A History of the African-American People (Proposed) by Strom Thurmond (21 page)

Obviously they couldn’t.

I don’t believe a word you say about your sister, especially not now. You have probably subjected her to some of the torment to which you have subjected me. Do you derive pleasure inflicting torture on innocents? Oh sure, as children we all set dogs on fire and ripped turtles from their shells, but most of us, MOST of us, graduate from such things.

Not you.

Reba and I will find much in common and will be able to grow whole together.

Notice that I will not sign off as if I were talking to the IRS or Count Dracula.

My fondest wishes,

Barton

Oh Roba, Roba, Roba

How could you be so low—bah?

S
IMON
& S
CHUSTER
, I
NC
.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

November 29, 2002

Dear Professor Kincaid,

I can see why your students respond to you as they do. You do indeed radiate much warmth. I wish I had been lucky enough to have taken a class with you or someone like you at NYU.

I thank you very kindly for your shrewd counsel. As for playing Wilkes and Snell off against one another, I don’t think I have the skill for that. I can see the wisdom of your advice and appreciate it deeply. I know someone as skilled in these things as you could mastermind it adroitly. Me, I’d probably just tangle things up badly, like the snarls you used to get in your fishing line. Knowing me, I’d probably get them both clawing at me just by trying to get away. Like running from a couple of killer bees. Incites them.

Again, I cannot thank you enough for your generosity. Please let me know if there is any way I can be of assistance in this project. My abilities may be limited; but they are at your disposal.

Your friend,

R. Juniper McCloud

Juniper McCloud

November 29, 2002

Dear Mr. Wilkes:

I have received your address from my brother, by way of the publishing house.

I am not sure how you got onto me or even how you determined my phone number, though I guess it is in the book. In any case, I am afraid I must ask you not to call me any more. I am sorry to be rude and I do not like to hurt you or anyone else. However, I am not now at liberty to complicate my personal life, much less to be spending Thanksgiving with you.

As for your questions about my brother, I, again not wishing to be rude, must ask you not to go on to me about him. Your messages are sometimes almost violent in tone. I do think, though, that you have no reason to be so angry. Without knowing the details, I do know Juniper and am quite sure he is incapable of a mean or hurtful act. Please do not threaten him or attempt to relay your threats through me. It is an odd way to persuade me to spend time with you anyways, don’t you think? As I say, circumstances absolutely prevent me from doing so.

I wish you well, Mr. Wilkes, but trust you will not pursue me or my brother, as you are surely not the person to give pain wantonly.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Reba McCloud

Reba McCloud

November 29, 2002

Dear Professor Kincaid:

You cannot possibly know who I am, and I apologize for intruding on you. I just wanted to thank you for your kindness to my brother, Juniper McCloud. (He showed me your letter.) It is not everyone who would take the time to write such a wise letter to a forlorn stranger.

Whether or not Juniper is able to take your advice, it is nonetheless a rare and fine thing you did.

I am as grateful as he.

Warmest wishes,

Reba McCloud

Reba McCloud

F
ROM THE
D
ESK OF
P
ERCIVAL
E
VERETT

November 29, 2002

Jim—

What is this latest shit from Barton?

What should we do?

Percival

Interoffice Memo

November 29, 2002

Percival:

What is this latest shit from Barton?

What should we do?

Jim

Interoffice Memo

November 30, 2002

Percival—

Glad we talked. I agree that we should write directly to Strom—or try to. The only sane one in this whole mess seems to me McCloud’s goddamn sister. Lot of fucking good that does us.

You go ahead and write Strom. You got that South Carolina touch.

By the way, the hearing was a fucking farce. I’ll tell you more when I’m less depressed about it. The upshot is I have to go to sensitivity training, apologize, and “watch my step.” Can you believe it? And can I appeal or anything? No! Of course not. Maybe I should have brought character witnesses, but the thing was stacked from the beginning. You get the picture—young woman and middle-aged man (albeit distinguished professor with unblemished record). That’s all she wrote. (What does that phrase mean? Where does it come from?)

Anyhow, go ahead and write to Strom.

Fuck!

Jim

p.s. What will they train my fucking sensitivity to do? Fetch? Roll over? Ha ha!

Percival Everett
University of Southern California
University Park Campus
Los Angeles, CA 90089

December 2, 2002

The Honorable Strom Thurmond

Russell Senate Office Building

Washington, D.C.

Dear Senator Thurmond:

Only the most extreme desperation sends us coming straight to you. I hope you will excuse us and, when you look into matters, agree that we are justified in horning in on your valuable time.

We are the writer/research team assembled by Simon and Schuster (Martin Snell is the Editor in charge there) to assist in the completion of your HISTORY OF THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN PEOPLE. We are eager to proceed with this work and have been, often frantically, trying to worm out of Snell, the Editor, and especially one Barton Wilkes, your Assistant, clear directions on how to proceed.

I don’t know if you’d believe the smoke which has been blown in our faces (and, excuse me, up our skirts) when we’ve tried to get a view of the terrain. I append here copies of all the correspondence, along with the materials Mr. Wilkes has sent us to “write up.” You will see for yourself.

Believe us, Senator Thurmond, when we say that we are not habitual complainers. We simply want to help you in your project and have arrived at the conclusion that we cannot possibly do that when everything is reflected in the funhouse mirror that is Barton Wilkes, Snell, and (so says Snell) Ted Kennedy.

A word or two from you on what you want would set us straight, I am sure.

We write with respect, with eagerness to proceed, and with frustration amounting to frenzy.

Very sincerely yours,

Percival

Percival Everett

James Kincaid (who signs but has not read)