A Fabrication of the Truth (14 page)

I stood staring into the dark abyss of my locker, the notebook I needed buried under layers of junk. The thought of digging it out just seemed too much. I didn’t have the energy. I stayed up way too late coming to a decision about mine and Dalton’s relationship. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt a pair of arms around my waist.

“They can’t do this to us,” Dalton said over my shoulder.

I didn’t say anything at first, my heart pounding in my chest and my hands already shaking a bit. I took in a deep breath and let it out before I spoke. “But is ‘us’ really a thing?” I asked, turning around and looking up into Dalton’s eyes.

“What do you mean? Of course it is,” he said, pulling his head back and eyeballing me.

“But this makes no sense, the two of us together.”

“It’s love, it doesn’t have to make sense.” His face brightened a bit with his statement.

“I don’t think it’s love. Maybe an infatuation, but not love,” I said, placing my hand on his chest.

“I love you, Lexie Stein,” Dalton said, going to grab my hand.

I pulled my hand away and dropped my arms to my sides. “Dalton, all your problems started with me. I think you just think you love me because I’m the only good memory of that day. You love the memory of me.”

“Just stop, Lexie. You’re wrong.” He shook his head and touched my jaw, trying to get me to look at him.

“It’s guilt that drew me to you. I felt I had to take care of you because of what happened,” I said, looking down and being too big of a coward to look at him and say it.

“As I’ve said before, you have nothing to be guilty over.” He bent down a little, trying to look at me.

“Maybe it’s just pity then,” I said, looking up with a hardened expression on my face. I had to get him to believe that I was telling the truth.

Dalton shook his head, and I spotted Caroline standing near. She drew in her eyebrows, looking directly at me. I tried to pretend I didn’t see her.

“You even said you might rush things because of your situation. I just felt sorry for you and let you love me so you could have that in case anything ever happened to you.”

“You didn’t let me love you. You have no control over my feelings for you,” Dalton said, grabbing onto my upper arms.

“It’s not love, Dalton.”

“If I die tomorrow or twenty years from now, I’m still going to love you and nothing can ever change that. No matter what you say,” he said firmly.

“Enough of this, of us.”

“Where is this coming from?” He looked so confused and looked deep into my eyes, trying to see if they would reveal an answer.

“A reality check.”

“Because we got caught, the bowling alley? What?”

“Because of everything we are together. What you are. Who you are. God, just everything about you,” I said, wiggling from his grip and stepping back.

Dalton licked his lips and shook his head. I didn’t say any more and crossed my arms. I felt awful.

He looked at me, his eyes growing red. I stared at him, expressionless. He let out a deep breath. “Okay, fine. I get it. Maybe it is for the better then,” he said softly.

I nodded.

Dalton turned and walked away. I leaned back against my locker and slid down. I didn’t care who saw me. I started bawling. What just happened? It all went so wrong. But what did I expect? As my grandma was fond of saying, it was for the best.

Caroline squatted down next to me. “What the hell was that all about?” she asked as a few of our curious classmates slowed down to stare at us.

I looked at Caroline and snapped my head forward. I almost forgot I was mad at her.

“Lexie.”

I drew my lips tight and crossed my arms on top of my pulled-up knees.

“Was that about last night?” She sat down and leaned her back against the wall.

I shrugged.

“I’m sorry I acted like an ass.”

“You weren’t really behaving that far outside your realm.”

“Did you just insult me?” she asked. “Look, never mind. I feel really bad. I didn’t know any of that stuff about Dalton, and even not knowing it, I still shouldn’t have messed with him. They’re making another prune juice commercial, and I didn’t get the part. They decided to go younger – a constipated baby. I was mad about that, and well…”

“Sorry,” I said, looking at the wall of lockers directly across from me.

“Yeah, so…I was in a bad mood. But anyway, that stuff about you…Kyle shouldn’t have said that. Is that why—”

“I had to end it,” I said, interrupting her.

“You made it sound like you didn’t like him for everything that is wrong with him.”

“There’s nothing wrong with him.”

“Why didn’t you tell him that then? Did you see his face when you said it was because of who he was? He looked devastated.”

“He took it the wrong way.” I was the one now acting like an ass.

“What way was he supposed to take it?”

I didn’t answer her. I was too busy crying.

“C’mon, get up,” Caroline said, grabbing my bicep.

“No.”

“We stay here, we’re going to get in trouble, and then you can’t explain things to me. To the bathroom.”

Caroline stood me up by way of aggressively tugging at my arm and led me down the hall while everyone stared. We got to the bathroom and Caroline kicked the door open and dragged me in.

“You need to talk,” she said.

I took in a deep breath and let it out. My chest hurt. My heart hurt. I needed to collapse, but instead—sitting on the white laminate floor of the school bathroom—I told Caroline the story of when Dalton got shot.

“And yeah, that’s what happened,” I said, once I got it all out. I couldn’t believe I told her, and all of it to boot – the fear, sadness, how Dalton haunted me, my dad, all the blood, seeing someone die. I felt exhausted afterward but relieved at the same time.

“Jesus,” Caroline said. “Poor Dalton. Shit, and you, too.”

“More poor Dalton than me.”

“That’s just all, holy crap. I mean, seriously, holy crap. How could I not know about this?”

“I never told you.”

“It’s like somehow someone must have known.”

“I wasn’t allowed to go near Dalton. At first, because of the case against my dad – my grandma told me not too long ago that they had a restraining order, and we were both minors so our names were never mentioned in anything. His family kept things pretty private – never did any interviews or anything.”

“I couldn’t imagine how you felt afterward, seeing him like that and then never seeing him again until that day in the hall. Lexie, that day in the hall. That must have been so huge.”

“It was pretty intense. I never knew what happened besides that he was supposedly okay and then there he was.”

“And he really wasn’t okay.”

“Nope.”

“Is that what this is all about? The fight?”

“I started all of his problems. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I just think when he looks at me…I mean…the memories, what I represent. He doesn’t think he would now, but it will dawn on him, and he’ll leave me, too. And the struggles with his family just to be with me – he doesn’t need that.”

“That boy will never leave you. He loves you. You can just tell. It oozes out of him. He, too, seems lighter when he’s with you.”

I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Maybe it really is just for the best.”

“Okay, what do you see when you look at him?”

“I don’t know,” I said as the bathroom door swung open. It was a girl I didn’t know, but she looked at us crossed-eyed and then kicked a stall door open with her black combat boots.

“Do you look at him and have horrible flashbacks and stuff?”

“That first day I kind of did, but it was more fear that my whole life would crumble.”

“It was a fake life that would have crumbled. I’m sure it’s scary being all exposed, but…”

“But what?”

“Give me a second. I’m trying to think of some words of wisdom here.”

“Second’s up.”

“Just don’t throw away something so good. I really like Dalton.”

“I’ll take him if you don’t want him,” the girl yelled from inside the stall.

“He’s hers, sorry,” Caroline said, a huge smile on her face. She then mouthed,
What the heck?

I covered my mouth and laughed. “You just think he’s hot,” I said once my laughter subsided.

“Well, yeah, but he’s also a nice person. The only nice person I know that doesn’t really smile.”

“He smiles.”

“But I think from him, you have to earn that smile. He reserves them for certain moments, mostly when he’s around you. After learning everything, I can say I’m nothing short of in awe of him. I mean, I’d probably be a total shut in if I was him.”

“You can’t keep him contained. He tends to escape.”

“Yeah, for you.”

“He said that before he moved here he kept getting in trouble for sneaking out.”

“Speaking of trouble, your boyfriend is on frickin probation. I had bad boy fantasies when I first saw him in the hall, and they turned out to be kind of true.”

“But I don’t know if he’s my boyfriend anymore.”

“He totally still is. But okay, so how did he get probation?”

“He beat somebody up.”

“Shit, go Dalton. God I’m loving this dude.”

“How is beating somebody up a good thing?”

“I bet he had his reasons, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, he actually did, but—”

“No buts, don’t want to hear it.”

“What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to apologize to him. You crushed his heart. Wait, should I say that? Is it like in poor taste? Because of his issues?”

“It’s fine, Caroline.”

“And asap, apologize asap. You two need to be together,” Caroline said just as the girl emerged from the stall. She looked over at us and jutted her chin in my direction, then nodded. I nodded back and bathroom stall girl left without washing her hands. “Gross,” Caroline said, scrunching her nose up in disgust. I once again nodded. “So, back on track. You dating him has made you reevaluate things, I guess. Inviting me and Luiz over and telling us things about yourself. That was like huge. Plus, you love him.”

“Oh my god, I really do. What did I do?”

“You got scared.”

“I’ve been scared since I was five. Everybody leaves me, Caroline.”

“Not true. Your grandma stuck around, I’m not going anywhere, and we’re stuck with Luiz – and Dalton isn’t going anywhere, either.”

“I hope not.”

“Now, let’s get out of this bathroom.”

“Okay, thanks,” I said, standing up and hugging Caroline. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that you’re a great friend.”

“I’m the best.”

I forced a smile and we headed off to class. My heart ached, but I felt a little better. Holding that in for years weighed me down. I wasn’t sure what the aftermath would be—the truth out there, floating around. I knew mine and Dalton’s story would spread. People would find out I was a fraud, but that wasn’t anywhere near as scary as it used to be.

***

During my lunch, I went to the class that Dalton had, but he wasn’t there. At the end of the day, I had no such luck, either. “I can’t find him anywhere,” I told Caroline as we headed out to her car. She was giving me a ride home. Now that she knew where I lived and what my house was known for, I was more apt to accept her offers for a ride.

“Somebody said he went home early. Told the teacher he didn’t feel well,” Caroline said.

“I texted him, but he didn’t respond.”

“You might have to give him time.”

“What happened to apologizing?”

“You might have to wait until he’s ready.”

“What if he’s never ready?”

“Trust me, he will be.”

Once I got home, I texted Dalton and tried to call, but nothing. How did I ruin something so good? I know I listened too much to what others said about us, about me, but I thought they were right. I thought I didn’t deserve Dalton. I should have tried to contact him, find him, something – and it turned out that he wasn’t even that far away, going through so much while I spent my days making up stories. But I didn’t know what went on. I listened and trusted the adults in my life. I was only eleven.

I slowly came around to the fact that my way of thinking for the past several years might have been severely skewed. I needed a distraction, but I didn’t even want to get up. I stayed supine and stared at my ceiling, my heart aching even more than it did earlier. I must have made him feel so bad about himself. Why was I such an ass? I wanted to go next door, disregard his family’s threats, but that would just make things worse.

I didn’t see Dalton at school the next day. He seemed to do his best to avoid me. But did I really blame him? All I wanted to do was cry.

***

Three days had passed, and it was torture. I just wanted to talk to him, be near him. If he didn’t want to be with me, he could at least let me have a proper good-bye. I sat on the couch in the front room with my grandma watching game shows and bouncing my knee.

“What is with you?” she asked.

“You have to ask?”

“Getting over your first love is hard.”

“I don’t plan on getting over him. Maybe I’ll move on, but I will never get over Dalton.” I shot up to my feet.

“Please don’t make me say I told you so.”

“You already did. He’s not whoever you think is,” I said, tired of everybody telling me what was for the best and who I should associate with.

“Honey, the boy is on probation.”

“But do you know why?”

“Actually, no.”

I told my grandma the story.

“That just shows he can’t control his rage.”

“He is one of the gentlest people I know, Grandma. We really like each other, and I’m an idiot because I let everybody get into my brain and make me think I wasn’t good for him.”

“No, sweetie, no. I bet you’re actually wonderful for him. It has nothing to do with you as a person.”

“It has everything to do with me as a person – our family, what I represent, how knowing me ruined his life. I thought it was all true, and when I realized it wasn’t, it was too late.”

“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry if we ever made you feel that way.”

“By not letting me see him, it somehow made it feel like it was all my fault.” My eyes started to well up. It was official: since my fight with Dalton, I had become a watering can.

“Come here,” my grandma said.

I got up off the couch and sloughed over to my grandma. I curled up on her lap.

“Now everybody at school will hate me because they’ll know I’m a liar,” I said, nuzzling into my grandma like a toddler.

“So you tend to exaggerate and falsify stories sometimes.” She petted my hair all the way down my back.

“Everything is just so messed up.”

“It’ll get better, I promise. If he doesn’t talk to you again, well, he’ll be missing out on something great. And things at school will blow over. It’ll all just take time.”

“I love you, Grandma. I don’t know if I say that enough.”

“Love you too, sweetie.”

***

Someone pounded on our front door. I answered, just to have Gloria, Dalton’s lola, shove her way into the house.

“Where is he?”

“Who?” I asked, noticing others on our porch.

My grandma came into the front room, wiping her hands on a towel. “What’s going on?”

“Where’s Dalton?” Gloria asked.

“He’s not here,” I said.

“I don’t believe you. I bet he’s in the basement.”

“No, last time I talked to him was the day after you guys were here. We’re not seeing each other anymore if that makes you happy.”

Gloria sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

“Would you like to look in the basement?” my grandma asked.

Gloria nodded.

“Invite in whoever else is with you. It’s pretty chilly tonight.” My grandma was too nice sometimes.

Hailey walked in followed by a guy wearing a pea coat and glasses that I had never seen before. I thought he must be Hailey’s boyfriend, but he looked a couple of decades too old for her. Then, to my surprise, Dalton’s mom – a petite blond woman whom Dalton barely resembled.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Where’s Dalton?”

“That’s why we’re here,” she said.

Gloria came back up from the basement. “He’s not down there.”

“He’s going to get his dumb ass sent to juvie,” Hailey said, biting her thumbnail.

“How about everybody have a seat?” my grandma said. “Kristin, nice to see you.”

“We’re sorry for barging in here like this,” Kristin, Dalton’s mom, said. “But we don’t know where Dalton is.”

Everybody listened to my grandma and situated themselves on the couch. It was a sectional, so everybody could sit, but they all remained in their jackets, ready to spring out the door.

“He’s missing?” I asked.

“He might not technically be missing. He’s just not home and he could get in a whole heap of trouble because of it,” the guy with glasses said. “I’m Rick, Dalton’s probation officer.”

“And why are you in my house?” asked my grandma, sitting on the arm of the couch next to Gloria, who snarled. I stood over near the front door – I wasn’t sitting until I knew what was going on.

“I stopped in for a visit next door because Dalton didn’t check in with me today, and I was in the neighborhood, heading home,” Rick said, like that explained their presence.

“He didn’t go to school or counseling last night,” Hailey said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Hailey, please,” Kristin said.

“All of which are probation violations,” Rick said.

“Are you going to arrest him?”

“What happens next is up to the court, but we have to find him because he’s just building up more offenses against himself,” Rick said.

“And you guys think I’m harboring him or something?”

“Lexie, we know you’ve been a good friend to him, so we thought he told you something,” Kristin said.

“I didn’t see him in school today, and Hailey just said he didn’t go, so that makes sense. He’s been avoiding me.”

“Any clue?” she asked.

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be overseas?”

“I am, or was – in Dubai,” Kristin said, looking down at her hands as she wrung them together. “But I wanted to come back to surprise the kids. I needed to talk to Dalton, really. I felt bad about how we left things. I was angry. He’s just so hard to understand sometimes.”

“So you left him.”

“I didn’t want to, but since Dalton got arrested, we’ve been fighting. We had a big fight the night before John was supposed to leave, and I told Dalton I just needed some time away.”

“Away from him, you mean?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

“That’s sucky of you.” I was being rude, but at that moment, I didn’t care.

“It really was, and I haven’t been able to sleep. He won’t talk or text me, won’t answer my e-mails.”

“But you left him at a time when he probably needed you the most.”

Kristin nodded. “Do you know what he did that got him in trouble in the first place?”

“He beat somebody up, pretty bad.”

“I just felt like I couldn’t control him anymore,” Kristin said, dropping her shoulders.

“But you can’t. It’s his life, and he should be able to, well, live it. He shouldn’t have everybody controlling him and treating him like some precious, breakable thing that—”

“He’s out of control,” Hailey said.

“Hailey,” Kristin said. “We just want him to be safe and healthy.”

“You need to let him live his life.”

“We’re not here to take advice from a teenager. Where is my goddamn brother?”

“We need to know,” Rick said, his voice deep and raspy.

“Um, what’s the date?” I asked.

“It’s the third.”

“Oh,” I said.

“What does ‘oh’ mean?” Rick asked.

I smiled. “He’s okay. In trouble maybe, but he’s okay.”

“Do you care to elaborate?” Rick asked.

I really didn’t want to say, but the whole lot of them looked pretty desperate. “If I tell you where he is, I have to come with.”

“Lexie,” my grandma said.

“I’m not telling otherwise. Send me to jail, for all I care.”

Rick stood up, hovering over me, looking very intimidating.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“Are you arresting him?”

“I’m a P.O. – I don’t arrest people myself, but I’m not having him arrested. Let’s just go get Dalton.”

“Okay.”