A House of Cards: Deconstructing Ethan (15 page)

When we finally broke apart, both of us panting slightly, he continued kissing my neck and murmured, “I’ve been thinking about you all week. I swear I’ve had to rub one out in the shower every morning. I keep hearing your voice in my head asking where my bedroom is, you sounded so fucking sexy.” He moaned and his fingers entwined in my hair. “God, I want to be on my knees for you.” The longing, the sheer animalistic lust, in his voice made my stomach flip; it also made me hard – very hard. I’m sure he could feel it as he rubbed his hips into mine, I could certainly feel that he was hard. I wanted to growl in pure animalistic need. I fucking wanted him, in every way that I could think of, and I had a pretty extensive imagination, but right then his offer of being on his knees for me sounded very promising.

Abruptly, he pulled back, as if it just occurred to him what was happening. “Ethan, I am so sorry,” he said, looking down, completely embarrassed. “With everything that you went through…If I was your first date…I don’t even know if you’re ready for…” I stopped his frightened rambling by capturing his lips with my own. The kiss was light and gentle. I wanted him to know that I appreciated his concern for me, however misplaced it might be. After all, it wasn’t like I was a stranger to sex. I let my kisses trail over his cheek and then to his ear.

With my lips against his ear, I murmured, “I want to bury myself deep inside you. Is that what you want?” I jerked my hips forward, letting him feel exactly what I wanted to bury in him. My growing erection pressed into his hip and his into mine. The atmosphere was charged with the mounting lust we both felt. I knelt quickly and set the six-pack on the floor. When I stood, he reached down and pulled up the hem of my t-shirt. We pulled apart slightly so that I could get it over my head. Running his hand slowly along my chest, he moaned.

“Yeah,” he replied in a whispered groan. Walking him backwards into the other room, our lips still meeting feverishly, we made it to the couch, our need too great to make it any farther. I pulled his t-shirt over his head as he pushed me back to sit down. He got to his knees, spreading my legs apart so that he could kneel between them. Then he leaned forward and kissed me once again, a kiss of pure sexual need and urgency. He broke the kiss and moved down my body very slowly. Out of habit, I wanted to put my hands on his head and make him do what I wanted, but this wasn’t the time or place for that and I had to learn to control that side of my nature. I ran my fingers through his blond hair, leaned back against the couch and closed my eyes. As his lips ran gently over my stomach, it occurred to me how different it was. I didn’t have to monitor circulation or pain levels; I didn’t have to worry about not living up to someone’s expectations and we were free to pleasure each other as we wished. Finally, for once, I didn’t feel the constant need to be in control or to be controlled. I just wanted to touch him and be touched by him.

I felt him unbuttoning my jeans and then his lips were nuzzling the front of my boxers as my head pressed back into the cushion. God, that was nice. I could feel his warm breath through the cotton fabric and the hairs on my arms stood on end. My fingers tightened in his hair as his lips pressed hard against my erection still inside my boxers. I moaned, low and deep, in my throat and then heard him chuckle as I lifted my hips up off the couch and jerked my jeans and boxers to my knees. Fuck, I wanted him to touch me. I was incredibly aroused and he hadn’t really done anything yet. Almost at once, he began placing soft kisses on the insides of my thighs. My cock, freed of my clothes, bobbed before me in anticipation of his touch. And then, he did touch me, running his warm tongue all the way up my shaft – base to tip, and I almost climaxed, sucking in a breath, I fought the urge.

When his sweet mouth wrapped around the head of my cock, a wild animalistic sound ripped from my throat. The feeling was so intense. Why was it so intense? What the hell was he doing differently? The only other time in my life I’d felt such intensity, felt so caught up in it, was the night before Jayden had left. The night we…I pulled back quickly and Gabriel looked up at me. Confusion, and a little hurt, touched his beautiful, boyish features. I pushed forward on the couch until I was sitting on the edge, pulling him fiercely to me. With my arms around his shoulders and my legs pressed into his sides, I crushed his body to mine and felt myself shaking. There was so much anxiety that night with Jayden, the night I had practically begged him to show me what making love was like, that I hadn’t really noticed. I had been more worried about what I was seeing in my head than what I was feeling in my chest, but I had felt it. I had felt something more that night and I felt something more with Gabriel.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, his voice a little higher pitched in his fear for me. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not…”

“I feel it,” I whispered in his ear, my eyes were closed, my forehead pressed into his bare shoulder.

“Feel what?” he whispered back, holding me tighter.

“Emotion. Something behind the act -I never feel anything, it’s just sex. With you, I feel…something. It’s more than just sex.” I told him excitedly. Pulling back from me, he put his hand on my chest and looked into my face.

“I want you to feel it. I want you to feel it here,” he said, pushing lightly on my chest. “That’s where I feel it.” I put my hand over his on my chest and just looked at him for a moment. He stroked my face with his other hand and then leaned forward to kiss me gently. When he pulled back, he had an impish grin on his face.

“What?” I asked him cautiously.

“Can I get back to blowing you now?” he asked and I had to laugh as I nodded. I thought that things would be awkward now, but once again he made me feel at ease with his wonderfully wicked sense of humor. He pulled back slightly, kissing my chest where his hand had been, and I kissed him on the top of the head, wanting to show him the same affection. Then moving back down to resume what he had been doing when I had my epiphany, I felt his lips on me again.

“Yes,” I started in a breathless voice, “by all…” my voice was cut off by a deep moan as the head of my cock hit the back of his throat. “…means,” I choked out. He began tilting his head back and forth, rotating his lips around the shaft as he let my cock slide in and out of his mouth. Gripping his shoulders tightly, trying not to buck up into his mouth, I moaned with each stroke of his perfect lips over my skin. He pulled back with each stroke and licked the head, running his tongue over every ridge, every groove. The rough of his tongue massaged my sensitive skin and, again, I had to grit my teeth and lock my jaw against the urge to orgasm. Then, one of his hands traveled under to stroke. First he tugged very lightly on my balls and then reached farther to caress the sensitive area just behind them. I was panting, almost grunting, in pleasure at his touch.

When I felt the pressure building up, threatening my release into his mouth, I pulled him up into a standing position and unbuttoned his jeans. Pulling the jeans down to his knees, I saw that he was nude beneath and I pressed my lips against the delicate skin of his hip. With one hand stroking my desperately hard cock, I reached back between his legs and put my hand on his buttocks, pulling him closer to me. I grazed his buttocks very lightly with my fingers and wrapped my lips around his erection, sucking him in the same long, slow deep motions he had used with me. Taking my time licking and stroking him, I made sure that every inch of his beautiful cock had been thoroughly covered by my eager tongue. With long laps, I felt the changes in texture from shaft to head. His hips moved slightly as he stood before me while his long fingers caressed my cheek.

“Ethan, that feels so good. Oh God, I’m close…so close…” he moaned and I pulled back, releasing him. Without knowing his health status, I wasn’t taking any chances with Jayden or Lexi’s health. It was something that we should have discussed and would have to soon. His hand replaced my mouth; it was hot watching him stroke himself. Still directly in front of me, standing between my knees, I looked up at him and his eyes opened to meet mine. I found lust there and some other unknown emotion, affection maybe? reached up gently and stroked between his thighs as he pumped a little faster. With my other hand, I brushed his away and began stroking him in the same rhythm as he had been. His hands balled up into fists and his head dropped back.

“Oh…yeah…” he moaned. It was a little more than a sigh, but made my stomach clench with a wild need. “Mmmmmm…Ethan…” he cried as he gave in to that all encompassing need and his cock throbbed in my hand. I felt his warm semen land on my chest and rather than feeling debased by it, I felt aroused. He fell to his knees in front of me and then, bending further, pressed his lips to my balls. I gripped my cock hard, turning my hand, so that my thumb was nearer the base. Spreading my legs wide, my jeans fell to my ankles giving him better access to my body. It wasn’t long before I had stroked myself to orgasm. That wickedly hot feeling shot through me and I came in hard spurts over my chest and stomach, my semen mingling with his on my overheated skin. My cries surprised me. Not only was Gabriel present in them, but God was as well. When I collapsed back against the back of the couch, spent, I sighed, content.

And then came a knock at the door.

“Fuck,” Gabriel said, panting. “It must be six, that’s when I ordered the pizza for.” He quickly reached down and pulled his jeans back up. “There is a bathroom right behind you, though I have to admit, you look so fucking sexy just like that.” His eyes roamed my naked chest and he winked. Standing, I stepped out of my jeans, grabbed them and headed for the bathroom. I had just pulled up my boxers and was wiping down my chest when I heard a low voice from the other side of the wall.

“Hey Morris, am I…interrupting?” The deep, irritating voice asked with a condescending chuckle.

“Christ, man, just tell me how much it is,” Gabriel said, sounding thoroughly annoyed. I put my shirt back on and was just about to step into my jeans when the guy at the door spoke again.

“You should keep your voice down when you're fucking Hughes, Morris. The whole town knows he likes to get fucked by guys, especially older..." I rolled my eyes, what an idiot. Then I heard something slam into the other side of the wall. Foregoing my jeans, I ran out to see one of the guys from the brunch being pinned against the wall by Gabriel. His face was bloody as Gabriel continued to hit him. It only took me a second to recover from my shock as I grabbed Gabriel around the waist and pulled him off of the guy.

“Gabriel, it’s okay. Baby, you need to calm down,” I said, panting with the effort of trying to contain him. Suddenly, he stopped and looked at me. I didn’t have time to process the sudden change in his demeanor, so I just grabbed the twenty dollars from Gabriel’s hand and threw it at the guy. He stepped over the pizza, which had landed on the floor near the door. I slammed the door behind him and sighed, then turned to Gabriel. “Are you alright?” I asked, looking him over for injuries, but he just stared at me.

“What?” I asked, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

“You called me „baby’,” he said and I rolled my eyes.

“Come on, grab the beer,” I said, a little awkwardly. He reached down for the six-pack I had set there earlier and I picked up the pizza. We set dinner on a small table in the living room and I went to put my jeans back on while Gabriel set up the movie. After eating in a comfortable silence, we settled back on the couch to watch the movie.

“Ethan?” Gabriel asked tentatively when I sat back down on the couch. I looked at him questioningly as I opened my second beer.

“I…I liked that you called me that.” He smiled shyly and I sat with my back against the couch.

“Well, then, come here, baby,” I said, pulling him back against my chest. He turned his head and I kissed his cheek, while I ran my hand over his stomach, not in a sexual touch, but one to show him my affection. Gabriel laid back on my chest comfortably as the movie started and I realized that it was nice to just hold someone like that. The previous feeling of sexual urgency was gone; it had been replaced by comfortable companionship. I kissed the top of his head and he turned to capture my lips. We spent our whole evening that way, just talking and kissing.

I found myself looking forward to many more nights like that one.

Chapter 8

When I got home from Gabriel’s, Jayden had already gone to bed. I was glad. I didn’t need to face any harassment or interrogations from him tonight. I did, however, find Connor and Lexi huddled in the kitchen at the table. When I entered, their conversation abruptly stopped and Lexi greeted me brightly. She asked me how my evening had gone and I started to tell her, when Connor excused himself for bed mentioning something about an exam in the morning. Relieved Connor had left, I told Lexi about the intimacy Gabriel and I had shared on the couch. For some reason, I hadn’t wanted to share that with Connor, it felt like a betrayal of Gabriel’s trust.

Although, I omitted the part about the pizza guy, I didn’t want Lexi to get upset by what the guy had said about me. But, I told her about holding Gabriel as we watched the movie and how it had made me feel. Smiling, she said she was happy for me, but also gave me a warning that if things become sexual between Gabriel and I, it was important to tell him about my lifestyle. It wasn’t fair to Gabriel that I was in a sexual relationship with other people without discussing it with him. Things were suddenly getting more complicated. Telling

Gabriel that I was having sex with two other guys and a girl was not going to be easy. The sessions were helping me to keep things under control. I was calmer and more focused after a session with Jayden or Lexi, or both. I could sit and write for hours, dissecting my emotions and coming to better terms with them. I was learning a lot about myself, my different complex relationships. Slowly I was finding myself again, hopefully meaning a better relationship with Gabriel down the road. He deserved to be with the best person that I could be for him.