A Note in the Margin (10 page)

Finally John huffed out a frustrated breath and pulled the keys out of the ignition. He got out of the car and stood and waited for David to do the same before walking briskly to the apartment. When they walked through the front door David stood awkwardly holding the paper bag, unsure of what was expected of him.
Fuck. Just like the first time,
John thought miserably as he motioned for David to sit down. He said apologetically, “I have to make a call.”

David nodded and said quietly, “Please tell Jamie I’m okay.”

An unexpected chuckle escaped John’s lips and he nodded before picking up the phone and walking into the kitchen. David listened to the few words John managed to get into the conversation and knew he was being pumped for answers. He sighed and looked around the room; it was so familiar to him now but at the same time everything had changed. He pulled the sketchbook out of his jacket and put it back on the coffee table. It was the early hours of this morning when he’d lifted the book, but it seemed so long ago. He’d replayed the previous night in his head so many times that David had begun to doubt that it had really happened, that John had actually wanted him. Yet here he was back again.

David heard John’s gruff goodbye to Jamie and then the sound of the kettle being filled with water; he smiled briefly at John’s automatic response of making tea. However, the smile disappeared when he heard what he thought was a cup shattering on the floor. When David walked into the kitchen he found John leaning against the sink with the ruin of a cup on the floor at his feet. Even with John’s back to him, David could see that John was distressed.

With little hesitation, David quickly moved behind him, and after a moment of indecision rested his hand lightly between John’s shoulder blades. John’s breath caught in his lungs at the gentle touch and he dropped his head. David could feel John’s warmth seeping through the cotton shirt. He didn’t make any sound as he moved closer and pressed his body against John’s back, just leaning against him with his cheek resting on John’s neck.

The tears that had been threatening for so long began to fall and, for the first time in years, John made no attempt to hold them back. He reached blindly at his side until he found David’s hand and clutched it desperately, needing the extra contact, the confirmation. David closed his eyes and whispered, “It’s okay, John.”

Those quiet words gave John permission he’d not had since he was a small child. He pulled David’s hand around to his chest and wept; it was as if he cried for both of them although he wasn’t sure why. David raised his other hand to the side of John’s head and gently stroked his hair.

“We make a bloody hopeless pair, don’t we?” John eventually mumbled. He gave a small hitching laugh and tried to stop his tears as he turned around to face David.

David smiled and nodded, passing his hand across John’s face in an attempt to wipe his damp cheek. An embarrassed flush crept across John’s face and he tried to turn his head away from the comfort offered, but David gently held him in place and whispered, “I wanted you to touch me last night, John. I still do.”

I still do.
John tentatively slid a hand up through David’s hair, pushing it off his face, and said in a very shaky voice, “So I guess dinner can wait then?”

David’s lips twitched into a grin and he shrugged. “Guess so.”

John held tight to David’s hand, the blood thrumming in his ears as he led him into the bedroom. Once in the darkened room he released the hand, smiled briefly to check it was okay, and started to undress. David glanced at John. He was suddenly nervous, but followed John’s lead by pulling off his jacket and self-consciously unbuttoning his shirt. Even though he wanted this he didn’t dare look at John while he removed his jeans. He left them on the crumpled heap created by his other clothes and stood feeling exposed and ashamed.

While undressing, John had surreptitiously watched David and even in the dim light he could see the embarrassment of the other man. He wanted to tell David how beautiful he was—even so thin and marked he was still beautiful—but that wasn’t something men said to each other. Instead, he moved closer and leaned in to softly kiss him.

David couldn’t hold back a small moan at the touch of John’s lips and raised both hands to cradle his head, deepening the kiss with a passion that took John by surprise. He wanted John so much it hurt and that want was evident in the kiss. John gasped breathlessly into David’s parted lips. Suddenly he felt the desperate need to have as much of his body against David’s as possible and he backed onto the bed, pulling David with him.

“Oh God,” John groaned as David tumbled on top of him; the press of skin to skin seemed to
burn.
David experienced the briefest moment of panic when he lost his balance and sprawled on top of John, but it was short-lived when he felt John’s growing arousal. He closed his eyes and gently moved his hips against John as if to reassure himself that John would tolerate his touch. John raised his lips to David’s temple, kissed him tenderly, and whispered, “Feels good.”

David squeezed his eyes tightly before opening them and looking at John. He knew then that he needed to touch John, to taste him. He knew how to do this for him and started a trail of hot kisses down his throat. John’s head was spinning at the heat of David’s mouth and tongue inching along his chest, but he tried to keep his eyes open and focused, moaning quietly at the sight of David’s tongue rasping over his nipple before continuing its journey down to his belly.

When he reached the fine line of hair below John’s belly button, David hesitated and sat back on his heels.

Oh God, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.
John held his breath, silently urging David to keep going, but afraid to push.

David placed his hand carefully on the milky skin of John’s thigh. His thumb moved in a slow caress while he looked up at John for permission to continue. Although John didn’t say anything, trembling fingers followed the line of David’s cheekbone until they closed around his hair and encouraged him down. The action was familiar to David, but the touch was not rough and there was no cold concrete to make his knees ache. He took a steadying breath and nuzzled the skin he’d been stroking. John’s musky smell filled his nostrils and David raised his head, allowing John’s cock to slide against the stubble on his cheek before his tongue made fleeting contact with the tip. He flicked it briefly over the slit, testing and tasting. John grunted and twitched under David’s almost teasing touch.

Tightening his grip on John’s thigh, David lowered his mouth over the purpled head. John gasped at the combination of gentle suction and fingers now gliding along his shaft. David knew how to bring men off as quickly as possible and fight their hold on him as they came, but this was different. He wanted John cradled in his mouth.

His own cock hung heavy between his legs as he set up a steady motion of licking and sucking but resisted the desire to touch himself, giving all his attention to John.

John propped himself up on his elbows to watch David, but the shaking in his arms forced him back against the bed. He groaned loudly as David’s hand increased its pace on his aching flesh and his hips involuntarily rose off the bed.

David fought the urge to gag at John’s unintentional thrust into his mouth. He could do this for John, and he’d taken rougher treatment for bus fare or pencils. But John pulled his hair firmly and cried out, “Stop, Dave. Stop. Too close.”

David instantly let go and backed off with a quiet, “I’m sorry, John.”

John shook his head, trying to catch his breath. “Too close, that’s all…. Come up here.”

He reached down and pulled David up to him. John held David in his arms and pressed his forehead to the other man’s. It took him a couple of minutes to regain his composure enough to slide his cheek against David’s and gently part David’s lips with his tongue. David closed his eyes and fell into the kiss, his own tongue sliding against John’s.

At David’s soft murmur John gently broke the kiss, his eyes dark and his breathing shallow. He ran his tongue across his lip, still tasting David while his thumb mirrored the movement passing gently over David’s bottom lip. John’s voice was rough as he said something he doubted he ever would again. “I need you, Dave…. I need you
inside
me.”

John could feel the wave of panic that passed through David at his words and mentally kicked himself for pushing too fast. He dropped his hand down David’s side and stroked small circles on his back. “It’s okay, David. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

David pulled away from John; he visibly struggled for a moment before seeming to reach a decision and meeting those green eyes. “I want this. I want you, John… but I am so fucking scared.”

Reaching into the drawer, John gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile while squeezing a large amount of lube onto David’s hand. “So am I, but we can deal with it together, okay?” David’s fingers were trembling as John lay back on the bed and tentatively guided them inside him.

John wasn’t sure who was more nervous as David’s fingers slowly worked at preparing him. He forced himself to keep his eyes open so he could watch David’s face.
So serious
. The expression bothered him. He wanted—no,
needed
—David to enjoy this with him. John stretched his hand toward David. Not quite able to reach his face, he gently stroked David’s arm and said, “So good…. You feel so good.”

David looked at the hand. The look of stressed concentration eased and he gave John the smallest smile. Such a simple thing, but John suddenly felt overwhelmed by his love for this man and that scared him more than anything else. He pleaded in little more than a whisper, “Now, David, please…. I need you.”

David carefully withdrew his fingers and reached for the condom, but John had already picked it up and said quietly, “Here, let me.” David nodded and held his breath as John sat up and rolled the condom down over his aching erection. The caressing touch of John’s fingers made him exhale a shivering whisper. “Not sure I can do this….”

“It’s okay,” John reassured as he lay back on the bed, gently pulling David with him.

Crawling closer between John’s parted thighs, David carefully lifted them over his hips, his eyes never leaving John’s face. John crossed his ankles behind David, smiled, and gave him a little squeeze.

David’s breathing became shallow. He wrapped his fingers around his cock and began a slow push. However, when John grunted and winced David instantly stopped his movement and ran a soothing hand over John’s belly. Opening his eyes, John shot him a small sheepish grin. “I’m all right. It’s just been a while since I’ve done this… a long
long
while.” Although the smile remained, his expression became a little more serious as he lifted his hand to stroke David’s cheek. “I trust you, Dave.”

The heat of tears suddenly threatened behind David’s eyes, but it was not the time for that. Taking a deep breath to still the last of his fears, he pushed until he was buried deep into the man so willing to accept him. He closed his eyes, feeling every contact point between them, not yet daring to move.

John watched him for a moment, wanting to understand what was going through his head, but he couldn’t endure the stillness any longer. He urged David on with a gentle roll of his hips. David looked down at him, his hair falling over his face as pulled back and rocked forward slowly, watching, making sure John was all right with his movements.

John gasped and arched at the solid glide of David inside him. He reached up and gripped David’s shoulder, pulling him down, needing him closer. He puffed out breaths near David’s ear until he was able to form the word “Harder….”

David lifted his head enough to look John in the face.
Different,
John thought as he saw the briefest glimpse of strength and confidence in David’s eyes.
There you are, Dave…. I know what you really look like now.
However, all thought soon gave way to the demands of his body when David braced himself on his elbows and thrust hard and deep. John lifted off the bed to meet the force of the thrust and wrapped his legs tighter around David’s hips.

David’s mouth came down over John’s and his tongue pushed firmly between his lips. David’s kiss was hot and wet with an abandon that both surprised and excited John. He met the kiss with equal passion and knew he would give this man anything to see that look in his eyes again.

The kiss was finally broken, but David’s mouth wasn’t still; he buried his face against John’s neck, sucking and licking the soft skin below his ear.

“Oh fuck, Dave. Gonna come….” John gasped, rotating his hips to increase the friction of skin and hair against his weeping cock.

When John came, the words
I love you
almost escaped. But he clenched his teeth so hard they ached and all he could utter was a guttural cry.

David’s fingers compulsively flexed and clenched in John’s hair as he felt the first wave of his own climax roll over him. He made no sound when he came, but clung to John until the tremors of his orgasm subsided.

His face was flushed as he raised his weight off John’s body on trembling arms, but John had never seen him look more beautiful. That was the word that he whispered softly before raising himself up to give David a gentle kiss.