A Flower’s Shade (7 page)

Huaifu was astonished. After that, he did not dare again to be distracted, but pulled the sheets earnestly over until Miss Yu had finished her calligraphy. At the meeting of the Zhen Clan, it had been decided that Huaifu would help Miss Yu tend to the Estate affairs. Tend to Estate affairs—what that meant was that since there was no man on the Zhen Estate who could discharge social obligations, Huaifu's role was to be a kind of steward of the Estate. But Miss Yu did not let him interfere in any of her arrangements, and he had quickly become an indispensable companion in her daily life. To put it another way, he had quickly become a servant who was not a servant. Huaifu discovered that there were only two duties for him to discharge at the Zhen Estate for the nonce. One of them was to turn the paper overleaf when she did her calligraphy, and the other was to learn how to prepare the opium ball, so that he could blow the smoke for her.

At the beginning, Huaifu had crawled up onto the opium bed like a bear to learn how to vaporize the opium, Mrs. Wu instructing on the side. Huaifu had been subject to coughing fits and had been unable to learn the skill. The opium bed was small, but Huaifu was tall and burly, so that crouching on the opium bed he looked very silly. He couldn't figure out why preparing the opium clump, which looked so easy, should be so hard to master. While he was learning how to prepare it, Miss Yu and Mrs. Wu were always ridiculing him. Once, Miss Yu was looking gleefully at his awkward movements, when she teased him: "You know, Huaifu, having come to this, it's like you've stepped in to be my father's adoptive son."

Huaifu was absorbed by his attempt to learn the skill, but also had to listen to what Miss Yu was saying. If he got distracted, he began to choke, and then would begin to cough violently. If the smoke did drill down his trachea and into his lungs, he felt a pain in his chest like the blade of a knife. This made Miss Yu glow with laughter, saying, "Hey have you thought about this? You're the only man to be taken seriously in this whole Estate. Oh yes, and Huaifu, I still haven't figured out? What's the relationship between the two of us? Your grandfather's grandfather and my grandfather's grandfather—were they the same person? Or were they brothers?"

Huaifu's face was red with choking, and he was still trying to vaporize the opium, and he also had to answer Miss Yu's question—his mind couldn't handle it all. He stopped and thought about it with great effort, but still could not answer. All he knew is that all those called Zhen were one family, and that he and Miss Yu were paternal cousins. She was the older, and he was the younger. He was the younger, and she was the older.

Mrs. Wu saw him struggling and interrupted, "It's not hard, your grandfather's grandfather was also her grandfather's grandfather."

Huaifu nodded his head, looking like he half-understood. He still had to keep learning how to vaporize the opium from Mrs. Wu. He was doing his best to pick it up so that he could learn this skill, which could earn him Miss Yu's favor. But he was too clumsy, and the more anxious he was to please, the worse he was at it. Miss Yu saw him bathed in sweat and was less and less impressed with what she said. Mockingly, she said "Hey, why are you so useless? You really are a country bumpkin!"

Finally, Huaifu learnt how to vaporize the opium. He did the work Mrs. Wu had done in the past, drawing one full breath of opium after another and exhaling it over Miss Yu's face. Although she was still less than fully satisfied with his technique, she unhesitatingly gave Mrs. Wu her marching orders. She had long harbored many objections to Mrs. Wu, whose old-fashioned ways impeded her actions and filled her with anger.

"Mistress, how can you be so cruel, without any warning you just throw me out like this?" Never in her dreams would it have occurred to Mrs. Wu that Miss Yu could make such a cruel decision so abruptly. With her bag of things she came to bid her farewell, standing furiously aside as she watched Huaifu, her replacement, obediently exhaling the opium for Miss Yu. Miss Yu knew who had come, but deliberately kept her eyes closed, and only the flaps of her nose quivered as she breathed in the smoke in the air.

Mrs. Wu knew that there was no prospect of Miss Yu changing her mind. She looked at her askance and gave Huaifu a ferocious stare. By chance, Huaifu happened to glance over at Mrs. Wu, and quickly averted his gaze. He had a bit of a bad conscience, since at the bottom of his heart he was very much looking forward to Mrs. Wu's departure from the Zhen Estate. Mrs. Wu prided herself on her years of service and went about dictating and finding fault with everything. She was often snapping at him to do this or that, and was sometimes was even sharper with him than Miss Yu.

"Since the mistress is really so hard-hearted, what else can I say! I raised you on my own milk, and now this is how I'm treated?" Sullenly, she turned on her heels, and as she left, rolled her eyes at her own mistress, the wholly indifferent Miss Yu.

M
iss Yu ran into Xiaoyun in the corridor. The girl, familiar when Miss Yu had been young, had now become quite a stranger. It was a day in March, fine and clear, with all kinds of flowers in bloom. The Estate was filled with their fragrance. Over the last few days, they had had several rainfalls, and the air still held a hint of dampness. Miss Yu led Huaifu swiftly over the red carpet, now properly laid down. They crossed the courtyard and took the round door into the long corridor. As they were walking down it, they discovered that a bicycle was leaning against the corner of the wall. It was the first time either Miss Yu or Huaifu had seen such a thing, and they looked at it with great curiosity. Miss Yu approached the bicycle, and pushed it with an air of childish mischievousness.

The shadow of a thin man appeared behind them. Huaifu, turning around, was startled to see him. Miss Yu turned around and gave an involuntary start.

Standing in front of them was a young man wearing dark glasses, holding a birdcage in his hand. On account of the dark glasses, which were in the old style, nothing more than two little black disks, giving him an expression that seemed to be simultaneously serious and rather ludicrous. He was evidently the owner of the bicycle, and was looking coldly at Miss Yu, as though accusing her of tampering with it.

Once she had gotten over her start, Miss Yu approached the young man, scrutinizing him with great curiosity. She looked and looked, and took advantage of his momentary inattention to stretch her hand out and remove his glasses. This startled the young man as well as herself. Though the young man in front of her seemed somehow familiar to Miss Yu, she hadn't been able to place him. But, having thought about it for a moment, she recognized him by the visible mole under the corner of his left eye.

"Xiaoyun? Is it you, Xiaoyun?" Miss Yu tried asking, "Hey, is it you?"

The man she had called Xiaoyun began to look acutely embarrassed. Since he did not deny being Xiaoyun, it was certain that he was who Miss Yu said he was. Xiaoyun was the younger brother of her sister-in-law Suqin. Because Suqin's and Xiaoyun's parents had died soon after Suqin's marriage, Xiaoyun had been brought to live at the Zhen Estate when he was very small. One could say that he had grown up in the Zhen Estate, and one could also say that he had been the only companion of her girlhood, since in the isolation of the principal quarters, there had never been other children for Miss Yu to play with.

When she was sure of his identity, she grew instantly sarcastic, saying, "Didn't I say it was you? I haven't seen you in so many years. Haven't you become impressive?"

Flustered, Xiaoyun reached out to grab back the glasses she had in her hands. Very earnestly, he put them on again, and once he was wearing them it was as though his confidence was instantly restored. Full of pride, he looked at Miss Yu and Huaifu. He had long ago become familiar with Miss Yu's despotic temper, and had also learned that the best way of dealing with her was to ignore her. Indeed, now she began pleasantly, "It really has been many years. That's right, it was when my brother got sick, after that I never saw you again. Where did you run off to?"

Xiaoyun considered the question and said, "I was at school."

"So you went away to school. And all these years, you've been at school the whole time?"

It seemed he was tired of answering Miss Yu's questions. He stood, silent and immobile, delivering giving Miss Yu the cold shoulder. After a moment, he turned his face disapprovingly to Miss Yu and looked coldly at her.

"Incredible, so you're a modern-style student now." Miss Yu obviously envied him, but since she had been hurt by his coldness, she was speaking to him with sarcasm. Something like a smile was tugging at the corner of Xiaoyun's mouth, as though he was looking eagerly forward to the next words she would speak. But she had nothing left to say.

Huaifu was standing silently by, listening to their conversation. He was astonished to find that there were people who dared speak like this to Miss Yu, and that it didn't seem to anger her very much, either. Huaifu had only studied for three years, in a countryside primary school. His family was very poor, and there had never been any prospect of real studies. He was filled with envy for those who were in a position to continue their studies, especially those who were studying in the modern, Western style. Xiaoyun walked proudly back to his bicycle and hung the birdcage from the handlebars. Then he began to walk off, pushing his bicycle. Miss Yu, curious, followed behind for a few steps, and watched how Xiaoyun went out the great gates, bestrode his bicycle, and rode off into the distance.

I
t was true that Huaifu had once nearly been adopted as the son of Old Master Zhen. If he really had been formally adopted, then things today might have been entirely different. If he had been taken on at the Zhen Estate a little earlier, more than likely he too would have become renowned for his dalliances.

The year following Naixiang's accident, Zhushan Uncle had taken Huaifu to the Zhen Estate. There had been a clan meeting at that time, for it was felt that Old Master Zhen ought to adopt Huaifu. The whole thing had been Zhushan Uncle's idea. Huaifu had been fifteen that year. In brand-new clothing, with a feeling of uneasiness, he had entered the great Estate. Before he had left the countryside, he had already been told how magnificent the Estate was, and now he finally had the opportunity to see it. Because there were carvings of auspicious historical stories or animal motifs on the beams and columns of all the doors and windows, Huaifu's first impression was that he had entered into some unreal legendary world, and that those who lived here couldn't possibly be ordinary mortals. It was also the occasion on which Huaifu had had the opportunity to see Miss Yu again. By that time, she was already a grown-up girl. They had met in the courtyard, and Fourth Uncle anxiously told Huaifu to call her name. It was much the same as the first time, with Huaifu staring and unsure what would be the proper way to address her. Miss Yu had grown prettier since he had last seen her, and prouder. In an old-fashioned, reluctant way, she greeted Fourth Uncle and then looked Huaifu up and down as though she had been presented with a monster. In an unfriendly manner she asked Fourth Uncle, "What's wrong with his head? What hole did he crawl out of?"

Fourth Uncle explained, while signaling Huaifu to greet her. Huaifu timidly greeted her. Miss Yu seemed to be aware of the possible adoption, rolled her eyes and said "Don't call me sister, you're not my brother." Instantly, Huaifu felt deeply wounded, and he had all but cried. When she had spoken, she turned and left, while Fourth Uncle smiled affectedly in order to cover his retreat. The whole day had been thoroughly unpleasant, they were welcome nowhere. Meeting with Old Master Zhen, Huaifu felt so unjustly treated by his contemptuous glare that he had almost burst into sobs. Apparently because there were things he didn't want Huaifu to hear, Fourth Uncle had told him to wait outside in the courtyard for a while. He had stayed by himself in the courtyard, feigning an interest in the carved pictured on the wall tiles, feeling as abject as though a knife were twisting inside him. Miss Yu had shown such a vile attitude towards him, and all he could hope for would be to leave sooner rather than later.

That day they weren't even asked to stay for a meal. When their visit was over, Fourth Uncle had to take him to a little noodle shop for a bowl of noodles. "They might seem impressive just now," Fourth Uncle said consolingly when the noodles had arrived, "But sooner or later they will need you." Huaifu could no longer remember what those noodles had tasted like, but what he could not forget was not only that he had been humiliated in the Zhen Estate, but also—which made him feel even more miserable—that he dreamt of meeting Miss Yu that night. In his dreams, Miss Yu was just as arrogant as in real life, and she humiliated him once again, and even gave him a hard slap in the face. The strange thing was that the slap didn't hurt, and that when he touched his own face, he smelled an alluring fragrance. The fragrance drilled into his mind and he felt an insuppressible pleasure. It was then that he realized he had had a wet dream.

When he was with Miss Yu, he would often blush on account of this memory that he wished would disappear. He would frequently be subject to sudden attacks of shame on account of this unforgotten recollection. He had never thought that, years later, he really would become a part of the Zhen household. He had never thought that he really would be in such proximity with her, morning, noon and night, her closest companion. It seemed that Miss Yu had already seen through him. Huaifu was sure that such a heavenly woman was sure to know everything, could find anything out. Everything was predetermined, from the first meeting, Huaifu had had a premonition that he and Miss Yu would share a bond that could never be severed. The joys and sorrows between them had long been preordained. It was preordained that they would share the same stage, to act out the same tragedy.

"What's the big deal about this Estate?" Miss Yu had asked him more than once. It was obvious that she no longer detested him as much as before. Huaifu was a humble man, but Miss Yu could not understand why a perfectly fine man would let himself be ordered around like a servant. "Don't you have any character at all?"