You're Not Broken (29 page)

              Sure, but how many lives would I ruin by helping? How many people might die in this drop? Drops were never secure transactions and it wasn’t common for a man or two to die in the process. And if this drop was as large as Raze was saying it was then I could only imagine the additional harm this will spill onto Low Pointe. All the other clubs and gangs would descend on the small city like a plague of locusts all to kill just one man.

              But then, if I didn’t do it, what kind of harm would come to Jessa? Looking at Raze in person, I realized how much I had forgotten of the man. That slightly maniacal look in his black eyes, the growling snarl of his lips, the hardness of his body. The man did not do or say things lightly. If a threat had been dropped on Jessa’s head, I could very well believe that he would carry it out.

              There was always the FBI. I could let them know about what was happening. But I knew Raze had already made a contingency for that. If his plans were foiled by the FBI, a notice would be let out to at least half a dozen gangs in the area to go for broke and try and kill Jessa Blair with any means necessary. The FBI was on Jessa’s case but they weren’t prepared for an all out urban guerrilla warfare.

              I shook my head. “Let me think on it,” I said.

              “Think on it?” he repeated. Raze huffed a laugh. “Sure, think on how pretty Jessa Blair’s little head’s going to look rolling down Low Pointe. Or think on how much I’ll enjoy her sweet pussy before I fuck her brains out.” Raze gave me a disgusted look. “Think on it,” he sneered derisively. “I’ll call you later to give you details. You stay handy with your phone, Steel.”

             
I watched Raze turn the corner of the large container, disappearing. I heard the distant roar of a bike coming to life and the screech as it slid away. And I was left alone again with the greasy ocean breeze as I weighed the lives of everyone I held dear in my hands.

Chapter Fifteen
Rowan

              As I pulled up to Jessa’s gate, I saw a swarm of cop cars flashing their lights and a smaller brigade of quiet black sedans.

             
FBI.

              What was going on? I had been so lost in my thoughts over my meeting with Raze that I hadn’t even noticed the flashing lights of the police cars until I had pulled up literally right behind them.

              Slamming the door shut, I ran up to the front gate. An officer was standing by the open gate copiously writing into a tiny notebook. I pushed past him.

             
Jessa.
I had to get to Jessa.

              “Sir, this is a private residence,” the officer said, stopping me by the arm.

              “I work here,” I said shortly, trying to get through without decking the man.

              The police officer looked at me doubtfully. “Can you prove that?” he asked.

              What the hell did he want? An employment contract? A picture of me with Jessa? Before I could lay into the man though, a voice called out from behind me.

              “Matthews!”

              I turned around and saw Agent Todd waving at me. I shoved off the officer’s hand from my arm and approached the agent without further obstacles. “Agent Todd,” I said. “What happened?”

              I looked around at the swarm of police officers and the handful of quiet agents that worked from the peripheral. What the fuck was going on? Where was Jessa? I felt my heart constricting.

              But before I could break out in a run towards the house, Agent Todd stopped me. “Miss Blair is fine,” he said, seeing the concern on my face. “Where were you today?”

              “I—” I could tell Agent Todd wasn’t accusing me of anything but he did look puzzled. Of course he was. Something had clearly happened and Jessa’s bodyguard hadn’t been present. Who wouldn’t be puzzled?

              “I had some personal matters I had to take care of today. I called in Agent Carson to take over for just a few hours,” I said, unable to give more information.

              Agent Todd nodded, a crease still between his brows. He couldn’t reproach me since after all, I wasn’t FBI but still, I should’ve been here.

              And as we approached the house, I realized just how much I should’ve been here.

              The beautiful open house with its large windows was completely smashed. All of the huge glass was completely shattered with just the naked frames standing in place. I did a quick scan. No blood, no bodies. But just seeing the shattered glass from the huge windows was frightening.

              “What happened?” I asked quietly. I looked around the property. I saw cops. I saw agents. I didn’t see Jessa. “Where’s Jessa?”

              Agent Todd looked over the broken glass. “They came home to this after lunch,” Agent Todd said answering my first question. “Agent Carson had called immediately after doing a sweep. Nobody was present, no traces so far of who might’ve done it, nothing stolen. Just all the windows smashed. Every single one. Even the small ones in the bathroom.”

              I looked at the house. Because of its open design, without its windows, the house was completely naked. It was open and vulnerable. That must’ve been what the stalker had wanted. To rob Jessa’s house of any illusions of protection. My knuckles cracked as my fists tightened. God, I just wanted five minutes alone with crazy fucker.

              “The odd thing is,” Agent Todd continued, “the front gates were completely unharmed.”

              That
was
odd.

              This was a violent act. The stalker had physically assaulted the house. But how would he have gotten in this far to do that? He had to have bypassed the gate. And yet, how could he do that without breaking it? There was a code to the gate and only Jessa’s personal team knew it. And that code changed every two weeks.

              I shook my head. “This fucker,” I muttered under my breath.

              The FBI agent nodded in agreement. “The fucker,” he agreed quietly. He shook his head then got down to the day’s mission. “So obviously, Miss Blair can’t stay here. Not only is the house now completely damaged but its been compromised as well. We’ve booked her in at the W Hotel.”

              I nodded. Good. There was no way I would’ve let her stay here anyway.

              “And,” Agent Todd started, looking me straight in the eye, “we’re now on high alert for Miss Blair. We can’t have her unprotected or uncovered now. We need you to stay with her at all times now, Matthews.”

              I felt guilt pour into me. The meeting with Raze had been unavoidable and yet I felt as guilty as if I had broken into the home myself. I should’ve been there for her. I could only imagine how scared she must’ve been when she had come home to see this mess. I could only imagine how scared she must be now.

              “Where’s Jessa?” I asked for what felt like the millionth time.

              Agent Todd kept a steady gaze on me. “Do you understand, Matthews?” he said. “I know you’re not officially a part of the Bureau but we hired you because of your exceptional background. We need you to consider yourself an unofficial member of our team. We need to know that you’ll be
here
with Miss Blair where both she and I can count on you.”

              I looked at the agent. Could I give such a promise? Raze was determined to have his drop made by me. I had just confirmed that. And he was not a man to be played with. If I refused, there could be more danger ahead for Jessa. I couldn’t always be by her side if I needed to leave at some point to organize this drop.

              But what if once I leave, something like this happened again?

              Jessa was in a dangerously precarious situation and the only person who knew exactly how dangerous it was was me.

              As my arguments raged within me, I caught sight of Agent Todd’s gleaming silver wristwatch. I had noticed all the agents wearing the same shiny watch. I had wanted to ask if they wore these watches when undercover because I could see their gleam a mile away. It was a dead giveaway. I really should give them a good lesson on camo.

              I shook my head, trying to clear it of all the random tangentials it was clinging to to avoid lying.

              But before I could answer with a false assurance of my never leaving again, I saw over Agent Todd’s shoulder Jessa stepping out the front door, carefully walking over the broken glass.

              I don’t know what I had expected when I saw her. Maybe swollen eyes from crying. Maybe her shoulders swathed in a blanket to keep her from going into shock. Maybe an officer or an agent putting an arm around her to keep her from falling apart from this clear terror attack against her most personal space.

              But I had not expected the Jessa I saw before me.

              I watched silently from afar as she stepped out in the same clothes she had gone out to lunch in. Her make up was still perfectly intact. Agent Carson approached her and murmured something to her. I watched her nod calmly and then give him a reassuring smile.

              She gave
him
a reassuring smile.

              The woman looked composed and calm, as if she had absolutely no problems with her house being totally wrecked. Her hands were steady and I saw no tear streaks from crying.

              This woman was unbelievable. Her house had just been attacked, her safety even more compromised than it already was, and
she
was assuring the men around her with calm smiles.

              Then, as if drawn by magnetic force, her head turned and her gaze caught mine. Would she glare at me for not being here when it mattered? Would she just ignore me? Would she also give me one of those calm, placid smiles as well?

              She did smile. But I saw it wobble. I saw her lips tremble every so slightly in the corners and I saw her eyes brighten just momentarily as tears swam up against her will.

              She was being brave. Unbelievably brave. She didn’t know who or why someone was doing this to her but she wanted to show the world that she was unfazed and that she would not be shaken.

              But she was shaken.

              She was scared.

              “I’ll be here,” I said to Agent Todd, my eyes glued to the unbelievable woman. “I won’t be going anywhere. I’m here to stay.”

              And I would. I didn’t know yet how I would make it work but seeing her work so hard to be so calm and so strong clinched the deal. I couldn’t leave her. She shouldn’t carry this fear alone. She needed to know someone was here who would fight for her. She needed to know I would be here to protect her, to guard her.

              It looked impossible now but I would have to figure something out with Raze. Because I couldn’t leave. I was Jessa’s bodyguard.

              And fuck anyone who tried to touch her.

Chapter Sixteen
Jessa

              “Okay, Agent Todd said they’ll stop by tomorrow to talk about the new safety protocols,” Rowan said as he dropped the last of my bags into my room. “For now, he just wants you to get some rest.”

              I looked around the spacious suite. The large penthouse had a cool modern look with a huge view of the city below. I looked at the made bed with its rich purple sheets and pillows, missing the soft white of my own bed.

              Most of my life was spent in hotels and I treasured the few days a month I had at home. It was when I got to be in a place I could call my own with things that I had bought or collected over time, creating a life for myself. I felt cozy and warm at home.

              But now that was destroyed. Even that small bit of sanctuary had been taken from me and now I was back in a hotel. Even the nicest of penthouses couldn’t replicate the warmth and safety of a home.

              I knew outside the suite there would be a security team standing guard. I wondered how many people were still at my house. God, I could only hope to keep this away from the press but I knew the chances of that were slim. The story had probably already hit by now and I can imagine the number of photographers and reporters downstairs trying to get a word in with me.

              I watched Rowan as he organized my bags in my room. I had been told to pack for a longer stay than I might think I would need. Just in case. I was a good packer. I could pack for a week’s trip in less than twenty minutes. I was ready and out the door within an hour.

              Finished, Rowan stood by the bedroom door. “Hungry?” he asked. “Or want something warm to drink? Tea?”

              As soon as I had stepped out of my destroyed house, I had caught his gaze. He had been standing near the drive with Agent Todd. His rugged face, normally cool and calm was a storm of emotion. He looked like he wanted to rip apart a man while also looking immensely relieved to see me. Seeing him, my control had unwound itself. I had felt my resolve weaken and my shoulders shake. I was scared. And I had wanted Rowan.

              “Did you manage to take care of your business today?” I asked.

              Coming home from lunch, I had felt an immediate unease as we passed the front gates. The feelings had been confirmed once the house came into view. Agent Carson had immediately pushed me down in my seat, telling me to stay down and stay low.

              He had exited the car, gun in hand to sweep the property. My heart had never beaten so fast before. It was eerie and frightening to see a home destroyed. It felt like seeing a friend dead. While hunched in the car, I had half expected to hear gunshots and loud cries.

              But I had heard neither, luckily.

              The cops and agents had been called and soon the house swam with law enforcement.

              And all I could think about was Rowan. And where he was. And why he wasn’t with me.

              Rowan nodded jerkily as if not wanting to talk about it. “I did,” he said shortly.

              I had wanted to ask him about his business. I had wanted to ask what had been so important to take him away on a day I needed him most. But seeing the stiffness in his neck as he replied, the words died on my lips.

              I couldn’t ask. After all, that night in the kitchen almost felt like a dream. Maybe it had been the wine. Maybe the wine had made us think there was more than there had been. Maybe his phone call had just been an excuse to stop himself from making a big mistake. Maybe—

              Before I could finish the thought, I found myself pressed against a hard chest, strong arms wrapped around me, warming me through my chill.

              “I’m sorry,” Rowan said, his words muffled against my hair. I felt him hold me tighter. His hand was against the back of my head, gripping the nape of my neck. “I’m sorry, Jessa. I should’ve been here today and I wasn’t. I’m sorry.”

              All the fright, all the tension from trying to be calm and brave, all the danger, all the
everything
leaked out of me at his words. I felt tears sting my eyes. I tentatively grabbed at his shirt front with my fingers.

              “I needed you, Rowan,” I whispered thickly, tears gathering at my lashes.

              Rowan’s arms tightened around me as if my words had lashed across his back.

              “I know,” he said roughly. “
I know.
But I’ll be here from now on. I won’t go anywhere. I promise.”

              And that was all I needed to hear. I came completely undone. Hot tears poured from me as if I had a well inside me. I cried out the terror of not just today but for all the nights I had had to go to bed, knowing that there was someone out there in the world who wished me harm. I cried out for the loneliness that had pierced me today when I had been confronted with danger. And I cried because I was relieved to be back in Rowan’s arms and to hear him say the words I had so desperately needed.

              Carefully and with that breathless strength of his, Rowan picked me up and carried me to the large bed. He sat down with me on his lap. Tucking me close against him, he ran a thumb against each cheek, wiping away the copious tears.

              “I know you were scared today,” he said. And if anyone else had said it, I would’ve argued. I would’ve made a flippant joke about how their eyes must be bad if they thought that. But with Rowan, I let the truth out. I nodded.

              He held me close, his body heat warming me completely. “But you’re safe now,” he said. “I promise you that.”

              And I believed it. With Rowan, I always felt undeniably safe and protected. It wasn’t just his hard, built body that promised safety. It was also his perceptiveness with my moods. His caring with my body—I remembered the sandwich and juice he brought. His passion as he kissed me.

              I looked up. I caught his strong jawline and his dark stubble before he looked down with his steely gray eyes that almost looked like charcoal. This man had listened to me when I had needed an ear, had taken care of me when I hadn’t been able to, and had held me in a way my body had never experienced. He had called out something within me from the moment I had met him and now, I could hardly imagine a day without him.

              I ran my fingers softly against his rough stubble. His eyes closed at my touch.              

              “I missed you,” I said softly, daring to say exactly what was in my heart.

              When his eyes opened, they were the stormy color of the sky during a rainstorm. He held my face, tilting me back so he could capture my lips in a drugging kiss that left me panting hard.

              “I missed you too,” he said roughly before taking my lips again. I clutched at his shirt, pulling myself closer to him,
needing
to be closer.

              Without breaking our kiss, he lifted me swiftly onto the bed, lowering me onto my back. He leaned his long body over me, pinning me down, his arms cradling my head.

              He looked down at me, his gray eyes holding a question. I could tell he wasn’t sure yet if I was ready. After all, my house had just been attacked and destroyed today. My stalker was becoming more violent. Danger was rising.

              But I lifted my head again, touching my lips against his, showing him my need. I wanted nothing more than to feel his body against mine. I was ready. I was more than ready.

              Once his question had been answered, his eyes darkened, his face igniting with a dangerous lust that made my heart leap.

              With swift movements, he took off my blouse and bra and his shirt. He swooped to capture my lips as his hands squeezed my breasts, molding them against his rough palms. I moaned, reveling in his touch.

              He teased my nipples, playing with them as they peaked against his fingers proudly. He gave each one a quick twist, making my body jerk in the sudden streak of painful pleasure.

              His head went down my neck, down towards my breast. His tongue swirled each sensitive nipple, driving my body temperature up higher and higher. I felt his teeth gently bite into a nipple and I gasped at the thrill of pain mixed with nerve melting pleasure.

              He reached down and pulled down my skirt and panties with one swift yank. I felt the skirt buttons spray across the floor but I couldn’t care less. Feeling his rough hands against my thighs made me shiver in anticipation.

              Now completely naked before him, I looked up to see Rowan looking down my body. His eyes roamed slowly over my breasts and stomach and down towards my pussy where I knew my hidden wetness was growing.

              “You’re fucking beautiful, Jessa,” he said, his voice husky with his own need. He looked up at me, his gray eyes dark and piercing. “Too beautiful.”

              I had heard compliments on my looks for over a decade now. Magazines wrote headlines trumpeting my looks and actors would fall beside themselves trying to flatter me to gain a role or to snag me as a high publicity girlfriend. I had almost become inured to any praise that regarded my looks. It was always so overdone and nearly always sycophantic.

              But hearing Rowan’s deep voice say those words, I felt my cheeks heat in a girlish blush. There was nothing about him that said sycophantic. He was a man who spoke honestly and sincerely. He called it as he saw it. That was one of the reasons that had drawn me to him. His open bluntness made me know that I wouldn’t get lies or deception with him.

              He put a hand to my cheek. “You’re beautiful,” he said again before taking my lips in a sweet long kiss.

              As he sent my mind and body reeling with his mouth, his hand reached down lower till it found my wetness. I gasped as his fingers stroked down the cleft, sending a reeling hit of ecstasy.

              His fingers played expertly, teasing my pussy, encouraging it to swell and grow for him. His fingers swirled around my engorged clit, brushing near it, against it, but never on it. I moaned in desperate need.

              “Oh my god,” I cried as he plunged two fingers into me. I arched against him, my pussy clamping down on the invading fingers. My body trembled as it brushed against the edge of pleasure, so near I could taste it.

              “Don’t come yet, baby,” Rowan murmured against my ear. “Don’t come yet. We’ve just started.” He gave me a quick kiss before he moved down to replace his fingers with his tongue.

              My whole body shuddered as his tongue plunged into my wetness. I cried out again, my whole body taut with streaking pleasure. He was relentless. He swirled his tongue around my clit, flicking it lightly to make me cry out but not hard enough to make me come.

              His tongue stroked down wet cleft and up the other side. He burrowed lower and then plunged his tongue into me, letting his whole mouth close over my pussy. Then suddenly, he sucked hard against my clit.

              I screamed as I came with a shuddering hardness that felt like waves crashing against cliffs. Ecstasy snapped across my body like rubberbands and I felt my head drown in the drugging aftereffects of such a thundering orgasm.

              Rowan’s head bobbed back up before my wavering vision. My body felt completely drained. I had never come so hard in my life. It felt as if the hot lava core that had been burning inside me had been released and now my entire body was just melting in its oozing warmth.

              I saw a wry grin play at his lips. “Don’t tell me you’re already packing it in,” he said. “That was just round one.”

              I shook my head slowly, feeling like I was moving under water. “Can’t….” I said breathlessly. “Too much—”

              Before I could finish, Rowan’s hard and very sizeable cock plunged into me, completely sheathing him to the root. My eyes widened and my body tightened as I was stretched and filled.