A Heart Not Easily Broken (The Butterfly Memoirs) (14 page)

And somehow in-between all of this I did the unthinkable and introduced her to my life. My music. My family. Since when did I start introducing women I had only known for a month to my family? Family was sacred. You never brought an unknown element into the center of your life. A rotten influence could disturb the entire balance of what gave you peace in the world.

My slice of perfection. My slice of paradise.

My Eve.

I chuckled. My father described his relationship with my mother that way. And yeah, I confided in him that I thought I’d found ‘the one’. But I had no true idea what that ‘one’ was until now.

Never in my life had I ever been this satisfied after sex and yet still craved more. And the more wasn’t just about sex. I wanted her smile, her company. I wanted her to be just as important in my life as my guitar.

Anything Ebony wanted from me, she could have. My time. My money. My heart.

Radiating heat in my chest had me rubbing that very spot. Love happened for me once, and it had taken months to cultivate, not weeks. And look how that ended. Did I really want that kind of risk right now?

Ebony wanted monogamy. Done, because I wasn’t sharing. She wanted good sex, hell yeah, so did I.  And it was beyond good.

Her declaration of boyfriend/girlfriend sounded like a high school romance compared to what I felt. But what did it mean? Our first true conversation had been about ‘friends-with-benefits’. Is that what we were doing? I’m sure she wouldn’t have shared the label with my father. Maybe it was just her way of telling me she wanted to have sex.

In the beginning, when she’d made it clear she didn’t want to sleep with me, my response had been to ignore my desire and focus on developing a relationship because she intrigued me. That didn’t remove the sexual tension; I just kept from making advances.  And now after sex, I realized I still needed more from her.

Her mind, her body, her time. Every part she was willing to share.

I turned my head slightly and glimpsed her relaxed form. All that caramel skin, soft and delicious. Mine.

“Mmm…”

Ebony’s moan made the blood in my body drain from one head to another.

She shifted in bed and faced me. “Hi.” She smiled.

“Hi, yourself.” I couldn’t keep a cocky grin off my face. Oh yeah, I’d given her more than she’d expected.

We studied each other in silence. It didn’t feel awkward at all.

Ebony reached out and brushed a finger along my jaw, then rested her hand on my chest. Her gaze went down to my skin.

She smiled slightly. “You’ve got freckles on your chest.” She traced them lightly.

I looked down. Her fingers were so soft. “Yeah, in a few places.”

“I like them.” She bit her lip and sat up on her elbow, seemingly entranced by my skin.

Enjoying her curiosity, I folded my arms behind my head, leaving every inch of my body at her disposal. She could have access to anything she wanted.

Her eyes traveled to the tattoos on my biceps. I gave a half grin. The markings on my skin always seemed to fascinate the women I’d been with. Somehow, they wanted to equate them with power or something else stupid.

She studied them intently. “What do they mean?”

Usually I made up some ridiculous story to entertain. But not this time. That was a first.

“I surf a lot. When I was in college, I made my way over to Hawaii for a weekend with some friends. It was an awesome time to go. The waves were rough and wild, perfect for what we were doing. Anyway, there was this one killer wave none of us seemed to get hold of. After hours of trying, I finally did it. To celebrate, I decided to get a tattoo.

“There was this really old man who worked in the tattoo parlor. When I showed him what I wanted, he frowned and said it was not the one for me. At first I was pissed, but then he explained. He said, ‘Marking your body is a sacred thing. A tattoo represents what is dear to you.  Don’t waste time doing something you will regret when you get older.’

“He then removed his shirt and showed me some of the most amazing artwork I’d ever seen. His arms, chest, back…all of his markings told the story of his life. I made the decision right then and there my tattoos would mean something.” I smiled as Ebony retrieved the pillow from the floor, folded it, and rested her head on her arms to listen to my tale.

“I was just twenty-one then, still wet behind the ears no pun intended and didn’t have much of a story to tell. So he asked me what meant the most to me in my life. I told him, and he designed this.” I pulled my arm from behind my head and flexed my bicep. “This is a shark and represents adaptability and strength. The dolphin,” I moved my arm and pointed, “represents joy and friendship. Here is wind, which is protection and fertility. And my favorite,” I adjusted my arm again, “is the turtle. This is for family and life.”

I watched her eyes travel over the black figures. “They are beautiful, Brian.” She glanced at my other arm and her eyebrows creased. “But why do you have two of them?”

“This one,” I indicated my right arm “is for my family.  My parents, sisters, cousins, and everyone I hold dear.” I held up my other arm. “But this set, the one closest to my heart, represents my future family.”

Ebony laughed lightly. “Family to come, huh? You like to plan in advance don’t you?”

“You’ve got to have a plan in order to get what you want out of life. You’re doing a good job with the plan you have.”

“Yeah, and it’s a lot of work. I’ve enjoyed every opportunity, too. But I can’t wait for this year to be over. I want school behind me and to focus on the job. I’ve got so much information waiting to get put to use, but I can’t do it yet.” She turned to lie on her back.

I creased my eyebrows and watched her sigh. “What’s wrong? I thought you got to do a lot. I mean, you do more than shovel crap all day, right?”

She chuckled. “Yeah, I assist the head veterinarians when they do routine physicals on the animals.”

“That sounds good.”

“Yeah, ‘sounds’ is the operative word. When I assist, my job is to stand there with a chart in my hand, taking notes about animal weight or medication. Nothing hands-on just yet.” She rolled her eyes. “Okay, that was a lie. I do some hands-on, but it’s only with the little animals. I want to deal with the big ones - lions, elephants, the panda bears - for crying out loud.”

“Stuck with the baby orangutan, huh?”

“I wouldn’t say stuck. I love taking care of her. She’s fragile and small. Her mother was sick and dying. It forced the vets to do a cesarean on her in order to save the infant. She was born too soon, but Nala is a fighter. She’s just a month old and has packed on a few pounds as well as starting to develop like other infants of her species.”

Her eyes lit up as she spoke. For the first time I noticed the way the tip of her nose wiggled when she got excited. That was endearing.

“But now I wonder if…” The twinkle in her eye dimmed.

“What?”

She sighed heavily before turning back to face me. “I’ve worked my ass off for the opportunity for the full-time position next year, but sometimes I wonder if something is going to happen to change things. I mean, I get along with everyone; I always get to work on time and stay late even when not on the clock. I volunteer for the shitty assignments” She smirked when I laughed. “Ha, ha, I don’t mean literally.”

“Yes, you do, admit it. There’s no shame in shoveling shit. We all have to some time.”

“Seems like I do a lot of it when I’m with you.” Ebony nudged my chest. “Seriously, I saw something last month that’s got me worried. My mentor, Doctor Jacobs, has been aiding me since I started volunteering, taking me under his wing. He’s always been willing to answer any questions I’ve had. He’s even shared information I never would have known to ask. Recently, he loaned me a stack of books from his senior year in college, the same classes I’ll be taking this fall, and his detailed notes. He wants me to get the job.”

I felt my eyebrows knit together, suddenly territorial. “He hasn’t tried to make a move on you, has he?”

“What? No, no, okay once, but nothing happened.” She waved it off.

“So what’s the problem?”

“Well, I walked into a supply closet for some toilet paper and found him in there with his pants down around his ankles and the new intern on her knees.”

Blood shot straight to my groin and my attention went immediately to her mouth. I wondered what her mouth would feel like

“I slammed the door and hurried out of there.”

I shrugged, forcing my attention away from her mouth and checked the time. Twenty minutes would be over soon. As much as I wanted to listen to what she had to say, I wanted to be inside her again.

“They were coworkers. Sex in the work place is nothing new.”

One of her eyebrows cocked. “He’s in his fifties, and the girl is just nineteen.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly. The zoo has a strict no-fraternization policy, but so does every job. It still happens. If no one reports it, then it’s not a problem. It wasn’t my first time walking in on a couple who decided to take private time on the clock. Honestly I could care less. The age difference is a little creepy, but she’s legal so it’s not a crime.” She paused and took a deep breath. “The problem is he pulled me to the side an hour later and told me he’s worried about his job and had two kids in college to support.”

“Hold up, he was getting waxed by a girl the same age as his kids?” I grimaced. “That’s gross.”

Ebony shuttered beside me. “Tell me about it. It gets worse; it was his daughter’s best friend. He got her the job as a volunteer over the summer.”

I whistled. “Damn.”

“So he pulls me to the side and begs me not to tell anyone and promises to make me a shoo-in for the full-time position next year if I keep my mouth shut. He can do it, he’s on the board in charge of who gets hired and fired.”

Wow. Who knew there could be that much drama at the zoo?

“What did you say?”

“I would have told him to screw himself, but it had already been done,” she muttered.

I howled.

“I told him I wasn’t interested. I worked hard to get where I am and didn’t need his help to make it. What he did is his business and not to get me involved.”

I nodded. “I would have done the same thing.”

She looked at me, chewing on her lip. “The only problem is now I’m worried he’s going to try and hold it against me and mess up my chances. Since then, he’s been keeping a closer eye on everything I do, as if he’s waiting for me to screw up, so he can have something to hold against me in case I change my mind. Work was stressful enough with the competition between the five interns for two positions.”

I reached for her bottom lip and pulled it from between perfect teeth. “Stop. If anyone’s going to chew on your lip, it’s me.” She shook her head and grinned. “Don’t sweat it. You’re good at what you do, and he knows it. If he didn’t believe you were capable of doing the job, he wouldn’t be interested in your education. There’s no real need for him to try and find something to hold against you. You’ll be able to get the job without his help. It sounds as if he’s trying to find something to hold over your head, just in case you change your mind. Don’t worry about it.” Unable to resist the plump pink flesh still glistening from her tongue, I leaned in to kiss her lip.

“Hmm.” Her eyes opened slowly. “You are so supportive. That’s one of the reasons why I like being with you.”

Instead of answering, I kissed her again. Man, could she kiss. Before meeting her, I preferred kissing other places than just mouths. Lips had always seemed like a formality. The real action came when I focused on other parts of the body. But with Ebony, kissing was pure pleasure; an opportunity to explore and plunder.

I pulled back and ran my finger along her flawless skin. “None of the guys you’ve dated have supported your career?”

“No. The last guy decided one day he wanted a family which meant I would have to quit seven years of college, become his wife, and start popping out babies.” She scoffed. “That wasn’t about to happen.”

“You don’t want a family?”

“Of course I do, when the time is right. But the time isn’t right for me. Once I finish school, it’s going to take a few years to get myself established in my field. The stress and strain of a relationship mixed with a new career isn’t the right way to start a family. So children are not in the works for me, not right now.”

“So what about us? What exactly are we doing?” I lay back on the bed while Ebony sat up. She looked down at me, her perfect breasts jiggled from her movements.

“I’m not sure. What do you want?”

My eyebrows creased, I reached up and pushed fallen hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

“I want you, but not just like this. I want this to be more than just sex. I promise there will be no one but you. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me, for support, conversation. Sex.” I jogged my eyebrows.

Ebony laughed. “You’re not looking for anything else right now?” Her eyes shot over to my tattoo.

“In time, but for now, this is what I want. Can you handle it?”

She made a show of deep thought. “Yes, I can, because I want the same.” She leaned down and kissed me.

Oh yeah, she definitely wanted the same thing. Ebony wasted no time straddling me. I gripped her hips as she settled down. I would have rather she just climbed aboard but there was no protection in place. Her hands rested on my chest as she stared down.

“I could get used to this.”

“Me, too.” I slid my fingers over her beautiful bare skin. “So what are you waiting for?”

Her smile was sexy as hell as she leaned down and brought her mouth to mine. Time for round two.

Chapter 17

Leaving Brian’s bed behind had been hard. Over the last few weeks, we’d talked on the phone, gone out on several dates. I’d spent the night at his place and he at mine. But it wasn’t enough.

Brian made me laugh and challenged my mind. Since being with him, my outlook on life had changed. Between white women giving me the evil eye and black men glaring at Brian, it opened my eyes to the ignorance in the world.