Yesterday's Tomorrows (21 page)

“
E
xcept we didn’t stick together
in the end. She left me just like my father did.” She still rested her head against my chest playing with the material of my shirt while I rubbed circles on her back.

"I guess you could say I have some abandonment and trust issues, huh?" She pulled her head back and tried to smile. She looked tired.

I held my thumb and forefinger about an inch apart. "Maybe a little. But it's understandable. What happened to you after your dad left?"

“My grandmother took us in. She was my dad’s mom and they had some kind of falling out years earlier, but I never knew over what or why. But it didn’t stop her from loving us. Before my dad left, I loved spending time with her, but it wasn’t often because I had to sneak it in. Between school and trying to take care of my dad and the house, I didn’t have a lot of free time. She didn’t drive, so it only happened when I had time to walk across town when my dad wouldn’t find out. I was always scared he’d figure it out, but he never questioned how sometimes we had meals nicer than anything little girls could cook on their own. Later, the few years we lived with her were the best in my life. We were still poor, but at least someone made me feel cared for and loved.”

I was glad she’d had something happy to look back on in her childhood. I hated to hear it hadn’t lasted very long. Her Gammy had died suddenly of a heart attack while Maddy was a junior in high school. By then, Charly was an adult so Maddy lived with her, ironically back in the trailer where she’d grown up. Somehow, they’d managed to hang on to the trailer those several years by renting it out while they lived with their grandmother. At her death, they moved back into it since the taxes on their grandmother’s property was too much for them to afford.

I understood what it cost her to tell me about her past. She'd splayed herself open, finally letting down every wall she had put up over her lifetime and allowing me to see her vulnerabilities. She was letting me in, and this time, I hadn’t had to beg for it.

It was humbling.

It was worth protecting.

Her eyes were more brown than green as they looked directly into mine. I wondered if she knew how they changed colors to reflect her mood. "I'm sorry for accusing you of betraying me earlier. You’ve proven yourself over and over again, and I still..."

"It's okay."

She shook her head. “No, it’s not. You trusted me when you had multiple reasons to be careful. You’ve given me every reason to trust you, but I still jumped to the worst conclusion.”

“We sort of made it easy for you to jump there, didn’t we? I promise, it had nothing to do with you, and I’ll tell you in a minute. But first, I need you to understand I’m not going anywhere just because of your past, or because of anything happening now, okay?”

“Okay.” Her shy smile was back, which begged for another kiss.

I loved how eagerly she responded, how her breasts felt as they crushed against me, and how I loved her nails scratching along my scalp as she held my head to hers. Her fingers flexed as I slid my mouth across her neck, darting my tongue to lick her warm skin where her pulse raced.

“Holt,” her voiced trembled as I nipped her earlobe. I couldn’t stop my hands from sliding under her sweater to touch her warm skin. When I reached her bra strap, I hesitated, unsure how far she’d let me go. Claire and I had been each other’s firsts, so we were on the same page at the same time. But that had been years ago, and Maddy’s life experiences had been completely different. But when she moaned and dropped her head backward, thrusting her chest forward, it felt natural to slide my thumb across the satiny material.

“You taste so sweet,” I murmured against her skin as her hips rotated gently on my lap. I was painfully hard, and later I would question where the strength came from to pull back, but I somehow managed to remove my mouth and leaned my forehead against hers, both of us trying to catch our ragged breath.

“Wow,” she sighed. I could feel her breasts rising and falling against my chest.

“I didn’t want to stop,” I admitted, my voice more gravelly than usual. “But this is new to us, and I don’t want to rush you.”

She lifted her head, and her eyes blinked a few times as if coming out of a daze. “You’re probably right.”

I smiled at the disappointment I heard in her voice. “Make no mistake, Madelyn. I want you, and it’s going to happen soon. But I’m not going to rush us because tomorrow is just as much ours as today.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Oh, you’re a modern day Robert Burns, aren’t you?”

“You know Burns?” I loved how smart and well read she was.

“Part of English lit. I thought you might be with your Scottish heritage.”

“Aye, lass,” I said, making her laugh with my exaggerated brogue. My mother had worked hard to lose her accent, but when she was riled up, it came out in full force, so Carol, Cal, and I were very familiar with it.

We continued to cuddle on the couch in silence for a few minutes, each lost in our thoughts.

Finally, Maddy spoke up. “Holt, what
did
happen today?”

I cleared my throat, hating to be dragged back from a happy moment, but she deserved to know. So, for the third time that day, I found myself sharing my secret. Each time was easier in the telling, but it also brought a fresh wave of pain.

I felt her sniffle, and she sat up with tears streaming down her face. “Oh, Holt. I’m such a bitch. Your family was trying to handle your painful news, and I thought it was all about me. I’m so sorry for that. And I’m so sorry you felt you had to keep that news to yourself. I’m glad you finally told everyone. It isn’t good to keep things bottled up.”

He tapped me on the nose. "I think this is where I call you 'pot' and me 'kettle.'"

“Why do you think they kept staring at me so strangely?”

Leaning back against the arm of the couch and pulling me with him, he shook his head. “I’m not positive, but if I had to guess, they all felt like they each had a partner to lean on, and they’re probably hoping you’ll fill that role for me. They’ve been on my back to move on lately.”

“And why would they think that? I mean, we even got into an argument the first time I was there, and we hardly spoke to each other today.”

I smiled faintly. “They think because it surprised them that there
was
a first time, and it was clinched when there was a
second
time. I’ve never brought a woman home since, well…”

“Since Claire. You can say her name, Holt. But it isn’t like we were dating and you brought me home to meet your parents. I was only there because your mom invited me.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. Yes, my mom invited you, but my family knows me well enough to know that I don’t do anything I don’t want to, except,” I chuckled, “family dinners. But
you
were there because
I
wanted you to be.”

She started to snicker, but it quickly evolved into a yawn which she tried to cover with her hand. I glanced at the clock. It was well after midnight, and I could see dark circles under her eyes.

“I’d say it’s been a pretty emotional twenty-four hours. Tomorrow will be a better day. Let’s say we get some sleep?”

I put my arm around her shoulders and guided her to her room. After another lengthy good night kiss, I left her and immediately stripped for a cold shower. Once in bed, I lay there for a long time, in that half-awake, half-asleep stage thinking about all the things I wanted to do with and to her.

Something sounding like a whimper jolted me to full consciousness and I sat up, listening hard in the quiet of the night. A cry of ‘no’ rang from across the hall, followed by some muffled sounds and a thump.

“Shit,” I muttered. My heart raced, imagining all kinds of situations that could be happening, but if there was anyone in there, they were going to regret it soon. I reached into my nightstand drawer and withdrew my Glock 19, shoved in a loaded magazine, and slipped quietly out of my room. Her door was still partially shut like it had been earlier when I kissed her good night.

All my Marine training kicked in. With one hand on the trigger, I used the other to slowly open the door further and slithered my body through the crack. There was no light coming through the closed blinds, and even though my eyes were adjusted to the dark, I couldn’t make out enough details in her room. Another groan and a desperate ‘stop’ sounded near the center of the room, so I quickly felt for the light switch and flicked on the light, gun drawn. I saw nothing but the covers twisted and pulled off the bed toward the opposite side of the room.

Suddenly, a tousle of reddish brown hair and bemused eyes appeared over the side of the bed, eyes that grew even larger when she saw she was staring at the barrel end of a gun.

“Holt! What are you doing?” Maddy gasped.

“Are you alright?” I questioned tersely.

“I will be once you quit pointing that thing at me!” Her voice trembled, and I realized how crazed I must look from her point of view.

I lowered my pistol and reset the safety. As the flood of adrenaline left my body, I had to bend over and rest my hands on my knees to catch my breath. It took several deep breaths to calm my racing heart.

“Holt?”

Small pink-painted toes entered my line of vision on the floor. I dragged my eyes up smooth, shapely legs until the view was blocked by the hem of the t-shirt I’d loaned her a week ago. I couldn’t prevent the sense of satisfaction that she was sleeping in my clothes, even though I was certain Sara had provided her something different that she could have chosen. I straightened up, trying hard not to notice how her small curves gave my shirt a much more enticing shape than when I wore it.

A clearing throat diverted my attention, and I knew I’d been caught remembering how her boob felt cupped in my hand days that seemed like weeks ago. I wondered if she remembered, too, because just before I looked away, the smooth curves suddenly grew more pointed, and I was pretty sure her nipples had tightened into little buds before she crossed her arms over them.

Those hazel eyes looked at me with some confusion, but not before they flickered up and down my body covered only in a pair of tight, black boxerjocks, which were growing even tighter under her perusal. By the time her eyes reached my face, her cheeks were flushed, and her breathing was a bit faster. Her eyes flicked to the weapon still in my hand.

“Um, were you planning on taking me hostage or was there some other reason you went all Seal team on me? I mean, some people just knock, but, you know, whatever.” A hint of a smile played around her lips.

I couldn’t help but snicker. “First of all, Seals are part of the Navy. And while I have the utmost respect for them, never confuse them with us Marines who are our own elite group. And second, I heard you cry out, and I thought someone had broken in and was hurting you. Knocking kind of tips them off when you’re trying to sneak up on them.”

“Oh, right.” Her teasing expression fell, and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “I think I had a bad dream. It’s foggy now, but Paul Regis and Charly were in it. And I think you and Claire were, too, which is weird. Only this time, it was Paul holding a gun, and I was begging him not to hurt anyone. Then they all ganged up on me and were hitting me, and touching me…” She shivered. “I remember falling, and then suddenly I woke up on the floor when the light came on. I guess I fell out of bed.”

“Sounds like a combination of stresses piled together. Probably from all the intense conversations we had yesterday.” I put the gun on top of the dresser and held my arms out. “Come here, baby.”

She stepped willingly into my embrace, her arms wrapping around my waist while she rested her face against my chest. The top of her head reached just below my chin, so it felt natural to skim my nose against the silky texture of her hair so I could inhale her clean, sweet scent. She was doing her own nestling, rubbing her cheek against my chest and that slight movement caused her body to move against my hips where my dick was reacting to her motion. My arms tightened around her, and she wriggled again, this time with a little more pressure.

The little minx. She was doing it intentionally. I wondered if she understood what kind of fire she was playing with. I slid my hands down and held her hips in place, making sure she could feel exactly what she was doing to me.

“Maddy,” I warned, wanting her to understand I had my limits.

Her head lifted, and she gazed up at me with dilated eyes. Her mouth parted just enough to allow her tongue to lick her lower lip while her hair tumbled forward over the side of her face making her appearance somehow both beguiling and innocent, an enticing combination that made me groan.

“It seems you’re packing more heat than just your gun, Mr. Andrews,” she said in a husky voice, gyrating her hips just enough to snap my control.

“You’ve no idea, sweetheart, but unless you back away now, you’re about to find out,” I growled.

“Teach me,” she whispered breathlessly. “I want to find out. I know you said we should wait, but my life has been full of waiting, and I’m tired of it.”

The trust and desire in her eyes were my undoing. “Are you sure?” I tried to ask, but it sounded more like I was begging, which at this point I wasn’t above doing.

Her hands slid up my shoulders to grasp my head. “I’m sure,” she said breathlessly. “But I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, you do. Just be yourself,” I rasped. “You’re completely perfect the way you are.”

I was done talking. Even with my eyes closed, I needed no guidance to find her lips. That was part of the beauty between us - we just fit and connected with no effort. Even those first few weeks, when our encounters usually ended in an argument, were proof we had sparks. We’d been on a path destined to collide, and finally, we’d reached the point where we could allow those sparks to catch fire.

She rose to the tips of her toes, sliding her lithe body along the way until she could wrap her arms around my neck and thread her fingers through my hair, holding me closer as our kiss grew in intensity. This time, it was her who stretched her tongue to invite mine to mingle with hers. While our mouths played and tasted each other’s, my hands were busy sliding up her sides, taking her shirt with them. When I couldn’t go any further, I pulled back from the kiss and looked questioningly at her. Without looking away, she raised her arms over her head. I took a step back as the shirt landed with a soft ‘plop’ on the floor. Her breathing hitched, and I could tell by the stiffness of her arms she was itching to cover herself, but she held herself still.