You Will Die: The Burden of Modern Taboos (13 page)
Read You Will Die: The Burden of Modern Taboos Online
Authors: Robert Arthur
Partially as a backlash to the eons of repression of women, the feminist movement has promoted the idea that men and women are behaviorally the same and it is only social programming, that is, a sexist culture, that makes them different.
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In the past thirty years one could be labeled sexist and naive for saying males have a higher sex drive than females.
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However, as is often the case with taboo topics, what is offensive is true.
Men do have a higher sex drive than women.
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This should not be interpreted to mean that females do not have a sex drive, but females,
on average
, are much more interested in the social aspects that can surround sex, such as affection, intimacy, and companionship, while men are much more interested in the physical act of copulation itself.
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Other sex differences between the sexes include:
Frequency
—Men desire more sex than women, are much more sexually active than women (this includes masturbation), and pursue sex with a greater appetite.
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HIGH-TESTOSTERONE WOMEN EXIST
Thank God
When groups of people are compared it is the averages that are usually analyzed. Critics errantly and annoyingly contest group findings by pointing out the exceptions, that is, the non-average examples.
For example, the fact that men are taller than women is obvious, and it does not lessen the validity of this statement to point out an extraordinarily tall female who is much taller than most men. The same applies when discussing sex drives. The fact that there are women out there much more driven to have sex than most men does
not
contradict the fact that, on average, men are more driven.
For ease of reading, “on average” will not always be used when comparing men and women in this book, but it should always be assumed
.
Relationship Arousal
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—Women are more aroused by the imagination of a sexual relationship. Romance novels have an overwhelmingly female readership. Women who do enjoy pornography tend to like watching a couple having sex, as it is a relationship in action.
Visual Arousal
—Men are more visually aroused. The pornography industry has an overwhelmingly male audience. Images of a nude person arouse men but are often too impersonal for women. When women are aroused by pictures of nudes the sex of the nude tends to be irrelevant for they are more interested in its beauty or identification with the featured model.
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Even the only pornography magazine directed at women,
Playgirl
, has a large male audience (homosexuals).
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Males can be aroused simply by a close-up picture of a female vagina. A close-up shot of a penis does not have the equivalent effect with women, because it is far too impersonal.
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Status Arousal
—If one considers signs of social status, women are more visually aroused than men. One study showed pictures of various men to women and found that the least physically attractive man was more acceptable to sleep with
than the most physically attractive man as long as he was depicted wearing a Rolex watch and a designer blazer. Conversely, social status signals had no influence on men, who still focused on physical attractiveness.
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Orgasm’s Importance
—Orgasm matters less to women than it does to men, as affection and intimacy are the primary reasons women like sex.
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In addition, women are chemically rewarded for foreplay, whereas men require orgasm for their chemical lift.
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In line with this, three-fourths of men can always orgasm from vaginal intercourse whereas fewer than a third of women can claim an automatic climax.
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Some women can orgasm more effectively from stimulation of the clitoris than from vaginal intercourse,
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in fact, many women cannot achieve the latter at all.
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Understandably, women are more interested in intimate foreplay than in vaginal intercourse.
Sex Outside of Relationships
—Men enjoy sex with acquaintances much more than females.
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Even women who have positive feelings toward casual sex often report feeling “used” even though they cannot defend the feeling, that is, they cannot say they have been mistreated or deceived.
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The more partners a women has, the more this anxiety increases, whereas the opposite correlation has been found with men. Men are substantially more likely to desire sex with strangers.
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Prostitution has an almost all-male clientele,
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and even the exceptions to this rule reinforce the differences in libido. For example, the “sex tourism” phenomenon of women from wealthy countries going to underdeveloped vacation destinations for male companionship is often more about romance than sex. These pairings frequently involve courtship and a relationship that lasts for the length of the visit, if not longer.
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Partnership Variety
—Men enjoy variety in their sexual partners much more than women.
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Men, whether married, single, or gay, want twice as many partners as their female counterparts, on average, in the next month, and in the next ten years.
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This preference is dramatically demonstrated when the opposite sex is removed from the equation—in one study forty-three percent of gay white men had over five hundred sex partners, whereas zero percent of their lesbian counterparts had reached that number.
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In committed relationships gay men are much more likely to have sex with someone other than their partner compared to similarly-situated lesbians,
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even though lesbians in long-term relationships suffer from a phenomenon known as “lesbian bed death.”
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MEN ON PORN FOR WOMEN
Weary Whacker Needs Nudie Time
One example of pornography that targeted women was the 1990s cable show
Red Shoe Diaries
. It garnered a large female audience by using plot and dialogue to develop sexual relationships.
Male critiques of
Red Shoe Diaries
posted on the web demonstrated the typical male response to this type of porn, “Never—NEVER—bog down a porn show with a plot. No one wants to hear about ‘lover’s lament’ or whatever. All that just takes away from nudie time.
Red Shoe Diaries
SUCKS.”
Another male wrote:
As a late night, sofa-spanker, I demand very little from such soft core smut: one or two happy lesbians lightly licking one another, a round, juicy bottom, glistening beneath incandescent set lights, and perhaps a greedy mouth closing fast over a pointy nipple. I certainly don’t expect to get all of these things, but with them, I am at least able to produce a modest amount of friction—enough to induce a mild orgasm. The
Red Shoe Diaries
is the worst kind of torture for a weary whacker like myself; it drones on and on like an episode of
Matlock
, forcing you to lie on the couch, waiting, holding your naked phalus [sic] with the promise of an eventual pleasure burst. But nothing ever occurs. It both saddens and depresses me.
—Ret.
JumpTheShark.Com
, 5 Sep. 2003; and Ginia Bellafante, “Now, the Sex Files,” Time, 10 June 1996.
These contrary sexual attitudes were recognized when the homosexual movement of the late 1960s split between lesbians and gay men. Prominent lesbian author Rita Mae Brown said of her disillusionment with the gay movement and its lack of focus, “Gay guys thought life was a fuckathon . . . [that] you could just have sex
with as many people as you wanted with no emotional or physical consequences . . . Which was fine, but it wasn’t for me.”
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THE COOLIDGE EFFECT
A Cock Story
The male preference for variety has been called the Coolidge Effect, after President Calvin Coolidge. Reportedly, Coolidge and his wife once toured a farm separately. At the chicken-yard the guide told Coolidge that Mrs. Coolidge, who had come through earlier, wanted it pointed out that the rooster copulates dozens of times a day. Coolidge asked, “Same hen every time?” “Oh no, Mr. President, a different one each time,” the guide answered. Coolidge slowly nodded, then said, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
—David Barash & Judith Lipton,
Myth of Monogamy
(2001), pp. 20–21; and Irving Wallace, et al.,
Intimate Sex Lives of Famous People
(1982), pp. 389–390.
Single-Mindedness
—Men have a one-track mind,
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particularly when high testosterone levels are propelling them toward sex.
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After the goal of orgasm is accomplished and the testosterone level subsides, the man is sometimes left with post-coital remorse.
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That is, the man can now receive a wider input of information that often includes reasons not to have had sex. Some of the reasons not properly considered can include ramifications of having sex, such as committing adultery, or in the case of masturbation, societal views of masturbation come rushing back, causing feelings of guilt.
Age of Partner
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—Women of all ages sexually prefer older men. Adolescent boys prefer women several years older than themselves. Young men prefer women roughly their own age. After their mid-twenties, men of all ages sexually prefer women between eighteen to twenty-four years of age, that is, women of optimal fertility.
Desire Peaks
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—Women hit their highest testosterone levels and highest sex drive right when the egg is produced during the middle of their menstrual cycle.
Male testosterone levels are highest in the morning and lowest in the evening.
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Men also peak in autumn.
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Sexual Aging
—Men tend to reach their overall sexual peak, and testosterone peak, around the age of twenty, and then testosterone levels decrease at roughly two percent per year so that by the age of seventy, they are at approximately a third of their peak.
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Women’s sexual drive drops off much more gradually from puberty so male and female sex drives converge over time.
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Paraphilias
—Unusual sexual preferences are almost an exclusively male phenomenon.
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Some sources of arousal include exhibitionism (exposing one’s genitals to strangers), frotteurism (rubbing oneself against strangers, such as in a crowd), necrophilia, bestiality, and pedophilia.
Lighting
—Women prefer having sex in the dark more than men do. Women are not as visually aroused as men and darkness heightens women’s superior senses.
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Most evolutionists agree that there are “deep and substantial” libido differences between men and women.
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Despite this, the media,
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sexuality textbooks,
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and some academics still assert that these differences stem primarily from socialization or are merely unsupported stereotypes. While it is likely that notions about how men and women should behave accentuate the biological differences by pressuring atypical people to conform, it is highly doubtful that these differences are culturally rooted.
First, there is the vast and overwhelming scientific support of biological sexual differences. Men have been shown to have a stronger sexual desire in studies testing spontaneous thoughts about sex, frequency, and variety of sexual fantasies, desired frequency of intercourse, desired number of sexual partners, masturbation, affinity for various sexual practices, willingness to forego sex, irritability when deprived of sex,
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initiating versus refusing sex, making sacrifices for sex, and other measures.
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A comprehensive survey of thousands of articles related to gender differences in sex drive found a “unanimous convergence” supporting males having a higher drive. Not a
single study showing female desire to be stronger was found.
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If the differences were based in socialization, it is unlikely the evidence would be so diverse and consistent.
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Second, there is the extreme nature of the differences. In two studies conducted four years apart at Florida State University, eighty-eight men and eighty-eight women were asked by average-looking members of the opposite sex one of three questions, with the following results:
I | W | M |
Go out with me tonight? | 50% | 50% |
Come over to my apartment tonight? | 6% | 69% |
Go to bed with me tonight? | 0% | 75% |