Read A History of the African-American People (Proposed) by Strom Thurmond Online
Authors: Percival Everett,James Kincaid
Tags: #Humour, #Politics, #ebook, #book
November 20, 2002
Juniper:
Hi honey. I’ve been missing you so much and wondering how you’re doing. No, I don’t want money, and no I’m not in trouble. I don’t know why you always think that.
You’re so cute, you know, and I think I have found just the dolly for you. She’s more subdued than the one you didn’t like, Michelle, you remember, that I introduced you to. Michelle was a little wild, I guess, or just not too mature. But you have to admit she was a lot of fun, in her way. But her way was not your way, and maybe not any sane person’s way. Michelle was not the one for you. Sorry. She’s engaged now, by the way, and you should see the place they have picked out for the wedding. It’s an old garage—I mean the kind where they fix cars. They are going to have themselves lifted on one of those racks that go up when they change your oil, along with this Justice of the Peace or something, and read their own vows from that perch. So—my mistake.
Anyhow, this other girl is named Ritzi, which does not indicate anything about her, as I know how quick you are to judge people, especially on names. Her Mom and Dad named her Ritzi because they had parents, her Mom and Dad did, who liked the comic strip Ritzi Ritz and they, Ritzi’s parents, wanted to pay a sort of tribute to their parents. But Ritzi is quiet and very well educated. She’s pretty in a different way from Michelle.
So, Juney, who is this Barton Wilkes? He says he works for a Senator and that he, Wilkes, is your dearest friend. That’s how he puts it, your dearest friend. Somehow that doesn’t seem likely. Anyhow, this Wilkes calls and I answer (the first time) and he goes on and on, real pleasant but without making a lot of sense that I could figure out. He says he’d like to get together and “see if we can get our Jell-O in the same mold.” What does that mean? I have no objections to clever talk, but I’d like to be more at home with it. Suppose I say my Jell-O will fit in the same mold with his Jell-O? What then?
Anyhow, this Wilkes guy scared me a little, so now I’ve been screening my calls until I could check with you. I’ve been avoiding him, except for once, when I picked up without thinking and there he was, asking if I didn’t think you were very cute, did I look at all like you, and did I ever get to Atlantic City. He also said some stuff about Risk, which I thought was him propositioning me but which turned out to be some kind of game. He said you two played it? I am an easy-going person, but I don’t want to go out with a guy who is going to gaze at me and see YOU! But more than that, I just get a funny feeling about this guy and hope you are safe. Don’t be mad at me, please. I know you don’t like me meddling, and I don’t mean to. I just hope you are OK with this guy and not in any danger. If you need help, please call me. I know you’ll hate me saying that, but I don’t want you needing help and not having anywhere to get it. I can’t stand to think of that.
Please tell me what’s what, little brother. I promise not to bother you any more than I can help, as I know it annoys you and you don’t like me very much. I wish you did.
All my love,
Reba
S
IMON
& S
CHUSTER
, I
NC
.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
November 20, 2002
Dear James and Percival,
Just a brief follow-up.
I acknowledge receipt of your humorous comments on the Senatorial buzzings re the book and am pleased that you are willing to play ball.
Was my letter to you regarding your various confusions and concerns fully adequate? I didn’t receive from you an acknowledgement of receipt, so I assume it was fully adequate.
Yours faithfully,
Mart
O
FFICE OF
S
ENATOR
S
TROM
T
HURMOND
217 R
USSELL
S
ENATE
B
UILDING
W
ASHINGTON
, D.C. 20515
November 20, 2002
Dear Percival and James,
Now that we are all clear on the nature of this documentation, I am providing material for the book and not a “writing exercise”—I think I can give it to you straighter, as it were. Without so much commentary, I mean.
Here is some more material, then, meant to aid you in the development of the writing, which I assume is proceeding apace.
I think, really, I shall give you but one piece this time, from a John Merrick speech in 1898. Mr. Merrick, as you see, is from North Carolina. Since there is only one bit this time, I will give you a little more to swim in, though still not a whole lake.
“There has been lots and lots said about the Negro and his condition in North Carolina. So much so that I think that the least of us have a perfect right to give vent to our feelings if we wish; and on these grounds, I take the privilege to say a few words about me and my people the way I see it.
“We are here and we are going to stay. And why not stay? We have the same privileges that other people have. Every avenue is open to us to do business as it is to any other people. We are allowed to own homes and farms, run farms, do banking business, insurance, real estate business and all other minor businesses that are done in this Commonwealth…. Now to show you why we have not been benefitted [sic] by politics and why we ought to let them alone: In the first place, our good men and lots of our best men have turned their attention to party and office. A man goes into politics a good man and he goes to pulling the wires and soon is classed a politician. This naturally makes him lose interest along business and industrial lines; then he has to stick to it for protection, and that settles him as a businessman. This happens with very few exceptions…. What difference does it make to us who is elected? We got to serve in the same different capacities of life for a living…. We got to haul wood, and don’t care who is elected.
“Now let us think more of our employment and what it takes to keep peace and to build us a little house and stop thinking we are the whole Republican Party and without us the whole thing would stop.
“Now don’t the writers of the race jump on the writer and try to solve my problem. Mine is solved. I solved mine by learning to be courteous to those that courtesy was due, working and trying to save and properly appropriate what I made.
“I do think we have done well and I think we could have done better. Now let us make better use of the years we have left than we have the years that have past, as we have the past to look back over and see the many mistakes.”
Add this to the recipe. Stir and make a sunshine cake!
Toodle-oo,
Beeuuttee
O
FFICE OF
S
ENATOR
S
TROM
T
HURMOND
217 R
USSELL
S
ENATE
B
UILDING
W
ASHINGTON
, D.C. 20515
November 22, 2002
My dear Minty Juliper,
Just a note re our weekend.
Don’t regret a thing. I know I don’t.
And you know what they say about what comes to those who wait.
Atlantic City will always hold for me a special—well, you guess.
Never let it be said that I gilded a lily.
Puss-puss,
Big Blan
S
IMON
& S
CHUSTER
, I
NC
.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
November 22, 2002
Dear Barton,
I opened my suitcase and out fell several game pieces. I enclose them, not recalling with any confidence which of your many games they came from. I also had $1000 of play money in my shirt pocket. I meant to return that, but it got all gummed up with other stuff. Sorry.
My sister contacted me, saying you were calling her and asking me about you. I just want to say that I warned you about her. She is EVIL. That’s my opinion. But you are certainly welcome to get scorched by her, if you like.
The one thing I will not tolerate is getting into the middle. Should you two get involved, fine with me. Just keep me out of it, hear?
Hope all goes well there in Washington.
Yours truly,
Juniper
F
ROM THE
D
ESK OF
P
ERCIVAL
E
VERETT
November 23, 2002
Jim:
Let’s keep our focus here, lest we become adrift in a wide, wide ocean far out of sight of land.
The latest from Wilkes—that speech. Can you tell me if it’s accurate and who John Merrick was? Wasn’t that the name of the Elephant Man?
Percival
p.s. Has the hearing been held yet? You need a character witness?