A Little Less than Famous (40 page)

             
"This is crazy," Amanda admitted. "What are you doing today?"

             
"My grandma is here, remember?"

             
"Right, duh. Of course. Okay, well, you call me tomorrow and you tell me everything, okay?"

             
"I will," I promised. "Wish me luck."

             
"Good luck."

             
I pressed the end button on my phone and tossed it back on the nightstand. I hid my face into my palms for a moment before sighing and pushing off the covers. I went to my dresser, yanked out a black skirt and a dark green tank top. It was already starting to feel like a warm day and I wasn't quite sure where Olivia and I were going to end up today. This outfit felt like a good medium between casual and a little dressed up.

             
Olivia arrived at the diner in time for brunch and we ate together, talking about different things. I was amazed at how much it seemed like an interview instead of having a brunch date with your grandmother. She asked me what seemed like a thousand questions; she asked me about school, she asked me about Luke, she asked about my diner family, she asked me about my interests and hobbies. She asked me about my whole life story. In turn, I asked her the same questions. I found out we both enjoyed reading, and that my grandfather, John, had been listening to Ben Wright before I had even been born. I learned more about my uncle, and even about my mom, when she was younger. I steered clear of any mention of my dad and she seemed to steer clear of any mention of Jake.

             
After we had finished brunch, we got into her rental car and she drove us out to the South Coast Plaza mall, in southern Orange County, where some of the more fancy stores to shop were located. We continued our conversations as we flipped through clothes. I found an amazing vintage shop, where I had to restrain myself, even though my bank account had more funds in it than there had been in a while. Olivia, on the other hand, had made several purchases, telling me that a girl needed to splurge on herself once in a while and she was on vacation. I didn't know whether to be disgusted by the amount she was spending or impressed by her admittedly appealing logic.

             
Later, we found ourselves at a steakhouse fairly close to the plaza. We ordered and then settled into our seats. We had talked all day, sharing what felt like was each other's entire life stories. I didn't think that there was anything left for me to talk about. I was definitely wrong about that.

             
"So, tell me about Jake Kennedy," Olivia said, nonchalantly, as the waiter came by to drop off our spicy Cajun shrimp appetizer.

             
I nearly spit out the sip of the Long Island iced tea I had just taken. "Um, we broke up."

             
"Oh, yes, I heard," Olivia said, a small smirk on her face. It amazed me how similar that smirk was to my own. I was so used to having absolutely nothing in common with my family because of course, we weren't actually related. "But I feel like there's a little more to that story than what I read in the magazines."

             
I shifted, uncomfortably and shoved a few shrimp in my mouth to keep from answering. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I said, chewing.

             
"Well, what happened?"

             
"We just broke up. Things happen and sometimes things end."

             
"Are you always this defensive?" she asked, taking a sip of her wine.

             
I stared at her, surprised. After the last twenty-four hours of nice, sweet Southern belle, I was a little surprised to see her talk back a little. "He told me he loved me and I didn't love him back. So I broke up with him."

             
Olivia's eyebrow rose, almost disappearing under her thick bangs. "Oh, really now?"

             
"Yes," I said, tersely. I looked around for a change in subject. I saw a woman in the booth across the way, who was wearing one of the strangest outfits I had seen in a while. "Look at that lady's dress..."

             
"You know, all those pictures of you two always made me think that you were so happy," she commented. "You always looked happy, anyway."

             
"I mean, yeah, it was fun. Dating Jake was fun. But there wasn't anything there," I explained to her.

             
"Well, why not?" she asked, taking another sip of her wine.

             
"Because...because," I paused, squinting my eyes, thinking. "Because I don't do feels, emotions. I don't do relationships."

             
"You don't
do
relationships?" Olivia asked, looking extremely confused.

             
"Yeah, I don't
do
relationships. I don't believe in the long term." I was feeling confused and a little defensive. I suddenly felt like I was on the witness stand, that
my own grandmother was interrogating me
.

             
"Your grandfather and I have been together for over 40 years," she pointed out. "Long term isn't a bad thing."

             
"I never said it was a bad thing," I retorted. "I just don't think its right for me."

             
"Why?"

             
"Because...because I just don't," I said, starting to feel a little annoyed.

             
"So a boy, a really good looking, famous, seemingly nice boy tells you that he loves you and you break up with him because you don't do long term. Is that right?" Olivia said. She smiled at the waiter as he dropped off our food and shook her head when he asked if we needed anything else.

             
"Yeah, that sounds about right," I confirmed, picking up my fork and taking a bite of my mashed potatoes.

             
"Well, I think that's pretty dumb."

             
I coughed. "Excuse me?" I said. What was with everyone calling me dumb and stupid lately?

             
"Well, now, I know I don't you that well, McKinley," Olivia said, her Southern accent getting more and more prominent the more she talked. "But I just think that it's silly to break up with someone just because they love you."

             
"I think it was nice of me to break up with him because he loved me," I said, smoothly. "I don't think its fair to stay with someone when you can never feel the same way about them."

             
"Sure, sure," she agreed. "But I don't think that's the case here."

             
"Oh, you don't?" I asked, a definite bite in my tone now.

             
Olivia seemed absolutely unaffected by my tone. She seemed almost used to it and I wondered for a moment if my mom had been as temperamental as me. "Oh, no. I don't think you were saving Jake Kennedy from any sort of hurt you could cause him. I think it was more of you avoiding getting hurt."

             
"What on earth are you talking about?" I asked her, incredulously.

             
"Are you afraid of love?" she asked, ignoring my question and asking one of her own.

             
"Of course not," I said quickly. "I love Luke. I love Amanda. I love Iris and Dave and Robert and..."

             
"Family love. Friendship," Olivia cut me off. "What about actual love, falling in love, being in love, that sort of love."

             
"I'd rather just stay away from that," I said.

             
"I just don't understand why," she said, taking a bite of her own food. She chewed her food, thoughtfully, staring at me.

             
"Because I don't want that, okay? I just don't want to have anything to do with love," I shot back at her. "I mean, why would anyone want to be in love? Why would someone willingly let themselves feel that way?"

             
"You don't really choose to fall in love, McKinley," she said, her voice growing softer. "It just sort of happens. You don't even realize
it’s
happening until
it’s
already happened, until you are already in too deep."

             
I was starting to feel anxious. I dropped my fork on the table and pushed my plate away. Suddenly, I just wasn't hungry anymore. The subject of love was just way too much. "I don't believe in that. I believe that you can keep yourself from loving people. If you keep them at a distance, you'll never have to worry about love."

             
"Yeah, you know, I don't think that worked," she said.

             
"Why do you say that?"

             
"You say you push people away, keep them at a distance. You say you do that so you don't have to worry about love, right?"

             
"Right," I said, slowly.

             
"Well, I’m just saying that I don’t think it really worked out that way," she pointed out. "Jake Kennedy still fell in love with you, and he fell hard enough to announce it to everyone in the world on television."

             
"I...I...you're right," I admitted. "But I just didn't try as hard with Jake. I forgot all my rules with him. I let it go on for way too long."

             
Olivia looked satisfied, as if I had said exactly what she wanted. "You are exactly right. And McKinley, why do you think that you broke your rules?"

             
"It's easy," I said, feeling my impatience starting to bubble up again. "I broke the rules because I got so caught up. I was out there, having fun and Jake was so different and every time I tried to use one of my strategies, he just veered off in a completely different direction! And his life was so fun and exciting and chaotic and it was so hard not to get sucked in and I just found myself stuck!"

             
"You found yourself in love," Olivia supplied for me.

             
I shrieked in frustration, ignoring the looks of the other people dining in the restroom. "Why does everyone keep saying that to me?"

             
"Maybe because it’s true?" she asked.

             
"It's not true. I do
not
love Jake Kennedy," I said, firmly, rolling my eyes.

             
"Well, now, I think that's a lie," Olivia said, sitting up and leaning towards me. I had only known her in person for a day and I had already learned that she had a tendency to lean forward when talking about something important or when she felt impassioned about something. "Now, I know love isn't the easiest thing in the world for you. I know that. I know that your mama left you. She left me too. Don't think for a minute that I don't understand that."

             
"I didn't..." I started to say but she plowed on.

             
"You're not the only person in the world who has been left, McKinley Evans. But you're the only person who sits here and refuses to let anyone in again. And you're perfectly capable of love. You show love to your friends and your family. You are such a loving person. I don't understand how you can't just open yourself up to love," she said. Her words were impassioned; she definitely felt what she was saying but she remained so calm and her face was so impassive while she said it. She looked so much like a mom that it made my stomach hurt.