Yesterday's Sins (24 page)

Did he expect her to be his
pillow friend
while he had another woman and her daughter up in his big mansion?

Never.

Kate was still simmering when Bryce called for her that evening. She'd used more makeup than usual to conceal the shadows beneath her eyes from too many restless nights.

Bryce took her to
The Fisherman
, perched over the water under the Auckland harbour bridge.

"Isn't it magnificent?" he asked, as he looked through the glass window so close to the water, one felt if a hand was extended it would get wet.

"Yes." Had he never visited restaurants on the Barrier Reef? The waiter offered menus and Kate's mouth watered. Calamari. She drooled at the thought of the batter fried squid.

"I'll have oysters in their shells with lemon and balsamic vinegar, and then the calamari," she said, shutting her menu, "with a Greek side salad, feta and olives."

"You enjoy Greek food?" the waiter asked politely, waiting for Bryce to make his choice.

"I adore it."

Alex was a superb cook and his seafood was sublime.

On Maude Island, he'd cooked while she did the other chores and she'd been content with the division of labour.

Before he had come back into her life, she'd only remembered the bad things. Now constant contact was forcing her to remember all the other facets of their relationship. His kindness, his remorse when he realized he'd made such a stupendous mistake. His tears when he felt Sarah moving in her belly the first time.

Memories invaded her dreams and waking hours.

She pushed them away, labouring over a desultory conversation.

If Bryce found her attention wandering and answers vague he didn't comment. Their waiter arrived with the main course and Kate's memories rioted.

She'd enjoyed Alex's companionship, simple picnics on the beach. The turquoise water, warm and smooth as silk against their bare limbs, as they'd made love. She had been a willing pupil of an avowed sensualist. Alex awoke responses and taught her things so erotic she still blushed at the memory.

Kate looked up to find Bryce watching her. Confusion clouded her eyes at being caught daydreaming.

"I won't kid myself I'm responsible for the remembrance or that blush," he drawled.

"I'm sorry." Kate was mortified with embarrassment, crushed at being caught out in such a manner.

"Some other guy still has possession of the lady?"

Filled with remorse Kate could only nod in dumb agreement. How could she have been so crass? She made no demur when he refused desert or coffee and called for the bill. His churlish attitude increased her embarrassment.

He drove home in silence. A heavy frown marred his pleasant features as he saw Alex's black Porsche parked at the curb outside her house.

"So the rumours of your involvement with Korda are true," Bryce said with considerable rancour. "You may be a beautiful woman but I don't want to be a point on a triangle with Korda on the other."

"It's not like that," Kate protested.

"Isn't it?" He leaning across the car and pulled her close and kissed her, a savage kiss, devoid of tenderness.

Kate closed her eyes in revulsion, her stiffness was eloquent.

Bryce lifted his head and looked at her.

"Run along inside to your lover," he said, pushing her away with unflattering alacrity.

Kate was angry, but guilt kept her silent.

How could she have suspected that behind Bryce's pleasant face lurked a sarcastic brute?

Be fair, you were using him and he had every right to be annoyed. She walked toward her house and as she reached the veranda¸ Alex stepped away from the rail.

"Go away," she said from between clenched teeth.

She went to unlock the door but fumbled and dropped the key. It landed with a clatter on the porch.

Before she could retrieve it, he'd done so, unlocked the door and held it open for her. "After you, Catriona."

She stared at him and her emotions erupted.

"Who gave you the right to come here whenever you choose?" She stamped her foot to emphasize her point.

"Didn't your beau live up to your expectations?"

"Get out of my house." Goaded by the disastrous evening, she lashed out. Flying at him, she pummelled at his chest with clenched fists. He didn't try to stop her but when she swung back her hand intent on slapping him; he caught her wrist and pulled her close until she was pinioned.

"I don't think so. What a shame to waste all that wonderful energy in rage, but first," He reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief and holding her head in one hand wiped her lips thoroughly. "I dislike the taste of another man on my woman's mouth."

Kate stared at him, hurt and bewildered by his harsh words, and then burst into tears.

Alex frowned in consternation then scooped her up in his arms and strode across to the chair. He sat down, cradling her against him as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to push you so hard."

Kate was confused.

It wasn't Alex's fault she'd been so rudely rebuffed by Bryce Bennett, yet she'd turned on him like a virago.

She'd hated Alex with such unremitting fervour for so long, it was more than a little disconcerting to discover he was now necessary for her comfort.

"Why not let me make you a hot chocolate," he suggested mildly, as she rested against him, exhausted.

The suggestion had her sitting bolt upright, staring up at him. Had he come here to make love to her?

"You're quite safe. I can control my libido," he said dryly putting her off his knee.

Hot and flustered, she retreated to the bathroom and tried to repair the ravages of her tears, grimacing at her reflection in the mirror. She'd never been a crier yet now, tears came far too readily.

You built a new life by pretending the old one never existed.

Dabbing a cold flannel against her reddened eyes, she recalled Joe's words.

She heard Alex moving around in the kitchen. As she walked back out to the lounge, he appeared carrying two steaming mugs. She sat down and he handed her one.

He sat opposite and put his coffee on the side table. "I'm here because this is the most private place for this discussion. It's Sarah."

Surprise vied with apprehension. "Is something wrong?"

"No, she's fine," he said, leaning forward and putting a hand over hers.

Relief left her shaky inside. The idea of her little girl hurt or miserable made her feel sick. "What is it then?"

"Your next visit, Sarah hasn't stopped talking about you."

"Did she like me?" Kate craved the reassurance she knew she had no right to expect.

"Too much for my peace of mind, but you knew that. You overheard her at Smith's farm."

She winced and stared down at her chocolate. "She only likes me as Kate. It could be very different when she knows I'm the mother who walked away from her."

Alex picked up his coffee, sipping it and frowning heavily. "I'm hoping giving her time to get to know you will make her more accepting of you as her mother."

She watched him, troubled as she ran a finger around the rim of her mug. "Is it still okay for me to come on Sunday?"

His expression softened. "I was going to suggest that you come with us to the zoo on Saturday instead."

"As well as the concert?"

"Yes. I promised her a zoo trip as an end of term treat."

Excitement vied with apprehension. Why was he so determined to push her and Sarah together at every opportunity? Not that she was about to complain. "A day trip?"

"We'll take a picnic lunch," he said, giving her an amused. "Do you think you're up to it?"

Kate chewed her lip. What he was implying.

He grinned. "How much experience have you had keeping up with energetic seven year old girls, Cat?"

"Not a lot. I've been out with Paula and Brett's terrors occasionally, usually with their parents."

"Then you won't be offended if I tell you to wear something comfortable."

She shook her head. He stood up and looked down at her. "Does my generosity warrant a goodnight kiss?"

Kate nodded. He sat on the arm of the chair and gathered her in his arms pulling her close. He spread his hands through her hair holding her head captive, looking into her eyes, his expression grave,. Her hands encircled his neck drawing his mouth to hers.

"Catriona—Cat," he whispered, his mouth finding hers, coaxing her response. Far too soon he lifted his head and looked into her eyes. He lifted a hand and traced the curve of her lower lip with the tip of one tanned finger. "How much longer, little Cat?"

Kate stared at him, eyes wide, puzzled. "For what?"

"How much longer will it take for you to forgive and to trust me?" His grave, steady voice unnerved her.

"What are you asking?" she whispered, disturbed by his intensity.

"If you even need to ask, I'm wasting my time." He stood up freeing her clinging arms from around his neck before leaning forward trapping her body within his arms.

"Do some more thinking, some more soul searching." He kissed her with punishing force. "Sweet dreams."

He left, closing the door quietly.

For a long time she stared at that closed door, hand covering her tingling lips, worrying his cryptic words. The more she worried them the more she felt that she was missing something vital.

But what?

With a frustrated sigh she prepared for bed, but sleep was a long time in coming.

Several times she turned her pillow over and punched it, trying to make it more comfortable.

But nothing helped. She could understand his need for her forgiveness. He would never find peace unless she did. But could she forgive him for setting himself up as judge, jury and executioner?

As for trusting?

Once she'd trusted him, thought him a man of honour.

In good faith, she'd visited his house the day Marcos Korda was killed. And he'd betrayed her trust in the worst possible way. Could she trust him again?

And wasn't trust the other face of love? She didn't love Alex, Lust wasn't love, she wasn't about to add that mistake to all the others she'd made.

Conscience squirmed.

When she wanted him to make love to her, she'd suspended her hostility and trusted him then. When it suited her, she'd been prepared to trust him, and acknowledging this was sobering.

Chapter Twelve