A Christmas Bride (29 page)

“So no one matters. No one touches your heart.”

“Life is easier that way,” her mother told her.

“You’re wrong,” Kayleen said. “Life is emptier that way. We are more than the sum of our experiences. We are defined by our relationships. The people we love and those who love us in return. In the end, that matters more than money.”

“So speaks the girl who has never been hungry and without a home.”

Kayleen stiffened. “I
have
been without a home. My grandmother dumped me at an orphanage because she couldn’t be bothered. But then why should she when my own mother walked out on me?”

Darlene pulled on her shirt and buttoned it. “Here we go,” she said, sounding bored. “Poor you. Nobody loves you. Get over it. Life is hard, so make the best of it.”

“You mean use other people to get what you want.”

“If necessary.” Darlene seemed untouched by the comment. “Maybe it seems cruel to be tossed aside, but sometimes it’s worse to be kept. Your grandmother wasn’t exactly a loving parent. There’s a reason I left.”

“I was your daughter. You should have taken me with you.”

“You would have only dragged me down.”

“So you left me to the same fate?”

Darlene shrugged. “You got lucky. She didn’t bother with you. Trust me, if she had, it would have been a whole lot worse.”

Kayleen didn’t want to believe the words, but it was impossible not to. “You don’t care about me at all.”

“I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

“Catching a rich man?”

“Every woman’s dream.”

“Not mine,” Kayleen told her. “I only wanted to belong.”

“Then consider the irony. You have what I want and I’ve turned down a thousand of what you want. Life sure has a sense of humor.”

The battle between Kayleen’s head and her heart ended. She walked over to the tray of jewelry and shook it. “This is why you’re here. This is why you’re pretending we can be friends. Let me guess—if you land the Spanish ambassador, you’ll be gone and I’ll never hear from you again. Until you need something.”

Darlene shrugged. “I didn’t come looking for you, honey. I was living my life, minding my own business. You’re the one who set all this in motion. I’m just taking advantage of the ride.”

Kayleen had always tried to hate her mother. It had been easier than being disappointed and heartbroken over being thrown away. But it was impossible to hate someone so flawed and unhappy.

“It won’t matter if you end up with the Spanish ambassador,” Kayleen told her mother. “You’ll never feel like you have enough. There’s not enough money in the world to fill that hole inside of you. It’s going to take more. It’s going to take giving your heart.”

“Spare me.” Darlene waved her hand dismissively.

“I can’t. You can only spare yourself. But you won’t listen to me because you think you already know everything you need to. You can’t use me anymore. You can stay for the party, but then you have to leave.”

Her mother glared at her. “Who the hell are you to tell me whether or not I can stay?”

Kayleen drew herself up to her full height. “I’m As’ad’s fiancée.”

* * *

KAYLEEN WAS DETERMINED to enjoy her first formal event despite feeling uneasy about her mother. Darlene had been friendly, as if nothing had happened. As if she wasn’t planning on leaving. Kayleen was determined to handle the situation herself, so she didn’t mention anything to As’ad.

He came to her door a little past seven, looking tall and handsome in a black tuxedo and white shirt.

Dana let him in after insisting Kayleen needed to make an entrance.

“You’re so pretty,” the girl told her. “He needs to see all of you at once.”

Kayleen did her best not to fidget as As’ad walked toward her, his dark eyes unreadable. He paused in front of her.

“You are perfection,” he murmured as he lightly kissed her. “I will have to keep you close or you will be stolen away.”

“Not likely,” she told him with a laugh. She turned in a slow circle. “You like the dress?”

“Yes, but I adore the woman who wears it.”

Her heart fluttered.

She’d taken Darlene’s advice on her hair, asking the stylist to put the top part up and leave the rest in long curls. The gown fit snugly and seemed secure enough for her to relax. She wore the champagne-and-white-diamond earrings, along with a simple diamond bracelet. Her high-heeled sandals gave her an extra four inches and would be excruciating by the end of the evening, but they looked fabulous.

“When do
we
get to go to formal state parties?” Pepper asked with a whine. “I want a new dress and fancy hair.”

“When you are thirteen.”

“But that’s forever away.”

He touched her nose. “You will get there soon enough.”

“I only have to wait a year and a half,” Dana said happily. “Then I can go.”

“Three pretty girls,” As’ad told Kayleen. “We’re going to have to watch them closely. There will be boys at these parties.”

“Am I pretty, too?” Pepper asked. Her eyes were big and she sounded doubtful, as if expecting a negative answer.

Kayleen remembered Darlene’s harsh assessment and wanted to bonk her mother on the head for it.

As’ad crouched in front of the little girl. “You are more than pretty. You are a classic beauty. Never doubt yourself. You are to be a princess.”

Pepper smiled widely. “When I’m a princess can I chop off people’s heads if they’re mean to me?”

As’ad choked back a laugh and straightened. “No, but you will have other powers.” He took Kayleen’s hand. “We must leave. Be good tonight.”

“We will,” Nadine told him.

Kayleen waved as they left. This being a palace, there was always someone to babysit.

They walked the length of the long corridor, then went down a flight of stairs. Once on the main floor, they joined the milling crowd walking toward the ballroom.

While Kayleen had toured the palace many times, she’d never seen the ballroom anything but empty. She was unprepared for the thousands of lights glittering from dozens of massive chandeliers or perfectly set tables set around a large dance floor.

The room was like something out of a movie. Well-dressed couples chatted and danced and sipped champagne. She’d never seen so many jewels in her life. Each dress was more beautiful than the one before, each man more handsome. As they walked into the ballroom, she waited for the sense of not belonging to sweep over her. She waited to feel awkward or out of place. Instead there was only contentment and the knowledge that she belonged here.

The burst of confidence bubbled inside of her, as if she’d already had too much champagne. She enjoyed the sensation, knowing this was her world now. She would marry a wonderful man and together they would adopt the girls. In time she would have children of her own.

As’ad led her to the dance floor, then pulled her into his arms. “Now what are you thinking?” he asked.

“That I’m Cinderella and I’ve finally arrived at the ball.”

“So you leave me at midnight?”

She stared into his eyes. “I’ll never leave you.”

He stared back. “Good. I do not wish you to go. I need you, Kayleen. I will always need you.”

Happiness filled her until she felt as if she could float. The music was perfect, as was the night. They danced until the king arrived, then As’ad led her around and introduced her to several of the guests.

The sound of loud laughter caught her attention. She turned and saw Darlene leaning against a much older, heavyset man. The man’s attention seemed locked on her barely covered chest.

“The Spanish ambassador?” Kayleen asked As’ad.

“Yes. Do you wish to meet him?”

“Not especially.”

He watched Darlene. “So that is who she has chosen?”

“Apparently.”

“He’s very rich, but alas, he is married. His wife does not accompany him when he travels.”

Married? Kayleen looked at her mother. Did Darlene know?

“I should tell her,” she said.

He frowned. “Why?”

“Because she’s looking for security in her old age and he’s obviously not the way to find it.”

“Do you care what happens to her?”

“She’s my mother. I can’t not care.” Which didn’t mean she’d changed her mind. She still wanted her mother gone. Not that she’d figured out how to make her go.

“I think it is time I dance with my new sister.”

Kayleen turned and saw Qadir, As’ad’s brother, standing next to her.

“Assuming you don’t mind,” Qadir told As’ad.

“One dance and don’t flirt.”

Qadir laughed. “I flirt as easily as I breathe. Are you so worried that I will steal her away?”

“A man always guards what is precious to him.”

Kayleen held in a sigh. “Flirt away,” she told Qadir. “My heart belongs to your brother.”

“Then he is a lucky man.” Qadir led her to the dance floor. “You are beautiful tonight.”

“Just tonight? Am I usually a troll?”

He laughed. “So this is what has charmed my brother. There’s a brain.”

“I have all my organs. Unusual, but there we are.”

He laughed again. They chatted about the party and the guests. Qadir told her outrageous stories about several people, including a rumor about an English duchess who complained about not being allowed to bring her dog to the event.

When the dance was finished, Kayleen excused herself. Qadir was nice enough, but not the person she wanted to spend the evening with.

She walked around the edge of the room, and saw As’ad speaking with her mother.

“That can’t be good,” she muttered to herself and crossed the room to where they were standing.

“You will leave,” As’ad said as Kayleen approached.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Darlene told him. “The girl is my daughter. Who are you to come between her and her family?”

“A man who is willing to pay you to leave.”

Kayleen caught her breath. No. As’ad couldn’t do that. It wasn’t right. She moved forward, but neither of them noticed her.

“You will not see her again,” he continued. “If she contacts you herself, that is fine, but you will not have contact with her directly without her permission.”

“So many rules.” Darlene smiled. “That’ll cost you.”

“I would think a million dollars would be enough.”

“Oh, please. Not even close. I want five.”

“Three.”

“I’ll take four and you’ll consider it a bargain.”

The room went still. Oh, sure, people were dancing and talking and Kayleen was confident the orchestra kept playing, but she couldn’t hear anything except the conversation of the two people in front of her.

“I’ll wire the money as soon as you get me an account number,” he said.

“I can give it to you tonight.” Darlene patted his arm. “You really care for her. That’s sweet.”

“She is to be my wife.”

“So I hear. You know she’s in love with you.”

Kayleen’s breath caught.

“I know.” As’ad spoke quietly, confidently.

“I’ll bet that makes things real easy for you,” Darlene said.

“It does.”

Her mother tilted her head. “You think she’s foolish enough to think you love her back?”

“You are not to tell her otherwise.”

“Of course not.” Darlene smiled again. “But I think I should be allowed to keep the dress and the jewelry then. As a token of goodwill.”

“As you wish.”

“Then she’ll never hear the truth from me.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

KAYLEEN DIDN’T REMEMBER leaving the party, but she must have. When she finally looked around, she was in the garden—the one place she always seemed to retreat to. It was mostly in shadow, with lights illuminating the path. She wandered around, her body aching, her eyes burning, neither of which compared to the pain in her heart.

As’ad didn’t love her. While he’d never specifically said he cared, she’d allowed herself to believe.

“I’m a fool,” she said aloud.

He’d dismissed feelings as nothing more than a convenience. He’d admitted that their marriage would be easier for him, because of her feelings. He was using her. Nothing about their engagement mattered to him.
She
didn’t matter to him.

She hurt. Her whole body ached. Each breath was an effort. She wanted to cry, but she was too stunned.

Her hopes and dreams continued to crumble around her, leaving her standing in a pile of dusty “what could have been.” She’d thought she’d found where she belonged, where she could matter and make a difference. She’d thought so many things. But in As’ad’s mind, she was little more than a comfy ottoman, where he could rest his feet. Useful, but not of any great interest.

She turned, trying to figure out where to go, what to do. Light caught her engagement ring and made it sparkle. She’d been such a fool, she thought bitterly. So stupidly innocent and naive about everything. Her mother had been right—why on earth would a man like As’ad be interested in a country mouse like herself? She’d wrapped herself in the fantasy because it was what she wanted to believe. Because it was easier than accepting the truth.