18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (45 page)

“Our circumstances may influence who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.”
—Nate’s Thoughts

Olga

fter submitting my idea to the Guinness Book of World Records people a month ago, they approved our “cup song” attempt for graduation. I’d gotten the idea at prom when everyone rushed off the dance floor back to their tables, causing a little impromptu song magic to fill the room as everyone chugged their drinks and flipped over their plastic cups. I’d clapped, tapped, and flipped my red Solo cup on the table with the rest of the Jedi Order, an idea instantly forming in my mind. The last four weeks included a mountain of paperwork and evidence to collect for certification on my part, but I was up to the challenge. The student body had been practicing everyday at lunch, pumped to set a world record and leave our mark at Grand Haven High School before we left. On Monday, the school even showed
Pitch Perfect
the last two hours after the day’s finals were all finished. As we watched, I kept thinking back to the story Nate told me about Riel’s guest lecturing in his English class, about high school being a distant memory and how his relayed speech inspired me to leave a legacy behind. At the time, I had no idea how, but doing something as big as breaking a world record seemed like the perfect fit. I wanted to be like Alice, to believe in six impossible things before breakfast. Go big or go home, as Conner often told me.

“You excited?” Nate asked as I joined our group of friends in the school’s field house.

“More like nervous.” I undid the top button of my silky white sheath dress underneath my burgundy graduation gown and smoothed my dress over my flat stomach, thankful I didn’t have a demon hybrid growing there anymore. To my surprise, tears sprang to my eyes. I knew I hadn’t really lost a “baby,” but I felt sad at the memory of the experience, and suddenly I had to grip onto Nate for support.

“Hey, you okay?” Nate asked.

“Um, no. I’m freaking out. I just hope all goes as planned.” I patted my dress, making sure my cup was still hidden in one of the handy pockets.

“Well, you look beautiful.” He squeezed my shoulders. “You can picture me naked as you’re making your valedictorian speech if that helps.”

I combed my curls with my fingers. “You’re making me sweat more, actually.”

“Just think about all the fun stuff you have to look forward to before you leave for Harvard in a month. Tomorrow the Jedi Order is going to Michigan’s Adventure, where you’ll get to ride your first roller coaster. Then we’re all camping at Grand Haven State Park Saturday and Sunday, having the annual Memorial Day barbeque on Monday.”

I moaned. “Stop. Now you’re gonna make me cry.”

It’d been almost two months since Conner had dropped Nate and me off at the hospital before returning to the woods to “mark his territory,” which he had explained to me later. Trying to come up with a cover story for our parents as to why we were all out that night was difficult, and I thought they’d try to ground me for a couple of weeks. But then the next day, I’d gotten a letter in the mail saying I was on Harvard’s waiting list. It didn’t mean acceptance, but they did invite me to participate in a phone interview, which was a good sign. I think my parents were so shocked I’d applied, then too proud to even think about a punishment. Plus, they suspected demons had been at work after Father Jamie mentioned the Jedi Order coming to the church that same day after school and asking him to pray with them. If only I could explain, but Riel had made it clear to Conner and Nate that we should keep the details between us.

The weird thing was, after the angel took Sam out of me that night, I regained more memories of my time in the Underworld. Some of them were faint, but one of them was very clear. I’d met Bo once, the guy Nate had his accident with, who also happened to be Conner’s roommate in Juvie. Being able to give Nate closure, to tell him with absolute certainty that Bo forgave him and didn’t blame him at all for the car crash, was the best thing about being touched by an angel.

But nothing compared to earlier today, when I received my actual acceptance letter to Harvard when I checked my e-mail on my phone at Jumpin’ Java. Conner had picked me up for lunch, and when I saw the letter, I practically choked on my chicken salad sandwich. Harvard hardly accepted anyone off their waiting list. Harvard hardly accepted anyone, period. But when I did my phone interview last week, the alumni conducting it said I nailed all my questions before we hung up, and she seemed really impressed by the world record attempt I was organizing, and she went on and on about how wonderfully written my essay was. The essay topic I chose was to describe a person who’s had an influence on me. I picked Conner, so it was fitting he was there with me when I received my letter.

Good thing I had coffee to wash down my surprise, too. Coffee literally saves lives. Conner was so excited when I showed him my screen in explanation he stood on the table and announced the news to everyone in the packed coffee house. As all the customers and baristas clapped, I shook my head in disbelief, my cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. Then Conner grabbed a To Go box and rushed me out of the restaurant, straight to the marina, so I could tell my parents in person. We cried and hugged for a good twenty minutes. Even now, hours later, I got a little teary-eyed thinking about it, and I probably would for the rest of my life.

The only drawback to my acceptance was it hinged on me attending their summer session, so instead of spending time in Grand Haven with the Jedi Order as planned, I’d be in Cambridge from June twenty-third until August ninth.

“Crying?” Conner said, coming up behind us and putting an arm around my shoulder. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know. This is all ending.” I gestured to our classmates as the teachers tried to organize everyone into a line. It was like watching someone trying to herd cats.

“Nah. It’s not the end, just the beginning of something new.”

“Exactly,” Tammy chimed in.

“Now, go take your place of honor.” Nic shoved me forward, and I laughed at the thought of her bossiness keeping me in line since fourth grade.

The benefit of being valedictorian was sitting up front with the rest of the students speaking during the ceremony instead of all the way in the back, where my Worontzoff last name would have condemned me to. Commencement was held outside at Buccaneer Stadium. With a smile, I watched everyone file onto our school football field, screaming and laughing. Some I wished I’d gotten to know better, but I was thankful for the close group of friends keeping me sane all these years. Since Conner’s last name was Anderson, he sat directly behind me, Nate Barca just a few seats down from him. Conner reached for my hand. The gesture felt comfortable, familiar, a show of solidarity between the oldest of friends. We’d been together since kindergarten. That fact blew my mind.

We’d endured thirteen grueling years of school together. Could any experience bind two people together more closely than that? Maybe marriage. I wondered if I would marry Conner or Nate one day. I couldn’t imagine ever being closer to anyone else besides them. The possibility seemed light-years away, though. Maybe one day Nate and I would be ready for each other again. Maybe I’d end up marrying some random stranger I met at a coffee house instead. Maybe I’d finally get together with Conner ten years down the road. Or maybe, just maybe, I’d stay happy and single my whole life. Because I finally realized having love in your life didn’t mean having a guy. The point was the future waited with arms wide open, and I had options. But I didn’t want to think about the future too much. I wanted to stay in the present, and right now I thought it was proper to be with Conner. From our first formative years of finger painting and recess, to learning about the three
R
s, then being introduced to foreign topics such as biology and sex education in middle school, to physics and calculus in high school, we’d stuck together. Perhaps that was a greater accomplishment than landing at the top of the academic race.

The wind grabbed at my hair, swirling all the happy and sad feelings about graduating into the air around me. But the sun warmed my face, the scoreboard displaying a temperature of sixty-eight degrees, reminding me the brightest days were still ahead.

All the pomp and circumstance seemed to drag on as sweat skated down my back and sides. I sat ramrod straight in my seat when Conner finally stepped on the stage to sing the national anthem, twisting the Morticia Addams ring on my left hand. But as he belted out the lyrics, the words washed over me, reminding me the only light we have to see by is the dawn’s, the future. I couldn’t remember a day when the past, present, and future felt so fused together. Most people couldn’t see time for what it really was, couldn’t perceive forever. All the pain of the past year had taught me that we were in fact infinite. There was a profound peace in that thought, beyond the noise of the stadium. My breath caught at the beauty of Conner’s concluding words.
The land of the free and the home of the brave.

I’d been set free this year, and now it was time to be brave. My gaze stayed on my red-painted toes peeking out from my two-inch-high heels, a far cry from the stilettos I wore at prom last month when I went with the Jedi Order, and I prayed I wouldn’t trip while climbing the stairs to the stage for my speech.

I cleared my throat once I made it. “One of the hardest things to do is to hold on to faith during times of transitions. Transitions are difficult because you’re letting go of everything you’ve held on to. It’s a great feeling of vulnerability. Worry happens. But I’m here to tell you to resist the urge to worry.” I looked at Nate and smiled. “That cliché our parents and teachers have told us all these years is true: everything does happen for a reason, and everything will be all right. Now’s the time to dream big, to follow your heart, to live on the edge, to love with passion. Do hard things. Start a bucket list. None of us is promised tomorrow, and when it’s my time to go, I want to drop dead of exhaustion. So write a novel. Watch the top one hundred movies. Read the top one hundred books. Visit the top one hundred places. And while you’re at it, why not break a world record?”

The crowd erupted with thunderous applause and wild cheering as they took a knee on the grass and placed the red cup they’d been hiding under their gown on the metal chair they’d sat on a moment ago. Conner stepped back up to the microphone to sing the lyrics we’d written together for the cup song parody. The original music from “When I’m Gone” by Lulu and the Lampshades started blaring over the loudspeakers as everyone “played” their cups.

“We’ve got our admission to colleges/Minifridge and microwaves/And we sure would like a sweet fake I.D./To enter the beer pong tournament on Fridays/When we’re there/When we’re there/We’re gonna love it when we’re there/We’re gonna love all the exploration/And all the fun flirtation/We’re gonna love it when we’re there.

We’ve got our admission to colleges/And started making our bucket lists/We’ve got protests/Football rivals/We’ve stockpiled coffee for survival/So we can be sure to pass all of our tests/Now we’re done/Now we’re done/We’ll miss each other now that we’re done/We’re gonna miss our basement parties/And the lunch food that clogs arteries/Yeah, we’ll miss each other now that we’re done.

We’ve got our admission to colleges/Got to learn our alma matter songs/And we’ll go to Florida for spring break/But nothing will top our senior pranks/Our legacy here will be bigger than King Kong/Now we’re done/Now we’re done/We’ll miss each other now that we’re done/We’re gonna miss dancing at prom/And recalling memories like we were in Nom/Yeah, we’ll miss each other now that we’re done.

When we’re there/When we’re there/We’re gonna love it when we’re there/We’re gonna pack our beaded curtain/And a lava lamp is certain/We’re gonna love it when we’re there.”

He stepped away from the podium to the roar and screams of our classmates all rising from their seats, fists pumping the air. A huge grin split down Conner’s face, and he wrapped his arms around me, swinging me in the biggest of hugs. The excitement crackling throughout the stadium hummed inside my chest as everyone bumped and shoved and cheered. In that moment, lightning strikes, angels and demons, freaky mind connections, visions, and traveling to other realms seemed like a distant memory. Spotting Nate in front of the stage, we both threw our graduation caps into the air, and for one infinite moment, I breathed in the exhilaration of a life lived on the edge and felt the freedom of letting go.