18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3) (33 page)

“How should I know? Effects include slurred speech, inability to concentrate, poor coordination, dizzy feelings, lack of inhibition, and amnesia. He’s probably wandering around like the babbling idiot he is. But don’t worry, he’ll come around in thirty minutes or less when it wears off. Though I doubt he had the presence of mind to make that 9-1-1 call. Pity. But that gives us just enough time to plot our next move.”

Raising my eyebrows, I stared him down with a fierce intensity. “And what if I had drank the spiked cup instead?”

He shrugged. “I would’ve found another way. Once we begin our work together, you’ll discover I don’t give up easily.”

I leaned forward, my anger fueling some courage. “Together? I’ll never work with you. I’d sooner kill you first.”

He tangled a hand in my hair. “You silly girl. I can help you discover everything you want to know if you’ll come with me.”

My body went rigid. “To?”

“My house of worship.”

An involuntary shudder passed over me. “Which I assume is some sort of satanic cult?”

“Dingdingdingding! Yes, I believe Lucifer will answer all our questions if we call upon him directly. You see, the truth is, I’d been having trouble even remembering who I was before possessing this body.”

I paused, debating whether I should tell him what I’d found in the cabin. Closing my eyes, I wished Nate were here for me to talk to him telepathically. But Nate was gone for the moment, and I hadn’t even clued him into everything yet. “I found what you left in the cabin.”

“You’ve been reading my diary.”

My hands fidgeted, turning over the butter knife on the table. I wondered if I could stab him with the knife and wrestle the gun away without hurting anyone.
Unlikely.
“No, the autopsy reports. You keep a diary?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. Those reports are quite curious, aren’t they? When I arrived on Earth, I had nothing. No memories. Just the knowledge that I’d fallen and needed to possess bodies in order to stay alive. I was all the way in L.A., so I picked an actor to possess for a while. Great fun. But then I got an anonymous envelope in the mail with those three reports in them. Intrigued, I made my way to Michigan to investigate, possessing different people for the journey, never staying in one body for long so I wouldn’t raise too much suspicion. When I finally arrived in Grand Haven, you can imagine my surprise at seeing the three of you alive. Since Conner was unconscious, he seemed like the easy target for me to possess. Plus, Nate and you were already believers, very difficult to control for me. As they say, ignorance is bliss.”

I scoffed. If the past months taught me anything, it was that ignorance
was not
bliss.

Conner patted my hand, and I had to fight the need to break out the sanitizer from my purse. “You and I are in the same predicament. We both have memories missing. But I need a solid link back to Conner’s life for the priest to perform the ritual to summon a greater demon from the Underworld to give us the answers we seek.”

My breath caught. Grace told me he’d already summoned a greater demon to remember who he was. Why did he lie?
Um, because he’s a demon!
I didn’t think I should rat Grace out, though, so I played dumb.

“Are you kidding? Demons are destructive beings! How do we know the demon won’t just kill us and a bunch of other innocent people if he’s unleashed into the world?”

Conner snorted. “Demons have already taken over the world; humans are just too arrogant to notice. The truth is, when those people you see on the news go on killing sprees in the mall or drown their babies or drive their cars off bridges and tell the police the devil made them do it, they’re telling the truth. But humans don’t like to think about what they don’t understand, so they ignore the occurrences and chalk it up to crazy talk.”

“So you’re not afraid of this ceremony you want to do at all?” I asked heavily.

He shook his head. “Why be afraid of the truth? Doesn’t the truth set you free? Besides, my priest has ways to keep us safe.”

I thought about calling him by his name to see what happened but decided against it. The less he knew about what I knew, the better. “Your
satanic
priest has ways to keep us safe?”

“Yes. I’ve been staying in a storage room in his church over in Battle Creek. He’s been like a father to me. Much more than that God of yours has ever been to Conner.”

“Don’t pretend to know Conner just because you’re possessing his body at the moment.”

He rested an arm on the back of my chair. “Just so you know, I’m the one giving the orders.”

“But you can’t make me go.” This was a guess, but I figured if he could, he would’ve used the gun to kidnap me already.

“That’s correct. For the spell to work, my priest said the blood of the anchored soul linked to Conner must have free will intact.”

“Blood? Meaning you’ll need some of mine?”

“Only a little cut on the hand. Don’t sound so afraid. Fear is weakness.”

Fear is the path that leads to the dark side
. Never had Yoda’s words of wisdom seemed more true. “I’m not afraid,” I lied. “I’m just having trouble understanding the rules of the supernatural going on here. Are you saying Conner’s soul isn’t anchored to Earth but to me? And if so, how do you know this if you don’t know us? You don’t even know yourself.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw the bride and groom making their way around the tables, greeting everyone. I’d forgotten that we were even at a wedding reception. At least we were far away from the happy couple, far enough away from everyone else at our table for them not to hear us as they happily chatted away with one another.

He looked at me for a moment like he actually felt pity for my cluelessness. “I may not know who I am, but after possessing Conner for so long, rest assured I do know him quite well, and I know what makes him tick. And what makes him tick is you, my dear. I can sense the powerful recognition and exchange of energy that takes place every time you’re around him. You two are like a magnet with two polarities, one positive and the other negative, but the magnet is whole within itself.”

“And if I don’t come?” I felt like crying, but I knew I needed to hold myself together. I could cry later.

“Well, that would suck for me, since God designed all these soul things to begin with a free will choice, and there’s no way to change that. But unless you have any ideas on how to save Conner yourself, then I’d say you’re stuck with me.”

I sighed, looking at Conner. His eyes were flat, unreadable, and I realized even though a small part of Conner writhed inside of this body, the best friend I’d known since childhood was gone. And time was running out. I really only had one chance to save him. “Yes, I am stuck with you, but I do have another way of saving Conner. Possess me instead. I won’t fight you. I’ll freely invite you in. And then we can find our answers together.”

Conner’s face twisted. “You really do love him, more than yourself?”

Nodding, I said, “I already watched him almost die once.” Memories flooded my thoughts, of holding Conner on our tiny sailboat, his face the color of death. I remembered the elation I felt at hearing he was awake after being in a coma for so long. Sam had brought him back to life the first time, but now it was my turn. Between Conner and Nate, they’d find a way to rescue me before Sam could permanently possess me. I was buying us some time. I only wished I would’ve told Nate about Grace’s visit and Dr. Judy’s conversation with Riel earlier.

Sam smiled and studied my face for a long time, and I studied his, realizing I didn’t even think of this person in front of me as Conner anymore. Whatever Sam was testing me for, I seemed to have passed because he held out his hand. “You promise you won’t fight me on this? Because if you do, I’ll go right back into Conner.”

I took a deep breath. “Go ahead. Take my body. I promise I won’t fight as long as you promise to leave Conner alone.”

His whole body shifted toward me. “Open your purse so I can drop the gun in. We may need a weapon at some point.”

I did as instructed, fighting back tears.

Sam grabbed my wrists with both hands, his dark eyes focusing on me. Something in the space between us shifted, and then I gasped. The moment he entered felt like a kick in the gut and made me double over. Looking up, I saw
my
Conner’s eyes again, confused and conflicted. Then my head involuntarily jerked backward.

“Olga,” Conner whispered. “Nononono. What have you done? Sam, get back in me right now.”

“Too late.” The words sounded like my voice, but I had no control over the movement of my mouth. The little comfort I felt was that Conner knew the demon’s name was Sam, too. My head throbbed, and I felt light-headed as I stood, clutching my purse.

Conner stood, too, taking a step toward me. “I mean it. Get out of her now, or I will—”

“You’ll do what, lover boy?” I threw my head back and laughed. “Honestly, you don’t know when to quit, do you? So I’ll spell it out for you. You’re quitting now. Otherwise, I’ll shoot you in the head, and even if someone does discover how to rid Olga of me, it won’t matter because she’ll be sent to prison for life. We already went over the whole bit about humans not believing in demon possession. I do hope you paid attention.”

Conner’s hands clenched into fists at his side, and his whole body shook like he might explode, but he gave a slight nod of understanding.

“Good boy. Now you’ll wait ten minutes before leaving the reception, or I’ll fire.” I lifted my hand and brushed a piece of hair off his forehead, then pressed my lips to his.

Something sounding like a strangled sob escaped him, and when I pulled away, his eyes shone with tears. “Olga, I wish you wouldn’t have done that.”

At first, I thought he meant the kiss, and I wanted to tell him that Sam did it, not me. But as I walked away, I realized he meant letting Sam possess me in the first place.

“That is love,
to give away every single thing,
to sacrifice everything,
without the slightest desire to get anything in return.”
—Albert Camus

“The solution to a problem
changes the nature of the problem.”
—John Peers

Conner

fter five minutes were up, I bolted from the reception area, unable to wait any longer. I couldn’t believe what Olga had done. Did she really think inviting Sam in to possess her would be better for me than being a prisoner in my own body? Every good memory I had was tied to her existence. I couldn’t live without her. I wouldn’t.