A Love Like This (28 page)

Her eyes took on a wounded look, but she
nodded and turned to do what I’d asked. “Yes, doctor.”

“You make me look bad, Ryan,” Caleb
mused.

“I haven’t examined her, so it’s a guess at
this point,” I admitted. “But, I remember a case I studied in med
school where the patient had chronic pain all over her body and
initial tests showed nothing wrong. Plus, Lyme is more prevalent in
the northeastern part of the country.”

“She doesn’t have any rashes, which would be
a sign of the disease.”

“She could have contracted it months ago,
and it’s just now showing symptoms. She may be beyond the
rash.”

We entered the room, and I proceeded to
examine the patient after Jane was finished. The medication took
the edge off, but the poor woman still winced continually as pain
wracked her body. If it turned out that the Lyme tests were
positive, I’d prescribed three days of IV antibiotics and if all
went well, the patient would leave with oral hydrocodone for pain
and see her primary doctor once a month. I didn’t envy her. If it
is Lyme’s, it could hang on for months or more and a strong
antibiotic course could create residual problems over time.

The afternoon progressed with Jane
respecting the boundaries I’d set. At around six, I planned on a
break and asked Jane to join me for dinner so we could talk. She
was smiling happily, but I was filled with apprehension as we sat
down across from each other.

“You seem to be in a better mood. Did you
work things out with Daniel?” I asked, winding some leftover
chicken lo-mein over my fork and shoving it into my mouth.

She shook her head. “No. He’s still leaving,
but I decided that you are right, Ryan. I deserve more.”

It escaped my notice earlier, but she’d cut
her hair to shoulder length and it hung loose around her face. It
suited her.

“I’m glad you finally see that. Are you
doing okay?”

She reached across the table for my hand,
but I pulled it back, reaching for the can of soda in front of me.
Jane hesitated and awkwardly picked up her fork.

“You’re sweet to ask. I wanted to talk to
you about it yesterday. That’s why I called. Where were you?”

“Spending the day with Julia.” I pointed to
the Ziplock bag of sweets lying on the table at my side. “We made
Christmas cookies.”

“Yes, I saw the ones you brought in
earlier.”

I sat back in my chair, struggling to find
words that would accomplish what I needed without hurting the woman
in front of me. “Jane, I have to ask a favor of you. As my friend,”
I began.

Instantly, her blue eyes widened. “Anything,
Ryan. You know that.”

“I’m here and I can be a sounding board if
you need to talk, but when I have a day off…” My voice trailed off
when Jane’s breath left in a small huff, and her demeanor became
more closed off.
Shit
! “Julia and I are newlyweds, and we
don’t see each other enough, so on the few days we do get together,
I just need to focus on her.”
So please don’t call
. I left
the unsaid words hanging.

I lifted my eyes, and Jane’s locked on. I
hoped I didn’t sound like too much of an asshole. I could keep
talking, but I decided to shut the hell up and wait for her
response.

“I understand, Ryan. I’m sorry.” She sounded
contrite and I could see that she was hurt. “I didn’t mean to
intrude or make Julia feel bad. When Daniel told me he was leaving,
I needed a man to talk to. And I knew you’d make me feel less…
worthless.”

Jane was picking at her food, and I wasn’t
feeling all that hungry either, but if I didn’t eat, I’d pay later.
I decided to be more typical. I rolled my eyes and offered a wry
expression. “I told you, he’s a dick. Caleb is interested in you,
Jane. He has a lot more to offer a woman.”

She shrugged. “I know he likes me. I’ve
known for a few months.”

“He’s a good guy. You should give him a
chance.”

“He’s not… I mean the way you came in and
knew what was wrong with Mrs. Roseman when he had no clue? That
was…” She threw up her hands. “He’s not half the doctor you
are.”

“Thanks, but he’s a good doctor and a great
guy. You should give him a chance.”

Jane shook her head and shifted the subject
away from Caleb.

“So, I thought of it first? So what? You
can’t judge Caleb by my actions. I just studied it 5 months
ago.”

“I suppose. Should I call Julia and
apologize?” she asked sweetly. I felt relieved that she understood
my situation so readily and was willing to mend any
misunderstandings.

“No, that’s okay. We’ll work it out.”

“Are you two fighting?”

“Not exactly. She was upset on Friday night,
but yesterday was good.”

Jane leaned her elbows on the table and slid
her chair slightly closer to the table. “What are you getting her
for Christmas? She mentioned it was a lean year.”

A smile lifted the corner of my mouth.
“Yeah. We’re looking at houses in Brooklyn. I wish I could buy her
something amazing, but we did promise each other we wouldn’t go
crazy.”

“And you and Julia are all about keeping
promises,” Jane stated simply, and I felt she really understood our
relationship.

“Yeah. We are.”

“So you aren’t getting her anything at
all?”

I scooped up the last of my meal and
hesitated before I took the last bite. “She’s out of perfume. I was
going to pick it up on my way home the other night, but traffic was
insane.”

“Traffic is one thing I don’t envy about
living in the city. Would it help if I pick it up for you? There’s
a Macy’s in Douglaston. Would they have it?”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Ryan, come on. It’s no trouble.” We threw
our plates in the trash, and I opened the bag of cookies, and she
took one. “I’m offering.”

“Okay, yeah. If you really don’t mind.”

As we began the walk between the cafeteria
and the ER, I felt a much more at ease.

“No. Just tell me what kind it is and give
me the money.”

“It’s Christian Dior. Je Dur or something.”
I grinned in bemusement and Jane laughed.

“J’Adore,” she corrected. “Do you want just
the perfume? Sometimes at Christmas, they have gift sets.”

“The most you can get for a couple hundred
dollars.”

“My cousin has some of that. It’s
pretty.”

“Yeah.” I grinned. “That shit drives me
crazy.”

The perfume wasn’t all I planned on giving
Julia. I was also writing something to have framed for the baby’s
room. I’d get home late and Julia would be sleeping, so I’d finish
it and tomorrow send it off to Jenna, who’d agreed to take it to
the frame shop near the Harvard Campus I’d used four years earlier.
It was cutting it close and I’d have to pay extra to rush it and
ship it back, but I wasn’t finished with it yet because I wanted it
to be perfect. The tension between us kept me from working on it,
but now I could do it justice.

Walking back to the ER with Jane and no
longer hearing what she was saying, my thoughts filled with how
close Julia and I would feel when she opened it. I couldn’t wait to
see the look on her face; surely tears would shimmer in her
beautiful eyes as she raised them to mine. My heart swelled to
bursting in anticipation. I was certain she’d melt into me and we’d
once again be
us
. She was my truth; my safest place on
earth.

*****

Once again, it was after midnight when I
arrived home and as usual, I was beat. My back ached. After Jane
and I returned from our dinner break, we had an automobile accident
and five victims, three of them critical, one a three-year-old boy.
He made it, but his mother did not. I’d worked on her tirelessly
for twenty-five minutes when she flat-lined, but it was useless.
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt, and her frontal lobe was mashed
into the windshield at fifty miles per hour.

Julia stirred when I moved around the dark
bedroom. “Ryan, are you here?” Her voice was soft and laced with
sleep.

“Yes, baby,” I answered, reaching out to rub
her back gently through the blanket. We kept it cool in the
bedroom; cooler than the rest of the apartment. Julia liked the
thick comforter and snuggling close to me, but I was always warm,
“Don’t wake up. I’ll come to bed soon.” My fingers played in the
dark strands of her hair.

She was on her stomach and turned her face
toward me on her pillow. “How was your night?”

“Busy. Not great. Had a car accident victim
that didn’t make it.”

“Oh… I’m sorry, honey.” Julia’s eyes
glittered in the dark and her hair was all messy. She reached for
me and I took her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. She was so
soft and alluring, and dead tired or not, my dick stiffened and
started to throb. I was sitting on the bed now and hoped Julia
didn’t notice. It had been my plan to finish the note and then
sleep, but my body had other ideas.

“I need to take a shower, babe.”

“No, you don’t.” Julia moved up onto her
knees and sat on her heels. One hand held the comforter to her
breasts, but her shoulders were bare. I wanted to reach out and
yank it from her, exposing the beauty I knew lay beneath. I leaned
in to kiss the one closest to me. Her hand wound in my hair and
began to gently scratch my scalp. It felt amazing and I let my
forehead drop into the curve of her neck. “I can give you a
massage.”

“Mmm…” I moaned. “That sounds like heaven,
but if you touch me, I’ll wanna make love.”

“I won’t be provocative, Ryan. I just want
to help you relax.”

I huffed against the soft column of her
neck. “You can’t help it. You provoke me without trying.”

“It’s not time right now.”

I smiled. She was keeping track, just as I
was.

“I know.”

“You do?” Her lips were so close to mine and
I could feel them move against my cheek. My hands began to roam
over her shoulders and up around both sides of her face. That
beautiful face I adored.

“Of course.”

“I didn’t think you’d remember because our
schedules are so screwy.”

I chuckled softly and pulled back to look
into her face. A small smile lifted one corner of her mouth, and
she nuzzled her nose gently with mine.

“It’s baby-time over New Year’s.” I was
probably stinky with bad breath, but I wanted to kiss her more than
I wanted to breathe. “Why do I always miss you so much?”

“Because I’m so adorable… and yes, it is
over New Years.”

My thumb moved across her cheek, and then my
mouth followed the path.

“You know I always want to make love to
you,” I whispered. “When I’m near you, and when I’m not. Every
minute; it doesn’t matter.” I placed a soft kiss on her parted
lips, and her chin rose for more, but I climbed from the bed, not
even bothering to hide my giant erection. “But I smell like the
hospital.”

“We don’t need to make love… Just let me rub
you down and relax you so you can sleep.”

“We’ll see. You have to work early.”

“I don’t care. And, I don’t care what you
smell like,” Julia murmured as I walked into the bathroom and began
stripping off my scrubs. “Ryan?”

“Just rest, baby. I’ll be there soon,” I
called.

I lingered a little in the shower, allowing
the hot water to rush over my skin and pound into my muscles,
hoping it would be enough time for my wife to fall back to sleep. I
almost fell asleep myself, leaning against the ceramic tile of the
stall but then shook my head briskly and turned my face into the
water, reaching out to crank it over to cold. The shock certainly
did the trick.

Minutes later, I walked back out into the
living room, with one towel slung low on my hips and using another
to roughly dry my hair. I threw the one aside and rummaged through
Julia’s art table for a nice piece of paper and one of the
ultra-fine markers she used to sign her drawings, before sitting
down at the table with my thoughts. The tree lights cast a low glow
through the small apartment, and it was enough to see what I was
doing.

When I put the pen to paper, I was more
concerned with how neatly I was writing than the words that just
flew from my heart onto the page.

This Mad, Mad Love…
I
began. I never seemed at a loss for words to tell Julia what she
meant to me, though I didn’t think any could do her justice. I
crumpled first one and then another sheet until, reading it back, I
was satisfied. I tucked the paper away inside her desk, hidden
under several of the magazine boards from past issues, and quietly
made my way back to the bedroom.

The room was dark except from the residual
filtering in from the other rooms. Julia was on her back, lying
diagonally on the bed, her hair strewn like a dark halo around her
head. I smiled as I dropped my towel and pulled back the cover. I’d
have to move her over so I could slide in beside her. I hesitated
only seconds before falling to my knees beside the bed.

I wanted to give her pleasure, after the
past few days, and to reinforce my devotion and unselfishness in my
love for her and to totally obliterate any doubt. The delicious
ache began to build at my intention, while I reached beneath the
edge of the sheet. Her body heat had warmed them, and the closer my
hand got to her, the warmth intensified. My hand slid up her thigh
to her hip then back down to curl around the back of her knee. I
pulled Julia’s lower body toward me and moaned softly.

I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to hear
that I needed sleep or how I should let her take care of me. I
wanted to taste her, to hear her moan my name as I made her come
under my tongue.

Her head moved to one side as both hands
slid up her smooth thighs. My hands closed around them and I slid
her closer, bringing her horizontal on the bed and perpendicular to
where I was at its side, pulling her closer and draping her legs
over my shoulders. I turned my head, kissing the inside of her
right knee with my open mouth, slightly sucking on her skin.