Zits from Python Pit #6 (4 page)

“What is it?!” Gordon yelled, running ahead.

The Bigfoot took a powerful swipe at the invisible enemy. His long flailing arms almost took Gordon's head off. Then Roy stopped swinging. His little-girl screech echoed through the jungle.

EEEEEEEEEEE!

The monkeys popped their heads through the canopy to see what was happening.

Roy dug deep into the fur on his chest, struggling to remove something black that was stuck in it.

“Big spider!” yelled Roy. “Big spider!”

He pulled a fist-size spider out of his fur and threw it on the ground.

He stomped and screeched and stomped some more, shaking the ground everywhere around him. When he was done, he ran around to the other side of the tree to hide.

Grigore walked over to what was left of the spider. “Does anyvone vant a spider pancake?”

“Sort of makes me miss Griselda,” said Shane. “She'd love a spider pancake.”

“Sort of makes me miss food,” said Gordon. “Now we don't have a river filled with fish to eat. And we've run out of flatbread.”

“I'm sure we'll be able to find something edible when we get to where we're going,” I said. “I can—”

“Feel it,” Ben finished. “Yeah, we know. Please tell me you're feeling a McDonald's.”

I concentrated really hard, but I couldn't feel it.

“Sorry,” I said.

“A good falafel?” asked Nabila.

“Nope,” I said.

“Brains?” Clive asked.

“Hmmm,” I said.

“Never mind,” Clive said. He began to sniff the air. “Smells like a gnarly snack might be nearby.”

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSNIFFFF!

Clive sniffed so hard that his nostrils flapped.

“Which way are we going?” he asked.

“That way,” I said, and pointed.

“Awesome! I think that's where it's coming from,” said Clive. “Let's roll!”

Clive took off before I could ask him what he smelled. We all followed.

“Come along, Roy,” said Director Z.

Roy shook his head and pouted like an angry toddler. “I'm going back to the river,” he said.

“Is that a tarantula coming down the tree?” asked Nabila.

Roy bolted toward us. “Wait for me!” he said.

“Well done,” Director Z whispered to Nabila.

Hours later we were still pushing our way through the thick jungle. The monsters were strong and had no problem with the heat. My friends and I were covered in sweat and looked more like zombies than Clive did.

“How's that zit?” Shane asked Gordon.

“It feels a lot better now that I popped it,” Gordon replied. “But it still throbs. I feel like someone kicked me in the face.”

“Dude, could you please wipe the pus off of your T-shirt?” moaned Ben. “There's so much that leaves are sticking to it.”

“Ew,” said Nabila.

Gordon stopped to pluck off the three or four leaves that were stuck to his shirt.

He pulled the first one off, and a tiny snake slipped off the back and onto the ground.

“Gross,” said Ben. “Your pus is attracting baby snakes.”

Gordon looked down with disgust. He stomped the little snake.

“All right,” I said. “Let's go.”

“Are we at least close to wherever it is we need to go?” Nabila asked me.

“I have no idea where we are,” I said. “But I know we're going the right way.”

“Right on, because we're super-close to that gnarly snack,” said Clive. He shook with excitement.

“When are you going to tell us more about this snack?” asked Ben.

“Smell for yourself,” said Clive.

Ben took in a deep, nasally breath.

“Wh-URP,” he said, almost throwing up. “What is that? It smells like rotten chicken.”

The rest of us sniffed deeply.

“Ugh,” said Shane. “It smells like you, Clive. A rotten body.”

“You've got that right!” said Clive excitedly.

“Hey,” I called to Pietro. “Can you smell that?”

“Yeah, I've been trying to ignore it for hours,” he said. His nose was dripping green goo.

“All right, everyone,” said Director Z, pulling out his cell phone. “We should stop soon. The sun will be setting in fifteen minutes or so, and we have to—”

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Director Z's cell phone tried to jump out of his hand.

“What in blazes . . . ?” he said.

“I don't care about no sunset,” said Clive, and he rushed into the jungle toward the rotten smell.

“We can't get separated,” Director Z yelled. He looked down at his phone again with a strange look on his face. “Clive, you need to get back here! We've got to set up our protective perimeter. You could be devoured by jungle cats!”

“Should we go after him?” I asked.

Director Z looked at his phone one more time, shoved it into his pocket, and said, “Everybody get him!”

We rushed in the direction he had run.

“Clive!” yelled Shane. “CLIVE!!!”

The monsters tore through the jungle. The farther we pushed, the more terrible it smelled.

“Ugh, what
is
that?” said Gordon.

We crashed into a small clearing and were face-to-face with the biggest, ugliest flower I'd ever seen in my life. It was eight feet tall, with a huge fleshy white structure that shot up from its wrinkly red center.

“It's a corpse flower,” said Ben. He turned a little green.

“A corpse flower?” asked Gordon. “Like, a real corpse?”

“No, it just smells like one,” said Ben, gagging a little.

HWUUUURP.

“Are you kidding me?” said Clive. “It smells like a rose! A rose so sweet I could eat it.”

“Ugh, I can taste it in my mouth,” said Shane, “and it's not anything close to delicious. I think I need a breath mint.”

Clive didn't care. He jumped into the center of the flower and took a big bite out of the fleshy white center. A swarm of startled flies took to the air, buzzing around us.

“It smells like a corpse to attract flies, which pollinate it,” said Ben, turning even greener.

I coughed at the insane smell and inhaled a few of the flies.

“Well, at least I'm not as hungry anymore,” I said.

“I'm going to—” said Ben.

“We know,” the rest of us said.

BAAAAAAAAAAAARF.

“Well, we need to set up camp before it gets too dark,” said Director Z. “It will be quicker if you all help Clive clear out the corpse flower. Get to work, everyone. Let's eat all of it. Quickly, quickly!”

“I don't see you jumping in there, Director Z,” said Pietro. “This is all Clive.” He grabbed a few leaves, rolled them up, and plugged his nose with them. “And I'm not sleeping in his tent. Oh no!”

GROLF GWURPLE SMACK CRUNCH.

Clive chowed down on the flower.

“That's disgusting,” said Nabila.

“Well, at least I can finally smell my sweat again instead of a corpse,” I said.

I smacked a mosquito on the back of my neck.

“Looks like someone else can smell you,” said Gordon.

“Stupid bloodsucker,” I mumbled.

“Vhat did you say?” asked Grigore.

“You know what I mean,” I said.

More bugs buzzed around our heads as the air cleared and the sun set.

“All right, let's get the tents up and then create a protective line around this area,” said Director Z. He turned to Twenty-Three and handed him a bag of black powder. “I think a twenty-foot circle should do just fine.”

Twenty-Three ran off into the jungle and started to lay down the line.

“What is that stuff?” I asked Shane.

“We've been using it at night to protect—”

“Help!” yelled Twenty-Three.

I looked toward the scream, and he was gone. The bush behind where he had stood shook and squealed.

“The jungle ate him!” screamed Clarice.

“Twenty-Three!” yelled Roy, and he pounded toward the bush that had swallowed the small moon creature.

Twenty-Three popped out of the bush and screamed, “Roy, help!” Roy reached out his paw to grab him, but the bush pulled Twenty-Three back in.

SQUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEE!

“Is that a splurtsar?” asked Shane.

Twenty-Three burst out of the bush, followed by a small wild boar. “There's something wrong with it. It's crazy or something.”

I ran up to the small boar and tried to scare it away.

“Be careful!” yelled Nabila.

It jumped and opened up a mouth filled with sharp teeth. Its red eyes stared deeply into mine as it flew directly for my neck.

A screech filled the air as a small monkey crashed into the boar from above. Both slammed to the ground.

Everyone ran over.

“It's a vampire boar!” I told them. “The monkey who made me eat Gil's nasty raisin thingy saved me.”

“So that's twice now,” said Shane. “Hmmmm . . .”

The monkey darted back and forth to escape the snapping jaws of the very hungry vampire boar.

CRACK!

Roy knocked the boar in the head before it reached the monkey's throat.

“Did it bite you?” Shane asked Twenty-Three.

“My lizard skin kept me safe,” he said.

I crouched down on the ground near the monkey. “Are you okay, little guy?” I asked.

The monkey chattered happily and jumped up onto my knee.

“Whoa,” I said. “Please tell me you don't have another nasty armpit raisin for me.”

SQUUUUUEEEEEEEE SQUUUUUUUEEEEEEE SQUUUEEEEEEEEEE.

I looked down at the boar. It was still passed out.

“Where is that coming from?” Ben asked.

“Everywhere,” said Pietro. He quickly turned into a werewolf and raised his hackles.

The monkey jumped to my shoulder and chattered. I stood up quickly.

The bush in front of Director Z exploded with fur and tusks. Three vampire boars jumped out at him. Pietro knocked them out of the way.

“Those guys are huge!” yelled Gordon.

“The other one must have been a baby,” said Ben.

Within seconds, a dozen very large, very angry, very hungry boars surrounded us.

They closed in, pushing us all together in a tight clump.

SQUUUUUEEEEE!

One lunged at Grigore, who bared his fangs. “I'm vone of you,” he growled.

The boar gave him a strange look and headed on past the vampire.

Gordon rolled on the ground to avoid two boars that came at him from two different directions. They knocked their sharp tusks together and stumbled away.

“Hi-ya!” yelled Shane with a chop to one boar's head. Roy tossed another into the air and, with perfect timing, Shane gave it a powerful roundhouse kick that sent it back into the jungle.

The monkey, still perched on my shoulder, gave a warning screech as each boar charged me, quickly enough that I could dodge them all.

“We're actually going to make it!” yelled Ben. His back was to Nabila, and they helped each other dodge any boars that charged their way.

SQUUUUUUEEEEE! SQUUUUUEEEEEEE!

Two dozen more boars surrounded us.

The ones we had already managed to knock out woke back up.

“Yaaaaaah!” screeched Clarice. A boar had chomped down on her leg. She yanked it off and threw it into the nearest bush.

“Oh no!” yelled Ben. “Is she going to become a vampire?”

“No, each resident of our retirement home is protected from one another's monstrous powers,” said Director Z. He pulled out the Taser he always kept in his suit pocket and zapped another boar. “She'd already be a werewolf if not. She was bitten by Pietro, remember?”

“That protection doesn't spread to us, does it?” asked Shane. He karate-chopped another boar perfectly in the forehead.

“Unfortunately, no,” said Director Z.

The boar Shane had just karate-chopped jumped up again.

“How are we going to kill all of them?” shouted Gordon, knocking another boar out of Nabila and Ben's way.

“We don't need to kill them,” yelled Director Z. “We just need to incapacitate them.”

I kicked another boar in the side of the face, away from his sharp tusk. But we were starting to lose the battle.

“Any ideas?” I asked, panicked.

“Cover me,” said Director Z. He moved as far away from the battle as he could and raised his hands. “Boa, Boa, quite constricted, help the monsters most afflicted!”

The jungle rumbled once again, but this time with the sound of . . .

SLITHER SLITHER. HISS.

The boars, despite being so close to mealtime, suddenly stopped and SQUUUUUUUUEEEEED in fear.

Massive snakes appeared from every corner of the jungle.

“It's raining snakes,” yelled Nabila. One landed right at her feet. She almost knocked Ben over trying to get out of its way.

“They will not harm you,” said Director Z.

The boas slithered directly toward the boars. Half of the little piggies were quickly grasped and squeezed, unable to SQUEE. The others scattered and ran into the jungle. The boas followed.

“See, dude, I told you Directors always have something up their sleeves,” said Clive.

“Can I learn how to do that?” I asked.