A Christmas Bride (30 page)

She heard a sound and looked up. One of the doves shifted in its cage. Willingly trapped because they either didn’t understand they could be free or weren’t interested. They took the easy way out, too.

Anger joined a sadness so profound, she knew it would scar her forever. Because whatever mistakes she’d made, she truly did love As’ad. She always would. But she didn’t belong here. She couldn’t stay and marry a man who didn’t love her.

That decided, she made her way into the palace. Her mother’s door stood partially open. Kayleen stepped inside without knocking to find her mother supervising two maids who were packing her suitcases. Darlene had already changed out of her evening gown into an elegant pantsuit. When she saw her daughter, she smiled.

“Oh, good. You stopped by. That saves me writing a note. Look, I’m leaving—just like you said I should. I’ve had a great time. I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to get to know each other better. Next time you’re back in the States, you’ll need to look me up.”

Everything about her was false, Kayleen thought emotionlessly. From her bleached hair to her fake smiles.

“You’re leaving because As’ad is paying you four million dollars,” Kayleen told her. “I heard the conversation.”

“Then you know I got what I came for. A secure future. It’s not a fortune, but I know how to invest. I’ll live well enough and maybe find someone to supplement my excesses. It doesn’t compare with your haul, of course, but we can’t all be that lucky.”

Lucky. Right. To fall in love with a man who didn’t care about her.

“When do you leave?” Kayleen asked.

“There’s a plane waiting at the airport. I love the truly rich.” Darlene frowned. “You’re not going to want an emotional goodbye, are you?”

“No. I don’t want anything from you.”

With that, she left and returned to her own suite. The babysitter greeted her.

“They were all so good tonight,” the young woman said.

“I’m glad. Thank you.”

The other woman left and Kayleen was alone.

Despite the pain, she felt almost at peace. Maybe it was finally seeing the world as it was, and not as she wanted it to be. Maybe it was knowing the truth.

The truth was she would never have the kind of relationship with her biological family that she wanted. She could keep trying and maybe in time, things would improve, but there was no rescue there. There was no happy ending.

The same was true with As’ad. He’d proposed out of duty and maybe with the belief that she would be a good wife. He’d told her he didn’t believe in love and she hadn’t listened. She’d created a different story because it was what she wanted to believe.

But he didn’t love her and he had no intention of loving her. So her choices were clear. She could stay and marry him, live life as a princess, or she could walk away. Darlene would tell her the money, the prestige, the palace, were worth nearly everything. But Kayleen remembered reading once that when a woman marries for money, she earns every penny.

She didn’t want to marry for money—she wanted to marry for love. She wasn’t like the doves—trapped even though the door was open, she was free to leave.

After looking in on the girls, she returned to her own room. She undressed and pulled on a robe, then sat in a chair by the French doors and stared out at the night.

The only part of leaving that bothered her was knowing how much she would miss As’ad. Despite everything, she loved him. Would she ever be able to love anyone else?

Because that’s what she wanted. A real life, with a family and a man who cared. She wasn’t going to run back to the convent school. She was going to make her way in the world. She was strong—she could do it.

* * *

AS’AD FOUND KAYLEEN in her suite. She’d changed out of her ball gown and pulled on a robe. She sat in the living room, a pad of paper on her lap.

He walked in and stared at her. “You left the party. I looked everywhere and you were gone.”

She glanced up at him. “I didn’t want to stay any longer.”

That didn’t sound right, he thought warily. She’d left without talking to him? “Are you ill?”

“I’m fine.”

“You came back here to make notes?”

“Apparently.” She set the paper and pen on the coffee table, then stood. “Have you transferred the money to my mother?”

He swore silently. “You spoke with her?”

“Not about that. Don’t worry. She didn’t tell me anything, so she gets to keep the dress and jewelry, right? I mean, that
was
the deal. Along with the four million. A generous offer. I’d already told her to leave, but you didn’t know that. She made out well.”

“I do not care about the money,” he said, trying to remember exactly what he and Darlene had discussed. Obviously Kayleen had been in a position to overhear their conversation.

He felt badly—he guessed she was hurt and his intent had been to avoid that.

“I know,” Kayleen said. “But she does, so it works out well for both of you.”

He tried to read her expression, but he had no idea what she was thinking. Was she angry?

“Once she is gone, all will be well,” he said, willing it to be so.

“I’m not as sure.” She stared into his eyes. “This is just a marriage of convenience for you. I’m surprised you’d pick me. I’m sure there are women with better pedigrees out there. Women who understand what it’s like to be a princess and who won’t have foolish expectations.”

“I am pleased to be marrying you. I want you to be the mother of my sons. I respect you, Kayleen. Isn’t respect and admiration more important, more lasting, than a fleeting emotion like love? I will honor you above all women. That must have value.”

“It does. But love has value, too. Maybe it’s a peasant thing.”

She was calm and he didn’t like it. Screaming and crying he could understand, but not this quiet conversation. What did she want from him?

“I take a lot of the blame,” she said, her gaze steady. “I took the easy way out. You told me that after we slept together, and you were right. I want to hide, first at the convent school and then here, with you. I was never willing to really strike out on my own. I was afraid and I let that fear rule me. I thought by staying close to what I knew, I would be safe and belong. Even when I went halfway around the world to your country, I huddled in the orphan school, terrified to take a step.”

Her reasoning sounded correct, but he had a bad feeling about what she was saying.

“Now you have chosen a different path,” he pointed out. “So you are making changes. That is as it should be.”

“I am making changes, As’ad. Big ones.” She removed her engagement ring and held it out to him.

“No,” he told her, shocked by her actions. “You have agreed to marry me. Changing your mind is not permitted.”

“
You
don’t get to decide that. I won’t marry a man who doesn’t love me. I’m worth more. I deserve more. And so do you. I know you believe love makes you weak, but you’re wrong. Love makes you strong. It is powerful and the reason we’re here. To love and be loved. You need that, As’ad. I love you, but that’s not enough. You have to be willing to love me back. Maybe I’m not the one. Maybe there’s someone else you can love.”

She gulped in a breath and tried to smile. Her lips trembled. “It hurts to say that. It hurts to think of you with someone else. But I can’t make you love me.”

She didn’t mean this, he told himself. It was the emotion of the moment. She would get over it.

“I will not accept the ring back.”

“That’s your choice.” She put it on the coffee table. “Either way, I’m leaving.”

“You cannot go. I won’t permit it. Besides...” He prepared to say the one thing that would change her mind. “I need you.”

She nodded slowly. “You do. More than you realize. But that’s not enough.”

He frowned. It had worked before. Lina had told him Kayleen wanted to be needed above all. “I need you,” he repeated.

“Maybe, but you can’t have me.” She sighed. “It’s late, and you should go.”

Somehow he found himself moving to the door. Then he was in the hallway. He stood there a long time, fighting the strangest feeling that he’d just lost something precious.

No, he told himself. Kayleen wouldn’t leave him. She couldn’t. She belonged here. To him and the girls. She would be fine. In the morning they would talk again. He would make her understand that she belonged here. With him. It was what he wanted. And he was Prince As’ad of El Deharia. He always got what he wanted.

* * *

AS’AD GAVE KAYLEEN plenty of time to think about what she was considering, which turned out to be the one flaw in his plan. For when he returned to her suite close to midday, she and the girls were gone.

Their closets were empty, the toys missing, the dining room swept clean of homework and books. The only thing lying there was the engagement ring he’d given her.

He had expected a fight or tears or even an apology, but not the silence. Not the absence of life. It was as if they’d never been there at all.

He walked through the rooms, not truly accepting the truth of it. She had left him.

Him! A prince. After all he’d done for her, all he’d given her. He’d rescued her and the children, started the adoption process for the girls. He’d given them a home, had proposed to Kayleen. What more did she want?

He burst into his aunt’s office and glared at her. “This is all your fault,” he told her sternly. “You created the problem and you will fix it.”

Lina’s office was small and feminine, overlooking the garden. Normally he would tease her about the frills and ruffles, but not today. Not now when she had ruined everything.

Lina poured herself some tea from a pot on a silver tray. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you do. Kayleen is gone. She left and took the girls. Those are my children. El Deharian law states royal children cannot be taken from the country without their royal parent’s permission.”

“You’re not the royal parent yet. Your petition for adoption has not been approved, nor is it likely to be. Custody will be given solely to Kayleen. She’s already spoken to the king.”

As’ad stared at her, unable to believe what she was saying. “That is not possible.”

“It’s very possible. You only took the girls because I suggested it as a way to solve the problem with Tahir. You never actually wanted them.”

This was
not
happening, he told himself. “I did not know them. I know them now and they are my daughters.”

“Not really. Kayleen is the one who loves them.”

“I provided snow for their pageant.”

“Which was great and I know they enjoyed it. I’m not saying you didn’t care about them, As’ad. But love? You don’t believe in it. You’ve told me yourself. Your father understands completely. Don’t forget, these aren’t royal children who grew up like you did. They expect their parents to love them. Kayleen will. They’re leaving El Deharia. All four of them.”

Leaving? Permanently?

“I will not allow it,” he told her. “I insist they stay.”

“They will through the holidays, then Kayleen is taking the girls back to the States. It will be easier for them to start over. Your father has offered to help financially. Kayleen is being her usual sacrificing self. She will allow him to help her with the girls until she gets established, but then she’ll handle things. She’s going to let him pay for college, though. Especially for Dana. Apparently she wants to be a doctor.”

“I know that,” As’ad said through ground teeth. “And Nadine will dance and Pepper has yet to decide, but she’s only eight and why should she? This is ridiculous. My father will not support my children. It is my responsibility and my right. You have meddled, Lina. You have ruined everything.”

“Actually, you did that all yourself. Kayleen is a wonderful woman. She adored you and would have made you very happy. She was yours to lose and you did. But don’t worry. She’ll find someone else. I’m a little more worried about you.”

He wanted to rant and yell. He wanted to throw her antique desk through the large window. He wanted to crush her teapot with his bare hands.

“None of this is acceptable,” he growled.

“I’m sorry you see it that way, but I think it’s for the best. Kayleen deserves a man who will love her. Or don’t you agree?”

He glared at his aunt. “You seek to trap me with your words.”

“I seek to make you understand that you don’t deserve a woman like Kayleen.”

Her words cut him in a way no words had before. He stared at her for a long moment as the truth settled into the wound. She was right—he did not deserve Kayleen. All this time he had assumed he was doing her a favor when, in truth, the situation was reversed.

He left Lina’s office and retreated to his own. He told Neil he would not be disturbed. Then he stood alone in the silence and wondered what had gone wrong.

* * *

TWO DAYS LATER he understood the real meaning of the words
living in hell.
Only there was no living for him, only reminders of what he had lost.

He had always enjoyed life in the palace, but now every room, every corridor, was a reminder of what was missing. He turned, expecting to see one of the girls. But they weren’t there. He thought of a thousand things he should tell Kayleen, but she wasn’t around to listen. He ached to hold her, touch her, kiss her, and there was no one.