A Cold Creek Noel (The Cowboys of Cold Creek) (14 page)

Outside the kitchen he could hear laughter from the children at
something on the show they were watching. Caidy’s fingers trembled slightly, her
skin cool now, and he tightened his hand around hers.

“I should have helped her. Maybe I could have done
something.”

“You would have been shot if they’d known you were here.”

“Maybe.”

“No ‘maybe’ about it. Do you think they would have hesitated
for a moment?” He couldn’t bear thinking about the horrific possibility.

“I don’t know. I... When I finally heard them drive away, I
waited several more minutes to make sure they weren’t coming back, then went out
to call nine-one-one. By then, it was too late for my mother. She was barely
hanging on when Taft and the rest of the paramedics arrived. Maybe if I had
called earlier, she wouldn’t have lost so much blood.”

Everything made so much sense now. The close bond between the
siblings masked a deep pain. He had sensed it and now he knew the root of
it.

Did that explain why she was still here at the River Bow all
these years later, why she hadn’t finished veterinary school? Did guilt keep her
here, still figuratively hiding in the pantry?

Was this the reason she didn’t sing anymore?

He curled her fingers in his, wishing he had some other way to
ease her burden. “It wasn’t your fault. What a horrible thing to happen to
anyone, let alone a young girl.”

“I guess you understand now why I don’t like Christmas much. I
try, for Destry’s sake. She wasn’t even born then. It doesn’t seem fair to make
her miss out on all the holiday fun because of grief for people she doesn’t
know.”

“I can see that.”

Much to his disappointment, she slid her hand out from
underneath his and rose to take her plate to the sink. Though he sensed she was
trying to create distance between them again, he cleared his own dishes and
carried them to the sink after her.

She looked surprised. “Oh, thanks. You didn’t have to do that.
You’re a guest.”

“A guest who owes you far more the few moments it takes to bus
a few dishes,” he countered before returning to the table to clean up the mess
of plates and napkins and glasses the children had left behind.

She smiled her thanks when he carried the things to the sink
and he wanted to think some of the grimness had left her expression. She still
hadn’t eaten much pizza but he decided it wasn’t his place to nag her about
that.

He grabbed a dish towel and started to dry the few dishes in
the drainer by the sink. Though she looked as if she wanted to argue, she said
nothing and for a few moments they worked in companionable silence.

“My mom really loved the holidays,” she said when the last few
dishes were nearly finished. “Both of my parents did, really. I think that’s
what makes it harder. Mom would decorate the house even before Thanksgiving and
she would spend the whole month baking. I think Dad was more excited than us
kids. He used to sing Christmas songs at the top of his lungs. All through
December—after we were done with chores and dinner and homework—he would gather
us around the big grand piano in the other room to sing with him. Whatever
musical talent I had came from him.”

“I’d like to hear you sing,” he said.

She gave him a sidelong look and shook her head. “I told you, I
don’t sing anymore.”

“You think your parents would approve of that particular
stance?”

She sighed and hung the dish towel on the handle of the big
six-burner stove. “I know. I tell myself that every year. My dad, in particular,
would be very disappointed in me. He would look at me underneath those bushy
eyebrows of his and tell me music is the medicine of a broken heart. That was
one of his favorite sayings. Or he would quote Nietzsche: ‘without music, life
is a mistake.’ I know that intellectually, but sometimes what we know in our
head doesn’t always translate very well to our heart.”

“Tell me about it,” he muttered.

She gave him a curious look, leaning a hip against the work
island.

He knew he should keep his mouth shut but somehow the words
spilled out, like a song he didn’t realize he knew. “My head is telling me it’s
a completely ridiculous idea to kiss you again.”

She gazed at him for a long, silent moment, her eyes huge and
her lips slightly parted. He saw her give a long, slow inhale. “And does your
heart have other ideas? I hope so.”

“The kids—” he said, rather ridiculously.

“—are busy watching a show and paying absolutely no mind to us
in here,” she finished.

He took a step forward, almost against his will. “This thing
between us is crazy.”

“Completely insane,” she agreed.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Probably the same thing that’s wrong with me,” she murmured,
her voice husky and low. She also took a step forward, until she was only a
breath away, until he was intoxicated by the scent of her, fresh and clean and
lovely.

He had to kiss her. It seemed as inevitable as the sunrise over
the mountains. He covered the space between them and brushed his mouth against
hers once, twice, a third time. He might have found the willpower to stop there
but she sighed his name and gripped the front of his shirt with both hands,
leaning in for more, and he was lost.

She tasted of root beer—vanilla and mint. Delicious. He
couldn’t seem to get enough. He forgot everything when she was in his arms—his
exhaustion, the music she didn’t sing, the children in the other room.

All he could think about was Caidy, sweet and warm and
lovely.

There was something intensely
right
about being here with her. He couldn’t have explained it, other than he felt as
if with every passing moment, some dark, empty corner inside him was being
filled with soothing light.

* * *

She thought their first kiss that night at the clinic
had been fantastic. This surpassed that one. The physical reaction was the same,
instant heat and hunger, this wild surge of desire for more and more.

But she had barely known him that first time. Now she wasn’t
only kissing the very sexy veterinarian who had saved Luke’s life. She was
kissing the man who treated sweet Maya with such kindness, who looked adorably
out of his depth making pizza but who trudged gamely on, who listened to her
talk about her past without judgment or scorn but with compassion for the
frightened young girl she had been.

She was kissing Ben, the man she was falling in love with.

She wrapped her arms around him, wanting to soak up every
moment of the kiss. They kissed for several moments more, until his hand had
slipped beneath the edge of her shirt to trace delicious patterns on her bare
skin at her waist.

They might have continued kissing there in the quiet kitchen
for a long time but the children suddenly laughed hard at something in the other
room and Ben stiffened as if someone had dropped snow down his back.

He slid his mouth away from hers. “We’ve got to stop doing
this.” His voice sounded ragged and his chest moved against her with each rapid
breath.

“We...do?” She couldn’t seem to make her brain work.

“Yes. This... I’m not being fair to you, Caidy.”

Something in his tone finally penetrated the haze of desire
around her and she took a deep breath and stepped away, willing herself to
return to sensible thought.

“In what way?” She managed to make her voice sound cool and
controlled, at odds with the tangled chaos of her thoughts.

He raked a hand through his hair, finishing the job of messing
it that her own hands had started. “As much as I obviously...want you, I can’t
have a relationship right now. I’m not ready, the kids aren’t ready. I’ve thrown
too many changes at them in a very short time. A new town, a new school, a new
job. Eventually a new house. I can’t add another woman into the mix.”

His words doused the last embers of heat between them. She
shivered a little and pulled her shirt down while she struggled to chase after
the tattered ends of her composure.

What could she say to that? He was right. His children had
survived a great deal of tumult in a short time. The last thing she wanted to do
was hurt Ava and Jack. They were great kids and she already cared for them. Just
that afternoon, she felt as if she’d had a breakthrough with Ava when she had
helped her ride around the practice ring on one of their more gentle horses.

Ben was the children’s father. If he felt as though a
relationship between him and Caidy would be harmful to his children, how could
she argue?

He had obligations bigger than his own wants and needs. She had
to accept that, no matter how painful.

Much to her horror, she could feel the heavy burn of tears. She
never cried! She certainly couldn’t remember ever crying over a
man.
Not since that idiot Cody Spencer when she was
sixteen.

She took a deep breath and then another, concentrating hard on
pushing the tears back. She didn’t dare speak until she could trust her voice
wouldn’t wobble.

“I’m really glad we’re on the same page here,” she said,
pretending a casual, breezy tone. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.
This attraction between us is...inconvenient, yes, but we’re both adults. We can
certainly ignore it for the short time you’ll be living on the River Bow. After
that, it shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, how often do I need to take one of the
dogs to the vet? We’ll hardly ever see each other after you move into your new
house.”

Instead of reassuring him as to her insouciance, her words
seemed to trouble him further. His brow furrowed and he gave her a searching
look.

“Caidy—” he began, but Des came into the kitchen before he
could complete the thought.

“You’re still in here making pizza? This kitchen is so
hot!”

Isn’t that the truth?
Caidy
thought.

“You didn’t even come in and watch the show with us and now
it’s almost over.”

She seized on the diversion. “You really left the movie before
the end?”

“Jack wanted more root beer. I told him I’d take care of
it.”

Ben made a face. “Jack has probably had all the root beer one
kid needs for a night. How about we switch his beverage of choice to water? If
he complains, you can tell him his mean old dad said no.”

Destry grinned. “Right, Dr. Caldwell. Like anybody would
believe you’re mean. Or old.”

“You’d be surprised,” he muttered.

“Why don’t you watch the end of the show with the kids?” she
suggested.

“What about you?”

“I have a few things to take care of in here. After that, I’ll
be right in.”

After a moment’s hesitation, he nodded. “I can take Jack’s
water, if you’d like,” he said to Destry, who handed over the cup and led the
way to the television room.

When he was gone, taking all his heat and vitality and these
seething emotions between them, Caidy slumped into a chair at the kitchen table
and just barely refrained from burying her head in her hands.

She was becoming an idiot over Ben. All he needed to do was
give her that rare, charming smile and her insides caught fire and she wanted to
jump into his arms.

Worse than that, she was developing genuine feelings for him.
How could she not? She remembered him at dinner with Maya and her heart seemed
to melt.

She had to stop this or she would be in for serious heartbreak.
He wasn’t interested in a relationship. He had made that plain twice now. He
didn’t want anything she had to offer and she would be a fool if she allowed
herself to forget that, even for a moment.

Okay, she could do this. A few more weeks and he would be gone
from her life, for the most part. She would just have to work hard these
remaining weeks while he was still on the River Bow to guard her emotions. Ben
and his children could easily slip right past her defenses and into her heart.
She was just going to have to do everything she could to keep that from
happening, no matter how hard it might be.

Chapter Twelve

T
hree more days.

She could smile and make conversation and pretend to be excited
about Christmas for three more days.

Less than three days actually. Two and a half, really. This was
Sunday evening, the day before Christmas Eve. She had tonight, Christmas Eve and
then Christmas Day to survive, and then she could toss another holiday into her
personal history book.

Okay, that didn’t count the week leading up to New Year’s, but
she wasn’t going to think about that. Once Christmas itself was over, she
usually could relax and enjoy the remaining days of the holidays and the time it
gave her with her family.

For now, she had to survive this particular evening. Caidy
stepped out of her bedroom wearing her best black slacks and a dressy white silk
blouse she had worn only once before, to the annual cattleman’s harvest dinner a
few years earlier. With it, she wore a triple strand of colorful glass beads she
had picked up at a craft fair that summer.

This was about as dressed up as she could manage. Was it too
much? Not enough? She hated trying to figure out proper attire for parties,
especially this one.

She fervently wished that she could stay home, pop a big batch
of buttery popcorn and find something on TV that wasn’t a sappy holiday
special.

She had an excuse just about every year to avoid going to the
big party Carson and Jenna McRaven had been hosting the past few years at
Carson’s huge house up Cold Creek Canyon, but Destry had begged and pleaded this
year with both Ridge and Caidy.

Destry had trotted out a dozen reasons why they should make an
exception and attend this year: all her friends were going. It was going to be
a blast.
Attending was the neighborly thing to
do. The McRavens would think the Bowmans didn’t like them if they continued to
decline the invitation every year.

Finally, she pulled the “you just don’t want me to have any
fun” card and Ridge had reluctantly accepted his fate and agreed to go. Though
she knew it was ridiculous, Caidy had felt obligated to accompany them both.

She wasn’t looking forward to any aspect of the party except
the food. Jenna was a fantastic cook and catered events all over the county. Her
friend, though, tended to go a little overboard when it came to Christmas. Her
very gorgeous husband did too. Raven’s Nest was always decorated to the hilt for
the holidays and the McRavens loved hosting holiday gatherings for family and
friends.

She could get through it, she told herself. Less than
seventy-two hours, right? With that little pep talk firmly in mind, she headed
for the kitchen for the two Dutch apple pies she had baked that morning and
found both Destry and Ridge there.

“Oh, you look beautiful, Aunt Caidy!” Destry exclaimed.

Ridge gave one of his rare smiles. “It’s true, sis. You do.
Much too fancy to be saddled with the likes of us.”

Her oldest brother looked handsome and commanding, as usual, in
a Western-cut shirt and one of his favorite bolo ties while Destry wore her best
pair of jeans and the cute wintry sweater they had bought in Jackson the last
time they went shopping together.

At the neckline, Caidy could see the flowered straps of her
swimming suit peeking through.

“You’re all set to swim?”

The McRavens had the only private indoor pool in town and it
was a big hit among the area kids. The stuff of legend.

Destry lifted a mesh bag off the table. “I’ve got everything
here. I can’t wait. I’ve heard it’s a superawesome pool. That’s what Tallie and
Claire told me. I just hope Kip Wheeler isn’t too much of a tease. He can be
such
a pest.”

Kip was Jenna’s son from her first marriage, which had ended in
the tragic death of her husband several years ago. He and his two older brothers
and younger sister had been adopted by Carson McRaven after he married Jenna.
They now had a busy toddler of their own, who kept all of them hopping.

“Everybody ready?”

“I am!” Destry jumped up and threw on her coat.

“As I’ll ever be,” Caidy muttered. Ridge gave her a sympathetic
look as he lifted one of the pies and carried it out to the Suburban.

A light snow speckled the windshield, reflecting the colorful
holiday light displays they passed on their way to the McRavens’ house. They
approached the house through a long line of parked cars on either side of the
curving driveway. It looked as if half the town was inside the big house. She
recognized Trace’s SUV and Taft’s extended-cab pickup. Apparently, even when
they canceled the regular Sunday night Bowman dinner for a special occasion, the
family couldn’t manage to stay apart.

“I’ll let you two off near the door, then find a place to
park,” Ridge said.

She wanted to tell him to forget it, but because she was
wearing her completely impractical high-heeled black boots, she didn’t
argue.

“Want me to take a pie inside?” Destry asked.

“You’ve got your swim stuff. I can manage,” she answered.

As she expected, the entrance to the McRavens’ house was
beautifully decorated with grapevine garlands entwined with evergreens and
twinkling lights. A trio of small live trees was also adorned with lights.

The door opened before they could even knock and Jenna McRaven
answered. She smiled, pretty and blonde and deceptively fragile-looking. “Oh,
Caidy. You made it! I thought the day would never come when we could convince
you to come to our Christmas party.”

Carson joined her at the door and gave all of them a wide,
charming smile. He was vastly different from the cold man she remembered coming
to town five years ago.

“Caidy, great to see you.” He kissed Caidy’s cheek before
slipping an arm around his wife. The two of them plainly adored each other.
Caidy had noticed before that when they were together, scarcely a moment passed
when one of them didn’t touch the other in some way. A hand on the arm, a brush
of fingers.

She told herself she had no right to be envious of their
happiness together.

“And you brought food!” Carson exclaimed.

“Where would you like the pies?”

“Besides in my stomach?” Carson asked. “They look fantastic. We
can probably find room on the dessert table. What am I saying? There’s always
room for pie.”

“I’ll help you,” Jenna said, taking one of the pies. “Carson,
will you show Destry where she can change into her swimming suit?”

“I’ve already got it on,” Des proclaimed, yanking the neck of
her sweater aside to show the swimming suit strap.

“Good thinking.” Carson smiled at her. “I’ll just show you
where you can leave your things, then.”

They walked away and Jenna led her into the opposite direction,
into the beautiful gourmet kitchen of the home, which currently bustled with
about a dozen of her friends.

“Hey, Caidy!” Emery Cavazos greeted her with a smile, looking
elegant and composed as always while she transferred something chocolate and
rich-looking onto a tray.

“Hi, Em.”

Nothing to worry about in here, she thought. She loved these
women and got together with them often at various social functions. She could
just pretend this was one of their regular parties.

“You know, Caidy would be perfect for that little matter we
were discussing earlier,” Maggie Dalton exclaimed.

“What matter?” she asked warily. With the Cold Creek women, one
could never be too careful.

“We’ve all been admiring the new vet—a gorgeous widower with
those two adorable kids,” Jenna said. “We were trying to figure out someone we
could subtly introduce him to.”

“We’ve already met.” And locked lips. More than once. She
decided to keep that tidbit of information to herself. If she didn’t, the whole
town would join her brothers in trying to hook her up with Ben, who had made it
quite plain they would never be matched.

Caroline Dalton—married to the oldest Dalton brother,
Wade—tilted her head and gave Caidy a long, considering look. “You know, Mag, I
think you’re absolutely right. She’s perfect for him.”

“I...am?”

“Yes! You both love animals and you’re wonderful with
children.”

“We need to figure out some way to get them together.” Emery,
the traitor, joined into the scheming.

Had she become such an object of pity that all the women in
town felt they had to step in and take drastic action to practically arrange a
marriage for her? It was a depressing thought, especially because Ben had made
it clear he wasn’t even interested in
kissing
her.

“Thank you, but that’s not necessary,” she said quickly, hoping
to cut off this disastrous conniving at the pass. “As I said, Dr. Caldwell and I
have met. He treated a dog of mine who was injured a few weeks ago. And in case
you didn’t know, he’s currently living on the foreman’s cottage at the River
Bow.”

“Oh, I hadn’t heard he and the children moved out of the inn,”
exclaimed Jenny Boyer Dalton, principal of the elementary school. “I’m so happy
they’re not staying there for Christmas. No offense, Laura.”

“None taken,” Caidy’s sister-in-law said. “I agree.”

“That was a brilliant idea,” Caroline said. “See, you
are
perfect for him!”

She could see this whole situation quickly spiraling out of
control, with everybody in town jumping on board to push her and Ben together.
What a nightmare that would be. He would hate it, especially when he had clearly
brushed her off two nights ago after that stunning kiss.

In desperation, she hurried to try a little damage control. “I
think you all need to give Ben a break and let him settle into Pine Gulch before
you start picking out china patterns for him. The poor man hasn’t even had the
chance to move into his own house yet.”

He would be going soon, though. The house he was building would
be finished after the holidays and he and the children would be moving off the
River Bow. The thought of not seeing those lights gleaming in the windows of the
foreman’s cottage—of not having the chance to listen to Jack’s knock-knock jokes
or being able to tease a reluctant smile from Ava—filled her with a poignant
sense of loss.

The rest of winter stretched out ahead of her, long and empty.
Not just the winter. The months and years to come, each day the same as the one
before.

She would miss all of them dearly. How would she live in Pine
Gulch knowing he was so close but out of her reach?

Maybe the time had come for her to take a different path. She
could probably find a job somewhere outside Pine Gulch. Separating from her
family would be painful but she wasn’t sure which would hurt more—leaving or
staying.

“Only friends, huh? That’s too bad.” Maggie Dalton gave a
rueful sigh. “Don’t you think if you tried, you could stir up a little interest
in more? I mean, the man is
hot.
”

Yes, she was fully aware of that—and was positive none of these
women had known the magic of his kiss. The problem wasn’t how attractive she
found Ben Caldwell. He didn’t feel the same way about her and she couldn’t
figure out a darn thing to do about it.

She wanted to cry, suddenly, right here in front of her dearest
friends—each of whom had the great fortune to be married to a wonderful man who
loved her deeply. They were all so happily married, they wanted everyone else to
know the same joy. Caidy didn’t know how to tell them the likelihood of that
happening to her was pathetically slim.

Not that she wanted that. She was perfectly happy right
now.

“You’d be surprised how often friendship can develop into
more,” Emery said. “Dr. Caldwell really does seem like a nice guy. We don’t get
all that many available men in Cold Creek besides the guys who come to
snowmobile or fish. Maybe you should think about seeing if he wants to be more
than friends.”

Those tears burned harder behind her eyelids. Coming to this
party was a phenomenally bad idea. If she’d had any idea she would face a
gauntlet of matchmakers, she would have hidden in her room and locked the
door.

“Don’t, okay? Just...don’t. Ben and I are friends. That’s all.
Not everyone is destined to live happily ever after like all of you are. Is it
so hard to believe that maybe I like my life the way it is? Maybe Ben does too.
Back off, okay?”

Her friends gaped at her and she could tell her vehemence had
shocked them. She wasn’t usually so firm, she realized. Now they were going to
wonder why this was such a hot button for her.

Damn.

And
Laura knew she and Ben had
kissed. She was going to have to hope her beloved sister-in-law didn’t decide to
mention that little fact to the rest of the women.

She just couldn’t win. Sometimes escaping with the remains of
her dignity was the best option.

“I need to take one of my pies out to the dessert table. What
about that tray, Emery? Is it ready to go out?”

“Um, sure.” Her friend handed the delicious-looking bar cookies
to her without another word. Feeling the heat of all their gazes on her back,
Caidy escaped from the kitchen.

The party was crowded and noisy. For all its size, having a
hundred people, many of them children, crammed into the McRavens’ house didn’t
lend itself to quiet, relaxing conversation. Several neighbors and friends
greeted her on her way to the food tables and she tried to smile and talk with
them for a few moments but quickly broke away, using the excuse of the
treats.

The tables were covered with all manner of culinary delights,
as she had expected. Jenna loved to cook and loved coming up with new recipes
for her clients and family. Caidy didn’t have much appetite but she filled a
small plate with a few possibilities—to have something to hold, more than
anything.

“Those look good. Any idea what they are?”

At the deep voice at her elbow, she whirled and her heart
stuttered. How had she missed Ben’s approach? Probably a combination of the
crowd and her own distraction.