You Are Here (16 page)

“No. Don’t be,” he said finally. His tone was strained, but when I turned to look at his face, he looked guilty. “The garage you saw is probably my storage unit in Queens. There is an old blue chair in it.”

I wasn’t sure if he was mad because I was possibly right, or if it just made him sad.

“You have stuff there?”

He nodded. “That’s it?” he asked, sounding a bit more relaxed.

“It was short. Just before I opened my eyes, he insinuated you never said goodbye to him … because he wasn’t there or something?”

He pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, and a low groan emanated from his throat. The muscles under his skin vibrated, overly taut with a surge of tension.

“Grey,” I said softly. I lightly placed a hand on his bicep. To my relief, he didn’t startle, but his fist clenched. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about this right now.”

“Really? We can only seem to avoid this shit for minutes at a time,” he spat. His arms dropped to his sides as if to erect a barbed wire fence between us. “Why are we even—”

I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but I wouldn’t give him an excuse to run from me again. “You can’t leave again.”

He made a pained expression. “I agreed to stay tonight,” he answered cryptically.

I exhaled harshly. “Don’t do me any favors. It’s not a contract.”

His eyes went wide and filled with a fear I didn’t understand. “I know,” he sputtered. “I,” he began, pausing to suck in a deep breath, “I’m sorry. I haven’t seen my brother in ten years and … I don’t know how to wrap my head around it all.”

I snatched his hand from his side and moved his entire arm up so I could sneak beneath it. I kissed the spot above his heart.

“You’re going to have to deal with them. One way or another. But doesn’t it help to know that”—I gulped, my heart in my throat—“I am on your side?”

He watched me, blinked hard, and kissed my forehead. “More than you could ever know.”

I released a breath, a surprise tear blinking off my lashes, and he softly wiped it away with his thumb. I shifted to find a spot on his shoulder to settle, throwing my leg over his. I reveled in the comfort of his skin against mine and kissed him behind his ear.

“Then let’s just be,” I whispered. “When we talk, we’ll only talk about us as we are now. Not then, not via people we know, or what someone told us. Okay?”

He answered with a squeeze. I playfully bit his neck and relaxed into him. He laughed and he relaxed some, too.

I hated that this was so delicate. Building a relationship under such strange conditions seemed impossible at moments like this—not that there was another choice. Not for me, certainly. We were a given as far as I was concerned. But
we
could not exist separately from the world and survive. A bubble is no shield from family warfare.

Grey

Awake

Last time I slept here, it was an accident. Actually, it had felt like a goddamn miracle. I hadn’t slept that well in years. That fact alone had disturbed me. There were too many moments where my guard had been completely down. That had only fueled the drive to leave as I did.

This time, I was wide-awake and hyperaware. Restful sleep was unlikely. I hadn’t even figured out what the fuck I was playing at, spending time with her. Was I just going to jerk her around? It wasn’t as if I’d had much luck resisting her.

It was insanely frustrating being at the mercy of her influence. Not only did it make me seriously uncomfortable, it made me more of a dick.

I lay there with her wrapped around me for the better part of an hour. I was reasonably relaxed, but my mind ran in circles while expecting to arrive at a new destination every time.

Eventually, I was able to get out of bed without waking her. I pulled on my jeans and went to the living room. I sat on the couch until I felt as if I might actually fall asleep.

Partly guilty that she might wake and freak out, I considered going back. I’d gone plenty of nights without really sleeping, so I could do it again, but Lucie was a completely new experience. I couldn’t predict shit when it came to her, especially not how I would react.

In the end I made the wrong fucking decision again and fell into a fitful sleep on the sofa.

Lucie

Cold

I stared at the empty spot in my bed, unwilling to believe he would abandon me a second time after everything we talked about. I was reasonably sure I didn’t need to check into an asylum. Yet.

Tempering the mild panic in my chest, I put on my robe against the chill on my skin and walked somewhat calmly out of my bedroom. As soon as I saw Grey on the couch, I nearly cried in relief. The early morning sun ricocheted off the windows across the street, painting a faint glow across my sleeping man. He was beautiful in repose, his face smooth and free of doubt and anger.

I watched him briefly, desperate to stroke his cheek or touch his chest or shoulder, but I admitted to myself that I was afraid as if I were sticking my hand in a bear trap. It didn’t matter, though. He sensed me and his eyes opened immediately.

“Good morning,” I whispered.

“Hi.” His voice was scratchy and deep.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked, timid. Something about him was unreadable, wary.

His eyebrows pinched together. “What?”

“I want to kiss you.”

“I caught that,” he said, sitting up.

I took one step forward but stopped when he cleared his throat. I tightened the belt on my robe. “I just wasn’t sure if … I don’t know. You moved out here, so I’m not entirely sure you want to be kissed.”

He sighed and nodded before he motioned me over. I aimed to sit next to him, but he pulled me onto his lap. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“You were sleeping when I came out here.”
And you didn’t really answer my question. Or maybe you did.

He scrubbed his hands over his face, and for whatever reason, I found it extremely hot.

“Eventually I slept, but it took a while and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Okay.”

My expression must have irked him because he made an annoyed face. “I don’t know how I fell asleep here so easily last time. You … you are the anomaly. You make me different.”

Fighting a bit of smugness, I gave him the side-eye.

“Lucie, I don’t share a bed with anyone. Ever.”

“Seriously?” I stared at him, soaking in the gorgeous sight and marveling that he could have been alone for so long. Then again, maybe I had, too. “But, um. Girlfriends? Or, ya know, booty calls?”

He snorted, and the look on his face told me he was surprised by his own reaction. But then he just looked confused. It was stupid cute. “Really?”

“Well, I don’t know!”

“You’re the first person I’ve had sex
with in at least a few years.”

“Get out,” I said, utterly skeptical.

“You have to understand something,” he began, scratching nervously at his stubble. “I don’t
spend time
with people. And I certainly don’t sleep over. Being with you”—he paused as he struggled with the words—“is the most interaction I’ve had with another person in a very long time. I don’t … I just don’t. I
can’t
.”

“That makes no sense,” I thought aloud and Grey laughed.

“I know.” His eyes looked sad. “When I slept here the other night, it was really unusual for me. Let’s just put it that way.”

I frowned. “Okay, so you’re a loner?”

His lips tilted in lazy amusement. “To put it mildly.”

“I find that hard to believe.” I narrowed my eyes.

His eyes danced as he held my gaze. “No, you don’t.”

“I do,” I said, unintentionally pouting. “I see more than you think.”

At that, he blanched and swallowed. Then, he moved me off his lap and stood. “Listen, I’m heading back to my hotel—”

“Why? I thought we were hanging out today? And doing, you know … stuff.” I sounded and felt needy. And I didn’t like that at all. Despite my previews, I couldn’t anticipate his reactions. And that was making me antsy.

He pulled me to my feet and held me at my waist. “I need a change of clothes at the very least.”

“I like you naked,” I blurted.

“That might be problematic if we leave the apartment.”

I shrugged and ended up snickering.

He grinned. “You know, you never did kiss me.”

“Do you want me to?” Hope bloomed in my stomach, and the discomfort of how I awoke dissolved in the sunlight.

“As if I could resist.”

As Grey was a head taller than me, I pushed up on my toes while grabbing his shoulders to steady myself. With one hand on his cheek, I swam in his deep blue eyes for a moment before pressing my lips to his. Chaste, soft, reverent.

I was warm again.

Grey

Normal

Lucie forced some coffee on me before I left, though I managed to get out of partaking in the charred bagel she toasted for me. Something, or me being
me
, made her twitchy. I felt bad about falling asleep on the couch, but she said she understood. It was probably the worst idea to believe that.

I decided to walk back to the hotel. Movement always gave me space to think. Despite my doubts that I could make a go at an actual relationship, I had no illusions about Lucie’s pull on me. I should absolutely walk away, but the craziest part of this whole thing was that every fiber of my being did not want to, even though I wasn’t one hundred percent sure she didn’t have a screw loose.

I wanted this, her, everything she offered. I just didn’t know how to accept it. So I had to make some sort of move instead of waiting for her to give me directions. What would normal people do?

I passed a restaurant with a group of tables outside. One was occupied by a young couple, grinning and leaning toward each other like magnets.

Seems too simple.

After I got back to the hotel, I showered and changed. I pulled out my computer to check the results of some feelers I’d sent out on Reese, but nothing but a negative had come back. I could do some on-the-ground scouting. Or I could ask the bewitching redhead on my mind on a date.

It went against how I conducted my life in the past decade in every way, but part of me was delusional enough to think she was right. That we had some kind of future worth pursuing.

Re-securing my room, I went down to the lobby. I nabbed a high-back chair against the window and facing the room and sat down to call Lucie.

“Hello?” she answered, a trace of doubt to her tone.

“Hi, angel.”

“Grey!” Her doubt vanished but mine flared. “I was wondering when you’d call.”

“How are you?” I could feel her smile through the phone.

“Hmm, sunny with a chance of you,” she said with a snort.

I laughed. “Okay, so … listen.”

“I’m listening, Mr. Serious—should I sit down?”

“That’s up to you, smartass,” I said, surprised to enjoy the banter. “I had something to ask you.”

“Oh, really?” she asked, definitely intrigued. “Please proceed.”

“I was thinking. Maybe we…” I paused, feeling so damn inept I could have sworn I was fifteen again.

“Go on,” she urged. Her voice was sweet, excited even.

“Would you like me to take you on a date?” The question came out fast, premature ejaculation fast. That never happened to me before.

Her end of the phone remained silent for a beat, but I didn’t have time to sweat it.

Lucie giggled.

That was good, right?

“I don’t really know what that is,” she replied, still laughing.

“Me neither,” I said, joining her. It felt normal. Or what I guessed normal was. “I mean, in principle, I get it.”

“How about this,” she said, sounding a lot more confident than I felt. “We’ll go get coffee and a snack at my favorite café. It’s a few blocks from my apartment and I can meet you there?”

I tried to bite the smile off my lips from the inside, but it didn’t work. My toothy grin attracted the responding smile of a woman crossing through the room, who winked. I was so unused to being noticed, I nearly dropped the phone.

“Grey?”

I cleared my throat and turned toward the lobby’s main window. “I may not know a lot about what a date really is, but I think I’m supposed to pick you up.”

The girlish giggle was back. “If you insist.”

“Twenty minutes?” I asked, only partially concerned with the freakish flutter in my stomach.

“A girl needs time to primp,” she scoffed. “Give me two hours.”

“Uhh …”

“I’m totally kidding,” she said under a laugh. When she continued, her voice was soft but strong. “I’m ready now, so whenever you get here, I’m yours.”

Her insinuation was solemn and hit me like a truck to the face. I was both amused at her choice of words and preemptively guilty. A deep breath helped a bit, but a nagging feeling told me I wouldn’t be calm until I held her again.

Totally. Fucked.

“I’m on my way.”

~

When Lucie danced down her front steps and stopped in front of me, I was forced to take a moment. She was transcendent. This beautiful woman was giddy. To see me.

“Hi.” The word was plump with anticipation.

Nerves bunched together in my throat and made it hard to swallow.
We’re just going for coffee, for fuck’s sake.
I shook it off as best I could and said the first thing that popped into my head. “Oh, hi,” I said, finally.

Idiot.

I attempted to save myself. “You are gorgeous. Do you know that?”

As she bit her lips together I ducked in to kiss them. She grabbed me in a hug and jumped to wrap her legs around me. In a skirt. I laughed and held her. She hopped down and smoothed her skirt, grinning.

“Let’s go, handsome,” she said with a wink and linked her arm in mine.

As we walked the short distance, I caught myself checking around corners, watching shady spaces, listening behind us. When it was just me, I didn’t notice, but right now my senses were vigilant. Heightened paranoia was a shitty third wheel.