Your Wild Heart (13 page)

Hadn’t Ryker all but given her the go-ahead about visiting her club? Sure, he’d mentioned she should let him know if she sensed she was in true danger, but he hadn’t told her
not
to visit the dungeon, which was almost akin to him telling her she could go, right? Years of practice at small misdirections, that seemed obedient and should have gotten her punished but didn’t when the Alpha couldn’t be bothered to control the pack as they should, had primed her for expecting years of the same. She wasn’t important. Therefore, she might be submissive, but she sure as hell didn’t have to obey, either.

“I’m not Drew. I’m asking you, not telling you, not to leave town tonight. There’s something in the air…. I don’t trust it. None of your typical shenanigans, girl. Be smart.” Gee didn’t wait for her response.

Typical
. No one bothered to ask her what
she
wanted, what she needed. Pack business, town business, shifter business—none of it important enough to discuss with a little submissive Wolf with no tooth or claw.

Gritting her teeth harder, she admitted to a full-blown headache growing from her irritation. She was tired of being ignored, tired of not being important enough to bother with, tired of being a submissive without a Dom. Frustration mounting and head throbbing, she decided to flip the sign to closed, lock the door, and snag a shower.

If it wasn’t smart to leave town tonight…well, unless someone bothered to stop her,
fuck them
. She was going out and getting her freak on, to hell with the consequences.

***

Kennedy Laurie dropped the rucksack on the floor of Ogre’s cabin. The familiar scents of home—stale beer, sweaty gym socks, and cigarette smoke, all overlaid by the pines outside—wasn’t quite the same as he remembered. Tish had made her mark, everywhere, it seemed, including in his buddy’s man cave, leaving behind something floral, no doubt in a feminine attempt to make the cabin stink less. The difference had him offering unexpected words in greeting. “I’m not staying long.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, wandering and a rollin’ stone. Too busy to visit family, friends, a lone soul, forever you may roam…. I think I’ve heard the song. Or ten versions of it. Quit your bitching and grab us both a beer out of the cooler, okay?” Ogre kicked his recliner back, obviously at home in his surroundings.

Grabbing the beers, he plopped his ass on the cooler and considered his longtime friend, more akin to brotherhood than Kennedy’s actual blood relations. “Fuck you, too, jackwad. Seriously, I’m heading north. Maybe Alaska. I’ve heard good things about Alaska.” Like there were still unclaimed miles of space there. Like a man could get lost there. He longed to get lost, to bury what he knew in miles of wilderness and pretend he wasn’t human anymore. Anything to stop the nightmares that had plagued him the last few years.

“You know men outnumber women up there? I read somewhere….”

“On the Internet? ’Cause not everything on the Internet is true, you know.”

Ogre finally gave up, flipped his chair down, and stomped over to retrieve his beer. “No, asshole, I read it in a book or something. At least I think I did.” Popping the top off the glass bottle, he flicked it at Kennedy before returning to his worn chair and reclined. “So, unless you decided you were into that sort of thing while you were over there playing in the sandbox, Alaska might not be the place for you.”

Kennedy snorted and took another swig of his own drink, enjoying the way the cold fluid refreshed and rekindled a hundred memories of sharing beers with Ogre all in one gulp. “Nope, not my thing. I still prefer women.”

However, some of the things he imagined doing to women scared him. He’d always been a sadist, he’d owned to it long before. However, he didn’t want to accidentally hurt a woman, not in a way which didn’t ultimately bring pleasure. Didn’t stop the dreams, though…and he wondered if the war had twisted him in a way so he shouldn’t be around anyone anymore, including women. Maybe
especially
women. “Not that I’ve touched one in longer than I care to admit.”

“Come to the club tonight. Even if you just watch, it will be a good time. Remind you why you don’t want to go get lost in the frozen north, maybe.” Ogre’s red brow arched over his steady blue eyes. “Remind you that you’re in a place where we accept you for who you are, since who you are is a smelly asshole. Remind you you’re not over there anymore, now that you’re home.”

Blinking fast, Kennedy cleared his throat and looked away. The smell of the pines, the wet cold of the mountains before snow, all of it reminded him of another man—the one he’d been before he served. Before he’d seen shit he’d never forget, and before he warped inside into someone he wasn’t sure he aspired to become.

“I’ll go, but I’m not promising I’ll stay.” Or to touch a single subbie, no matter how willing the girl might be. Until he trusted himself….

He might never trust himself again, assuming some strange woman might find it in her heart to try someday.

“We’ll have a good time. You’ll see.”

Leaning against the wall and closing his eyes, Kennedy wondered whether he still believed in a good time—or if it meant more than finding a way to forget, even for a little while.