Yesterday's Sins (25 page)

K
ate was ready and waiting long before the appointed time. Anxious, she fiddled with her hair and clothes. It's only a junior school class play.

Maybe, but this is Clevedon. And I know how the rumours will fly.

Would everybody assume that she and Alex were lovers?

Sarah looks so much like me, how can they not know?

When Alex's car slowed at the curb, she caught up her coat and opened the door before he had time to press the bell.

"All ready?" An enigmatic smile played around his mouth.

Smothering the impulse to break into a nervous babble, Kate nodded.

He was elegant and casual in dark trousers and a matching coloured sweater. His cream silk shirt open at the throat, the collar neatly laid over the neckline. He took her arm as he escorted her to the car.

Sarah was bouncing around the back seat in a state of high excitement.

"Buckle up your seat belt, Sarah. I said we'd only be here a moment."

"I wanted to see inside Kate's house," she pouted.

"Too bad. Some other time Kate might just invite you to visit her, but like me she probably doesn't like nosy little girls."

"Ohh…Daaaad, you're so mean."

Kate struggled to contain a smile.

"Tell me about your play." She diplomatically changed the subject. "Do you have a part?"

"It's modem day Cinderella." Sarah forgot her grievance and broke into enthusiastic chatter. "I'm one of the plain sisters."

"Plain sisters?"

"We don't have ugly sisters. Everyone has some attraction."

Kate glanced at Alex and saw his amusement.

"Of course not." Kate stifled a smile. Sarah was far from plain.

"Here we are." Sarah's voice was high pitched with excitement as Alex parked the car. Fumbling with the catch of her seat belt, she opened the car door and tumbled out.

"Sarah wait."

The curt order stopped her in her tracks. "Daaad. It's only school."

Alex was beside her in an instant. "Maybe. But you don't get out of a car and take off, young lady, unless you want to get yourself hit by another car. Okay?"

"Oaky." She tugged on his hand, impatient.

"Did you leave your manners at home, Sarah?" he asked sternly. The little girl shook her head. "Kate is our guest. We both wait until she is out of the car, then we'll all walk in together, okay?"

As she listened to the interchange, Kate was struck by a sense of déjà vu. How often had Fraser chastised her for her impatience and impetuosity? She looked at Sarah with fresh eyes. The little girl was like her in more ways than looks.

Together, they walked across the asphalt towards the lighted classroom. Once inside the gate, Sarah took off.

Kate smothered a pang of disappointment. To Sarah it was obviously no big deal to attend a school evening with a woman friend of her father's. Had there been so many of them over the years?

What business is that of mine? I left them. I have no right to resent their friendships.

"Talk about a live wire." Alex's amused comment forced her to bring her wayward thoughts under control. "She's been looking forward to this night for weeks."

"Didn't you when you were her age?"

"Not that I remember." Alex put a hand under her arm. "My mother was dead, my father too wrapped up in making his millions and Noni never felt comfortable at our local school."

How very different her early years had been.

Emily's words ghosted through her mind
, Alex has never known the softness of a woman's love.

Was this why he was going out of his way to ensure she took an active part in Sarah's life? He wanted to make sure his daughter didn't miss out, like he had?

They reached the classroom doorway before she could answer. Once there, Kate was acutely conscious of being the focus of a good deal of attention. Many of the adults made no attempt to mask their curiosity. Sarah raced back to them catching Kate's hand in hers and tugging her forward.

"Come and look at my work, Daddy and Kate."

Kate laughed and the moment was broken.

She touched a hand to the Sarah's hair, and as she breathed in the smell of chalk, paint and paper, she was back in her childhood, dragging her parents to see her artistic attempts.

"Lead on, Sarah," she said, smiling at the little girl. "It's your night,
caraid
."

She shared a smile with Alex as Sarah hustled them across the classroom to admire her paintings. Engrossed in Sarah's excited chatter, their heads bent and touching, they were unaware of the speculative stares they attracted.

The teacher clapped his hands and the excited chattering quieted.

"Is everyone here?"

"Yes, Mr. Owen," the children chanted in unison, and Kate noticed that many of the adults wore identical amused expressions.

"Good," he said briskly. "If we can have all the children sitting on the mat here, the parents can find a comfortable seat at the tables and the play can begin."

There was a crescendo of excited chattering as the children surged forward to obey. The adults surveyed the tiny chairs with rueful smiles. Kate smothered a grin as she saw Alex trying to fit his six foot frame into one, before giving it up and sitting on the comer of the table, bracing his arm on the back of her chair for balance.

"Some things never change." Another father grumbled as he too preferred to perch on the end of a table.

"Okay if everyone is ready, we can begin," Mr. Owen looked around the assembled audience. "Our narrator tonight is Julianne Evans."

A tow headed girl came forward, a book in her hands and a bright flush on her cheeks, eyes brilliant with excitement.

"Our play tonight is—" the teacher beat a few notes on a small drum—"Modern Day Cinderella."

There was a smattering of applause, Kate and Alex joined in.

Over the next hour, the room echoed with chuckles and laughter as the children portrayed their version of the old fairy tale.

Every child had a part to play in the unfolding drama.

At times they forgot their words, making up lines that were so droll, the audience laughed hysterically.

One small boy threatened to swing a punch at another boy who told him he'd made a mistake but the teacher skilfully intervened to avoid a fracas.

As Sarah struggled to fit her foot into a tiny slipper, Kate stole a glance at Alex, amazed to see him wiping away tears of laughter. And maternal pride and hysterical amusement vied for supremacy as she watched Sarah storm off the mat, her expression any as mutinous as her father's.

The play ended with a storm of laughing applause.

Children deserted the mat and tumbled into parent's laps.

Sarah wound her thin arms around Alex's neck and buried her face against him. He returned her hug; his face buried her honey blonde hair.

Kate was on firmly outside. The exclusion was unintentional but Kate was crushed by the awful sensation of being a spare wheel to a very cosy duo.

"What's the matter?"

She shot a glance at Alex through her lashes.

"Just tired." And she was, but more than that, she was heartsick.

Sarah yawned and rubbed her eyes.

"So is this little girl." He stood up, Sarah glued to his hip, golden head snuggled into his shoulder. "Home time possum?"

"Yes," Sarah lifted her head and stared at Kate. "Did you like our play?"

"It was fun. You were a pretty
'plain sister'
." Kate pasted on a smile. Her arms ached to reach out for Sarah. The need so intense it was almost physical.

Alex put Sarah in her car-seat clicking the seat belt. He opened the door for Kate, keeping a hand under her elbow until she was seated, then leant across her to secure her belt.

On the short drive back Kate kept her profile averted to conceal her distress. She craved privacy.

"Don't bother coming in." She opened her door as soon as Alex slowed the car to a halt. "Sarah needs her bed."

"I'll see you indoors." He ignored her, gripping her elbow. On the porch, he took the key and opened the door, switching on the light. He put a hand under her chin and lifted her face.

Kate blinked, desperate to dispel the tears.

"Poor little Cat," he murmured. His pity ate into her like corrosive.

He dropped a fleeting kiss on her trembling lips before pushing her inside and shutting the door.

She leaned against it, her face in her hands.

Becoming closer to Sarah was almost too painful to bear. She brushed away a few tears with the heel of her hand.

It was too late for tears, years too late.

She walked to her chair, sitting in the dark, yielding to sorrow.

Hours later, or maybe it was days later, a soft knock jerked out of her absorption. Another louder knock had her walking to the door. "Who is it?"

"Kate, it's me, Alex."

She sighed and unlocked it knowing he wouldn't go away. He stepped inside bringing with him a draught of cold, crisp air.

"Why are you sitting in the dark?"

"I like sitting in the dark." Even to her ears, her voice was thick and husky. "Besides with street lamps it's never completely dark."

"It's not a healthy occupation," he said switching on the small table lamp beside her chair.

Reluctantly, she sat down and it was all she could do not to squirm under his penetrating scrutiny.

"You've been crying."

"I wasn't aware crying was against the law."

With an impatient sound he caught her hands in his. "You're grieving for Sarah."

She shrugged and looked down at their joined hands. "No amount of grief will replace the lost years."

"Those years were not of my making," he said gravely releasing her hands and leaning back in his chair. "Have you ever sought counselling, Kate?"

Counselling?

She stiffened and looked at him. Suddenly, Alex calling her Kate acted like a release valve and unleashed years of repressed anger.

"What would counsel achieve, Alex?"

She leaped out of her chair and faced him as fury swept through her in wave after hot wave.

"Will it miraculously restore me to eighteen again? Give me back the life you robbed me of? Will it give me the right to choose when I would have a child?"

She paced to the kitchen and back with short jerky steps.

"Will it miraculously allow me to choose the man I want to father my child?"

She stopped in front of him, her breath coming in harsh gasps.

"You robbed me of that right, Alex. You robbed me of the chance to finish my education, the chance to go on dates." She flung the bitter words at him. "I never had the chance to form normal teenage relationships, to test myself. I was robbed of the chance of forging a career. Did any of this weigh with you?"