Zoe Thanatos (3 page)

“I can tell you for a fact that you
are not dead,” he answered. She noticed the intensity in his eyes again,
burning through the green of his irises. In that moment she resigned herself to
the belief that impossibility had defied logic and that this stranger somehow
prevented her death, though by what means she was unsure. She knew for certain
she had jumped, recalling with remarkable clarity the sensation of falling
through the sky. She had intended to take her life and because of his
interference she’d failed. There was no obvious reason for this stranger to
save the life she’d willingly tried to throw away.

The sun had moved considerably
through the sky, heading west to start its descent beneath the horizon, and the
boat was growing in size with each passing moment. It wouldn’t be long before
they were boarded and headed back to Ventura. They would dock, unload, and
everyone would make their way to their car or perhaps stroll along the harbor
looking for food and rest. She had not intended to come back and yet there she
stood, feet on the ground, feeling completely unsure what would happen to her
next. This man with green eyes that stood before her with his hands still
holding her in her place had inadvertently tangled himself into her life by
saving it from ending. Whatever she did next she felt certain would involve him
as well.

Passengers were less excited in
their ambient conversations, tired from a day’s worth of physical exertion.
From her seat Zoe watched as the boat attendants performed a headcount, making
sure everyone was on board and accounted for. It occurred to her that had her
plan not been interrupted by a certain stranger they would be minus one
passenger. What would have been the protocol? Call her name over the
loudspeaker? Send someone to search for her on the island? She hadn’t
considered any of the possibilities before and now, in spite of the change in
direction her life had suddenly taken, she felt almost guilty that any extra
effort would have gone towards looking for her.

She leaned back into her seat and
felt her shoulder brush against Evan’s. She knew he was sitting next to her,
and desperately wanted to barrage him with questions about what had happened,
why he did whatever it was that he did. He didn’t move at her touch, but let
her shoulder rest innocuously against his own. A few minutes later the boat
pulled away from the dock and began the return to Ventura. The chatter
increased around them and she felt certain they could speak with no one else
listening.

“Evan,” she spoke. His name sounded
foreign coming from her mouth. What could she possibly ask him that would make
any sense of the situation? “I have questions, but...” she trailed off.

“I’m sure you do,” he replied when
she did not continue. He turned to face her and the briefest of smiles
stretched his mouth. Even he looked like he couldn’t make sense of the
situation.

“I have no idea where to start.” An
exasperated laugh escaped as she exhaled. She paused for a moment, trying to
connect her thoughts into some sort of linear fashion. “Were you following me?”
she finally asked.

His eyebrows creased again,
creating a deep line between them. “Yes, I did follow you.”

“Before the boat?”

“No, after we arrived on the
island.” His eyes explored hers plaintively. Why did this seem to be as
difficult for him as it was for her?

“Why?” she asked. Despite her confusion
she found herself scared of what his answer might be. He could be anyone;
dangerous or sociopathic, a deviant criminal or someone completely unhinged.
The truth of the matter was he was a complete stranger and the interest he took
in her in just a few short hours should have been unwelcome. Of course, there
was also the possibility that he was a Good Samaritan, a man who was in the
right place at the right time, and who acted on instinct because it was in his
constitution to do so. There was nothing about him that appeared dangerous or
even malicious. He seemed kind and enthusiastic when they first met, and
nothing about him set off alarms warning her to be cautious. A perfect stranger
he may have been, but he gave no indication that he was a
terrible
perfect
stranger.

“You seemed... sad, sadder than
what I assume is normal. I had a feeling that you came to the island not to
explore but to stay. Indefinitely.” He turned his head back towards the ocean,
watching the island shrink as the boat drifted further away from it. The word
‘indefinitely’
had a sting of finality that sounded incongruous with her reasoning.

“Most people would have just gone
on with their day,” she remarked. Amidst the emulsion of feelings within her
one in particular rose to the surface. Shame. It was never her intention for
anyone to be involved in her plans. Truthfully, she hadn’t considered what
anyone would have thought after she was gone anyway. She was alone in the world,
had no true friendships, and genuinely believed her absence would go largely
unnoticed. Someone like Evan entering the picture was never a consideration.

“You’re probably right,” he replied
softly.

“I never once saw you following me.”

“I never meant for you to.” He
turned his head so he was looking at her, and there was expectation on his
face. She knew the question she was dying to ask but felt was impossible.

“You watched me from the cliff?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“And you saw...
what
exactly?”

“You were standing at the cliff for
a long time, just still and silent, and then you were running. I watched as you
jumped off the cliff.”

It took all of her effort to
swallow the unwelcome lump of shame that rose in her throat. She remembered the
way the air moved around her skin as she ran towards the cliff and the smile as
she moved through the air.

“If you saw me jump then how is it
I ended up on the beach miles away?” She watched as the lines returned to his
face, deepening in his skin. The crease between his eyebrows looked as though
it might cut through to his skull.

The buzz of chatter quieted down
some. All around them people were settling into their seats, eager to get back
to the harbor and go on with their lives. She adjusted her position in the
plastic seat, inching closer to him for an extra shred of privacy. Her arm and
leg brushed against him again,, and the feeling was familiar, as though she had
felt it intimately before. There would be no other choice than to accept the
fact that, despite the absolute improbability of its truthfulness, it had been
his arms she felt catch around her mid-air.

“Like I said,” he started quietly.
“I couldn’t let you do it.”

She nodded. “Yes, but that doesn’t
explain how.”

Evan glanced around, perhaps
insuring they had some privacy. Finally, his eyes met hers again. “I caught you.”
He watched her for a reaction.

She stared back at him, looking for
any sign that he wasn’t telling the truth. “There was only the ocean and the
rocks along the fall of the cliff, and if you were watching me from behind...”

“I jumped after you,” he interrupted,
the words coming out forced and stiff. “I saw you take a running leap off the
edge and I went after you. That’s how I caught you.”

She tried to picture his version of
the events, imagining him running after her, jumping from the edge and catching
her in his arms as they descended through the air. There was no indication that
there was anything but truth in his words.

“How did you manage to defy the
laws of physics? How are we both not dead?”

He expelled a held breath. “Believe
it or not that is a bit more difficult to explain.”

“Well, I’d really like to hear it.”
She needed to know. It would have been certain death for him to follow her off
the cliff and yet he did so with no consequence. There was more to Evan than
what met the eye. She had all the time in the world to listen to his
explanation. If this was her afterlife she had every right to hear the truth,
no matter how preternatural it sounded.

The endless horizon of water was
gone, replaced with Ventura growing larger as they inched towards the harbor.
All around them people were shuffling belongings and chatting, excited to be
back on familiar land. It couldn’t be over for Evan and her, not yet. The sum
of their relationship had been defined by that island in the Pacific, and back
at home there was no familiarity to keep them tethered to each other.
Except
for the fact that he jumped off a cliff to save my life
.

He watched those around them,
perhaps also wondering what would come next. She recalled something he had
earlier disclosed about his plans, about leaving the area that evening. The conversation
seemed like another lifetime.
It was
, she thought.

“I have more questions to ask you.
If you don’t mind,” she added. The boat was coasting through the harbor. Their
ride would soon be over. He looked at her for a moment and then nodded.  “You
mentioned earlier going to Santa Barbara?” she asked.

“I’d planned to drive up there
tonight.” His eyebrows dug deep into his face again. He looked unsure of
himself.

“I live there.” The words sounded
strange as they came out of her mouth. Of course, she hadn’t expected to return
home. She imagined the house was likely in the same condition she left it in.
All she’d have to do is unlock the front door, turn on the utility box and
resume her life there.

The thought then occurred to her
that she didn’t have to. She didn’t have to do anything at all. She was still
in the life she’d chosen to leave behind. She still could. It didn’t matter
that her plan hadn’t gone as expected. She could take her life anywhere, any
way she chose. And yet… There were questions her mind could not make sense of
and it was Evan who had the answers. It wouldn’t matter in the long run. She
could listen to him, hear what fantastical explanation he could offer for
catching her in midair, and then go about with her intention. It wasn’t a stone
left unturned but the questions bothered her just the same. She would find the
answers to those questions and then continue on. He would go his way, resume
his vacation and would be none the wiser.

An unsettling growl from her
stomach brought her back into the moment. The boat docked and everyone seemed
eager to disembark. Santa Cruz Island was just a piece of land in a chain of
islands barely visible off the coast. Now started the part of her life she
hadn’t intended to be a part of. She was confused, thirsty, and hungry.

“There’s a great restaurant a few
miles north on the freeway. We can sit outside and eat, talk...” She could
formally ask him to join her,
but it seemed contrived and frankly stupid.

A faint smile curled his lips as he
nodded his head. “It would be my pleasure, Anne.”

She’d forgotten the lie about her
name. It made no difference now. In a few hours she would have her answers and
he would be out of her life for good. She retrieved some paper and a pen from
her backpack and scribbled directions to the restaurant. Minutes later they
were off the boat, her feet back on familiar ground. After a brief exchange
they parted ways, both heading in the direction of the parking lot. As she walked
to her car Zoe made it a point to watch Evan maneuver through the parking lot.
Why hadn’t she seen him at all that morning before loading the boat? Where had
he come from? More questions flooded her mind, questions that only he had
answers to. Answers she would have sooner rather than later.

Evan shifted the car into park and
switched off the ignition. It was early evening and only a few cars were in the
parking lot. He recognized Anne’s car parked next to his, the driver seat
empty. She must have been inside waiting for him, having mastered the freeway
system he was not used to. The restaurant was a whole four miles away from the
harbor and yet he still managed to get lost. A deep breath escaped from his
mouth, though he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding it. He was nervous,
even a bit scared. She’d made her need for answers evident and he wasn’t quite
sure how much of the truth he could tell her. He suspected she would believe
none of it. If he even wanted to tell her the truth, which he did to some
extent,, he was bound by an obligation greater than he could explain. There
would be enough of an answer for her to decide if it was the truth and nothing
more. It wasn’t his place to divulge any more than that.

He climbed out of the vehicle and
locked it as he made his way towards the restaurant. Anne was sitting outside,
lounging on a blue couch tucked up against a floor-to-ceiling glass window that
made up the entrance to the building. She held a large glass of wine with one
hand with her free arm crossed over her chest, and was staring off into the
distance, completely unaware of his presence.

She looked guarded and controlled,
lost in thoughts he couldn’t see or hear. He noticed she had put her hair up
since leaving the harbor. It was a thick mound wrapped around itself at the
crown of her head, moving lazily as she dipped her head back to take a sip from
her wineglass. Her too-big brown eyes were stuck on something in the middle
distance, her brows furrowed above them. His thoughts wandered absentmindedly
from his identity concerns to how she looked, wondering what thoughts had
created the distant look in her eyes. There was something familiar about her, a
similarity in her face that he had seen elsewhere but could not place.

The voice of a restaurant patron
excusing herself behind him snapped him from his thoughts. Anne looked up and
feigned a polite smile. Evan took a seat in a plush upholstered chair opposite
her and tried to push the thought aside.

“Sorry, I got lost,” he mumbled.