A Flower’s Shade (26 page)

Miss Yu seemed to hear once again the piercing shout, ten years in the past, of the fat whore who had claimed Xiaoyun's innocence. The sound had crossed the shackles of time and space and resounded once more in Miss Yu's ears. The events of ten years ago, recounted now, felt like they came from a separate era, and Miss Yu could not concentrate her own thoughts. She couldn't even imagine what Xiaoyun had looked like at the time. But she found that she really had heard that piercing howl.

The Xiaoyun in reality and the Xiaoyun in this history had to be two basically different people. They were two separate people, as different as heaven and earth. A cynical young man, bringing Miss Yu all kinds of information from the outside world, all kinds of new ways of thinking which were incompatible with her world, a man who had brought her so much love. And the other was a villain, a poisoner, a man who wore dark glasses because he didn't dare to look the world in the face, his heart full of shameful secrets, always using his intense self-regard to cover up his intense self-loathing.

Miss Yu discovered that she was incapable of not thinking about Xiaoyun. Xiaoyun was everywhere, like the wind he could get into any nook. It was no easy matter to liberate herself from the trouble Xiaoyun had brought her, and almost without any transition it occurred naturally to Miss Yu to substitute him with some other man. Sexual activity could sometimes dispel annoyance, for women just as for men. Miss Yu held all the power in the Estate, and a woman with power could do anything she liked in the Estate. Having at first casually bestowed her virginity on Huaifu, Liangzhong now suddenly occurred to Miss Yu; why shouldn't she substitute Xiaoyun with a new man? At sunset a few days later, she happened to give Liangzhong an opportunity.

At her invitation, Liangzhong entered her bedroom. In the face of this sudden challenge, Liangzhong didn't seem to feel flustered; on the contrary, as a skilled opportunist, he was happy to swoop in and make a full display of his talents on the person of Miss Yu. It seemed his performance was better than either Xiaoyun or Huaifu, for he was a master of the art of bringing a woman to the very brink. Any kept man needs to be able to do more than whisper sweet nothings in order to move a woman, he must also turn lovemaking into his trump card. "How was it?" After the event, Liangzhong felt excellent, puffed up with his success, asking Miss Yu smugly as he slowly put his clothes on.

"Go away, go away now!" Miss Yu impatiently waved him off, "I don't want to see you now." Liangzhong had only allowed her to feel a brief respite, but the remedy was worse than the disease, it could only bring on more trouble. Now that it was just finished, Miss Yu was sickened by her wantonness. The strongest wish she had was never to see him again.

Liangzhong said ingratiatingly, "I'm going, I'm going, my lady."

"Get out of here, just get out!"

Liangzhong interpreted her driving him away as being motivated by embarrassment. "I'll go, fine, easy now, easy." He tittered, and again wanted to approach and kiss her. It had been so easy to get his hands on his much-dreamt-of Miss Yu. Liangzhong couldn't hide his delight, he was evidently overjoyed. It practically went without saying that once he had got the woman in bed, the day of his marriage into the Estate couldn't be too far off. He was getting carried away with the joy of his great fate.

"Scram!" Miss Yu slapped his face as he leaned in, shouting with uncontrollable fury.

Liangzhong left with a smile. For a time, he had believed that he loved Miss Yu very much. Even when they had been innocent children they had been forcibly brought together by the order of their parents and the words of matchmakers, and then later just as forcibly separated. After a long detour, they had ended up in the same bed—it really was astonishing. Passing through the open courtyard, Liangzhong ran into Huaifu, who was pretending to have only just arrived. Huaifu was obviously aware of the affair between Miss Yu and Liangzhong. He bowed his head, waiting for Liangzhong to pass by, humming his excessively self-satisfied tune. Liangzhong had already gone some distance but now came back triumphantly to Huaifu, saying demonstratively, "Hey, Huaifu, your young lady's about to get engaged to me, did you know that?"

Huaifu looked at him expressionlessly. Liangzhong pocketed the snub and swaggered off. Just like anyone else in the Estate, Liangzhong had no regard for Huaifu. Huaifu shot a poisonous look at Liangzhong's back and slowly turned to walk away to look equally venomously at Miss Yu's room. It was quickly getting dark and Huaifu was once more astonished by Miss Yu's incredible profligacy. But this time was worse than in the past. Miss Yu seemed to have become a woman who couldn't live without men, and Huaifu couldn't understand why this should be case. Why did she have to be so shameless? Miss Yu had always had a peculiar way of looking at all the men who visited the Estate. Even her calligraphy master Kang Tuo, that scrawny, toothless old man—even for him Miss Yu would unveil a certain flighty expression. She looked unabashedly into Kang Tuo's lascivious eyes, like a bitch in heat, teasing him without hiding it in the slightest.

"Wine is the flame that burns the body, lust is the knife which cuts the flesh." Kang Tuo was an old man and it seemed he couldn't bear Miss Yu's courage. He was a famous figure of dissolution in the town, but even he seemed to think that lust for men had driven her crazy, and he was so frightened that he beat a hasty retreat. If women get too bold, the men get scared. "After all, at a certain age men and women should get married, I'm just waiting for you, Miss Yu, to find a man you judge to be suitable, so that I can raise a cup at your wedding," Kang Tuo laughed bitterly and stroked his long white beard, trying to ease the embarrassment, "Can it be that there still isn't any prospect at all of your marrying soon?"

The lustiness that Miss Yu showed on the surface had become the laughingstock of the great Estate. Even people outside the Estate had heard about it. But Miss Yu was by no means the woman people imagined her to be.

A
t the river pier, several strong men, naked to the waist, were loading a boat. What they were loading was a special kind of rice wine, like a red soup, particularly for expectant mothers. Xiaoyun was waiting at the pier, once again wearing dark glasses, a new pair, lifting his head to watch the white sails of boats in the distance. An old suitcase lay at his feet. It was getting dark, and rain was about to fall; Xiaoyun's somber complexion was inscrutable. Ever since he had left the Zhen Estate, Xiaoyun had been hiding in a small inn in the small town. He had led a very shabby existence there, and he spent practically all of his money. So he had decided to once more leave the small town. He had decided to go far away from the town, and never to come back.

Just as Xiaoyun was taking his suitcase and was about to embark on the boat, he heard someone behind him loudly calling, "Master Xiaoyun!" Xiaoyun turned back and saw Huaifu rushing after him, and at the same time he saw Miss Yu standing not far away on a high slope. The sudden appearance of Huaifu and Miss Yu stunned Xiaoyun. He felt the rush of some indescribable feeling.

Miss Yu had turned now into a very innocent girl, standing there timidly, her heart filled with love and regret and hatred all mixing together as she looked at him. Under Miss Yu's clear gaze, he wretchedly averted his eyes. He had not expected this conclusion. Having told her the secret of the poison, he had intended never to see her again. He felt like the poisoning was a river which separated him from Miss Yu; they could only look at each other across the river, they had no choice. Miss Yu had made him relive the dark shadows of the past. Xiaoyun didn't regret having told her this secret, just as he didn't regret having committed the act in the first place. If time were to run backwards, Xiaoyun knew that he would do the same thing again, without hesitation.

Huaifu raced up to him and said, panting, "Master Xiaoyun, where are you going? We've been looking for you for two days, and we almost didn't get here in time; you don't know how hard we've been looking for you." The men who were loading the ship all stopped their work and looked at Huaifu, who was preventing Xiaoyun from boarding. Huaifu flushed a deep red, he stretched out both hands, stopping Xiaoyun.

Xiaoyun, "What do you want from me, you and her?"

Huaifu didn't know how he should answer. For the last two days, in order to determine Xiaoyun's whereabouts, he had scoured every corner of the little town. This was according to Miss Yu's strict orders, to be executed unconditionally and with resolution. In fact, over these two unusual days, Miss Yu had not been able to sit still, had completely lost the presence of mind. She trailed Huaifu down the streets and alleys, but they were rebuffed everywhere.

"But where are you going?" Huaifu asked again.

"It's a big world, I could go anywhere." Xiaoyun said in a leisurely way. He was obviously saying it for Miss Yu's benefit.

"Miss Yu came along especially—to ask you to come back." Huaifu said, turning his head to look at the motionless Miss Yu, "It'd be best if you came back, Master Xiaoyun."

Xiaoyun said noncommittally, "And if I don't?"

Huaifu looked back in some embarrassment at Miss Yu.

Miss Yu walked up to Xiaoyun and stood face to face with him, staring into him with both eyes. She didn't say anything, to say something at a time like this would be superfluous. Her face was scarlet, like a blooming peach blossom. Now everyone was staring at her, but she could only see Xiaoyun.

Xiaoyun said, "There are so many places one can go to in the world, why should I go back with you, go back to that moldy Estate of yours? Why should I go back with you?" Her clear gaze brimmed with tenderness and love, and she saw straight into his heart of hearts. Xiaoyun was looking at Miss Yu too, he was deeply touched by her tenderness, and he felt ripple after ripple of emotion. He had told himself time and gain that he ought to loathe this fine lady before him. He was constantly reminding himself that they were irreconcilably, irrevocably parted. He had injured her deeply, yet it was particularly because of that deep injury that he had to admit how deeply he loved her. It was love that made him hurt her, in the almost cruel game of love, he discovered that he had to surrender. "What does the young lady want me to come back for?" he asked bitterly.

Miss Yu suddenly stretched out her hand, took off Xiaoyun's glasses and threw them casually into the river. The glasses flashed on the surface of the water and quickly sank. With all eyes trained on him, Xiaoyun felt a little embarrassed, a little angered, but mostly helpless. Miss Yu suddenly gave a sorrowful laugh.

The boat's white sail passed them by.

A
great despair settled over Huaifu's eyes like a layer of mist. His ears rang with the sound of Miss Yu's voice, now reverberating with surprise, now giggling in laughter. It was a scene from life in the Estate, and now it followed Xiaoyun back into the Estate, once again to be performed under Huaifu's eyes. Xiaoyun was riding his bicycle along the walkway, passing slowly through, circling smoothly and unobstructed around the Estate. Miss Yu sat on the back of the bike, clinging tightly to Xiaoyun's waist, leaning her head against his back. When the bike was riding smoothly, she would strike her fists lightly against his back. Scene after scene of this kind—even closing his eyes, Huaifu could guess what they were up to.

The bicycle passed through Suqin's courtyard, rushing suddenly in, then just as suddenly out again, frightening Suqin half to death as she stared after them. Like Huaifu, Suqin was utterly baffled by the ties of love which existed between Xiaoyun and Miss Yu. A complicated jealousy lingered in her mind. In all the years, carnal love had never been lacking between men and women in the Estate. Deep in the private courtyards of the Estate, there had been sensual delights and intoxicating pursuits, but true love was the one thing that had never really been part of the equation. In the Estate, true love seemed like a kind of perversion, and although Xiaoyun and Miss Yu loved each other to death, their almost morbid love for each other was too intense, and everyone doubted whether it could really last long.

Behind Huaifu was a high damp wall from which the lime was peeling. Some random grass was growing in the cracks of the wall, and a yellow blossom swayed slightly in the breeze. The despair in Huaifu's eyes had finally been succeeded by a kind of venom. With cold eyes he watched Xiaoyun and Miss Yu as they frolicked through the Estate, and bit his lip. A wasp came flying up and rested on the yellow flower. He caught the wasp in his hand and slowly and powerfully crushed it to death. Evidently, the wasp had stung him, for Huaifu suddenly shuddered.

It happened just then that the bicycle came around again, right past Huaifu. Miss Yu took note of Huaifu's blushes, and couldn't prevent herself from asking curiously, "Hey, what's the matter?" Xiaoyun stopped the bike, and Miss Yu jumped down and ran towards Huaifu. Huaifu's fingers were cramped with pain, he was hardly able even to stretch them out, and shuddered as he opened his fist. His hand was unbelievably swollen.

"What is it, tell us?" Miss Yu repeated, a little perturbed.

Huaifu turned slowly away. This was the first time he refused outright to obey Miss Yu. Not only did he make no response, but he turned and left, leaving Xiaoyun and Miss Yu behind, in utter astonishment. Huaifu's attitude perplexed Miss Yu, since she was accustomed to his subservience and humility. She stood there, stunned, as Huaifu vanished down the walkway.

"The young lady's temper really has improved a great deal." Xiaoyun said, for it had never occurred to Xiaoyun that Huaifu might behave like this—and he continued, sighing, "since even Huaifu dares to treat you this way." While Huaifu knew every detail of the relationship between Miss Yu and Xiaoyun, the reverse was true regarding the incestuous relationship between Miss Yu and Huaifu—Xiaoyun was entirely ignorant of it. Nevertheless, some male instinct allowed him to understand Huaifu's unusual behaviour. As though she were thinking along the same lines, Miss Yu said, "If I treat you chaps well, you all end up hating me."