776 Stupidest Things Ever Said (3 page)

We may be finding that in some blacks when [the carotid choke hold] is applied, the veins or arteries do not open up like … in normal people.

I’m not against the blacks and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that.

I can’t get over saying “colored.” I said it all my life. All the Negroes seem to resent it and I don’t know why.

I forgot no one was working. Everyone had Buckwheat’s birthday off.

Booker T. Washington, the great black nigger … uh … educator … uh … excuse me for making that … the great black educator … the Negro educator.

This country needs a spear chucker, and I think we’ve got him up on this podium.

[That report was] … a wholly garbled version of what never took place.

This is the operative statement. The others are inoperative.

I never said I had no idea about most of the things you said I said I had no idea about.

That was consciously ambiguous in the sense that any terrorist government or terrorist movement that is contemplating such actions I think knows clearly what we are speaking of.

I stand by all the misstatements.

John Sununu (then governor of New Hampshire):

James A. Baker (then Secretary of the Treasury):

The Gang of Four (and Lin Piao) were using an ultra-Left stance as a cover for a factional attempt to seize power. If the Gang of Four are incorrectly labeled leftists or ultra-“leftists,” this broadens the attack to include anyone who made honest “Left” errors. This would play into the hands of the Right in a situation where an evaluation of the positive and negative results of the Cultural Revolution could present an opportunity for rightist attacks on the real positive breakthroughs that have occurred. This is the significance of the correct evaluation of the Gang of Four that has been made—that they were, in essence, ultra-rightists and not leftists.

An agency subject to the provisions of the Federal Reports Act may enter into an arrangement with an organization not subject to the Act whereby the organization not subject to the Act collects information on behalf of the agency subject to the Act. The reverse also occurs.

We offer the party as a big tent. How we do that within the platform, the preamble to the platform, or whatnot, that remains to be seen. But that message will have to be articulated with great clarity.

I will not be cohorsed.

We on this side of the House are not such fools as we look.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

[The Soviet Union is using] every device of propaganda in an effort to hinder the rebuilding of America’s defenses and force a hasty resumption of arms negotiations.

The communication and exchange of ideas on administrative policy matters is encouraged and maintained to optimize the use, mix and cost and administrative inputs in program results.

Where fraternities are not allowed, Communism flourishes.

In every country the Communists have taken over, the first thing they do is outlaw cockfighting.

I did not want to tire the population, because otherwise it would have stayed up too late.

Gerald Ford was a Communist.

Elderly woman (on a hot day in St. Petersburg, Florida):

Yogi Berra:

In The Ironic German, Thomas Mann is the subject of the first comprehensive critical study to be published in this country.

We don’t plan to conclude anything terribly specific in 1982 because of the program’s abstract nature.

[I support efforts] to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate.

… only a white girl, prefer Floridians.

… white Republican.

… white—no pantsuits.

… attractive, smart, young, and no Catholics and water signs.

Let me tell you that tolerance is one thing, intolerance another. To be a person intolerant of another person’s right to have different views is my idea of tolerance, that is, until that person endeavors to make a public issue of his views.

We need to take a look at it and maybe from time to time we should curtail some of those rights.

Honest businessmen should be protected from the unscrupulous consumer.

Why should Irishmen stand with their arms folded and their hands in their pockets when England called for aid?

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

If Governor Fields is right, I am going to stand by him because he is right. If he is wrong, I am going to stand by him because he is a Democrat.

Young people, do not be led astray by the theory of voting for the man and not for the party. Vote the straight Republican ticket regardless of the qualifications of the candidate for office.

The female teachers were instructed in cooking. They had, in fact, to go through the process of cooking themselves in turn.

Avoid saying “hello.” This elsewhere pleasant and familiar greeting is out of place in the world of business.

I want to gain 1,500 or 2,000 yards, whichever comes first.

The interests of the employers and the employed are the same nine times out of ten—I will even say ninety-nine times out of ten.

The word is not
covert
, it’s
overt
. Covert means you’re out in the open. Overt is what I did. [Which means] I was under cover.

No one in the White House staff, no one in this administration, presently employed, was involved in this very bizarre incident…. What really hurts in matters of this sort is not the fact that they occur, because overzealous people in campaigns do things that are wrong. What really hurts is if you try to cover it up.

That is, because of, because of our, that is, we are attempting, the position is to withhold information and to cover up—this is totally true—you could say it is totally untrue.

A cow may be drained dry; and if the Chancellors of the Exchequer persist in meeting every deficiency that occurs by taxing the brewing and distilling industries, they will inevitably kill the cow that lays the golden milk.

The best way to pass a cow on the road when cycling is to keep behind it.

We must have a nation of all-Americans. We must expel those who cannot recite the Constitution of the United States and Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

If crime went down 100%, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be.

The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it’s only the people who make them unsafe.