A Cold Creek Noel (The Cowboys of Cold Creek) (12 page)

Against her will, she felt a pang of sympathy for the man. It
couldn’t have been easy, moving to Pine Gulch where he didn’t know anyone. He
and his children had left behind any kind of support network, all trace of the
familiar. Starting over in a new community would be tough on anyone, especially
a single father also trying to keep a demanding business operating.

“This is easily fixed, Ben,” she said impulsively. “Ava and
Jack can come to the ranch house after school and hang out with me and Destry.
It will be great fun.”

He looked faintly embarrassed. “That wasn’t a hint, I swear. I
honestly never even thought about asking you. Because you know everyone in town
and all, I thought you might be aware of someone who might be willing to help
out this time of year.”

“I do know a few people who do childcare. I can certainly give
you some names, if that’s your preference. But I promise, having them come to
the ranch after school would be no big deal. Destry would love the company and I
might even put them to work with chores. They can ride the bus home with Destry
the rest of the week, just like they would if Mrs. Michaels were there.
Saturday’s no problem either. Des and I are making Christmas cookies and can
always use a couple more hands.”

He shifted. “I don’t want to bother you. I’m sure you’re busy
with Christmas.”

“Who isn’t? Don’t worry about it, Ben. If I thought it would be
too much of a bother, I wouldn’t have offered.”

“I don’t know.”

He was plainly reluctant to accept the help. Stubborn man. Did
he think she was going to attach strings to her offer? One kiss per hour of
childcare?

Tempting. Definitely tempting...

“I was only trying to help. I thought it would be a convenient
solution to your problem with the side benefit of helping me keep Destry
entertained in the big crazy lead-up to Christmas Eve, but it won’t hurt my
feelings if you prefer to make other arrangements. You can think about it and
let me know.”

“I don’t need to think about it. You’re right. It is the
perfect solution.” He was quiet, his hands petting Luke’s fur. Lucky dog.

“It’s tough for me to accept help,” he finally said, surprising
her with his raw honesty. “Tougher, probably, to accept help from
you,
with things so...complicated between us.”

“Complicated. Is that what you call it?” Apparently she wasn’t
the only one in tumult over this attraction that simmered between them.

“What word would you use?”

Tense. Sparkly. Exhilarating.
She
couldn’t use any of those words, despite the truth of them.

“Complicated works, I guess. But this, at least, is relatively
easy when you think about it. I like your kids, Ben. I don’t mind having them
around. Jack has a hilarious sense of humor and I’m sure he’ll talk my ear off
with knock-knock jokes. Ava is a little tougher nut to crack, I’ll admit, but
I’m looking forward to the challenge.”

“She’s struggling right now. I guess that’s obvious.”

“The move?”

“She’s angry about that. About everything. My former in-laws
did a number on her. They blame me for Brooke’s death and have spent the past
two years trying to shove a wedge between Ava and me. Both kids, really, but
Jack is still too young to pay them much attention.”

“Do they have any real reason to blame you?” she asked.

“They think they do. Brooke had type 1 diabetes and nearly died
having Jack. The doctors told us not to try again. She was determined to have a
third child despite the danger. She could be like that. If she wanted something,
she couldn’t see any reason why she couldn’t have it. I wasn’t about to risk a
pregnancy. We took double precautions—or at least I thought I did. I intended to
make things permanent, but the day I was scheduled for the big snip, she told me
she was pregnant.”

“Oh, no.”

He raked a hand through his hair with a grimace. “Why am I
compelled to spill all this to you?”

She chose her words with Ben as carefully as she had with
Destry earlier, sensing if she said the wrong thing to him this fragile
connection between them would fray. “I would like to think we can be friends,
even if things between us are...complicated.”

He gave a rough laugh. “Friends. All right. I guess I don’t
have enough of those around.”

She sensed that wasn’t an admission he was comfortable with
either. “You will. Give it time. You just moved in. It takes time to build that
kind of trust.”

“Even with my friends back in California, I never felt right
about talking about this. It sounds terrible of me. Disloyal or something. I
loved my wife but...some part of me is so damn angry at her. She got pregnant on
purpose. I guess that’s obvious. She stopped taking birth control pills and
sabotaged the condoms. She thought she knew better than the doctors and me.”

What kind of mother risked her life, her future with a husband
who loved her and children who needed her, simply because she wanted something
she didn’t have? Caidy couldn’t conceive of it.

“I loved her but she could be stubborn and spoiled when she
wanted her way. She wouldn’t consider terminating the pregnancy despite the
dangers,” Ben went on. Now that he had started with the story, she sensed he
wanted to tell her all of it. “For several months, things were going well. We
thought anyway. Then when she was six months along, her glucose levels started
jumping all over the place. As best we can figure out, it must have spiked that
afternoon and she passed out.”

His hands curled in Luke’s fur. “She was behind the wheel at
the time and drove off an overpass. She and the baby both died instantly.”

“Oh, Ben. I’m so sorry.” She wanted to touch him, offer some
sort of comfort, but she was afraid to move. What would he do if she wrapped her
fingers around his? Friends did that sort of thing, right? Even complicated
friends?

“Her parents never forgave me.” He spoke before she could move.
“They thought it was all my fault she got pregnant in the first place. If only
I’d stayed away from her, et cetera, et cetera. I can’t really blame them.”

She stared. “I can. That’s completely ridiculous. Are they
nuts? You were married, for heaven’s sake. What were you supposed to do? It’s
not like you were two teenagers having a quickie in the backseat of your
car.”

He gave a rough, surprised-sounding laugh, and she was aware of
a tiny bubble of happiness inside her that she could make him laugh despite the
grim story.

“You’re right. They are a little nuts.” He laughed again and
some of the tension in his shoulders started to ease. “No, a
lot
nuts. That’s the real reason I moved here. Ava was
becoming just like my mother-in-law. A little carbon copy, right down to the
tight-mouthed expressions and the censorious comments. I won’t let that happen.
I’m her father and I’m not about to let them feed her lies and distortions until
she hates me.”

“Is the move working the way you hoped?”

“I think it’s too soon to tell. She’s still pretty upset at
moving away from them. They can give her things I can’t. That’s a tough thing
for a father to stomach.”

This time she acted on the impulse to touch him and rested a
hand on his bare forearm, just below the short sleeve of the scrub shirt. His
skin was warm, the muscle hard beneath her fingers.

“They can’t give either Ava or Jack the most important thing.
Your love. That’s what they’re going to remember the rest of their lives. When
they see how much you have loved them and sacrificed for them, it won’t matter
what lies their grandparents try to feed them.”

“Thank you for that.” He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling a
little at the corners, and she wanted to stand in this little office basking in
the glow forever.

Why, again, hadn’t she wanted to bring Luke to the vet? She
couldn’t imagine anywhere she would rather be right now.

“I mean it about the kids, Ben.” Though it took a great deal of
effort, she managed to slide her hand away. “Destry and I would love to have the
children hang out with us for a few days. And if you need help between Christmas
and New Year’s, we’ll be happy to keep an eye on them.”

The conviction in her voice seemed to assuage the last of his
concerns. “If you’re sure, that would be great. Thank you. You’ve lifted a huge
weight off my mind.”

“No problem.” She smiled to seal the deal. His gaze flickered
to her mouth and stayed there as if he couldn’t look away. He was thinking of
their kiss. She was certain of it. Awareness fluttered through her, low and
enticing. When his gaze lifted to hers, she knew she wasn’t imagining the sudden
hunger there.

She swallowed, her face suddenly hot. She wanted him to kiss
her again, just wrap his arms around her and press her back against the wall for
the next hour or two.

Not the time or the place. He was working and had other
patients he needed to see. Besides that, though he might be forging this
tentative friendship with her, she had a feeling the rest of it was just too
tangled for either of them right now.

“I’ll, um, see you later,” she mumbled. “Thanks
for...everything.”

“You’re very welcome.” His low voice thrummed over her nerves.
She did her best to ignore it as she grabbed the end of Luke’s leash and
escaped.

Chapter Eleven

T
wo nights later, Ben pulled off the main
road onto the drive into the River Bow, wishing he could hang a left at the
junction, climb into his bed at the cottage and sleep for the next two or three
days.

His shoulders were tight with exhaustion, his eyes gritty and
aching. When he finally found time to sleep, just past midnight, he had only
been under for a few minutes when he received an emergency call to help a dog
that had been hit by a car on one of the ranch roads. He had ended up packing
his sleepy kids—poor things—into the backseat of the SUV and taking them inside
his office to sleep while he attended to the dog.

He really needed Mrs. Michaels—or someone like her. At least
the kids had fallen quickly back to sleep. He considered that a great blessing.
Even after he packed them back to the ranch and into their beds, they had again
fallen asleep easily.

He had envied them that as he tossed and turned, energized by
the case and the successful outcome. Before he knew it, the alarm was going off
and he had stumbled out of bed to face a packed schedule of people rushing to
take their animals into the vet before the clinic went on its brief holiday
hiatus.

So far, he hadn’t seen any slowdown in business after taking
over from Dr. Harris. Another blessing there. Although he was grateful for the
business and glad that the people of Pine Gulch had decided to continue bringing
their animals to him, right now he was too tired to savor his relief.

As he pulled up to the River Bow ranch house, Christmas lights
gleamed against the winter night and the darker silhouettes of the mountains in
the distance and the pines and aspens of the foreground. Warm light spilled out
the windows into the snow and that big Christmas tree twinkled with color.

The place offered a cheery welcome against the chilly night. He
couldn’t help thinking about his grandparents’ home in Lake Forest. In sheer
square footage, Caldwell House was probably three times as big as the River Bow,
but instead of warmth and hominess, he remembered his childhood home as being
sterile and unfriendly to a young boy, all sharp angles, dark wood and
uncomfortable furniture.

His grandparents hadn’t wanted him. He had known that from the
beginning when their daughter, his mother, had dropped him and his sister off
before running off with her latest hard-living boyfriend.

She hadn’t come back, of course. Even at age eight, he had
somehow known she wouldn’t. Now he knew she had died of a drug overdose just
months after dropping him and Susie with her parents, but for years he had
watched and waited for a mother who would never return.

Oh, his grandparents had done their duty. They had given him
and Susie a roof over their head, nutritious meals, an excellent education. But
he and his sister had never been allowed to forget they came from a selfish,
irresponsible woman who had chosen drugs over her own children.

He had his own family now. Children he loved more than
anything. He would never treat them as unwanted burdens.

Eager to pick them up now, he pulled up in front of the River
Bow. The night was clear and cold, with a brilliant spill of stars gleaming
above the mountains. Inside the door, he could hear laughter and a television
show, along with a couple of well-mannered barks.

The door opened just seconds after he rang the bell. His
stomach rumbled instantly as the spicy, doughy smells wafting outside
immediately transported him to his favorite pizzeria in college.

“Hi, Dad!” Jack let go of the doorknob just an instant before
launching himself toward Ben. With a laugh, he held his arms out and Jack did
his traditional move of spider-walking up his legs before Ben flipped him upside
down, then scooped him up into his arms.

He always found it one of life’s tiny miracles that his
exhaustion could seep away for a while when he was reunited with his kids at the
end of the day, even if Ava was in a cranky mood.

“How was your day, bud?”

“Great! I got to help feed the horses and play with some
kittens. And guess what? I don’t have to go back to school until next year.”

“That’s right. Last day of school and now it’s Christmas
vacation.”

“And Santa Claus comes in
three
days!
”

He had so dang much to do before then, Ben didn’t even want to
think about it. “I can’t wait,” he lied.

As he spoke, Ben became aware of what Jack would have called a
disturbance in the Force. Some kind of shift in air currents or spinning and
whirling of the ions in the air or something, he wasn’t sure, but he sensed
Caidy’s approach even before she came into view.

“Hi! I thought I heard a doorbell.”

She was wearing a white apron and had a bit of flour on her
cheek, just a little dusting against her heat-flushed skin.

“Sorry I’m a little later than I told you I would be on the
phone,” he answered, fighting the urge to step forward and blow away the
flour.

“No problem. We’ve been having fun, haven’t we, Jack?”

“Yep. We’re making pizza and I got to put some cheese on.”

His stomach growled again and he realized he hadn’t had time
for lunch. “It smells great. Really great.”

Jack grabbed one of his hands in both of his. “Can we stay and
have some? Please, Dad!”

He glanced at Caidy, embarrassed that his son would offer
invitations to someone else’s meal. “I don’t think so. I’m sure we’ve bothered
the Bowmans long enough. We’ll find something back at our place.”

Exactly what, he wasn’t quite sure. Maybe they would run into
town to grab fast food, though right now loading up into the vehicle again and
heading to the business district was the last thing he felt like doing. Maybe
there was a pizza restaurant he hadn’t discovered yet—because that smell was
enticing.

“Of course you’ll stay!” Caidy exclaimed. “I was planning on
it.”

“You’re doing us enough favors by letting the kids come hang
out with you. I don’t expect you to feed us too.”

She narrowed her gaze at him. “I just spent an hour making
enough pizza dough to feed the whole town of Pine Gulch. You can stay a few
minutes and eat a slice or two, can’t you?”

He should make an excuse and leave. This house was just too
appealing—and Caidy was even more so. But he didn’t have plans for dinner. If
they ate here, that was one less decision he would have to make. Besides, pizza
on a cold winter night seemed perfect.

They could stay for a while, just long enough to eat, he
decided. Then he and his children would head for home. “If you’re sure, that
would be great. It really does smell delicious.”

“I’m going to be a lousy hostess and ask you to hang your own
coat up because my hands are covered in flour, then come on back to the
kitchen.”

Without waiting for an answer, she turned around and walked
back down the hall, Jack scampering after her. After a pause, Ben shrugged out
of his ranch coat and hung it alongside Jack’s and Ava’s coats on the rack in
the corner.

He expected to see a crowd of children when he walked into the
kitchen but Caidy was alone. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, leaving
another little smudge of flour, and gave him a bright smile that seemed to push
off another shackle of his fatigue.

“The kids are just getting ready to watch a Christmas show in
the other room. You’re more than welcome to join them while I finish throwing
things together in here.”

He should. A wise man would take the escape she was handing
him, but he didn’t feel right about leaving her alone to do all the work. “Is
there anything I can help you do in here?”

Surprise flickered in her eyes, then she smiled again. “You’re
a brave man, Ben Caldwell. Sure. I’ve got a cheese pizza cooking now to satisfy
the restless natives. Give me a minute to toss out another pie and then you can
put the toppings on.”

He washed his hands, listening to the familiar opening strands
of a holiday television special he had watched when
he
was a kid in the big rec room of Caldwell House. He found
something rather comforting about the continuity of it, his own children
enjoying the same things that had once given him pleasure.

“Would you like a drink or something? We don’t keep much in the
house but I can probably rustle up a beer.”

“What are you having?”

“I like root beer with my pizza. It’s always been kind of a
family tradition and I apparently haven’t grown out of it. Silly, isn’t it?”

“I think it’s nice. Root beer sounds good, but I can wait until
the pizza is done.”

She smiled as her hands expertly continued tossing the dough
into shape. “What about you? Any traditions in the Caldwell family kitchen?”

“Other than thoroughly enjoying whatever Mrs. Michaels fixes
us, no. Not really.”

“What about when you were a kid?”

Traditions? No, not unless she might count formal family
dinners with little conversation and a serious dearth of kindness. “Not really.
I didn’t come from a particularly close family.”

“No brothers or sisters?”

“A sister. She’s several years younger than I am. We’ve lost
touch over the years.”

Susan had rebelled against their grandparents by following in
their mother’s footsteps, burying her misery in drugs and alcohol. Last he
heard, she was in her third stint at rehab to avoid a prison sentence.

“I can’t imagine losing touch with my brothers.” Sympathy
turned Caidy’s eyes an intense green. “They’re my best friends. Laura and Becca
are like sisters to me now too.”

“You Bowmans seem a united front against the world.”

“I guess so. It hasn’t always been that way, but it’s the now
that counts, right?”

“Yes. You’re very lucky.”

She opened her mouth to speak, then appeared to think better of
it. “I think this should be ready now.”

With a twist of her wrist, she deftly tossed the dough onto a
pizza peel sprinkled with cornmeal and crimped the edges before handing the
whole peel to him with a flourish.

“Here you go. All yours.”

“Uh.” He stared helplessly at the naked pizza dough, not quite
sure what she expected of him.

“You haven’t done this before, have you?”

He gave a rough laugh. “No. But I can tell you by heart the
phone number of about half a dozen great pizza places in California.”

She shook her head and stepped closer to him, stirring the air
with the scent of wildflowers, and suddenly he forgot all about being hungry for
pizza. Now he was just hungry for her.

“Okay, I’ll walk you through it this time. Next time you come
over for Friday night pizza, though, you’re on your own.”

Next time.
Whoever would have
guessed those two words could hold so much promise? He knew darn well he
shouldn’t feel this little kick of anticipation for something so nebulous and
uncertain as a next time.

Better to just enjoy
this
moment.
As she said, it was
now
that mattered. In a few
weeks, he and his children would be moving away and Caidy Bowman and this wild
attraction to her would be conveniently distant from him.

For now, she was here beside him, her skin unbelievably
soft-looking and her hair teasing him with the scent of flowers and
springtime.

“Okay, first thing you do is spoon a little sauce on. I like to
use the bowl of the big spoon to spread it to the edge of the dough. That’s it.
Good.”

He supposed it was fairly ridiculous to feel the same sense of
pride in spreading sauce on a pizza dough as he had the first time he helped
deliver a difficult foal.

“Now sprinkle as much cheese as you usually like. Perfect. I
see you like it gooey.”

She smiled at him and he suddenly wanted to toss the unfinished
pizza to the floor, press her up against that counter and kiss her until they
were both breathing hard.

“Okay, now put your toppings on. I was planning a pepperoni and
olive for the next one but you can be creative. Whatever you think the kids
might like.”

“Pepperoni and olive sounds good.” He cleared away the ragged
edge to his voice. “My kids always like that.”

She didn’t appear to notice. “The third one can be a little
more sophisticated. By then, Destry and her friends—and Ridge, when he’s
home—have had their fill.”

Who made three homemade pizzas on a Friday night? Caidy Bowman
apparently.

She was a woman of more layers than a supreme pizza and he was
enjoying the process of uncovering each one.

“Now your toppings. Don’t skimp on the olives.”

He picked up a stack of pepperoni and dealt them like cards on
poker night, then tossed handfuls of olives to the edge of the crust. This was
going to be the best damn Friday night pizza she had ever had, he vowed.

“Okay, now another layer of cheese and then a bit of fresh
Parmesan on the top. Oh, that looks delicious.”

“Thank you.”

“If the vet thing ever gets old, you can always get a job at
the pizza place in town.”

He laughed. “A backup plan is always helpful. Good to know I
can still feed my kids.”

She smiled back at him and he knew he didn’t imagine it when
her gaze flickered to his mouth and stayed there long enough to send heat
pulsing through him. The moment stretched between them, heady and intoxicating,
and he again wanted to kiss her, but she stepped away before he could act on the
urge.

“I guess this one is ready.”

“Now what?”

“Now I take the cheese pizza out, then we call in the locusts
and watch it disappear.”

He watched while she did just that, shoving a second pizza peel
under the cooked pizza on a stone in the oven and deftly working the dough onto
the peel before pulling the whole thing back out.

The cheese bubbled exactly the way he loved and the crust was
golden perfection.