Chapter 6
J
ack waited in the small office space at The Refuge while the health inspector checked the kitchen. If the shelter passed, they could open the doors the following week. He thumbed through the list of people from Faith Church who had signed up as volunteers, hoping to call them in the next few days to set up schedules.
The front door opened, and Teresa walked in. Jack worried the inside of his mouth. She was a pretty woman, dark hair, dark eyes, had a nice personality. But he didn’t feel comfortable when she showed up at the center and he was alone. He didn’t want people to get the wrong impression. He didn’t want
her
to get the wrong impression. This time the health inspector was there, but he would be leaving.
Jack forced a smile to his lips. “Good afternoon, Teresa.”
A blush spread across her cheeks, and Jack wished he knew how to make her understand his interest rested in his wife and daughters.
Even if Pamela looks ready to wring my neck each time she sees me.
She twisted the gold stud earring in her earlobe. “I just stopped by on my lunch break to see what the health inspector said.”
Jack held back a sigh of relief. If she was on a break, she wouldn’t be able to stay long. He pointed toward the kitchen area. “He’s still here. Been here awhile, so I assume we’ll know soon.”
“Oh.” She clasped her hands. “I figured he’d be gone. I mean, I’d planned to see if you wanted to grab some lunch, but I don’t have a lot of time, and—”
He shook his head. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” He lifted his left hand and pointed to his wedding band. “I’m married, and I wouldn’t want—”
“I know, but...” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
“I love my wife, and I won’t do anything to make her think otherwise.”
Teresa started to say something, then clamped her lips shut. In one swift movement, she turned on her heels and walked out the door. Jack grinned. He did love his wife, and he was committed to winning her back.
The inspector walked out of the kitchen. “Everything looks great. You and the church have done a good job getting this old place back in working order. I’ll email the papers to you, and you can open for business whenever you’re ready.”
Jack gripped the burly man’s hand. “That’s terrific. Thanks for your help.”
After guiding the inspector out of the shelter, Jack pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and called Jermaine. A deep “hello” boomed over the line, and Jack was surprised at how much he missed his longtime mentor and friend. “It’s Jack.”
“Jack!” Jermaine’s laugh vibrated. “It’s good to hear from you, son. How are things?”
“The Refuge just passed its last inspection. I can open for business next week.”
“Praise the Lord. What a blessing!”
Jack heard Stella’s “hallelujah” in the background, and he knew she was listening to their conversation. He missed getting his hand slapped for sampling one of her dishes before they were ready to serve to their homeless guests.
“How are things with Pamela and the girls?”
Jack frowned. “Not good. She hasn’t let me meet them yet, and she won’t talk to me.”
Jermaine’s voice deepened. “Give her some time.”
“I’m trying, but I want to see my girls. I want to talk to them. They’re my children, too.”
“If you go at your wife saying those words, you’ll never get her back. Gotta let God do His work.”
Jack let out a slow breath. He could recall the number of times Jermaine had said that. When the shelter ran out of food with over a week before funds became available again. When one of the ovens busted, and the shelter had no money to fix it.
Gotta let God do His work
always slipped from Jermaine’s lips. And every time, God took care of them.
“You’re right. Just keep praying for us.”
“Every day,” said Jermaine.
“Every day,” echoed Stella.
Jack grinned. “And give Stella a kiss for me. Tell her I miss her.”
He heard the huff and knew Stella had swatted the air and walked out of the room. Jack chuckled. “I appreciate you, Jermaine.”
“I know you do. Hang in there.”
“I will.”
After saying goodbye, Jack shoved his phone back in his jeans pocket. He grabbed the car keys off the desk. He couldn’t wait to tell Pastor Mark they could open the doors on Monday.
* * *
Pamela shoved the graded test into the folder. She’d studied for hours for that exam and still failed. She wasn’t surprised by the results. The test had been ridiculous. It didn’t show whether she understood the material in the book. Instead, Dr. Mays seemed to take whatever section suited his fancy and wanted the students to spit back exact phrases from the text. How did that prove she’d learned anything? It only showed she could memorize. Which obviously she was not able to do, considering she’d gotten a big fat F on the test.
Dr. Mays hadn’t even stayed around after class long enough to allow her to talk with him about her grade. She wasn’t the only one struggling, and she assumed he simply wanted to get away from the mass of questions. Yanking her calculator out of the bag, she crunched numbers for upcoming assignments. The best she could get in the class now was a B, and that was highly unlikely given her track record of grades on his assignments.
God, what am I gonna do?
The thought slipped from her mind, and she shook her head. No sense petitioning Him. God had proven time and again that she was living life on her own. He’d even upped the drama by sticking Jack back in her world.
I gotta get a B, or I’ll lose my scholarship.
She’d worked hard the first year of college to earn the academic scholarship, but her grades had to stay at a certain grade point average in order to keep it.
After shoving the calculator, book and folder in her bag, she got up from the desk. She’d have to email the professor later, ask what she could do to help her grade. Taking a deep breath, she raked her hand through her hair.
I’ve got a more pressing situation to deal with first.
She hefted the bag and her purse onto her shoulder. Her gut twisted with humiliation. She’d had to cash Jack’s check. Her car had been on its last leg for a year, and a few days ago the transmission had finally croaked. Before class started she’d secured a ride to go pick it up. A ride from Dr. Peter Dane.
Her heartbeat kicked up a notch as she walked out the classroom door and spied her former professor leaning against the doorjamb of his classroom, his gaze trained on the paper in his hand. The guy was simply too cute. And she’d practically jumped out of her skin when he’d offered to drop her off at the mechanic’s shop after overhearing her tell her mom on the phone that she needed a ride.
“Hi.” The single word slipped through her lips, sounding more breathless than she’d intended. Her heart flipped when he looked up at her and smiled.
“Hey. You ready to go?”
He jangled the keys in his hands, and Pamela nodded. For the briefest of moments she felt wrong, like she was cheating on Jack. She blew out a breath as she followed Peter to his car.
A girl can’t cheat on a guy who left her pregnant and penniless years ago.
Her purse seemed heavier when she thought of the large sum of money she’d put in the bank that morning. Her parents’ insistence that she give Jack a chance hammered at her mind. He didn’t deserve a chance.
Peter opened the car door for her, and she slipped inside. Her hands felt clammy as she realized she hadn’t been in the car with a man who wasn’t her dad, brother or husband in over a decade.
“Where we going?” Peter’s voice was smooth, soft, and Pamela willed herself to settle down.
“A & J’s.”
“On Court Street?”
“Yes.”
Pamela buckled her seat belt, then gripped the straps of her bag and purse as Peter pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road. She cleared her throat. “Thanks so much for giving me a ride.”
“My pleasure. I’m glad to see you outside of the college. Wouldn’t mind to do it again under different circumstances.”
Pamela smiled, but words didn’t form on her lips. Part of her wouldn’t mind getting to know the professor better. But what would the girls think? Her family? Jack? She blinked. It didn’t matter what Jack thought.
Peter pulled into A & J’s parking lot and turned off the car. Shifting toward her, he placed his hand on top of hers. Pamela didn’t feel the electricity she remembered with Jack; instead dread and guilt washed over her. “I’d really like to take you to dinner sometime, Pamela.”
Pamela opened her mouth to respond. She wanted to say yes. Of course. But the words didn’t form. The sounds of bells filled the car, and Pamela grabbed her phone from her purse. The school’s number showed up on the screen, and she lifted her pointer finger to Peter as she answered the call.
“Hi. Is this Mrs. Isaacs?”
Though Pamela had never changed her married name, renewed guilt washed over her hearing the woman call her missus while she sat in the car with another man who’d just asked her on a date. “Yes. This is she.”
“I’m sorry to have to call you, Mrs. Isaacs. This is Karen Williams, the school nurse. I’m afraid Emmy has lice, and we’ll need you to come pick her up if at all possible.”
Pamela’s mouth dropped at the woman’s words. She’d never dealt with lice, but she knew a whole lot of cleaning lay ahead of her. Closing her eyes, she sighed when she thought of all the homework she had due the next day. “Okay. I’ll be right over.”
She pushed End on the phone and turned toward Peter. “Thank you for the ride, and I really appreciate the offer. We’ll have to talk about it later, though. I have to pick up my daughter from school.”
Concern lifted his brows. “Is everything all right? Do you need my help?”
Pamela wrinkled her nose as she imagined his reaction if she asked him to help her delouse her home. Shaking her head, she said, “No, but thanks anyway.”
She got out of the car and walked into the shop. By the time she’d paid for the repairs and walked back outside, Peter had gone. Weariness and frustration welled inside her. She didn’t have the energy for lice, and she most certainly didn’t have time for it.
Aggravated, she yanked her phone out of her bag.
Jack Isaacs wants to meet his girls. He wants to be back in their lives. Play husband and daddy. Well, now sounds like as good a time as any.
She called his number. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard his greeting.
“Hello?” he said the word again.
“Jack, it’s Pamela.”
“Pamela.”
The way he said her name, like a kiss pressed against her lips, sent shivers down her spine. Lifting her chin, she forced herself to remember the purpose of the call. “You want to see your girls?”
“Yes.”
“Then come on over in an hour. You can help me out tonight.”
“Really?”
He sounded excited, and Pamela knew her lips were curled into a Cheshire cat grin. “Just don’t wear anything nice.”
Chapter 7
J
ack had just gotten off the phone with his mother when Pamela called. His mom hadn’t felt well for quite some time, and he worried about her. Especially when her multiple sclerosis flared up, which it had. His fourteen-year-old sister, Kari, took care of their mom most of the time, while his younger brother, Todd, threw all his concern and energy into his running. Jack’s dad still barely talked to him, and Jack prayed their relationship would one day be mended.
He rubbed his hands together as he stepped onto the cabin’s porch. The cabin had been a bit of an eyesore when he and Pamela had first married. Now it was fixed up with a swing on the front porch and red curtains in the windows.
God, give me the words to say.
Conjuring every ounce of courage he could muster, he knocked. He spied Emma peeking through the window on his left. When she saw him, she dropped the curtain, and he heard her run away from the door.
Several minutes passed, and Jack found himself thankful for the warm temperature. He couldn’t blame Emma for running away. In her eyes, he was a complete stranger. Guilt gnawed at him, threatened to fill him with self-contempt.
God, help me not to start beating myself up. I can’t take back the past. I have only the present and future.
The door opened, and Jack looked down at his younger daughter. She was beautiful. Long red hair pulled up in a ponytail. Freckles splattering her nose and cheeks. Sparkling blue eyes. Dimples in her cheeks. Jack bit back the urge to scoop her up in his arms and squeeze her until he’d gotten his fill. Instead, he nodded hesitantly. “Hi, Emmy.”
She cocked her head and squinted at him. “Are you my dad?”
“I am.”
She motioned for him to come inside. “Then come on. Mom’s got a bunch of stuff for you to do.”
Jack bit back a chuckle as he followed her inside. Pamela walked around the corner, pushing the vacuum with one hand and holding rags and liquid cleaner in the other. Her hair was pulled back with a bandanna, and she wore an old pair of overalls that he remembered from when they dated. She was breathtaking.
A flicker of relief shone through her gaze, but it was soon covered with disdain. Why had she called him if she didn’t want him here? To clean obviously, but the place looked well kept already.
She looked from Emma to Emmy. “Girls, this is Jack Isaacs. He’s your father.”
Emma peeked around the corner, then shuffled toward her mother. Emmy walked up to him and shook his hand. “I’m really glad to meet you. I’ve wanted a dad for a long time.”
Jack swallowed the knot in his throat. “And I’ve wanted to be your dad a long time, too.”
Pamela cleared her throat. “Emma, shake your dad’s hand.”
Emma’s eyes widened, and she gripped the vacuum cleaner’s handle. Jack lifted his hands. “It’s okay. You can wait until you feel comfortable.”
Pamela placed the cleaner and the rags on the couch, then rubbed her hands together. “Well, Jack, you wanted back in our lives. Today seems the perfect day.”
He bit his bottom lip, feeling nervous and excited. “What’s up?”
She pointed to their younger daughter. “Emmy has lice. I have some lice shampoo in the bathroom, and you get to help me make sure everything is bug-free.”
“Actually, mayonnaise is better.”
Pamela scowled. “What?”
“Mayonnaise suffocates the lice and nits, and it’s much better for her hair.”
Pamela squinted. “How would you know that?”
Jack recalled the many times he’d treated his hair at the shelter. One day he would share all that with Pamela, but for now they needed to get started. He pointed to the kitchen. “Do you have mayonnaise?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you put some in both the girls’ hair, and I’ll strip the beds and—”
“I want you to do my hair.” Emmy grabbed his hand in hers and swung it back and forth.
Jack’s heart flipped with excitement.
Pamela pointed to Emma. “We’ll take care of the beds.” She looked at Emmy. “Take him into the kitchen and show him the mayonnaise.”
While he rubbed mayonnaise into her hair, Emmy talked to him about homework, her friends, her favorite toys, even the stray dog that roamed around the school at times. He drank in each word, cherished each story.
Every few minutes, he spied Emma and Pamela taking sheets and clothes to the main house. He caught Emma watching him at one point while she stuffed animals into garbage bags. She quickly looked away, and he wished his older daughter would talk with him. But he’d have to give her time.
“Our school’s fall festival is on Friday. You wanna come?” asked Emmy.
Before Jack could respond, Emma raced into the room and yelled, “He can’t come!”
“Why not?” whined Emmy.
Emma balled her fists. Pamela walked out of a bedroom. “What’s wrong?” She put her hand on Emma’s shoulder. “Why are you upset?”
Emmy pointed to her own chest. “I want Dad to go to the fall festival.”
“No.” The word slipped through Emma’s gritted teeth.
Pamela glanced at him, her eyebrows raised.
God, what do I say? Of course I’ll go to the festival. But Emma?
Pamela knelt down in front of Emma. “If Emmy would like your dad to go to the festival, it will be okay. He can take her to the different activities while you and I work the game for your class.”
Emma didn’t look at him, and her jaw set in a firm line as she said, “Grandma can take Emmy.”
Jack’s heart broke. Maybe he should just walk out. In all the scenarios he had dreamed up when he met the girls, he hadn’t considered one of them embracing him with open arms and the other loathing him from the bottom of her heart.
“No.” Emmy grabbed his hand. “I want my daddy.”
Daddy?
The last time he’d heard “Da-Da” had been from Emma’s mouth, and she’d been just under a year old. Now to hear the word
Daddy
on Emmy’s lips thrilled him to his core.
Pamela placed her hands on her hips. “That’s enough.” She pointed down the hall. “Both of you go to your room so I can talk with Jack.”
“But—” the girls said in unison.
“No buts. Go.”
Emma raced to the bedroom, but Emmy grabbed him in a quick hug. Overwhelmed with thanksgiving that he had one ally in the house, Jack roped his arms around her and, ignoring the strong mayonnaise odor, kissed her forehead.
“I’m glad you’re here, Daddy.”
“Me, too.”
He released her, and she raced to the bedroom to join her sister. He stood up and gazed at Pamela. “I can’t believe she’s taken to me so quickly.”
Pamela folded her arms in front of her chest. “She’s always been like that. Bubbly. Outgoing. Ready to give anyone a chance. Forgiving.”
Jack touched his wife’s arm. “I hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me.”
She stepped back. “It’s not that easy, Jack.” Unfolding her arms, she pointed down the hall. “You saw Emma. Not everyone can just pretend that eight years apart was nothing.”
He wanted to nestle Emma close, promise her that he’d never leave her again, that she could count on him to be the daddy she’d deserved from the beginning.
Pamela closed her eyes and wiped her hand down her face. “I shouldn’t have called you. I hadn’t prepared the girls. I was—”
Jack covered the space between them and wrapped his arms around Pamela. She didn’t move and, for a moment, he held his breath, waiting for her to push him away. Instead, she leaned closer. Her arms remained planted at her sides, but she allowed his embrace. “Thank you for calling me, Pamela.”
She pulled away, and he felt the emptiness in his arms all the way to his toes. “You better go home.”
“Let me vacuum the furniture and the floors first. You still have to put mayonnaise in Emma’s hair.”
She shook her head, but Jack continued. “And wash the gunk out of their hair and put the sheets back on the beds. The least I can do is vacuum.”
She worried the inside of her mouth, then finally consented. “Okay.”
Jack vacuumed the furniture and the floor then cleaned the vacuum filter. He took out the trash. While Pamela put the sheets back on the beds, he cleaned the dishes. By the time he’d finished, he heard the three of them in the girls’ room saying prayers. He smiled when Emmy thanked God for bringing him back into their lives.
When Pamela walked out of the bedroom, Jack picked up his keys from the counter. “I’ll come over and vacuum for you tomorrow, if you’d like.”
“We’ll see.” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “If you’d like to come to the festival, we’ll be at the school at six.”
Jack couldn’t stop his grin. “You mean it?”
Pamela didn’t look at him, only nodded.
“I’ll be there.” Before she could protest, he leaned over and placed a quick kiss on the top of her head. He walked to the front door then stopped. “I love you, Pammer.”
* * *
Pammer.
The nickname Jack had given her when they were high school sweethearts rolled around in her mind for two days. His declaration of love, the sincerity in his gaze before he’d walked out the door, the kiss on her forehead, the warmth and strength of his embrace. They all haunted her.
Emma grabbed Pamela’s hand and pulled her toward the door. “Come on, Mom. Kirk and Callie are already at Grandma and Grandpa’s.”
Peeking out the window, Pamela saw her brother and sister-in-law cross the yard and walk in the back door of the B and B. She couldn’t deny that living a yard length behind her parents and a few yard lengths away from her brother and sister-in-law did have its advantages. Gathering together for family dinner nights was literally a hop, skip and a jump away from the cabin.
Pamela shooed her girls toward the front door. “Well, go on over there.” She snapped her fingers. “Emma, grab the dinner rolls off the kitchen table first.”
The girls raced out the door, and Pamela opened the oven door and lifted out the apple crisps. Part of her wanted to place one on a dish to save for Jack, maybe take it to him as a thank-you for helping with the girls and the house. She shook her head. She didn’t want to encourage him and didn’t have the strength to give him the opportunity to break her heart again.
Besides, now she had the girls to think about. They would feel the pain of his addiction and the hurt of his abandonment as deeply as she, and she simply would not put them at risk.
Gently, she placed each hot apple crisp on a plate. She made the dessert every October, and yet today as she’d cut apples, she’d thought of Jack and how much he loved them. While she combined sugar, flour and cinnamon, she envisioned him closing his eyes, rubbing his belly and oohing and aahing over the dessert. When she dropped the oat mixture on top of the apples and then put the pan in the oven, she remembered him taking her in his arms and sweeping kisses on her mouth, cheeks, nose and forehead in thanks for making his favorite.
As she placed the last of the crisps on the plate, her cheeks burned with the memory of those kisses and his touch. She couldn’t deny she missed him. For years, she’d squelched passion, a need for touch, a desire for warmth, but seeing him again had brought all those needs and feelings back. They made her light-headed and vulnerable.
Leaning forward, she placed her elbows on the counter and dropped her head into her hands. Why had she told him he could come to the festival? She didn’t want to be around him. Didn’t want to feel weak in his presence, like she’d lost every ounce of good sense. She didn’t need to be vulnerable.
Standing up straight, she scooped the plate off the counter.
Feel. Need. Want.
All words of a woman who didn’t have a backbone. And one thing Jack’s leaving had given her was a strong spine. Ignoring her emotions, she determined to focus on her mind. On her good sense. She wouldn’t allow herself to be swayed by charm, memories or even the promise of his having changed.
She walked across the yard to her parents’ house. She put the dish on the counter, then joined the family in the living area. Emmy sat cuddled up beside Callie, her hand resting on Callie’s ever-so-slightly swollen belly. Kirk sat beside them on the couch, his arm behind his wife’s shoulders. Mom and Emma shared the wingback chair, and Dad sat in the leather recliner.
“Why can’t I feel them yet?” asked Emmy.
“They’re still too little.” Kirk lifted his hand and curled his finger and thumb about an inch and a half apart. “Only as big as a fig, so their kicks aren’t very strong yet.”
“But you said you heard their heartbeats,” said Emmy.
Callie looked over at Pamela and smiled. Pink cheeks, bright eyes, shiny blond hair that touched her shoulders. She really did glow with sheer maternal happiness. “We heard their heartbeats today at the doctor’s visit.”
Pamela wanted to be excited for her brother and Callie. And she couldn’t wait to meet her twin nieces or nephews. She looked at her brother, his chin and chest lifted in pride, and jealousy niggled at her gut. She’d never seen that in Jack. He’d been shocked and less than thrilled when they’d discovered their first unplanned pregnancy. The second sent Jack over the edge. His aloofness had ripped away part of her joy at becoming a new mother. Pushing away her selfish feelings, she smiled at her sister-in-law. “That’s wonderful. They’re getting bigger every day.”
Emmy placed her mouth against Callie’s belly. “Yes, you are. Now, hurry up and grow so I can feel you kick.”
The family laughed, and Emmy sat up, her cheeks and neck pink.
“So, what’s this I hear about Jack going to the fall festival tomorrow?” her dad asked.
“I don’t want him to go,” said Emma as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.
Pamela’s mother draped her arm around Emma’s shoulders. “You don’t? Why not?”
Emma lowered her gaze and stuck out her lip. “He left us.”
Kirk leaned forward on the couch and placed his elbows on his knees. “He did leave, and he was wrong, but he’s sorry, and he loves God now and wants to get to know you girls.”
Pamela’s jaw dropped. If anyone else in the family would be opposed to her estranged husband trying to walk back into their lives, she’d assumed it would be Kirk. “You’ve talked with Jack?”