A Hope Remembered (11 page)

“Second, you and Perseus can give me a tour around the lake. I’ve already been here a week and haven’t even seen all of it.”

Colin scowled. “A walk around the lake would be acceptable. But the choir rehearsal…”

“Please, Colin.” She hazarded a step toward him, hoping he’d relent. “I sang with them last Sunday and they need more male voices.”

She had another reason for wanting him there. Everyone had been kind at rehearsal and at church the following day, but Nora still felt uncomfortable with the continued references to her likeness to Eleanor. Apparently their similarities also included their singing voices. With Colin at the rehearsals, she wouldn’t feel as awkward. She was beginning to think he was the only person in Larksbeck who hadn’t known Eleanor.

Colin’s brow knit in obvious annoyance, while Nora held her breath. Would he accept her proposal? Finally resignation settled over his countenance. “I’ll go, but only once.” He held up a single finger. “Once,” he repeated. “I make no promises after that.”

Grateful, she breached the remaining space between them and put her hand on his sleeve. “I agree to those terms.” She couldn’t hide her smile as she added, “Be careful, though, we might make a regular choir member out of you yet.”

Instead of the light laugh she expected, Colin solemnly watched her. Though he didn’t touch her, she felt as powerless to release his sleeve as if he’d detained her hand. She couldn’t step away—his nearness drew her in like the promising warmth of a fire after being out in a storm.

“You know,” he murmured, his voice low, “you are rather charming when you jest like that.”

Nora’s pulse stuttered to a stop, then sped up again like a train gaining speed. She tried to remember why she’d been angry with him, tried to remember why she couldn’t allow anything more than friendship to blossom between them. But she couldn’t concentrate on any one thought, except for the growing desire to touch the hint of dark bristles covering his jaw.

Colin studied her lips as Jack had done last week, but this moment couldn’t be more different. A part of her, one growing more insistent by the second, actually wanted Colin to kiss her. How long had it been since she’d last felt the press of masculine lips against hers?

Not since before Tom left.

The memory crashed over her with all the effect of an ocean wave. She felt suddenly ill and cold. Releasing Colin’s sleeve, she stepped back, crossing her arms over her chest for warmth.

Forgive me, Tom.

She’d done nothing wrong, but even entertaining the idea of Colin kissing her felt like a betrayal. Her heart could never belong to anyone else. And yet, in this moment, the past felt more like a burden than a boon.

“I’ll…uh…just get my sweater, then we can go on that walk.” Nora went to pull the garment off its usual peg. Her hands shook slightly as she slipped the sweater on over her blouse. “Ready?”

A flicker of emotion gleamed in Colin’s dark eyes. Was it disappointment? Frustration? Would he forgive her abruptness or understand the source of her pain? As quickly as it had come, though, the sentiment faded and Colin shot her a carefree grin. “After you, fair lady.”

K
icking at a pebble, Colin maintained his unhurried pace as he scowled at the road ahead. Why had he felt compelled to redeem himself yesterday? His comments to Jack Tuttle, while not exactly friendly, hadn’t been hostile either and certainly didn’t warrant having to attend choir rehearsal as penance. He’d only sought to put the younger chap into his place after learning how comfortable Jack was becoming in Nora’s company.

Guilt simmered within him at the thought. Jack wasn’t the only one getting too comfortable. The young farmer hadn’t been the one who’d nearly kissed Nora in the kitchen yesterday. At least Colin hoped Jack hadn’t. His glare deepened at the possibility, though he knew he had no right to be jealous. Unlike himself, Nora had the freedom to choose whom to love and marry.

He’d almost ruined his father’s plan to save the estate by confessing the whole thing to Nora yesterday. Then there’d been his other moment of weakness when he’d been caught up in contemplating her full lips and what they might feel like to the touch. She’d seemed willing to let him kiss her, at least at first.

Before either one of them could make that mistake, though, Nora had leapt away from him, her blue-green eyes full of unexplained panic. Not that it mattered. However attractive Colin found her, however much he was quickly coming to crave her company, she wouldn’t be staying. She would eventually leave and take his heart with her if he wasn’t careful.

Their walk around the lake after the near-incident in the kitchen had given him a chance to clear his head and get to know her better. They’d talked some more about her farm back in Iowa and her parents. Her account of life there was liberally peppered with references to her deceased fiancé.

If Colin had thought her constant talk of Tom Campbell would serve as a greater reminder that Nora wasn’t and never would be his, he’d been wrong. Each mention of her former beau stirred a flicker of disappointment and envy in his gut. It was almost a relief when their walk ended.

But now he had to see her again, and the problem was, he wanted to—very much.

Colin stabbed a hand through his hair. Life had been less complicated before the redheaded American had moved in down the lane. Flying his biplane and dodging his father’s expectations had been his main pursuits. Now, because of Nora, he’d be stepping into a church for the first time since Christian’s death.

Nerves drained his mouth of moisture. Why did he feel as if he were about to face an entire squadron of German planes single-handedly?

Well, not single-handedly. He lifted his head to see Nora waiting for him at the end of her lane. She raised a hand in greeting as he approached.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come.” Her tone was teasing.

“A gentleman never breaks his word, Nora.” His comment inspired the laugh he’d hoped for, though the words tasted bitter on his tongue. He wasn’t being gentlemanly by almost kissing her—not when he planned to persuade her to leave.

They started in the direction of Larksbeck. “If you hadn’t come soon, I was thinking of going up to the house and collecting you myself…” She threw him a small smile. “Though I suspected I might run into trouble with your butler again.”

Despite his anxious thoughts, Colin couldn’t help chuckling. “Martin can be a bit of a watch dog, but he’s also loyal.”

“What’s it like having all those servants around to do your bidding?” He sensed no judgment behind her question, only curiosity.

“Until I went to Oxford and later to France, I didn’t know any different.” He tucked his hands into his pockets and propelled another pebble forward with the toe of his shoe. “I’ll admit it was a bit odd at first, not to have Gibson or Martin around—Christian and I took a lot of ribbing for being the sons of a baronet. But we learned to manage. After a while, I found I rather liked being on my own.”

“Was it hard returning to that sort of life? After the war?”

Her perceptive question pleased him, but still he hesitated answering. Christian had always been the one who understood him growing up, the one he could truthfully confide in. Flying together in the war had meant having someone else to share every horrible experience, every guilt-filled moment. Colin had been able to cope because Christian was living through the same hell he was.

After Christian’s death, there was no longer someone who knew him so well to talk over things. Colin had yet to verbalize to another living soul how the war and the death of his brother had changed things for him. Could Nora possibly understand? He recalled what she’d told him regarding her parents and her fiancé. Unlike most, she might be able to comprehend how his life had been altered. Her own had been greatly transformed, too.

Nora frowned at his silence, her eyes downcast. “You don’t have to answer.”

Colin shook his head. “I don’t mind.” Still, he had to pause further to formulate his thoughts, thoughts left too long unspoken. “If Christian had lived, I believe I would have looked forward to returning here. I’d always been allowed a bit more freedom than him.”

“But his death changed that?”

“Yes…it did.” The grief squeezed at his throat, like a hand clamped around his neck, intent on strangling the life from him. He coughed to dislodge the emotion and drive it back to the recesses of his heart.

“I’m sorry, Colin.” Nora stopped him with a hand to his arm. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He instinctively knew she meant more than Christian’s death.

Fresh regret riddled his thoughts. He might not like the direction his life had taken since the war, but at least he had parents and a bevy of servants. Nora had no one.

As he peered into her blue-green eyes, full of sincere compassion, he vowed to keep his word to be her friend. He must still go along with his father’s plans for the hotel, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t do all in his power to somehow help Nora.

Colin reached for her hand and studied the long, gloveless fingers. Tiny freckles dotted her skin. He ran his thumb over them. “Shall we get to it then?” he asked, lifting his head.

Nora’s gaze widened. “W-what do you mean?”

He bit back a smile. She might deny it all she wanted, but she wasn’t completely immune to his attentions. “To choir rehearsal.”

“Oh…right.” She slipped her hand from his and started walking—quickly.

With a low chuckle, Colin easily matched his stride with hers. They covered the remaining distance to the village in silence.

When the stone walls and bell tower of the church came into full view, Colin slowed his pace. Would he be mocked for stepping inside? Would the ancient rocks crumble around him in protest? He hadn’t entered the building since the Sunday before he and Christian had left for the war. Pastor Randolph had given a sermon that day on trusting in God. A subject Colin couldn’t claim expertise in, especially given that communication between him and the Lord had been relatively nonexistent for years.

Nora opened the door and waited. “You’re coming in, right?”

He swallowed to bring moisture to his dry mouth. His hands, inside his pockets, felt clammy, his stomach sick. He felt worse than he had his first day flying. If it were anyone else asking…But he couldn’t refuse the beautiful woman watching him with concern.

Forcing his feet to move once more, he gave her a deceivingly casual smile. “What have I said, Nora? Always a…”

“Gentleman,” she supplied with an amused shake of her head. “Then come along,
Mr.
Ashby. We don’t want to be late.”

He held the door for her and followed her inside. Warm air and the cheery glow of lamplight greeted him as he made his way down the aisle behind Nora.

Mr. Bagley, the grocer and choir director, stepped away from the knot of people gathered near the small pipe organ and greeted Nora with a smile. When the old man’s gaze alighted on Colin, his jaw sagged. “Mr. Ashby?”

“I’ve enlisted some help, Mr. Bagley.” Nora shot Colin a look that bordered on pride. Had she sensed how much he dreaded this?

The old man recovered his shock. “Welcome, young man. We’re pleased to have you.”

Colin wordlessly tipped his head in acknowledgment. The other singers from the village eyed him with blatant curiosity. Just as he was beginning to squirm under their scrutiny, Mr. Bagley passed out hymnals and announced it was time to start. He directed the singers to their different spots near the organ. Colin took his place on the bottom row, while Nora went to stand at his far right on the top row.

As Mrs. Smith, the apothecary’s wife and church organist, began playing the instrument with gusto, Colin shifted backward and peered over his shoulder at Nora. He caught her eye and raised his eyebrows, indicating the door at the opposite end of the church. Perhaps he could still make a run for it.

She lifted her hymnal and mouthed the words
a gentleman
. Colin threw her a feigned scowl. He’d rather be anywhere else at the moment. Nora returned her attention to the book in her hands, but Colin caught the trace of her dimple. She was trying not to laugh. Her amusement invoked his. He coughed to cover his own chuckle.

The notes of the song penetrated his thoughts. He recognized the tune, even before reading the title printed on the open page in front of him. “Nearer, My God, to Thee.” His mother’s—and Christian’s—favorite hymn. He gave another cough, not to disguise his humor this time but to ease the assault of memories. In his distraction, he missed the opening cue from Mr. Bagley.

Colin easily found his place in the song and joined his voice with the other four men standing beside him. Two of them looked to be middle-aged or older, while the other two had to be in their late teens. Colin couldn’t recall any of their names, though their faces all seemed familiar.

With his mind elsewhere, he struck a wrong note. He cringed inwardly with embarrassment. It had been such a long time since he’d sung, especially with others. He needed to concentrate. Doing his best to block out everything but the music, Colin kept his eyes focused on the words and notes of the second verse.

He could relate to this stanza. Since Christian’s death, he had often felt darkness clouding his days and his future. Like a wanderer, he struggled to find some purpose, some usefulness to his life, that wasn’t orchestrated or mandated by his father.

Only when he flew his plane did he feel any amount of freedom or hope. Might that be God manifesting Himself in his life?

Colin stopped singing to listen to the harmony around him. Though the mixture of singing voices blended well, he could still pick out a lovely soprano voice among the other parts. He twisted to glance up at Nora again. Her gaze was fastened on something across the church, her lips parted as she sang.

As he watched, she looked down at him. Her eyebrows rose in silent question. Colin shook his head in answer. He’d given his word; he wouldn’t bolt, even if he felt horribly out of place. She paused, in singing, to bestow a full smile on him. Flying wasn’t the only time he felt freedom. That was how he felt around Nora.

A look from Mr. Bagley drew his attention back to the song. Colin resumed his part, singing it with no trouble this time. The group worked their way through several more hymns before Mr. Bagley declared the rehearsal over.

After receiving a handshake and an expression of thanks from the old man, Colin exited the church with Nora. He blinked in the unexpected sunshine outside.

“What did you think?” she asked as they strolled through the village.

Colin pretended to frown. “It was every bit as horrible as I’d imagined.” He couldn’t show his enjoyment of the singing too easily.

“I see.” Nora gave a thoughtful nod. “So that was a look of horror I saw on your face earlier.”

Colin chuckled—she’d called his bluff. “Only a week here, and you’re already as mocking as a court jester. What will several months do to you?”

She blushed. “I’m sorry. I don’t—”

He stopped her with a hand to her elbow and a finger to her mouth. “I’m only teasing, Nora. I enjoy your ribbing…” Her lips felt warm and subtle beneath his touch, just as he’d imagined yesterday. “Quite a lot actually…” Would her mouth taste every bit as sweet as he hoped?

Her eyes widened as he continued to stare down at her. What had they been talking about?

“Morning, Mr. Ashby, Miss Lewis,” a feminine voice called out.

Colin released Nora straightaway and turned to see Mrs. Bagley hanging wash on her clothesline. “Morning, ma’am.” He tipped his head in politeness.

Had she observed the intimate moment between him and Nora? What had possessed him to touch her lips, and in the middle of Larksbeck?

He began walking again, Nora silently striding along beside him. If he meant to follow through with his father’s demands—and he did mean to—he must avoid physical contact with Nora. It was much too distracting…and enjoyable.

“What time is church tomorrow?” he asked, as much for the information as to end the strained quiet between them.

“Nine o’clock. Why?”

Colin kept his gaze focused straight ahead. “I suppose I ought to show up for the actual performance. Bagley will be furious if I don’t.”

Nora reached out as if to touch his sleeve, but she lowered her hand to her side again.
Good
, Colin thought.
She needs to keep her distance, too.
But he couldn’t completely ignore the slash of disappointment that cut through him at the absence of her feminine touch.

“That would be wonderful, Colin.”

“I’m not promising to make this a habit.”

“I understand.” She shot him a look from the corner of her eye. “Thank you for coming, and not just for the singing. I think everyone was so surprised to see you, they forgot all about comparing me to Eleanor Lewis.”

At last a topic he could discuss with ease. “Does that bother you?”

Nora lifted her shoulders in a shrug, but tension clouded her expression. “Sometimes it feels as though I ought to know her, since we’re clearly alike. But I knew so little about my relatives here in England.”