt this light inside? This woman did strange things to him.

He pulled out some coins and held them toward the man. “To help you get by.”

The man shook his head and Lillian gave Nick a peculiar look. Was she shocked he’d offered to help? Did she think so little of him? He hoped not. Wait, no. He wasn’t supposed to care what Lillian thought of him. She set the child to the ground and stood. “Mr. Lister is going to work for me at the theatre cleaning up after the shows.”

“Oh, I see.” Pride swelled inside of Nick, which perplexed him. He had no right nor did he want to feel that way about Lillian, yet he did. The thing to do was keep his guard up around her and not try and seduce her as he’d previously considered. He took a step away. “I’ll just wait in the carriage while you conduct your business.”

Lillian gave him another odd look then nodded. “I should only be a moment.”

True to her word, Lillian climbed into the carriage not more than a few minutes after he did. As she settled in, Nick couldn’t help but stare at her. Though he’d told himself he wouldn’t draw her into conversation he found he wanted to. And why not? He had to make sure his future wife made wise choices, didn’t he? Even if it was just a marriage of convenience ensuring Lillian didn’t endanger herself by hiring a man she barely knew was Nick’s responsibility. Lillian had her face turned to the window. Nick cleared his throat to get her attention, but when she remained turned away he spoke. “Lillian.”

She looked at him with her vibrant green gaze, and his chest did that odd tightening again. Absently, he rubbed it. “Do you think it’s wise to hire a man you barely know?”

“He’ll be sweeping floors, not dealing with my money or anything really pertaining to the theatre, so I don’t see the harm. Besides, he needs to earn a living to care for his daughter. If I don’t give him this chance mayhap he’ll try to sell the child or abandon her.”

Glancing back out the window, Lillian shuddered and Nick forced himself not to move across the carriage to her seat and wrap his arms around her. She had to be thinking of her past and what her father had done to her. His throat constricted with foreign emotions. He admired Lillian’s strength and how she’d managed to pick herself up and keep going after all that had happened to her.

He tugged on his collar. The need to protect Lillian had to be what was making him feel so odd. What else could it be? He’d known her for little more than a day and couldn’t possibly care for her. Nor did he
want
to care for her. Disgruntled, he glared out the window in silence until the carriage pulled to a stop in front of Madame Marmont’s dress shop.

Determined to distance himself from the bewitching creature he would soon be marrying, he allowed his coachman to help Lillian out of the carriage. When Nick opened the door to the dress shop for her, he kept his gaze straight ahead and didn’t look at her until they entered the shop and Madame Marmont came out to greet them.

As the Madame walked towards them her gaze locked on Lillian. When Madame Marmont frowned, Nick belatedly remembered Charlotte telling some story about her being rather snooty about the clientele she wished to serve. Apparently, the French seamstress, though a commoner herself, only wished to have the richest, most titled women in her shop.

That protective urge Nick struggled to control roared to life as Madame Marmont gazed at Lillian with an ever deepening scowl. Nick suspected the woman saw the frayed gown Lillian wore and not the beautiful woman behind the clothes.

“Might I help you?” The seamstress’s voice held a hard note of condescension.

Nick clenched his jaw to avoid spewing a few choice words at the woman. Instead, he nodded toward Lillian. “We’re here to purchase a gown.”

Madame Marmont gave Lillian a cool appraising look that made Nick want to throttle the woman. When Lillian stepped backwards as if she might retreat, Nick grasped her by the hand and gently pulled her to his side. He stared at the seamstress for a long, silent moment, until she fidgeted. Satisfied she was starting to feel uncomfortable, he spoke slowly so she wouldn’t miss a word he said. He didn’t want her to forget this moment. “You may be able to help us if I deem your materials worthy of my future wife.”

Madame Marmont’s eyes rounded. “And who may you be?”

He pressed his lips into a smile. “I’m Baron Edgeworth and this is Miss Lillian Lancaster, my betrothed.”

Madame Marmont’s lower jaw dropped open, which pleased Nick immensely, but he wasn’t quite finished with the patronizing French woman yet. “I had planned to buy a wedding gown and an entire new wardrobe for Miss Lancaster.”

Lillian gasped and the seamstress’s eyes nearly popped from her head. She cleared her throat. “You
had
planned to?”

“Yes. You heard correctly. I don’t like the attitude you displayed toward my betrothed, and the only thing keeping me from walking out the door and going to another dress shop is the fact that I have a busy afternoon planned. However, if you don’t bring Miss Lancaster all your best, most expensive fabrics to choose from and fawn over her as if she is the next Queen of England, I’ll clear my entire schedule and take my intended to another dress shop. Then I’ll make sure all my relatives know never to come here again and to spread the word to their friends as well. Understood?”

Madame Marmont nodded vigorously. “Yes. Yes. A thousand pardons. If you’ll excuse me I’ll just get my girl and gather some bolts of cloth.”

“I suppose I’ve no choice but to excuse you.” Nick made sure his tone was cool. “But step lively,” he added, borrowing his grandfather’s favorite expression. “If you dawdle too long, we’ll be leaving.”

Madame Marmont rushed out of the room and Nick couldn’t help but grin. “That was the most fun I’ve had in ages.”

Lillian giggled beside him. “You were awful.”

“Was I?” He turned and looked at her, his breath catching at her delightful smile. “Do you want me to apologize?” God, he hoped not.

“No. But, Nick, do you suppose we ought to leave? I don’t think she wanted to serve me.”

He pressed a kiss to her hand before releasing her. “She’ll serve you well enough now. Trust me.”

Lillian nodded but he could tell by the tense set of her shoulders that she was worried. He turned her to face him then withdrew his hands so she wouldn’t be uncomfortable. “Don’t ever forget you’re just as good as anyone else.” He couldn’t resist briefly running a finger down her smooth cheek. “In fact, you’re the finest woman I’ve ever met. I’ve never known someone as courageous and kind as you.”

Madame Marmont swept into the room with another woman on her heels, but Nick was glad for the interruption. They rushed Lillian to the settee and set out bolts of fabric for her to look at. Nick frowned as he thought of what he’d just said to Lillian and the truth of his words. She was an exceptional woman. Different in every way possible than either Elizabeth or even Amelia had been. Lillian was caring and generous and brave. What would a real marriage with her be like? A cold sweat instantly covered him. He couldn’t take responsibility for a woman’s happiness again, could he?

He needed to forget even considering such a thing.

“Lord Edgeworth.”

Nick jerked his gaze upward. Lillian stood beside him, her eyebrows raised in question. She grasped the material of the gown she was now wearing. “I asked if you liked this particular color for me. Madame Marmont assures me it’s not too bold, but I’m uncertain.”

Nick allowed his gaze to travel slowly up the length of Lillian’s body. Wrapped in a wine-colored gown that displayed the creamy swell of her breasts and her perfect round shoulders, all Nick could think was that Lillian was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. He wanted to peel off her gown, lavish her with tender kisses all over her body and show her just how wonderful intimacy between a man and a woman could be.

Driving desire pulsed through his veins, but he swallowed and stood. “You look exquisite.”

Lillian beamed at him and his heart gave a funny lurch. He had to get out of here. Every barrier he’d erected was crashing around him one by one. Falling in love with Lillian was out of the question. He needed time away to distance himself and gain control of his emotions. “Since things seem well under control here, I better depart. I’ve a meeting scheduled.”

The way Lillian’s face fell made him want to take the lie back and sit here all day if she wished him to. Staying was a very bad idea. “Madame Marmont,” he called across the room. “I assume I’ve no need to worry. You’ll take excellent care of Miss Lancaster for me, won’t you?”

“Of course.”

Nick pressed a kiss to the back of Lillian’s hand. “I’ll leave my carriage for you to take back to the theatre.”

“Oh, no! Don’t do that. How would you get to your meeting?”

“It’s not far from here,” he lied. His home would be a bloody long walk, but he welcomed the time to put himself back to rights.

A shaky smile came to Lillian’s lips. “I suppose I won’t see you until the wedding?”

“No,” he forced out, though he wanted to see her tomorrow, which was exactly why he shouldn’t. “I’ll send my carriage to pick you up day after tomorrow at four.”

“Four?” Her brow furrowed. “Isn’t that late for a wedding?”

“Not ours,” he said with a chuckle, thinking on the other things he wanted to plan for their wedding day. Just because love had no place in their marriage didn’t mean Lillian should not have her dream of a perfect wedding day come true. He could and would give that to his future wife.