You Are Mine (38 page)

They nod and hurry up the stairs. I
doubt they'll take long packing. If they do, they'll probably send
a servant for the rest. You can't keep Father waiting.

The tears burn my eyes until a few
trickle out. I brush them away and follow Zade to his study. The
closer we get, the more my stomach knots. If any more guests
arrive, they'll have to do without a personal welcome. We enter. He
shuts the door and casts his spell that prevents
eavesdropping.

“
Why don't you have a
seat? Or stand if you like. Whatever you want.”

He paces over to his desk and shuffles
through a few papers. After picking the chair closest to the desk,
I perch on it. The maroon one still holds too many bad
memories.

He pinches the bridge of his nose.
“We've got to do this.”

What can that mean? I grip my hands
together.

Grabbing a nearby chair, he hauls it
next to me and sits down. He clasps my hands in both of his. My
breathing quickens. As much as I like the contact, it's unusual.
What's this about?

“
Serena. I think I've
found a way for you to not be owned by your Father
again.”

A puff of air escapes me. I don't want
to think on his death. I lean back in the chair, our fingers
trailing away from each other. “What do you mean?”

“
Just what I
said.”

“
You're giving me to
someone else?”

“
No.” His face grows
stern. “Never.”

He's tarnishing me. I'm surprised he
hasn't done so before now. But if it's my choice, what do I want?
If his plan doesn't work, I want to be with him as long as I can,
to the end. If my becoming tarnished works, I'll be like Katherine.
Her life is hard and she has things easy for a tarnished. But if it
will save his life, it would be worth it. And better than being
back with Father.

“
You can think on it. It's
your choice. Stay with me or not,” he says. “If possible, I would
like your answer before the ball.”

I nod. “I'll think on it.” My voice
feels tiny. “If this is what was going to happen, why did you
accept me in the first place? Why not leave me with
Father?”

“
I wasn't going to accept
you. It goes against what I wanted.”

His mention of being previously
engaged comes to me. That was what he wanted. It must be what he
still wants. To spare his life for an Envadi girl, perfect for him.
Is his previous choice still waiting back at home or will he have
to find a new one?

“
When I saw how your
Father was treating you...” Several moments pass before he can
unclench his jaw to speak. “Still, I didn't want to force you into
being stuck with me. I only brought the lawman to help me keep the
Chancellor title and everything that came with it. Except for you.
But I'd talked to others before I came to the meeting to try and
decide how to handle it.”

“
Wait, why did you want
the title? And what other people did you talk to about it?” Most
warlocks would want it just for the power and money, but Zade's
different. Why haven't I thought of it before? His work on the
council, the way he keeps secrets, things he's said. Oh.
He's
—
“You're an Envadi spy.”

The muscles in his face tighten, but
he says nothing.

“
It's true, isn't it? I
can see it in your face.”

“
You can't tell
anyone.”

“
Who would I tell?” Though
I can't be the only one that knows. Others must have
guessed.

“
Your sisters.
Katherine.”

Perhaps I do tell them a lot, but not
this. “I know how to keep a secret. Aren't you a bit young to be a
spy?”

“
This is my first
assignment. It wasn't even supposed to be. I was going to watch my
Dad at the tournament. Help him get as far as he could and gather
information. But then he got sick on the way here and I had to take
his place. He and my mother aren't here because he's still
sick.”

“
Is he going to be
okay?”

His shoulder's slump. “I don't know. I
hope so.”

“
You weren't supposed to
be in the tournament?”

“
No.”

“
Then how did you do so
well?”

His cheeks turn the familiar shade of
pink. “I've been trained since I was little. Best in my
class.”

“
Probably best in more
than just your class judging from how well you did at the
tournament. I mean, you won against Thomas.”

He squeezes his eyes shut. “I didn't
mean to. I wasn't trying to kill him, it just happened. One minute
everything is fine, the next I attacked instead of blocking and he
was dead. Just dead. It was only supposed to knock him out, instead
I killed a man.”

I cup his cheek with my hand. His
scruff scratches against my palm. My heart aches for him. “You
didn't do it on purpose. I can't imagine what it must feel like,
but I'm grateful you did. You've been kinder to me than he ever
was.”

With a deep breath, he
opens his eyes. “I'm glad for that, at least. When you finally came
out to meet me, you were clearly terrified of him, though tried to
hide it. Now I know that terror was justified. But
then
—
”
he shakes his head, “you looked just as terrified of
me.”

“
You would have been as
well if your future owner was so much bigger than you, and belonged
to a country everyone says is barbaric.”

“
I can't do anything about
my size, but I hope my barbaric ways haven't bothered
you.”

Warmth grows within me. I smile at
him. “Not in the least.”

His gaze pulls me. I move toward him.
Is he going to kiss me again? I want him to. Breathing becomes more
difficult.

The door opens. Zade's salmon-colored
spell zaps away as he leans away from me. I sigh. Of course he
wasn't going to kiss me.

“
Are you ready to dress,
sir?” Chadwick, his manservant, says.

Reality washes back over me. The ball,
dresses, my sisters, and the one I want to avoid, but can't: his
death. Those are the only things going on, not another kiss. I
should be focusing on how to help, not kissing. I sit back in my
chair and shake myself. What's wrong with me?

“
I'll be up in a
moment.”

“
Very good sir.” He
leaves, closing the door behind him.

Before Zade can utter a word, I stand.
“I should get ready as well.”

“
Will you think on my
offer? I don't want you trapped.”

There's really no other choice. If it
shows the council, and everyone else, that he can take control of
women by tarnishing me and saves his life, it's what I want him to
do. I'm just want a little time to process my new fate. “I'll think
on it.”

“
Very well.”

As I hurry to my room, I can't help
but feel confused and uncomfortable. A spy. It makes sense. I
should have guessed before. It makes sense he would want to get rid
of me whether or not he was to be killed.

Being a tarnished wouldn't be so bad.
Katherine said the hardest part was getting to where she is. I
could do it. I can do it. I just have to leave him behind in the
process. Leave him, to save him. Losing more freedom will be worth
it.

Chapter
Thirty-Eight

I
twist my hands together and wait for the door to open. It's
been hours since I left Zade, and the strain of our conversation
keeps pressing harder on me. My room seems extra empty. Cynthia
isn't here and won't be coming. The dress made just for her won't
be used. I've always been with her. How can I do this without her?
She must be taking the brunt of Father's anger. Perhaps I should
break her out. Easier than the other path I'm faced
with.

The door opens. Waverly steps in. Not
my ball gown then. Which won't fix my problems anyway, but would at
least give me something to do.

“
Zade wants to know when
you'll be ready to talk with him.”

It hits me. How she always says his
name. How they're both from the same country. How they knew each
other from before. How familiar he is with her. My stomach
clenches. I grab onto the bedpost and cling to it. His offer wasn't
just about saving his life or getting me away from Father. It's
about his previous fiancee. She's the one he wants.

“
Tell him...” that he
doesn't have to worry about me. I'll do what I can to save his life
and I'll figure something out with my own. “After I'm dressed I can
talk. Katherine should be here with my gown soon.”

“
I saw her coming. I'll
let him know, then I'll be back to help.”

The last thing I want is to spend more
time with her. She's been wonderful, but I can't handle being
around Zade's love right now. “Why don't you get yourself ready?
It's a big night for you, as well.” I wonder if she knows how big
yet.

“
I want to help you
though, it's my job.” She stares at me a moment. “What if I brought
my stuff back here? Then we could all get ready
together.”

I force a smile. “Sounds
nice.”

Before she leaves, Bethany enters the
room. Her navy dress glitters with silver sparks of magic, hair
twisted up between Chardonian strictness and Envadi freedom. A
single tendril escapes behind her right ear. She must have already
seen Zade because silver sparks also adorn her hair. Matching
silver earrings and necklace glow faintly. Zade must have spelled
those, as well. Her face paint is modest and becoming. A little red
on her lips and cheeks. But the true beauty is the natural glow she
exudes.

“
She's ready, Katherine,”
she says into the hall.

Finally, it's here. I'll get to see
it. I wait for Katherine to enter with my dress. I don't know why
I'm so nervous all of the sudden. Easier to be nervous over a dress
than saving Zade and losing the freedom I've gained being with
him.

Katherine appears in the doorway. She
holds a gown of burgundy. It shimmers in the light. She brings it
to me, a grin gracing her face. Without a word, I run my hand
across it. It's as soft as flower petals. So many emotions course
through me. I wish Cynthia was here. And mother.

I want to wear this. I want to be
beautiful. Tonight at least. Zade may love another, but we're still
connected from the engagement ceremony. I'll make that connection
worth having one last time.

“
Put it on,” Bethany
calls.

Before I can move, the gown changes.
It's a lovely green. The laces are on the sides and the arms go
halfway down the dress. Simple, but gorgeous.

I suck in a breath. “What
happened?”

Waverly beams. “Katherine made more
than one gown and Zade spelled them together into one. It'll change
every ten to fifteen minutes.”

The causal reference to Zade twists in
my chest. I try to ignore it and center my attention back to
Katherine. “You made me two gowns?”

She blushes. “Three actually. I was
timing it so the best would be last.”

The twisting in my chest turns to
tightening. I swallow. “You shouldn't have done so much. It's more
than I hoped for. Just these two are stunning.” I stop before I
begin to cry. “Thank you.”

“
Let's get you into the
gown before it changes again.”

“
Yes, put it on,” Waverly
says. “I'll be right back to see it.” She scurries out the
door.

With Katherine and Bethany's help I
change from my robe to the gown. It's not easy to get into like my
new dresses, but I suppose for an occasion like this it's fine. If
I waited until the first gown spelled back, I could manage on my
own. It looked easy enough. This version still has a pocket with a
slot to reach my gun. Knowing Katherine, they all do.

As they finish helping, I can't help
but ask, “Is there a ring of green in my eyes?”

“
Yes,” Katherine says. “I
planned some of your gowns to help bring it out.

“
Really?” Bethany twirls
me around to check. “Subtle, but there. Why the sudden
interest?”

The room warms. “No
reason.”

Katherine's making a few adjustments
when Waverly returns. “He said he'll be here soon.”

I look away from her grin. It's not
that I don't want her to be happy, I do. It just hurts. I try to
shove the feelings away.

“
Hurry,” Katherine says.
“Get in front of the mirror, it's already been thirteen minutes, it
could change at anytime.”

Once in front of the mirror, I can't
believe my reflection. The dress is perfect. And then it
changes.

One moment I'm wearing a green dress,
the next I'm in a dress the color of pearls. Definitely not dark
enough, but I've never seen a color so suited to me. Tiny, clear
jewels are sewn on the full skirt and snug bodice, making it
glitter in the light. The cap sleeves flow into the square
neckline. The only problem is my visible engagement mark. Despite
that, I'm stunning.

“
You can wear just this
one for your wedding tomorrow if you want,” Katherine says. My
wedding was supposed to be tomorrow. With planning the ball, I
almost forgot. Just as well. “I know women typically wear black,
but the Envadi wear white so you'll have an excuse. When I asked
Zade, he said it would be a simple spell to unwind the dresses into
three separate ones again.”