A Life Plan Without You. (97 page)

We started teaching the nippers Ellie and I, they had passed
their exams too, so we started on their new exam dances, old time
for them this time. I didn’t stay for the social; I didn’t need the
hassle of Karen, Sam and now Paul. I left and as I did I was
stopped on the stairs by a police officer.

“Can I ask if you were here earlier, there was an incident
just outside the building we believe the attack took place here and
we’re looking for witnesses?” I said I hadn’t seen nor had I heard
anything, the music is loud and all the rooms are sound
proofed.

I told them, I’d been in classes for the three hours and best
they asked the later arrivals, they disappeared upstairs. I slept
awfully that night I could have sworn I heard a bike and singing. I
got up and ready and set off for my coach, I was going to be late.
When I arrived at the coach stop he was waiting! Fucking-hell-bells
does he never give up?

“I didn’t expect to see you, why the visit?” He looked rough
as though he hadn’t slept. I had to wonder if he had been riding
his bike all night? No, no one would be so stupid to do
that.

“I just came to see you off and hope you have a good holiday
and ask you to think about us when your there?” Oh shit, I’ve need
to sort my mess out, this is awful, what have I done in the name of
revenge? There was quite a queue of people waiting to get on the
coach, so I took him to the side of the coach shouting at him so he
could hear me over the traffic.

“Look Paul, I don’t know how to make this any clearer? I love
Sam and no matter what he has or hasn’t done, I will forgive him.
He is the one I want, if I can’t be with him, you won’t be taking
his place, there is no us, there never was, not in my normal world,
perhaps we’re a hot couple in your head? But that’s the only place
it’s ever happening.

I’m sorry I led you on, but I did it to get him back, that’s
all, just to get him back, but when you kissed me, you ruined that
for me. So because of my stupidity in using you it lost me him and
now I only have myself to blame. Please leave me alone, I am doing
no thinking concerning you Paul ever so please leave me alone. I
love Sam, always and forever, no one will ever take his place ever,
especially not you. Sorry Paul, but fuck off and leave me alone
please, just leave me alone.”

I got on the coach quickly and sat down behind the driver Sid,
my Gramps buddy, he shut the doors quickly before Paul got on. Now
that was a stalker and not a nice one at all. I slept all the way
to Fleetwood, cuddled in my comfortable Grams cardi and feet up,
bliss. Sid had to wake me as we arrived and I woke fresh as a
daisy.

CHAPTER
16

Arriving in Fleetwood to my darling Gramps, he wouldn’t ever
let me down he would always be here for me. He waved as the coach
passed I needed the hug of all hugs from my Gramps. I wanted to
jump into his arms, as Sid teased me with the doors, making me
laugh.

“Now that’s the smile I’m used to seeing my girl, have a good
few weeks with Gramps, give my love to Maria and Jim I will see you
in the week, I’ve got a regular run for the ferry and I get to go
with them. Here Michelle some spends. He gave me a pound note bless
him he cheered me up. I took it off him giving him a kiss and
thanked him, as he gave me a hug it went straight back into his
tips box, much to Gramps delight. They had a conversation as I sat
and waited, I waved at Sid as we set off.

“Are you all right Missy?” I looked at Gramps and cried as he
gave me the nicest of hugs.

“I just need time to get over him Gramps I don’t know how I
could have been so wrong about him.” He carried my case.

“He has problems Missy, things he needs to sort out in his
head and according to your Father, he will get better and well we
will see what time brings shall we? Missy you’re my number one
concern and we need you to get better first. We will make sure
you’re all right here.” We crossed by the ferry and did the short
walk home. Michael met us from the ferry, he was here too working
at the fishing places by the docks for the summer, with the skipper
another of Gramps friends and yet another oldie I spent time with,
he taught me to fillet fish and I was good at it too after four
summers practice, my knife too was finer than a needle, I ran to
Michael.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” He gave me a huge
hug.

“Are you all right Michelle?” I just wanted to cry.

“I’m fine and if everyone would leave me alone I’d get better
quicker.” He pulled me onto his back yeah I got a piggy back
home.

“We're sharing our room, Aunty isn’t sleeping well.” I smiled
and went to put my stuff away, his crap was everywhere and so I
tided up. At least we could talk, as we used to. I came down for
the salad tea, which Grams had left in the fridge for everyone as
she was at bingo. I made the drinks and we sat and ate.

My appetite had been next to nothing, since my split with Sam
and I had lost more weight than was good for me. I hoped that the
sea air and being here would help mend my broken heart and as
Gramps said ‘fix my soul’, all I could do was think about Sam and
wish I knew what I’d done or could have done to keep him with
me.

I went for a long walk after tea, I’m glad he didn’t come here
this place, apart from in my head, was Sam free. I walked for hours
there and back to the edge of the estuary, only coming back as the
evening tide was making its way to the shore I followed it back, it
bounced at my back all the way to the shoreline. Tomorrow I would
start my life again, do the beach running and get him out of my
head, I needed to he was in there constantly. I walked back home
and waited for Grams to come home she did and looked
miserable.

“Did you not have any luck Grams?” She frowned.

“No, one number off. Are you all right Michelle?” I
nodded

“I’m going to bed Grams I only stayed up to see you back, see
you in the morning.” She smiled.

“My lucks changing, you’re here. I always win when you’re
here. There’s plenty more fish in the sea Michelle, plenty more.” I
smiled, if I had a fish for every time someone said that, I’d have
enough to open a blinking fishmongers shop. I got in bed and slept.
I slept so well for the first time in weeks I drifted off to music
playing. In fact sleeping so well I missed Gramps going to Manx
land
and Michael going to work.

I put on my joggers and trainers and went for a run. I ran
first to the wreck, then to the estuaries edge. I walked back well
walked and semi jogged back and along the sea wall, my thoughts are
the same and I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something
bad happening or had happened, yes besides losing Sam, what could
be worse than that?

I’d been out three hours and I wondered where the time had
gone, I only seemed to be out an hour tops? I grabbed a glass of
water and ate tomatoes from the green house. Yummy, oh I’m having
myself a cucumber, I washed it and sat and ate it like an apple.
I’m set for summer that tasted great and my bowl of tiny tomatoes
eaten, yellow ones and red ones, these tasted like sweets, so good
and umm they won’t rot my teeth.

“Sorry I was so long Grams, I sat and watched the water at the
estuary and walked back, the cucumbers are sweet and I’m sorry but
I ate one.” She laughed and said that’s what they were there for. I
went for a shower changed and came down to find Grams talking to
Michelle from next door.

“Michelle how are you? I just came in to ask if you still want
to work at the Castle for the summer. I have a place for you, if
you still want it?” I smiled.

“Michelle thank you that’s wonderful and where exactly will I
be working then?” She smiled.

“The kitchens, its only pot washing and running around after
the chefs, sorry I did ask if they needed chefs, they don’t, but
it’s in the kitchen though. You start in the morning at seven
thirty, Michelle it means leaving here at quarter past six, every
morning too.” I smiled and laughed.

“You Michelle you are the best mate, I could ask for and to
think I turned it down at Easter, oh thank you.” She stopped for a
drink and we chatted about ferry times and trams. I couldn’t have
had better news this was just what the doctor ordered. We went for
a walk before she met her mystery date, to the Bourne Arms by the
jetty, I drank my cola and spilled out my heart to a very upset
Michelle, and she was lost for words, especially as I’d given him
what I most prized.

I’d told her all about his sudden hatred of me and just how
heartbroken I was. She listened and gave her opinions. I smiled
because she was as clueless as I was but she had given me hope that
I could do this. I would get over Sam Todd, if it killed me she
left for her date on the ferry to Fleetwood. I stopped to meet
Gramps ferry, I watched as the Manx Man came in and circled the
channel, and docked Gramps would be on the second ferry. True to
form, he and Michael stepped off the gangplank on to the jetty and
Gramps gave me a warm hug, Michael just gave me a piggyback ride
home, he had no choice I was tired.

I told them both about my summer job at the Castle, Gramps
promised to match what I banked weekly, for the university fees I
would have to pay. I smiled yes things were finally coming around
and back to normal. My life plan, before Sam was now on track
again. I hurt, but I had to continue to live, I went to bed and
slept.

Gramps got me up early and after he made me eat breakfast,
porridge oats with thick cream on top and a melted sugar moat of
rot your teeth sweetness. He caught the ferry across with Michelle
and I, he kissed my head and watched as we got on the tram. Waving
as we left, Michelle laughing, it was like my first day at infant,
junior and yes secondary school again, with my Gramps coming to see
me into the big school doors and being there when they opened them,
such a big softy. He was on holiday when I started college or he’d
have been there too.

I was mesmerised by the place, it was massive and so loud.
Nothing like my college as I walked around getting lost and
distracted, it was huge. I'm kitted out by a man called Albert: I
was given more chefs’ whites and a hand full of aprons, a locker,
and a key card for dinners and drinks in the staff restaurant. Told
to change and check in at the pot wash station. I did, I walked
into the pot room and just looked, oh my word the mass of pans in
my sight of vision was sky high. Yes, a proper job in a proper
kitchen, it didn’t bother me that I was just washing up, it was in
the kitchen.

I cracked on, scrubbing cleaning and putting them through the
dishwashers, music in the background was playing and I worked. I’m
loving it, the occasional chef came in asked me for things, showed
me where to put stuff and smiled as they continued to create. I
cleared the backlog, to see the breakfast plates and associated
breakfast things had appeared. Bummer.

I moved a spare table to the corner, put the bin at the end
and set up a clearing station. I set about doing that scrapping
plates pilling them up in neat stacks and putting them through the
washer. I put the dried on ones in a sink of warm water, the
cutlery, I put in another sink with bubbles and hot water. I had a
pile of them to shift, at the end but soaking that had freed the
dried on food from them, for easy washing, I had cleared the
breakfast pots in no time at all.

As I cleared my area and dry mopped my area, I was grabbed by
Michelle, for staff breakfast, I hadn’t eaten in ages and ate
scrambled eggs on toast and slices of delicious liver, which tasted
wonderful. I went back to find a woman looking at my work area.
Good job I had left it clean and tidy and free from rubbish and
mopped, before I went for breakfast.

“You’ve been in a kitchen before Miss Welles.” I
smiled.

“I have yes. Ma’am, I have just qualified as a chef at
Stockton Catering College.” She smiled

“The Queens Ma’am, I’m Pam… Woos, I’m a poet and didn’t know
it.” She burst out laughing I just chuckled. “No, I’m really
pleased to meet you Michelle, you’ve had help her today and shown
the ropes?”

“No Pam, I just jumped in and did it nobody has helped, other
than to show me where to put things.” She went to talk to the
kitchen porter he came and introduced himself to me.

“I’m Danny, has Mara not been with you this morning?” I looked
at him.

“No Sir, nobody has been near apart from a couple of the
commis, asking for things and showing me were the trash compactor
is and were pans and things go.” He smiled and laughed at
Pam.

“It’s Danny, if I like you, you can call me Dan.” I
smiled.

“She called me Ma’am earlier thinks I’m the Queen and we all
know that’s you daring, you’re going to like this one
Dan.”

“Thank You Danny, I better crack on with these pans, they
aren’t going to wash themselves.” He watched me work for a while
and disappeared, he returned with a young girl.

“Mara this is your new boss, Michelle. She will be giving you
your jobs and don’t think I’m not watching you Miss.” I smiled at
her and shook her hand.

“Pleased to meet you, can you clear the dishwasher for me
please and I’ll put the last of these pans in to soak.” I cleared
the last of the pans. As the lunch, time plates started
arriving.