A Little Less than Famous (44 page)

             
"McKinley?"

I took a deep breath, and looked down at my father's name. Here was a man that believed in me, loved me, and he barely knew me. And here I was, in a room, filled with people who did know me and they believed in me just as much.

If there was one thing I had learned from spending time with Jake Kennedy and falling in love with them, it was that things happened whether you wanted to them or not. I spent so much time trying to control every aspect of life because I couldn’t control the one thing I wanted more than anything: my mother. But things happened whether you wanted them to or not. You succeeded and you failed. You fell in love; you got hurt.

And yeah, it was terrible feeling this way, wanting someone as badly as I wanted Jake Kennedy and not being able to have him. But I was McKinley Evans and I made it through anything. Every day was going to be hard but every day previously had been hard. Life was hard and it was time to try, and whether I failed or succeeded, I would keep trying. It was time that I stopped trying to control everything in my life because things never turned out the way you wanted them to.

I looked back up at everyone. "I'm calling Adrienne. I'm finishing school. I'm modeling. I'm acting. And I'm doing it for me, because I can do it. I can do it all. And I don't need Jake to do it. I love him and if love means what I think it means then I can be happy for him, even if it's not with me." I paused, letting that sink in. "I think its time to do things for me, this time, and for real."
             

Epilogue

“How did your finals go?” Luke asked, coming into my room.

“They’re over,” I sighed. “That’s all that matters to me.” I was cleaning my room, getting it reorganized.

I had been really busy the last month and a half since I had left Jake behind with Andrea. I’d thrown myself into my classes and work, both at the diner and modeling/acting. I hadn’t done anything too exciting; a few low key modeling jobs and some extra roles. Adrienne had helped me to score a small role as the older sister in a new teen drama. I was really excited about it.

“When do you leave?” Luke asked, a large suitcase in his arms. He looked around my chaos of a room and set it down on my desk chair.

“In a week,” I answered. “I’ll be in Boston for about a month. My part isn’t huge or anything.”

He nodded. “It’s surreal. All of this. My little movie star.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s a small part.”

“I heard Alex Morrow is in the movie.”

It was my turn to nod. “Yeah, Alex played my brother on
Crime Scene.
He plays my younger sister’s love interest in
The Idea of Being Me.
“

“I’m glad that you’ll have a friend out there,” he said. “ I hate the idea of you out there alone.”

“Adrienne will pop in a couple times and I’ll have Hannah there with me.” Hannah was my new hairstylist. I wish I could’ve used Wendy but it just wasn’t possible. Hannah was sweet though, younger than Wendy, but talented enough to manage my crazy head of hair.

“I know but still Alex is your own age.” There was a long pause. “He’s a good looking guy.”

I shook my head, slightly. “Yeah.”

“You guys should hang out while you’re in Boston.”

I felt my shoulders tighten up. There’s nothing like having your dad trying to hook you up with an actor you didn’t even really know. “Luke, seriously?” I said, feeling tense. We had already had similar conversations and it was starting to get old.

“McKinley, I’m just saying. He seems like a nice guy and…”

“I’m trying to focus on school. I’m trying to see if I can make myself a career. I don’t want to do boys right now.” Though I didn’t go around talking about it, the truth was that I was really over Jake Kennedy just yet. “You think you’d be happy about that. I have direction. I have ambitions.”

“I
am
happy about that, McKinley, but not if it makes you miserable.”

“I am not miserable,” I protested, loudly.

“McKinley…”

“Luke, I’m fine. Seriously. Back off.” I practically yelled.

He put up his hands, as if surrendering. “All right, fine. I’ll leave you alone then.” He backed out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

I sighed, frustrated. I hadn’t meant to make Luke angry and upset. I just wanted everyone off my case. They knew better than to even mention Jake but it didn’t stop them from bugging me all the time. It was frustrating and I was lashing out.

I hadn’t dated anyone since Jake (I was not counting that miserable date with Pete) and I’d really had no desire to. I knew that Jake was back with Andrea but it was hard to turn off what you were feeling. I had been so mad at myself for letting my guard down, for falling in love with Jake Kennedy and realizing it way too late. Eventually I just dealt with it. It was a horrible feeling but it would go away. I knew it would
but
until then, I just didn’t want to date. I made sure to be distracted by work and school.

I finished cleaning my room, cranking up the music on my laptop to help keep my thoughts clear. When I was done with that, I packed my suitcase for Boston. By the time I was finished, I was starving and was craving a burrito from the Mexican place down the street. I went to the open window to check the weather, glancing out to the parking lot. I blinked a few times, my eyes growing wide.

No way. No. Way.

There was a black DBS Volante in the parking lot.

There was no way it could be anyone else.

I rushed over to my mirror. I looked terrible; I had been cleaning all day. I yanked the hair tie out of my hair and let my hair fall all over the place. I applied some mascara and
lip-gloss
and changed out of my old Brea Olinda High School shirt into a gray lace blouse. I took a deep breath and went downstairs.

I stopped at the swinging door, peeking through the window to take a look. There he was, sitting at the counter, talking to Crystal and Luke. He looked good, too good. It was a cooler day so he was wearing dark jeans, and a gray hoodie (I almost walked back upstairs to change again; how was it possible that we matched?) and his hair was so long and adorably messy. I took another deep breath and pushed my way through.

Luke and Crystal looked up at me, surprised, looking as if they’d been caught doing something bad. Jake looked up at me and I had to ignore the intense swelling in my chest. I had no idea why he was here but I had to keep my head in control. He was supposed to be in Washington, filming
Going Home.

“I had the weekend off,” Jake said, as if reading my thoughts. “I wanted to go and see my parents; I haven’t seen them in awhile.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I was afraid of what would happen if I tried to say something. I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to ignore how sweaty my palms were. All of this was so new to me. I had never been nervous in the presence of a guy. I had never been nervous in front of Jake until now.

“How are you?” he asked, looking a little uncomfortable. He glanced up at Luke and Crystal, who were both just standing there. They both looked awkward and unsure of whether to stay there with me or give us some privacy.

“I’m fine,” I answered.

He nodded, once, twice, three times. I didn’t know what to say. How is it that I had no idea what to say? “So, can we talk?”

I hesitated. It would be easy to just say no, to let him walk right back out that door and never have to worry about that again. I could move on. I could forget him. I could move on and not have to risk that hurt, that kind of heartbreak. “Sure,” I found myself saying. We both looked over at Luke and Crystal, who were trying to look busy but were obviously eavesdropping. “Lets go outside.”

We walked outside, out to the parking lot. I found a spot on a curb and sat down, leaving enough room for Jake to sit next to me. I waited for him to say something. After awhile, he finally did.

“I just…you’re probably wondering why I’m here,” he said, slowly.

“I am a little confused,” I admitted.

“I’ve been wanting to come here for awhile. Things have been busy, with press and all that, and…and I just started filming last month,” Jake explained.

“Okay…” I said, not sure how to react to that. ‘

“That day, when you and Amanda came to that autograph session…when I was with Andrea,” he started to say.

I felt a lump in my throat. “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I broke up with you. You are more than welcome to date Andrea.”

“I’m not dating Andrea,” he interrupted. “I was never dating her…for the second time, I mean. When you and I broke up, I was encouraged to look like I was dating Andrea, to help boost viewings. It was so stupid and I can’t believe I agreed to do that again. I went to events with her but she actually wanted to get back together. Turns out that guy Scott wasn’t the best husband in the world…”

I paused, soaking that in. “I still don’t know why you’re telling me this.”

Jake stopped staring at the ground and turned to look at me. I felt the lump in my throat grow even larger as those blue eyes met mine. “I’m not stupid, McKinley. I don’t think you went there, wanting to get an autograph. You came for a reason and Andrea being there stopped you.”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times. This was not at all what I had been expecting.

“I’ve just been wondering, why did you come?”

“It’s really not important now,” I said, dragging my eyes away from his. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“Yeah, it does. I mean…I hope it does.” I could feel him scoot closer to me and I had to stop myself from the urge to pull him right against me. “So, just tell me, why you came…”

I sucked in a deep breath…and let it out really slowly. “I came because I had something to tell you.”

“Yeah?” he asked, his eyebrow raised. His face was a perfect mask as always, ready for whatever I said but his eyes betrayed him. There was something there, though I was scared of hoping. “And what was that?”

I opened my mouth and then shut it. I had no idea how I had ever expected myself to come out and sat it to Jake. I was so sure of it back in March and I had been so ready to say it. But now that the moment was right in front of me, I just couldn’t make myself say it. It was like pulling my own tooth out; I was too anxious to just do it and get over it. “You know, I just remembered that I have something to do,” I said, jumping up and starting to walk away.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he said, jumping up. He grabbed my arm and pulled me around. He paused for a quick moment, a question in his eyes. He must’ve seen an answer he liked in my frantic eyes because suddenly his hand was on the back of my neck and his lips were on mine and we were kissing as if it had been years since we’d last kissed, like I had been thirsty for so long and the only answer for that was to kiss him. Every feeling of hesitation that had been there was gone, as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer and closer. I had almost forgotten how amazing it was to be in his arms. Other boys gave up on good kisses after awhile; they became so focused on sex. Not Jake. Kissing Jake would never get old.

He pulled away, breathing heavily. “Tell me.”

I felt my heart beating fast, pressed right up against his chest. “I…I love you,” I whispered, my forehead pressed into his chest.

“Wait, what?” he said, a smile obvious in his voice. “I didn’t quite catch that.”

“You’re an asshole,” I said, smirking.

“You already knew that though,” he laughed. “Come on, say it again.”