Your Foundation in Christ (Victory Series Book #3): Live By the Power of the Spirit (10 page)

Luke 7:36–50

Key Point

Our purpose in seeking forgiveness from others is not to get them to own up to their offense but to assume responsibility for our sin.

Key Verse

Settle matters quickly with your adversary.

Matthew 5:25

T
he poignant story of the sinful woman’s devotion to Christ in Luke 7 reveals the gratitude we should feel when we realize that we are forgiven. Nobody had ever treated her like Jesus did, because nobody ever forgave her like Jesus did. She could hardly contain her love for Jesus, because she, who had been forgiven much, loved much. “Whoever has been forgiven little loves little” (Luke 7:47).

Apparently, the degree to which we have been forgiven has some effect on our capacity to love others. Maybe it is the degree to which we understand how much we have been forgiven that affects our capacity to love, since we have all sinned greatly and have been forgiven much. The self-righteous Pharisee had no capacity to love because he had no sense of his need for forgiveness.

We sought the forgiveness of God and received it at the time of our salvation. According to Jesus, now we need to seek the forgiveness of those whom we have offended. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23–24). In other words, if we have offended someone, we shouldn’t attempt to worship God if we have not gone to that person first and sought reconciliation.

The text is not suggesting we practice some morbid introspection by trying to determine any and all possible ways we may have offended someone else. It is the work of the Holy Spirit to cause us to “remember,” and it is the offense known by the other party with which we must deal. It doesn’t make any difference if the other person offended us more than we offended them. Our purpose for seeking forgiveness is not to get others to own up to their offense. We have to assume responsibility for
our
sin.

There are eight essential steps you must take when seeking the forgiveness of others for the purpose of reconciliation. First, identify in your own mind the offense you committed and the attitude behind it. Second, make sure you have already forgiven the person for any wrong on his or her part. Third, think through the precise wording you will use when asking for his or her forgiveness. Label your action as wrong, confess only as much detail as necessary for the offended person to understand, and make no defenses, alibis, or excuses. Do not project blame nor confess for another. Your confession should lead to a direct question: “Will you forgive me?”

Fourth, seek the right place and the right time to approach the offended. Fifth, make your quest for reconciliation in person and face to face. If the offense was an immoral indiscretion that could result in legal action, have a responsible third party present. Sixth, make restitution if it is warranted. Seventh, do not document your confession or write a letter. A letter can
be easily misread or misunderstood, read by the wrong people, and be kept when it should be destroyed. Finally, if the person refuses to forgive, prayerfully commit your case to your heavenly Father and worship God with a clear conscience. You have done your part.

Why was the sinful woman in Luke 7:36–50 able to express such love for Christ? What is the connection between forgiveness and love?

What is the difference between the conviction brought by the Holy Spirit and our own personal assessment?

What should our ultimate purpose be in seeking forgiveness from others? Why is that only dependent on us and not the other person?

Is there someone from whom you need to seek forgiveness? How should you proceed?

What should you do if the other person doesn’t accept your apology?

Having mentioned first the judgment, then the council, then hell, and having spoken of His own sacrifice, Jesus adds, “Come to terms quickly with your accuser, while you are on the way to court.” That is, don’t be saying, “What if I am the injured party? What if I have been plundered and dragged before the tribunal?” Even this kind of circumstance fails to qualify as an excuse or occasion for refusing to be reconciled.

John Chrysostom (AD 347–407)

Ephesians 4:29–32

Key Point

Forgiving another person from your heart is the most Christlike decision you will ever make.

Key Verse

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

I
t is inevitable that we will suffer at the hands of others, no matter how righteously we live. Physical and emotional abuse can leave us feeling bitter, angry, and resentful. Our old nature seeks revenge and repayment, but the Spirit says, “Forgive them, just as Christ has forgiven you.”
But
you
don
’
t
know
how
they
have
hurt
me
!
As long as we hold on to our bitterness, they are still hurting us. Forgiveness sets us free from our past and stops the pain. We don’t heal in order to forgive; we forgive in order to heal.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. God says, “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12). That doesn’t mean God forgets; it means He will not use our past sins against us in the future. He will remove them as far from us as the east is from the west (see Psalm 103:12). We know that we haven’t forgiven others if we continuously bring up their past and use it against them. Forgetting may be a long-term by-product of forgiving, but it is not the means by which we forgive. Nor are we tolerating sin when we forgive others. God forgives, but He never tolerates sin. We have the right to set up scriptural boundaries to stop future abuse.

Jesus forgave us by taking upon Himself the consequences of our sin. To forgive others as Christ has forgiven us means that we are agreeing to live with the consequences of their sin. That may not seem fair, but we will have to do it anyway. Everybody is living with the consequences of somebody else’s sin. We are all living with the consequence of Adam’s sin. The only real choice is whether we will do so in the bondage of bitterness or in the freedom of forgiveness.

As long as we refuse to forgive, we are emotionally chained to past events and the people who hurt us. The purpose of forgiveness is to set the captive free and then realize we have been the captives. It is for our own benefit that we forgive others.

But where is the justice? The cross is what makes forgiveness morally correct. Christ died once for
all
our sins. We will never have perfect justice in this lifetime, which is why there is a coming final judgment. The old nature wants revenge, but God said, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). But why should we let them off the hook? That is precisely why we should forgive—because we are still hooked to them. If we let them off our hook, are they off God’s hook? What is to be gained in forgiving others is freedom from our past. We have to believe that God will exact justice in the final judgment.

Forgiving others doesn’t mean we refuse to testify in civil courts for the sake of social justice. Nor does it mean we avoid confronting a brother or sister who is living in sin. Forgiving others makes our heart right before God and allows us to experience our freedom in Christ. Only then can we righteously testify in court and confront others.

Why don’t we naturally want to forgive others?

What does God mean when He says He will remember our sins no more? How does that apply to how we live with others?

What kind of boundaries do we need to set up to stop further abuse?

You may not like living with the consequences of another person’s sin, but what are your alternatives?

Can you have an intimate relationship with your heavenly Father if you refuse to forgive others as He has forgiven you? Why or why not?

Patience means practicing forgiveness. To give patience is a far greater gift than to give money. The one who gives money to one who asks of him does indeed do a fine and admirable deed, but such a gift touches only the body. Spiritual gifts touch the soul with redemption. Hence, one who forgives does good both to his own soul and to that of the one who received forgiveness.

John Chrysostom (AD 347–407)

Matthew 18:21–35

Key Point

You have to acknowledge your true feelings if you want to forgive from your heart.

Key Verse

If you, L
ORD
, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

Psalm 130:3–4

I
f you have offended someone, don’t attempt to worship God when you are convicted to seek reconciliation (see Matthew 5:24). Go first to the person who has something against you, seek forgiveness, and be reconciled. If someone has offended you, don’t go to that person. Go first to God and forgive that person as Christ has forgiven you.

Many people wrongly think they have to go to the people who offended them in order to forgive them. That may be impossible and often is unadviseable. The person we need to forgive may be dead or unreachable. In
some cases it would be unwise, because confronting an offender who is unrepentant may actually set a person up for more abuse.

Jesus says we should continue forgiving as many times as necessary (see Matthew 18:22) and then tells a parable to put our need to forgive others in perspective. “Ten thousand talents” was way beyond a lifetime wage (verse 24). Repaying the debt was not possible; therefore, the servant had no choice but to throw himself on his master’s mercy. In comparison, “100 denarii” was equal to three months’ wages (verse 28). His master had forgiven him an enormous debt, but the man showed no mercy to his fellow servant. God requires us to be merciful as He has been merciful and to forgive as He has forgiven us.

How do you forgive others from your heart? Start by asking the Lord to reveal to your mind the people you need to forgive, including all those you have negative feelings toward. Don’t overlook the need to let yourself off your own hook. Second, face the hurt and the feelings of hatred. If you are going to forgive from the heart, you have to allow the painful memories to surface. If you are unwilling to admit to the pain and the emotional damage, the forgiveness process will be incomplete. Humanly we try to suppress our emotional pain, but God will surface names and events so we can face them and let them go. To admit that you hate your parents, for instance, only means that you can now forgive them. Your feelings toward others will change after you forgive them. What is to be gained is your freedom.

Third, realize forgiveness is a crisis of the will. You choose to bear the consequences of the person’s sin. You choose to let go of the past and grab hold of God. You choose not to seek revenge. Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving, because you will never get there. God is not asking you to like the person who offended you; He is asking you to forgive as you have been forgiven so He can set you free and heal your damaged emotions. Let Him be the avenger. Stop the pain by forgiving from your heart every person who has offended you for every offensive thing he or she did. You can do this by praying, “
Lord
, I forgive
[person]
for
[verbally express every hurt and pain the Lord brings to your mind and how it made you feel].”

Fourth, after you have forgiven every person for every painful memory, finish by praying, “Lord, I release all these people to You, and I release my
right to seek revenge. I choose not to hold on to my bitterness and anger, and I ask You to heal my damaged emotions. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

How is it to our benefit to forgive others?

In Hebrews 12:15, the writer warned us not to let a root of bitterness spring up whereby many people will be defiled. How does our bitterness not only affect us but others?

Why is it necessary to forgive from the heart?

How is the person who offended you still hurting you?

If you refuse to forgive another person, which one of you is most negatively affected by that decision? Why?

Paul’s words contain a great mystery. “For,” he says in effect, “God took a chance in forgiving you. He placed His own Son in jeopardy. To forgive you he even sacrificed His Son. But you have received forgiveness time after time, at no risk or expense, yet you do not forgive!”

John Chrysostom (AD 347–407)

The Great Commandment

In Matthew 22, Jesus silenced the Sadducees who questioned Him about the resurrection, which they didn’t believe in (see verses 23–33). Hearing this, the Pharisees wanted to test Jesus. “One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’” (verse 36). The Pharisees knew that the first four laws of the Ten Commandments concern our relationship with God and the rest with how we relate to others (see Exodus 20:1–17).

Jesus replied, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments’” (Matthew 22:37–40). The Pharisees didn’t ask Jesus for the second greatest commandment, but He gave it to them anyway. These two commandments define the
whole purpose for the Word of God. We are to love God with our entire being. The second commandment necessarily flows from the first: If we love God with our whole being, we will also love our neighbor as ourselves.

The Pharisees knew that Jesus was right, but they struggled with the second part. So another expert in the law asked, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29). Jesus answered by telling the parable of the Good Samaritan (see Luke 10:30–37). The Samaritans were foreigners and hated by the Jews. The Jews considered them to be half-breeds both physically and spiritually. Both groups were openly hostile to each other. But in the parable, the Samaritan proved to be the good neighbor by his deeds.

Loving our neighbor has no national boundaries, nor does it recognize any sectarian or religious differences. “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister” (1 John 4:20–21).

Our relationship with God is inextricably bound up with our relationships with others. We cannot have a righteous relationship with God in exclusion of others. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:43–45).