A Flower’s Shade (16 page)

Miss Sophie was on stage, acting grief. Miss Yu was watching Miss Sophie's look of blank horror. Watching the show from backstage was very different than from the front. Miss Sophie's tears flowed copiously; she had thrown herself into the role, it was like she had been possessed. On her heavily made up face, a line of tears had left traces of their passage. Miss Yu watched her, letting the play absorb her.

Miss Sophie's role was a student who had been forced to marry a warlord. After marrying the tyrant, she was secretly meeting her old friend. Her old friend was a young student, filled with ambition and erudition, and he had given a dagger to the student that Miss Sophie was playing. The old lover had choked on tears and then cleared out, and after some very sorrowful lyricism in a particularly extended speech, she had taken out the dagger and struck it forcefully into her own bosom.

Miss Yu blanched in fright and gave a screech. She rushed headlong onto the edge of the stage, but just as she was doing that she finally remembered that this was a show, because she saw that Miss Sophie had only stuck the dagger into her armpit. From where Miss Yu was standing, one could see very clearly the tip of the dagger sticking out in back. This struck her as utterly ridiculous, and she burst out laughing like a child.

Xiaoyun felt that Miss Yu looked rather foolish standing at the edge of the stage. She was quite an embarrassment, since at least a portion of the audience could see, from where they were sitting, not only the show on the stage, but also Miss Yu's performance. He came up to Miss Yu and pulled her away. She didn't seem to think there was anything excessive about her behavior. Xiaoyun pulled Miss Yu away, and again they crossed through the playing children. The Civilized play really was not worth watching, and Miss Yu felt they might as well go back. She decided to return without letting the other members of their party now. Let them fuss about trying to find her after the show.

Xiaoyun rode his bike, Miss Yu riding on the back, and they set off for home. They rode along the river, talking about one thing or another. It was a relief for Xiaoyun to leave the sports field behind, he hadn't wanted in the least to watch the play in the first place. The noisiness of the event irritated him. Miss Yu's suggestion that they go home had perfectly matched his own inclination. Practically no one was on the road. And so Miss Yu was sitting on the back of the bicycle, tightly gripping Xiaoyun's waist, like any lovely girl, smiling without a care.

One after another, wooden boats in full sail passed them, going in the other direction. Miss Yu watched the sails with curious eyes. The boats were packed with soldiers in full uniform. There were trackers for each boat, pulling the boat from the banks. When the soldiers saw Xiaoyun and Miss Yu riding along the embankment, they made flippant gestures at them which looked a little lewd. A few of the soldiers even called out to them. Distracted, Xiaoyun began to wobble violently. Miss Yu was scared to death and fell off the bike. Xiaoyun swerved badly and nearly took a tumble himself. The soldiers on the wooden boats laughed wildly. In front of them was the little bridge they had crossed before. Xiaoyun dismounted and, with Miss Yu, pushed his bike towards the bridge.

Xiaoyun and Miss Yu stood on the bridge and watched the boats disappear into the distance. It was a calm and sunny day, and they walked against a blue sky and white clouds. Miss Yu couldn't help remembering the girl student who had stood with Xiaoyun on that bridge to talk to him. The mobile expressions and attentive gaze of the girl again appeared before Miss Yu's eyes. Miss Yu, trying to imitate the girl's expression, asked Xiaoyun curiously, "Has the war been on out here all this time?"

Xiaoyun felt the risibility of Miss Yu's hopelessly naïve question. The papers were incessantly reporting on the war, on the warlords' struggle for the land, a take-no-prisoners, irreconcilable fight. First it had been Duan Qirui and Wu Peifu fighting, and then it was Wu Peifu and Zhang Zuolin. They had already had a war once; but now a second war was necessary. A perfectly fine country had been riddled with holes and ravaged by disease. Xiaoyun sighed, "Ever since they got rid of the Qing Emperor, we've had nothing but wars. There's warlords everywhere, so many there's some you've probably never heard of."

Miss Yu said, "In any case, there's no war here, right?"

Xiaoyun said peevishly, "There's nothing good about there being no war, either."

"So you like war." Miss Yu said, hearing the peevishness in his voice and immediately needling him, "So go join the army. No one's stopping you."

Xiaoyun said, "Why should I join the army? The world outside is bigger than you imagine. There's lots of things you can do besides joining the army."

As Xiaoyun spoke, they had reached the high point of the bridge. He looked into the distance, and drifted into reverie. Miss Yu knew that he had knocked about in the outside world, and looked at him with some envy. The world outside was indeed enormous, and Miss Yu understood that she knew too little. The things that were happening in the little town alone filled her with amazement. Just imagine how much was going on outside the little town, then. Another sailboat was approaching in the distance; Xiaoyun walked his bicycle down off the bridge, gesturing at Miss Yu to sit on the back. There was a wobble as he mounted the bike, and then they were on their way again.

Miss Yu held his waist rather nervously while she thought about the outside world. She asked, carefully, "Xiaoyun, do you really mean to go away again?"

I
t was hard to guess what the result of any meeting between Xiaoyun and Miss Yu would be, unless it was in argument. As long as they were together, it seemed certain that an argument would arise. Thus, they made their way back happily, both of them in good humour, but as they talked and talked, they nevertheless ended up fighting about nothing at all, for no reason except that they were like oil and water. They had already arrived at the gates of the Estate. Just as they were coming in and had crossed the gates, something occurred to Xiaoyun. As though something had upset him, his mood soured. He slipped back into the character of the cynical, cold and arrogant young man.

Miss Yu didn't mind at all, she crossed excitedly back into the Estate, and turned back to say, "The show was no good today, but we had a good time." She didn't understand why Xiaoyun's face had clouded. Fine just a moment earlier, now he was suddenly angry. Xiaoyun was neurotic, and his mercurial moods were really unbearable. She had experienced this mood, and didn't want to argue with him, so she asked cautiously, "Hey, Xiaoyun, what's wrong with you?" First Xiaoyun said nothing. Evidently, he wanted to cloak his anger in silence. But he was not good at dissimulation, and so he retorted coldly, "Why, what is wrong with me?"

"Why are you angry all of a sudden?" Miss Yu asked, looking at him.

"What's there not to be angry about? As soon as I pass through these Estate gates, there's no way I can be happy anymore." Xiaoyun said, half-seriously.

"But no one's offended you. Why should you be angry?"

"Why should I be happy?" Xiaoyun said sourly. "You told me to bring you home. Well, haven't I brought you home?" He had intended to carry the bike over the threshold and into the Estate, but now he changed his mind, and stood there, immobile.

Evidently, Xiaoyun didn't want to go into the Estate with Miss Yu. Miss Yu's pleasant mood evidently, and her short temper abruptly reappeared. In the Estate, her wish was a command, and no one dared answered her in such a wishy-washy way. Angrily, she said, "What's wrong with you? What's the big deal about you? Always lashing out at people."

"Who would dare to lash out at our mistress?" Xiaoyun said, laughing.

"I asked you, what's the big deal about you?"

Xiaoyun could bear anything but Miss Yu's contempt for him. He rudely retorted, "Why, is there a big deal about you?"

"You…"

"What about me? My lady, don't get me wrong. I am neither your family servant, not your private houseboy. Everyone in this Estate has to obey you, but I'm afraid I don't! It's my own business if I'm in a good mood or not. If I want to be in a good mood, then I will be! And if I don't feel like it, it's nobody's business."

Miss Yu said resentfully, "Hey, who do you think you are?"

"Who do you think I am, my lady? You find me unsatisfactory, do you?" Xiaoyun's expression was more than displeased; it had become altogether ferocious. "Everyone who comes into your Zhen family home has to wag his tail like a dog, pretending to be ever-so-happy, is that it?"

"Hey, tell me what you mean. What about this Zhen Family?

"What about you Zhens? Nothing, that's what. All these people, living off you Zhens, you Zhens, are all wonderful people, everyone knows that. Your father, your brother, and you young lady. But why ask me? In your heart, you know all about it!"

Miss Yu didn't understand at all. She really had no idea what had made Xiaoyun so angry. Xiaoyun seemed to have realized that he had behaved excessively. He pushed his bicycle out of the Estate but Miss Yu blocked his path: "Your departure is not permitted. Tell me clearly what you meant!" Xiaoyun could not go any further, and taking his chances, he picked up the bicycle, changed direction, and prepared again to leave. There was nothing Miss Yu could do, so she ran after him and asked him where he was going. Xiaoyun turned back and said, "Why should I tell you where I'm going?"

Miss Yu, livid, pursued him for a few steps but had to give up. Filled with fury, she picked up a rock and threw it in Xiaoyun's direction. Xiaoyun, on his bike, ducked reflexively. Soon he had vanished.

A
t dusk, in the last moments of sunlight, Miss Yu bathed in her tub, the curtain drawn. She had already been in the bath a long time. Like a loyal guard dog, Huaifu was posted at the door of the washroom. This was a task, which he had once regarding as deeply embarrassing, was now totally routine. Even the maid and Fourth did not regard this chore as in any way surprising. Although Miss Yu would frequently show her contempt for Huaifu, it was evident that she liked having him around to serve as a houseboy. Sometimes, Miss Yu seemed to be doing it on purpose. Miss Yu liked to have a man serving her. For so many years, women had been serving men, a situation that seemed to be an iron rule. Miss Yu thought of her dead father, and her invalid brother Naixiang. She thought of the agreeable life they had led, surrounded by beautiful women, wives and concubines in abundance, and the thought made her green with envy. If a man could wield such authority, why shouldn't a woman give it a try?

Ever since the outing with Xiaoyun to see the Civilized play, his attitude towards her had infuriated her. Soaking in her bath, she couldn't help thinking again about Xiaoyun's insubordination to her. As soon as she thought of his noncommittal tone, a mood that was hard to describe would come over Miss Yu. She felt that she would become easily provoked and irascible. She wanted very much to summon him and have another vigorous argument with him.

From her bath, Miss Yu suddenly yelled for Huaifu, she always yelled for him, and didn't worry a bit about what others would think about it. Behind the curtain, Huaifu quickly answered, without knowing what she wanted him for. Miss Yu was subject to sudden strange caprices. When Huaifu had answered, Miss Yu hesitated and then said, "Huaifu, did you hear me? Bring the opium in."

"Did you want to smoke now, young lady?" Huaifu said, surprised, his face showing incredulous dread. Through the curtain, he could tell that Miss Yu was still in her bath. The last daylight was coming through the west windows and falling in the bathroom. Any action of Miss Yu's could not be excessive, but Huaifu was flabbergasted nevertheless, and didn't know whether he ought to obey not.

Miss Yu said, "I told you to get it, so go get it. Why are you blithering?"

Huaifu immediately and obediently went to fetch the opium things in Miss Yu's room. He took them up with an unsettled heart, and looked furtively all around. Then he rushed to the door of the bathroom with the opium things, standing outside the curtain and full of hesitation. Now that he had done as Miss Yu had commanded, he didn't know what the next step was. He calmed himself and gave a little cough.

Miss Yu said, unmistakably, "Just come in."

Huaifu turned around and looked, still hesitating. How could he fail to hesitate, since Miss Yu was lying naked in the bath? At this thought, his blood roiled and his breathing became labored. Through the curtain he saw Miss Yu's head floating above the tub and heard her say impatiently, "Hey, did you hear me? I've got clothes on."

Huaifu kept his head bowed and brought the opium things into the bathroom. He felt a nameless disappointment. He put the tray with the opium things on one side, struck a match, and lit the lamp with trembling hands. He used the tweezers to scoop out an opium pill and vaporized it over the flame. After a moment, he put it into the opium pipe and inhaled. Soaking in her tub, Miss Yu was not as naked as Huaifu had thought, and in fact she was wearing fancy lingerie, waiting motionlessly for Huaifu to blow the smoke for her.

Huaifu began to exhale the smoke over her face. By this time, it seemed that Miss Yu had already fallen asleep. Under the influence of the opium, Miss Yu was half-conscious, and her eyes were half-open, her mouth rhythmically gaping, like a fish's. Although she was wearing lingerie, but the soaking clothing was either floating in the water or stuck closely to her body, and both represented incredible temptations to Huaifu. Miss Yu, separated by a layer of lingerie, was even more alluring than naked. The last rays of light cast over Miss Yu like a net, and the smoke floating in the air made everything seem more and more unreal. Miss Yu was like a flower in full bloom, flowering without reservation, open to man.

Huaifu's whole body seemed to be aflame, the intense passion coursed like a rat running to and fro in his veins. The torment he was undergoing was visible on his face. He looked greedily at Miss Yu in the bath, his courage gaining moment by moment, because he knew that Miss Yu was actually encouraging him. Miss Yu was a woman who felt the absence of male violence, she needed or desired violence. Huaifu already had a physical connection with Miss Yu. From a certain perspective, he already had her. He imagined the possibility of making love to her again. Miss Yu was so close and yet so far—right in front of his eyes. Huaifu could no longer control himself.