15 Things Highly Happy Wives and Girlfriends Understand About Men That You Don't (5 page)

Why not let him control his social existence, while you control yours?

Soon enough they will overlap, and when they do, keep in mind that if you do not want him complaining about your friends, you should not complain about his.

That is why they are HIS friends. Who cares that they are disgusting (by your account) or have a different girlfriend every time you see them? You are not dating them; you are dating YOUR man.

He is your only concern, not the rest of the people in his social group. 

This is important because women have a hard time not letting outside factors affect their relationships. It should never matter how your man's friends spend their time, or conduct themselves.

Not everyone can be as great as your man! So enjoy how spectacular he is, without displacing your energy worrying about others and their relationships. This goes for your friends too.

Do not judge your man based on your friends' relationships.

All men are different, and because you girlfriend's husband enjoy going to art galleries does not mean that your man has to as well.

You love your guy because of who he is, not because of who you want him to be. Do not forget that.

It should go without saying that men and women express their feelings differently, but it for some reason it does not. Women still expect men to express their feelings like they do, even though it is never going to happen.

Women are emotional creatures, and men are not. They deal with things differently than women, and typically involve pulling away, instead of wanting to fight or scream. Men do not want to argue. In fact, they want to do anything but argue, because they do not want the emotional drama that comes with it.

Women fight with their men because they want to win. They want to be right. They want to get their way. This is a very childish stance, and has nothing to do with existing
in a real, adult relationship.

Men know this before the argument even starts. You are yelling at him because HE did something wrong. HE is to blame for your discontent and you want to make sure that he knows about it.

This tantrum is by no means going to change what happened, and it certainly is not a respectable way to keep it from happening again. Before you decide to tear up the house, and scream and yell until he says he is sorry (which is usually just to get you to stop yelling), decide if this is a battle you want to fight.

Did he say he was going to be home in an hour and did not make it for two? How did that affect your evening? Is it simply that it was an hour later? Or were you physically affected by it? Be honest with yourself when you are committing to an argument. Did the extra hour matter at all? Probably not.

In order to be treated with respect, and to have your every whim catered to like all women desire, you have to treat your man the same way.

You have to respect his opinions, stances and existence, instead of talking to him like he is a common street thug, or a child who cannot take care of himself.

Women get so emotional and involved in their commitment to winning a fight that they will say disgusting things to their boyfriends and husbands, treating them like trash instead of someone they love.

When you call someone a name it is a disrespectful transition from talking to someone you absolutely love, to talking to someone who has committed a crime against humanity.

One rule of thumb that all women should live by is this: If you do not want your man to talk to you like you are less than an actual woman, you should not talk to him like he is less of a man.

Women require validation from their men, in the form of compliments, understanding and emotional support, but rarely do they give it in return.

It is absolutely important to the positivity of your relationship to appreciate your boyfriend or husband's existence. Even if you disagree with something they are doing, that gives you no right to belittle their existence.

Imagine for one second if your man called you "Stupid". What would you say? That's right. You would lose your mind. You would throw an absolute fit, and demand an apology.

The worst part is, even if you received an apology, it would not stop you from saying something derogatory later like, "Don't ask me, I'm stupid, remember?"

Acting like a child is not going to get you anywhere, and it certainly is not a testament to a healthy relationship. You have to treat people, all people, how you would like to be treated.

Relationships -- no matter how they represented -- whether it is with family, work, friends or significant others, are relationships all the same.

You cannot raise the bar for one faction of that audience while lowering it for others and you should not expect your man to either.

Women have a lot of relationships, and because of their emotional makeup they feel obliged to accommodate each one. There is nothing wrong with applying balance to your life, and enjoying different groups of people.

However, there is something wrong with you spending exorbitant amounts of time with your family or friends, and valuing their opinions more than you do your husband's or boyfriend's.

If there is one thing that will always be true in this world, it is that no man wants to hear his wife say, "My mom thinks we should buy a minivan, bigger house, insert anything here".

When you are married, your mother, sister, aunt or any other person should not have tactical input on how your home operates.

If you wanted to live under your family's regime, you should have stayed in their home, instead of moving into your own.

This type of behavior makes your husband feel like his input or opinion is not enough, that you have to rely on a third party to make your and his decisions for you. When, in fact, marriage is the exact opposite.

It is when you create your own family, and make decisions within your own walls. Being in an adult relationship means making adult decisions without that faction, not counting on what others think to make you whole.

Certainly it is okay to ask friends and family members for their advice on products and services, restaurants and movies.

Common communication is absolutely key to finding out about all the great things this world has to offer. It is not, however, what dictates how you live your life.

As a couple you have to make decisions regarding your livelihoods and happiness. This is a personal application that should stay between the two of you, not be opened up for debate within your family or friendship circles. 

When you are in a relationship, the other person is an absolute reflection of you. This means you should be promoting your man's qualities and commitments, as well as championing his efforts at all times.

You should be positive when you speak of him to others, and NEVER say things like, "My idiot husband" or "That idiot I call a boyfriend" to anyone.

Even if he has made a boneheaded mistake -- as ALL people, men and women both do -- you should never speak poorly of him to anyone else.

The bigger question is why would you? Why would you want a person to know that you are in a relationship with someone who is not the greatest person on the planet? Would you not rather tell the world how wonderful he is?

When you provide a positive output, and deliver good news about your significant other at all times, everyone else will respect his existence as well.

When they do, he will be more likely to want to spend time with them, and develop a positive relationship of his own. If, instead, you are constantly complaining to your friends about him, they are not going to enjoy seeing him, which means you have created an acrimonious relationship within your group.

This causes division, judgment and discourse. None of which you or your man deserve. Bite your tongue and pick you battles at home.

More importantly, never -- under any circumstances -- should women discuss their relationship with their family.

That is to say that if you spend all of your time telling your mother about your man's perceived shortcomings, you should not be surprised that she will never like him.

Not only that, but you are undermining your relationship, and your man's role as half of it. It is hurtful, disgusting and makes YOU look like a fool -- not him.

Keep your issues, whether they are real or imagined, to yourself and promote a positive reflection of who your man is at all times.

This will insure that your social, family and personal life bridge the gap in your relationship, not widen it.

One large misconception that women perpetuate is that their man should know what they are thinking. The truth is, they have no idea.

They are not mind readers, and actually do have to be asked for advice, help or direction. Here is a great example: If you are entering your home with your arms full of groceries, bags, boxes, or anything at all, do not struggle your way into the home and say something condescending like, "Thanks for your help."

It is not nice, and it is not going to garner a response of appreciation. If you need your man's help, ask for it. If your hands are full, instead of struggling with the capacity, say "Would you mind grabbing this box?"

Even easier, if you have a carload of goods that need to be transported into the house, park the car and go inside first. Put your purse and any easy grab from the car down, and request help from your man.

Do not make things harder than they have to be!

After you are in the house, it is not enough to sit the groceries on the counter and expect him to put them away. However, asking, "Would you mind giving me a hand?" will result in a speedy clean up in no time. Men do not think like women do, and they certainly cannot read your mind.

Besides, what did you do when you came home from the store before you were in this relationship? Did you bring the groceries in yourself, and put them away effortlessly? Why the sudden inability to do so now?

Just to have something to complain about? It is important to understand that your man is your partner. He wants to help and he wants to be there for you at every turn. You just have to tell him what to do.

If you are waiting for him to discover it on his own, you are going to be very upset by his capacity to do so. Do not make him guess at what makes you happy -- TELL HIM.

Granted, having a man should make your life easier, and if you are doing it right, it will. If you scream from your car for your man's help, he is secretly going to roll his eyes at the sound of your (yet again) elevated voice.

Also, if you are the type of woman who would do such a thing, you are not respecting your man's existence. If you believe that interrupting whatever he is doing could not wait for you to make a trip into the house, you are being rude.

If he did the same, nine times out of ten the woman would come busting through the door, complaining that she was in the middle of something and what is so important to disrupt HER.

Relationships are dependent on two equal parts, which fill in the gaps for the other when necessary. Not one part that is more important than the other.

If you want something from your man, ask him for it. Whether it is physical intimacy, emotional support or psychological space, all you have to do is ask. In turn, you have to allow him the same luxury.

He should be able to approach you without worrying that you will get upset, or take something he said out of context.

Everything cannot be an argument, or an opportunity for one of you to be right and the other to be wrong. This is a partnership; one where everyone's input is equal.