Zits from Python Pit #6 (6 page)

Back in the jungle, the monsters shuffled around restlessly as we told Director Z what Diblo had told us.

“I wonder who's living in that retirement home,” Clarice said. “My old friend Betty screamed her way out of Raven Hill, and I always wondered where she went. She often talked about traveling.”

“Oooh, is Betty a chicken-eater?” asked Pietro. “I wonder if she'd be interested in sharing.” He licked his lips.

“I think that there are more important questions we need to answer,” I said, turning to Director Z. “Like what is going on?”

“I should have realized this before,” said Director Z. “You're being called to a facility.”

“A facility?” Nabila asked.

“A retirement home,” replied Director Z. “The signs were in front of us as we made our way here, as plain as day, but I ignored all of them. I had never heard of a retirement home in this remote location, so I never even thought it was possible.”

“But Diblo must have been talking about a monster retirement home,” I said. “I'm sure of it.”

“Vait a minute!” yelled Grigore. “Not every crazy old person is a monster.”

“No, Chris is right,” said Director Z. “I'm sure now that a monster retirement home is nearby. And it's in some sort of jeopardy.”

“Jeopardy?” asked Gordon. “You mean with Alex Trebek?”

“No, he means ‘in trouble,'” said Nabila.

“There is an ancient rule,” said Director Z, “so ancient that I had nearly forgotten it. It is a sacred oath that every Director is obligated to fulfill: If a Director is without a retirement home and there is a retirement home nearby in need, the Director must immediately proceed to that location and offer his or her assistance.”

“But I never took an oath,” I said.

“I was too busy to lay out all of the rules when I gave you the pendant, but you technically took the oath when you took the pendant,” said Director Z. “I told you that it was a huge responsibility and figured that about covered it.”

“The last thing I remember before you guys brought me back from insanity was getting the pendant from Murray,” I said. “This all began right when I became a Director again.”

“Yes,” said Director Z, “as soon as the pendant was back in your possession, it called you here.”

“What do you think is wrong with the retirement home?” asked Shane.

“There's no way to tell,” said Director Z. “But we've already seen a corpse flower somewhere it shouldn't be, and the vampire boars point to some sort of chaos that's spread farther than the confines of the retirement home. Your new friend has clearly told us that residents have overrun the town.”

“I don't know if they've taken over the town so much as annoyed it,” said Ben.

“Well, no matter what, time's a-wastin',” said Gordon. “Now that we know what needs to be done, let's get Chris in, get out, and get HOME.” He turned to rush deeper into the jungle.

Director Z reached out to stop him. “Did you not hear what I said?” asked Director Z. “It's only in very severe cases that a Director is called to a retirement home. We must proceed with caution.” Director Z turned to me. “And it's going to be hardest on Chris. Whatever chaos we find there must be controlled by him. We can only help.”

Without saying a word, I started walking.

“Oh, this is going to be fun!” said Shane. He took the lead with me. “This is like
Tomb Raider
or
Temple of Doom
!”

We hadn't even been walking for ten minutes when the jungle got incredibly thick. The farther we walked, the thicker it got.

“I feel like it's pushing in on us,” said Gordon.

A vine reached down and grabbed Clive's shoulder. “Hey!” Clive said. “Get outta my space, man!” He ripped the vine off of his shoulder and gave it a CHOMP. The jungle shuddered all around us.

“That's not good,” said Shane.

“Now it really
is
moving in on us!” yelled Ben.

The plants and trees of the jungle surrounded us. They covered us in a massive, writhing green cage so thick that we could barely see anything.

“The machetes!” yelled Director Z.

Roy pulled three machetes out of his bag. He tossed one to Grigore and one to Director Z and kept one.

Immediately, the three began hacking away at the vegetation in front of us. A small hole of light appeared.

“We're breaking through!” yelled Director Z. “Everyone get over here!”

HISSSSSSSSSSSNO.

“Aargh!” yelled Ben. He fell to the ground.

“What is it?” Shane yelled.

We ran over to help Ben, avoiding the vines that tried to trip us like insane double Dutch ropes.

“It's now or never!” yelled Director Z. “Hurry!”

Director Z and the monsters had opened up a door-size hole.

“We can't leave Ben behind!” I yelled.

Shane rolled Ben over, and his face was covered with zits.

“Gross!” said Gordon.

“Ben, are you okay?” asked Nabila.

“Get him up!” Director Z said.

The door-size hole shrank to a window.

Shane and Gordon tried to pick Ben up.

“Don't touch me!” yelled Ben. “They hurt so bad!” He covered his face and moaned.

“Chris!” Director Z yelled. I looked up to see that the window was closing quickly.

POP POP POP
pop pop
.

I looked back down to Ben and saw snakes crawling all over his hands. He shook and rolled back onto his face. The snakes scattered.

“Oh man!” yelled Shane. “Ben! Are you okay? Did they bite you?”

Before he could answer . . .

“Whoa!” yelled Nabila as a vine picked her up off of the ground by her feet. She swung in the air above us. “Help!”

Her glasses fell off. Shane caught them, tossed them to me, and then jumped up to grab her.

But she was too high.

The vine swung her over to a huge Venus flytrap. The trap opened slowly, revealing a disgusting, mucousy mouth with razor-sharp teeth. With a great BLLAARRRRF, the flytrap spit out the bones of its last meal and reached up for Nabila.

“Guys!” screeched Nabila. “Don't just let it eat me!”

Out of nowhere, a huge bat carrying a machete in its feet swooped in and cut the vine.

“Yeah, Grigore!” yelled Gordon.

Nabila dropped just to the left of the flytrap.

“Nabila,” yelled Shane. “Keep moving!”

We rushed up to help her, and the disgusting, drooly flytrap mouth came down on us just as we reached her. Its fangs were stuck in the ground on either side, and before it could free itself enough to chomp down on the four of us, I grabbed a tusk from the pile of bones it had barfed up and jabbed it into its fleshy pink leaf.

A wad of green goo squirted out, and there was a SCREEEEECH, but it continued to close its disgusting plant mouth on us. The others kicked and punched. Shane picked up another tusk.

We stabbed it again and again, but its mouth kept closing. Soon, my cheek was pressed against its sticky flesh.

“Ugh, we're going to die!” said Gordon.

“Well, we'll be digested slowly over a few days, so we have some time,” said Shane.

“Don't give up,” I yelled. But the Venus flytrap was squeezing us hard now.

“Can't . . . breathe . . . ,” I gasped.

“They . . . aren't . . . supposed to crush . . . their prey,” said Shane.

“They're . . . not . . . even native . . . to central Africa,” gasped Nabila.

“Shut . . . up . . . NERDS!” gasped Gordon.

I saw stars in front of my eyes.

“Watch out!” a muffled voice said.

“For . . . what?” I gasped back.

SCHLUCK!

A machete burst through the side of the fleshy flytrap cheek a few feet in front of me. The crushing pressure stopped.

I pulled in a huge breath and screamed, “To the left!”

SCHLUCK!

The machete came through again . . .

. . . right in front of my face!

“YOUR left,” I yelled even louder.

Two machetes sliced in and sawed down to the ground. Shane and I burst out of the flytrap. I saw a bright light through the writhing jungle ahead.

“Where's Ben?” I asked.

“Keep running!” yelled Director Z.

Everyone pushed through the thin layer of jungle that had been cut aside, and out into a well-manicured lawn in front of a plain, modern-looking building with no windows.

“Woohoo, we made it!” said Clive. “Ride the green wave!”

The jungle slowly quieted down until there was nothing but the sound of our heavy breathing.

“Where . . . is . . . Ben?” I gasped. “This is the place.” I fell over onto my side.

Roy walked over to me with Ben in his arms.

“I'm here,” said Ben. “I'm okay, Roy. You can put me down. Thank you.”

“Your face doesn't look okay,” said Gordon. “What happened back there?”

Roy put Ben down, collected the machetes, and put them back in his massive bag.

“I have no idea,” said Ben. “I hadn't had a zit in my life until five minutes ago, and now I've just had five pop at once.”

“Yeah, I heard all the popping,” I said. “And then I saw snakes all over your hands. How did they get there so fast? You don't think—”

“Aw, man!” Shane yelled. He looked up to the building with disappointment. “I was hoping for
Tomb Raider
, and I got my dentist's office.”

Director Z walked up to the front door. “Are we ready? Let's see what this place has in store.”

He pressed the buzzer on the door, but nothing happened. He put his hand on the doorknob and . . .

“Boss, watch out!” yelled Gil.

But it was too late. A huge metal arm came out from above the door and quickly wrapped its claw around Director Z's throat.

Director Z turned silent . . . and blue.

“Director Z!” Ben shouted. “Somebody do something!”

Roy ran up to the mechanical arm and tugged on either side of the claw with all of his might.

GRRRRWWWWAAAAAH!

“You're not moving it at all,” said Nabila.

I ran up to see if there was something—ANYTHING—that I could do.

I looked at the arm, desperate to find a switch.

“I am your Director!” I yelled. I pulled out my pendant and waved it around, hoping something would happen. Director Z's eyes bulged out of his head.

My monkey friend appeared from nowhere, jumped up onto my shoulder, and started going nuts.

EEEEEEEK!

“Ah, get off of me, you crazy thing!” I tried to tear it off of my shoulder, but it held on tightly and pointed at the buzzer on the door.

I looked and saw what the monkey had been squeaking about: a small groove under the buzzer.

I shoved my pendant into the groove, and the door swung wide open into darkness.

The claw dropped Director Z. Roy caught him, and the others came over.

“You're one smart monkey,” I said. “Loud and annoying, but smart.”

“Director Z still looks pretty gnarly,” said Clive.

“Boss,” said Pietro. He slapped Director Z's cheeks. “Boss?”

Director Z's face remained blue and his hands stayed motionless.

“Somebody's going to have to do mouth-to-mouth!” said Pietro.

“Burpcessitation?” asked Shane. He looked at me, waiting for the answer.

“No, please,” gasped Director Z. “No more burpcessitation!” He jumped out of Roy's arms. He still looked a little bug-eyed as he COUGH COUGH COUGHed and rubbed his neck, but he was okay.

I pulled the pendant out of the groove next to the door, but the door stayed open.

“I figured if it could possess me to come to this facility, the least it could do was protect everyone I'm traveling with,” I said. “Now look at what's happened to Director Z. What good is the power if I can't use it?”

“Well, in the end, if it weren't for the pendant, Director Z would be dead,” Shane said. “You literally hold the key to this place.”

Gordon peeked through the door into the darkness. “Is anybody home?”

HOME OME OME UM UM MM MM . . .

Gordon's voice echoed through the cold, dark facility. There was no response.

“I'm surprised it's empty,” said Director Z. He looked like his pale self again and adjusted his crisp suit. “They must have left in a hurry to forget to turn off such stringent security measures.”

“Do you think there will be any
more
security measures?” asked Gordon.

“Possibly,” Director Z responded. “Roy, would you mind taking the lead?”

“Oh, come on, Boss!” whined Roy.

“DO IT,” Director Z commanded.

“Fine,” mumbled Roy, and he headed into the facility.

We followed.

Gordon flicked a switch on the wall on and off, but nothing happened.

I let my eyes adjust to the little light that came through the door, and then looked around. “It's just as drab on the inside as it is on the outside.”

“I'm getting some strange smells,” said Pietro.

“Tell me something I don't know,” Ben said.

Roy walked down a dark hallway.

“Wait, Roy,” said Shane. “Not all of us can see in the dark. Can you bust out the flashlights?”

Roy shuffled back and handed out the three flashlights that were in his bag. Then he pulled out a lantern and went down the hallway once again. The light sent strange shadows up on the walls.

“Is that blood?” asked Nabila. She shone her flashlight on the wall.

“I'm afraid so,” said Director Z.

“It's fresh,” said Pietro.

“How fresh?” Shane asked.

Pietro stuck out his tongue and was just about to lick the red stain on the wall when—

“Bad dog!” yelled Director Z. “Don't lick that blood. It could turn you into a gruesome jungle monster.”

Pietro growled and moved away from the wall.

We peeked into room after room. A dining room with rotting food. Sitting rooms with ripped-up leather couches. Bedrooms with furniture on the ceiling.

We walked into a research library. It was filled with everything from stone tablets to electronic tablets. Most of the books had spilled out of the bookcases.

“What a mess,” said Ben. He walked up to one of the few books still standing on the shelf and pulled it off.

SCCCRRAAAPPEGRIND!

“Whoa!” yelled Ben, jumping back.

The bookcase swung open, and a corpse fell out of the wall onto Ben.

“Get it off me!” yelled Ben. He was pinned. The body jiggled and shook, and its clothes began to bulge.

A cobra burst out of the neck of the corpse, reared up, and hissed at Ben.

“That poor zombie,” said Clarice.

“Poor zombie?!” Ben said, staring the cobra in the eyes. “How about poor
me
? Someone do something! Should I move? Should I look away?”

Before the cobra could strike, Roy rolled the corpse off of Ben.

The corpse shook like crazy as snakes burst out of every body part, leaving a trail of blood and guts as they slithered out of the room.

“Uh, hey, guys,” Shane said to the snakes as they slithered away. “Do you live here?”

“I don't think anyone is left,” said Director Z, scratching his chin mysteriously.

“Does that mean I'm free?” I asked Director Z.

Before Director Z could answer, there was a large BANG from the next room.

We all froze.

BANG BANG BANG.

Grigore moved down the hall and peeked into the room. “There's something in the laboratory,” he said. “Or, rather, there's something that vants to get out.”

BANG SHUFFLE BANG.

“Roy, we might need your muscle,” said Director Z.

“Aw, Boss!” Roy whined.

BANG BANG BANG.

“Just do it!” yelled Director Z.

We all slowly crept into the laboratory. It smelled like a rotten hospital. Jars lined the stainless steel shelves. Some were filled with strange specimens. Others had spilled their contents onto the floor.

“Is that an arm on the examining table?” asked Ben.

I shone my flashlight on the table, and the hand on the arm gave a thumbs-up.

BANG BANG BANG.

There was a door in the back of the laboratory.

Director Z knocked on the door and said, “Whoever is in there, we're here to help you.”

BANG SHUFFLE BANG GROWL.

“Please, your new Director has arrived,” Director Z continued. “Show some decorum.”

“What are we going to do?” asked Nabila.

“We've got to open the door and hope we can control whoever is in there,” replied Director Z. “Ready?”

Roy and Grigore stood in front of the door. Pietro turned into a werewolf and raised his hackles. The monkey on my shoulder began to chatter nervously.

“You're going to make me deaf,” I told the monkey.

“Maybe we should head to another room?” asked Ben.

“One . . . two . . . ,” Director Z counted, “THREE!”

A flash of light blasted our eyes as Director Z opened the door. A small dark figure charged between Roy's legs, directly at Shane.

“Watch out!” Roy yelled.

But Shane was blinded by the light. He had no idea something was headed his way.