Yours to Savor (42 page)

Sandra smiled, and Brandon put an arm around her. She was amazed that after all that, he could still hold her so sweetly. “Brandon?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t want to lose you, either.”

Brandon looked at her again, and trailed one finger from the bottom of her belly all the way up to her neck. “Babe, I don’t think you ever will,” he whispered.

Maybe it was the sincerity of his words; maybe it was the shock of their implication. But whatever it was, Sandra found herself speechless as her heart began to flutter in a way completely foreign to her. “…What do you mean?” she managed finally.

“What I mean, Sandra, is that I’m falling in love with you.”

Her jaw dropped.

“I know this is the worst time to say it,” Brandon continued. “And I don’t want you to think the words are tarnished by what we just did. But the truth is, Sandra, all my life, I’ve waited for somebody I could be free with. Somebody with no pretensions, no expectations of me. Somebody who isn’t there because of my money. Somebody who’s there because of
me
.”

Brandon paused, as if choosing his words. “I think
you
are that somebody, Sandra. You proved it to me today. All the emotions you made me feel, how crazy I thought I’d go if I lost you… I’ve never reacted that way to anyone before. And if you had walked out that door, I would have chased after you, through the worst hell and back. I would have never given up. If you were anyone else—
anybody else!
—pride would have stopped me from doing it. But you’re not. You’re
you
, and that’s all that matters to me.”

He turned his head to look at her again, and his words became softer. “It isn’t… it’s not something I can explain. But it’s something I feel right here.” He took her hand, and placed it over his chest. “In my heart.”

Sandra closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. Her body was too spent to process this new information properly.

“Brandon…” she began. She knew she should say something that would protect her from being so exposed, protect her from making herself vulnerable to him. But instead, she found her heart guiding the way. “Brandon, I’m already in love with you.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Brandon sat against the headboard, deep in thought, as the woman he treasured lay slumbering in his arms.

He had hesitated earlier, saying that he was
falling
in love with her. When she had admitted her own feelings for him, all the walls had come crashing down. He wasn’t falling.

He was lost in love’s depths.

It was the little things that had drawn him in, at first. The way Sandra’s hair smelled; the way her hips curved just right. The way she opened herself up to him, completely unrestrained, when he was inside her. The way the tip of her nose curled up like a delicate clover. The way she projected such confidence and poise to the outside world, yet could be so nervous and uncertain when alone with him.

Those were all small things, the miniscule things… when taken separately. But, when put together, when made part of a whole, and compounded upon the foundation underneath… it made Sandra irresistible. She was strong, intelligent, pure. Unspoiled.

Brandon couldn’t deny being in love. He knew it had happened fast, but love didn’t come with a schedule. It was erratic, unpredictable, and utterly consuming. Today’s scare had made him realize that Sandra was the person he’d been waiting for his whole life. He couldn’t imagine ever being away from her.

Of
course
things were never going to be that easy.
Of course
there were going to be complications. Life always ensured there were.

On the one hand, he’d promised Sandra the truth. On the other, he knew what it would do to her. The truth about his income stream, the truth about their shared past. Indecision paralyzed him. Should he reveal those things, or should he keep them locked up? He didn’t know. Not knowing what to do put him in a frightening and unfamiliar position.

Sandra had a personal reason to hate drugs: they’d taken her sister away. Before, all he’d had to fight was the negative stereotypes about drug dealers in her mind. Now, he knew that those stereotypes were backed up by a lifetime of deeply entrenched beliefs. If he told Sandra where his past money had come from he would lose her. The connection they’d built in the past few days was strong, but it wasn’t yet strong enough to overcome a lifetime of beliefs.

Was he being selfish? Was the obligation he thought he owed her about the truth somehow misplaced? What mattered was what they had between them
now
, not what may have happened in the past. It was more important what Sandra felt
now
, how she behaved
now
, that she was happy
now
. He should not ruin those things.

Brandon saw the way Sandra’s eyes lit up around him. Bit by bit, he was winning his personal battle to set her free. He cared about her, and wanted her to live life without all the self-imposed limitations she harbored. Revealing his secrets now, just as their relationship was starting to form would be the worst possible time to do it.

As long as she hasn’t asked, you haven’t lied
. He knew it was a fucked up way of thinking about things. But, it was the only way to protect Sandra. And he
would
keep his promise to her: if she ever asked, he would tell her everything.

But only if he were certain that the love built between them was strong enough to handle it.

That’s it.
Brandon pressed his nose to Sandra’s hair and breathed deep. His decision comforted him almost as much as the familiar scent of her hair. He knew that his mind wouldn’t be troubled any more.

“I’m worried about Josh,” Cassie announced one morning as Sandra picked up her customary pre-work coffee.

Two weeks had passed since those astonishing few days with Brandon in Seattle. Two weeks of Brandon surprising her at work; two weeks of him taking her out on wonderful dates. Two weeks of the most amazing sex of her life. Two weeks of her falling deeper and deeper in love with that spectacular man.

Brandon was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Sandra was more open and less restrained around people. She’d gone out with Cassie and her friends
four
times, and discovered just how much she missed having female friends. She’d called her parents, and cried when she heard her mother’s voice. And she broke down again when she spoke to her dad, who made her promise
never
to disappear like that again.

But, most amazing of all, Sandra had gone a fortnight without suffering her nightmares.

“Oh? How come?”

“I found this.” Cassie placed a thick envelope on the table. She pulled open the flap, and Sandra saw that it was padded with fifty- and hundred-dollar bills. Sandra’s eyes widened. There must have been at least three, four thousand dollars in there! “It fell out of his backpack when I moved it to clean the floor.”

“Where did he get it?”

“Well, there’s no way he made it from me.”

“Maybe he’s been saving up,” Sandra said. “He’s worked here for a long time.”

“No way. Half of what he earns goes to his mother’s direct deposit to pay for rent. He made sure that’s how I set things up when I hired him. And of the rest, three-quarters goes into a college trust fund.”

Sandra did not like the implication. “So then, where did that money come from?”

“That’s what I’m worried about. How many legitimate ways are there for a high school kid to make that kind of money?”

“Not many,” Sandra admitted.

“I know he’s seen how you’ve taken after that new guy of yours. He’s seen him flaunt his cash around, and I think, well…” Cassie leaned in close, “…I think that Josh is trying to impress you.”

“Impress me? Why?”

Cassie shot back up, all dramatic indignation. “What? Are you
blind
? He’s had his eye on you from the first day you met.”

“That’s ridiculous. He’s like a brother to me. Besides, he was just a kid when we first met!”

“And,” Cassie said slowly, “I think he resents himself for that. I told you I care about my customers. Well, I care about my staff even more. Their business is my business. I know every worry that’s ever crossed that boy’s mind. Most of them have to do with you. Maybe he thinks if he makes himself some cash, you’ll start thinking of him as a man. As a grown up.”

Sandra shook her head. “That’s crazy.” She glanced over, and realized Josh was looking at her. Their eyes met for a flicker, and he turned away, pretending to be busy scrubbing a spot on the counter. “But… I’ll talk to him. We’ll straighten things out.”

“See that you do. He’s a good kid, and I don’t want him to get tangled up in the wrong business.” Cassie took the envelope back. “Now, go distract him a bit while I put this back.”

Sandra nodded and walked toward Josh. He
had
grown, she realized. She’d just been too dense to see it. He was taller now than when they’d first met, and starting to fill out his lanky frame. His cheeks were still smooth, but maybe he had just shaved.

Sandra smiled as she came up to him. “Hey.”

Josh looked at her. “Hi.”

“So… how are you doing?”

“Good.”

“Graduating soon, huh?”

“That’s right.” He looked at her and squinted. “You’re acting funny.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.

“No. I just… haven’t talked to you a lot recently.”

“That’s okay. You’re dating that guy, anyway. What’s his name again? Brady?”

“Brandon,” she corrected. “But that doesn’t matter. I should always have time for my favorite high schooler.” Josh cringed, and Sandra wished she could take the words back. “I mean—”

“I know what you mean,” he said, sullen.

“No, come on, Josh! I’m not like that. How’s your mom doing?”

“She’s alright, I guess. The same as always.”

“Do you know what you’re doing next year? I know how much Cassie likes having you around, but I don’t think working as a barista is a permanent career for you.” She forced an awkward smile.