A Note in the Margin (12 page)

John thanked him and turned to David. “Come on, Dave. How about I shout you dinner out?”

David looked slightly panicked until Jamie butted in with, “You have the orders to finish, boss, and David looks knackered. I made him sort all those books this afternoon.”

John started to answer but remembered an earlier time he’d suggested a meal out and said quietly, “Yeah, you’re right. I’m pretty tired myself. Night, Jamie.”

David gave Jamie a gentle smile as they walked past him and out of the store.

Dinner
was quiet with just the two men, fish and chips and very little conversation. When they finished, John cleared the table and said, “I’m sorry, Dave. I really have to finish the ordering, but the TV is there, or grab a book from the shelf.” David nodded and started scanning the bookshelf.

John settled to work, his eyes flicking between the neatly written figures and his old calculator. David had picked up a hardback novel and sat, legs tucked under him, at one end of the couch, where all he had to do was look up to see John at the table. It was a luxury to be able to read a hardback, but David soon regretted his choice when he was overcome by his weariness and the book became too heavy to hold. He desperately fought sleep, wanting to go to bed, but needing to wait for John.

By the time John looked up, David’s eyes had drifted closed and the book lay open on his lap. John watched him for a while and realized how tired he always seemed even though he frequently dozed in his chair in the store. When David’s hand slipped off the edge of the book for a second time, John said gently, “You look tired, Dave. Head off to bed and I’ll be through in a minute.”

David’s head came up and he looked a little embarrassed at having drifted off, but he nodded, closed the book, and slowly made his way to the bedroom.

Determined to make the orders tally John continued to fiddle with the paperwork, but no matter how much he cursed them he just couldn’t seem to get the figures to make sense. Eventually he had to admit defeat; his mind was elsewhere. Closing the ledger he stood and switched off the light.

The bedside lamp was already off when John entered the bedroom and David was snuggled down under the quilt. John undressed as quietly as he could and slid into his side of the bed. The sheets were cold on his bare skin so he scooted closer to David, immediately feeling the heat radiating from his body. John stopped short of actual contact and lay for a while listening to the steady breathing of the other man.

When David gave a gentle sigh, John leaned forward and brushed his lips lightly against the back of David’s neck and whispered, “It’s just me.”

Sleep safely, Dave.

Sunday
,
John contemplated as he stretched and turned to look at the sleeping form beside him.
Sunday with David.
The thought both excited and unnerved him.
Nothing planned, nothing to fill the time to distract us.
The now familiar nervous flutter hit his stomach with the knowledge that they’d never actually spent that much time alone together.

John also realized that he hadn’t had the chance to
really
look at David at length in the daylight. David was always so uncomfortable when under scrutiny that John’s attention was usually fleeting, but here David lay unguarded in the morning light. His hair fell slightly over his face, but John could see the creases at his eyes were relaxed and the tension in his jaw was gone. David’s soft lips were slightly open, enabling a steady, but quiet, snore to escape. The flutter in his belly stilled only to be replaced by a tickling warmth. John groaned at the change.
Fuck, McCann, since when did you find snoring a turn-on? Get a grip and stop acting like bloody Bridget Jones.
He told himself off but its effect was negated by the grin that spread across his face. He reached over and pushed the hair gently off David’s face, well aware that the touch would wake him.

“Morning, Dave,” he said, trying to sound a little more casual than his broad smile indicated.

David blinked a couple of times to clear away the last of his sleep and grunted back a passable greeting. He turned onto his back and pressed his hand to his eyes. John waited until he was sure David was fully awake and asked quietly, “What do you usually do on Sunday?”

David frowned at the unexpected question and gave it serious thought before he answered in a sleep-roughened voice. “Depends on the weather, I guess.”

John nodded even though David was looking at the ceiling and not him. After a short silence, David cleared his throat and continued, “On a good day I go to the park, try to catch up on sleep. It’s safer to sleep during the day.”

On a good day.
John wondered about the possibility of “good days”, but asked, “What about on a bad day?”

David gave a little shrug. “Try to find somewhere dry. Bus stops or train stations sometimes. You get moved on a lot. Some days I just walk; others I’m too tired.”

John frowned. “What about the shelter? Isn’t that there to help?”

“Others need it more than me. I have Margins six days. Books, drawings… good company. If I can I go to the shelter at night sometimes, get a bowl of soup, somewhere warm to sleep, that’s enough.”

John thought David had finished speaking, but he added quietly, “Some men cry at night or call out to people they don’t have anymore.”

Pain twisted through John’s chest at the very real possibility that David could be one of those men, but before he could respond David continued. “It’s okay most of the time. You get used to the snoring and farting… a bit like here actually.” He turned and grinned at John.

“You cheeky bastard,” John laughed.

“So what do
you
do, John?” David asked carefully, still unsure of his boundaries when it came to John’s personal life.

The question threw John a bit but he tried to answer it honestly. “I don’t know anymore. I used to spend the day working, you know, meeting clients. Now… now I want to spend it with you.”

David could easily see the color rise on John’s face and didn’t quite know how to react to that. He looked away and said softly, “Jamie might be more fun.”

“Oh God, I get enough of him during the week.” John chuckled but suddenly realized that David knew about him and Jamie.

“You know we got together once, but that’s all it was… a bit of fun.”

David wondered why John felt the need to explain that to him and said simply, “I know. Jamie told me.”

John looked at him, concerned that David would think this was the same thing, but David gave him a reassuring smile. John fought the reemergence of the butterflies and leaned in to gently kiss him. When the kiss was returned his hand closed around the top of the quilt and slowly began to pull it down.

David’s horror at being so exposed was instant and he grabbed at the quilt, but John covered David’s hand with his own and gently loosened his grip. “It’s okay, Dave.” David let go of the fabric and closed his eyes. John recognized the action as one of embarrassment rather than fear and ran his fingertips slowly over David’s chest, laying a soft kiss just behind his fingers. John’s hand flattened so that the warmth of his palm spread through David’s flesh and traveled down until it rested on David’s belly.

“So beautiful,” John murmured and kissed just below his belly button.

David opened his eyes at the unexpected words and frowned when he caught John’s eyes.

“Believe me, David,” he grinned. “A bit thin but that’ll change.”

The heat built under the palm and David mumbled, “Too hairy.”

“Okay, hairy and beautiful,” John laughed before pulling gently at a curl.

David’s eyes locked on John’s fingers as they stroked the trail of dark hair descending from his naval. John watched the rapid rise and fall of David’s belly as the rate of his breathing increased.

Slightly embarrassed by his response to the attention, David shifted his leg in a vain attempt to hide the thickening of his cock. Noticing this, John slid his hand down the pale skin of David’s thigh, opening him up again. “
That
is not something to be ashamed of.” To prove his point he kicked the quilt off the bed, revealing his own burgeoning erection.

David smiled and lifted his hand to John’s arm, running his fingers up and over the smooth skin of his shoulder.
So fair….
He looked up into those green eyes before his hand slipped to the back of John’s neck and carefully pushed his fingers into the hairline. John shuffled closer until he could feel the length of David’s body aligned against his own. Despite David’s physical response, John still felt the need to say, “You know you don’t have to do any of this if you don’t want to.” David didn’t answer other than to kiss him.

Although their bodies ached for more, neither let their hands drift down. John concentrated on the slow and intimate kiss until it was as if he was melting into David. The merging scared him and he pulled away. “Oh God.” He chuckled breathlessly in an attempt to cover up his true reaction. “You’re gonna make me come just from that kiss.”

John’s head dropped and rested on David’s shoulder so he could catch his breath and steady his nerves. He could smell the heat rising from David’s skin and couldn’t resist a gentle kiss and nuzzle. Without raising his head, John lifted his hand to caress David’s face until he felt lips and then a tongue on his fingertips.

“Oh fuck,” he groaned and moved up to capture that mouth in another kiss.

It was only then that John’s hand moved down to David’s cock. As he wrapped his fingers around the silky skin he whispered, “Touch me, Dave. Please.”

David slipped his hand cautiously between their bodies and followed the rhythm started by John. Both men struggled to keep their movements slow as their bodies strained against each other reaching for impossibly closer contact. It was mere minutes before they were breathing raggedly into each other’s open mouths, desperately trying not to lose the momentum.

Through the white haze of his approaching orgasm, John realized that David’s raspy breaths contained his name… over and over. It was too much, and John gave a strangled cry before spilling into the other man’s hand.

When John caught his breath he knew David had come with him.

With a breathless laugh, John’s head fell back against the pillow. “Fuck, that was just…
fuck!
”

David nodded and managed a grinned, “Yeah.”

John went to wipe his hand across his face until he realized it was sticky with David’s come. He leaned back and pulled several tissues from the box on his nightstand and wiped both himself and David. “It’s about now I wish I hadn’t decided to quit smoking yet again,” he chuckled. “I think caffeine is in order.”

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and ran a hand along his midriff; it was still slightly sticky. John grimaced and said, “I think I need a shower first.”

David watched John leave the room and rolled over onto his back. He was still not used to being naked other than behind a locked door in a small shower cubicle on the rare occasion he was able to beat the queue before the hot water ran out. It felt good to stretch out on the bed and feel the air cooling his overheated body. He extended his toes to the end of the bed and his arms above his head and inhaled deeply. It had been a long time since he’d felt some control over his own body. He smiled and sat up.
Coffee
.

After pulling on his track pants, David padded through to the kitchen; he wanted to have the coffee made ready for John. The coffeemaker was already plugged in and David looked at it for a few minutes to figure out where to put the water. He filled the jug and poured it into the machine, carefully watching the level rise. He smiled and fitted the now empty jug back into place.
Coffee.
David glanced around the room trying to figure out where John would keep the coffee. It wasn’t on any of the benches. He stood in front of the closed cupboards for a long time, wishing he’d paid more attention.

When John walked into the kitchen, dressed and toweling his hair, he was met with the sight of David sitting at the table, not willing to meet his eyes. John put the towel over the back of the chair and sat down. “What’s wrong, Dave?”

“I wanted to make coffee,” David mumbled.

John couldn’t fathom what the problem was but could see that the water had been put in the machine and nothing else. He smiled and said, “Thanks. Here, I’ll show you where things are.”

David got up and followed John to the cupboard. “I keep the coffee here. Some people keep it in the fridge, but you don’t have to. The cups are here… sugar here.” The whole time he was talking, John was handing things to David. “You get the machine going and I’ll get some toast on.”

John sliced the bread and loaded the toaster while keeping an eye on David. It made him smile that David could finally take pleasure from the success of such a simple task.

Winter
sun was a glorious thing, John had decided. It was a bright cloudless day where all the colors seemed to be heightened by air that was so cold it took your breath away only to return in puffs of white. It had been an age since John had taken the time off to wander around a Sunday market and he was enjoying himself. He moved from stall to stall, picking up various items, noticing that David didn’t touch anything and made sure to avoid eye contact with stallholders and shoppers alike.

After a while it became obvious to John that David was cold; his arms were pressed tightly against his body and both hands were jammed into his pockets. He looked tense and chilled. It made John realize that this was the reality of winter for David and others like him: being bitterly cold and not able to do anything about it.

They walked past a stall with a large assortment of coats and jackets. John stopped and looked through a rack of sheepskin-lined jackets. He held one up in front of David and said, “Here, try this on.”

David looked at him and shook his head.

“Come on, Dave. You’re cold and you need a coat.” John knew it was difficult for David to accept “handouts”, but he couldn’t see why he couldn’t buy him a coat.

“I’m okay,” he replied in a tone that clearly meant don’t push it. John looked at him a little surprised but said, “All right. How about we go and grab a drink in the café to warm us up.”

The café was full of people chatting excitedly and pulling bargains out of plastic bags, but John managed to find them a small table in a back corner. John sighed to himself. The day seemed to be a whole series of small steps forward followed by missteps and setbacks. He passed David a menu and said quietly, “I just wanted to buy you a coat because you were cold.”